Could your mom find a better wife for you than you could for yourself?

[Higus]

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about cultures with arranged marriages. After comparing notes on our messed up ex-girlfriends, we concluded that if it was for strictly the purpose of having a happy, stable marriage and family life, our mom's could do a much better job of vetting, selecting, and negotiating than we could ever do for ourselves. In a weird sort of way, they could objectively (or maybe not) sort out the things you need instead of the things you think you want better than you might be able to do for yourself. Since most relationship issues seem to stem from either picking a poor match for yourself or not being able to get the one you want, this would sort of eliminate the toughest obstacles you face when going on your own. My mom also happens to be a very shrewd real estate agent, so I'm sure she could do a good job "selling" me to prospective families.
I used to think that there was no way in hell I'd ever want to be part of a culture with arranged marriages, now I'm second guessing that. Anyone else had similar thoughts?

 

[CarbonFistprint]

Except for the fact that I don't want my mom associated with my sex life in any way, it's not a bad theory. As long as I let my mom know I'm going to veto anything without certain attributes I prefer. You know, just to narrow the search a bit.

 

[Organic Damage]

My mom sure as hell couldn't.

Maybe if you and she were exceptionaly (abnormally?) close and she knew you better than you knew yourself, I guess...

 

[The One True]

arranged marriages - ranging from the family simply being involved in the screening progress and making recommendations all the way to 'marry this person or we'll poison you' - tend to espouse more interpersonal and materialistic qualities such as social status, income/ability to provide and how well they're viewed by their peers, and also scrutinize the greater family as well, in terms of whether they are in favorable standing amongst other families and have good reputations associated with their surname. this approach is better suited for developing a more political or economic arrangement between two people in terms of child-rearing and ensuring a home where resources are provided and roles are established and enacted by both parties, and the marriage contracts reflect these values.

the western approach to sexual selection relies on more intrapersonal qualities, ie being able to approach somebody of your own accord and manage to attract them to your own personal nature without providing greater knowledge of your social status, family history and so on. because there isn't nearly as much family pressure and involvement, and there aren't severe contractual and social obligations to be met, these social bindings are easier to break and recover from.

it really depends on what qualities you value in a partner and what your scope for that particular relationship is. both approaches are tried and true when it comes to fulfilling their intended purposes.

 

[Bukowski82]

God no... When I'm with Family. My Mother for whatever reason takes it upon herself to notify me and my Brother every time there's an unattractive girl in our vicinity that 'That girl is cute' and asks us if we'd date her... knowng full well that we would not. I don't know what that is... And it's always a 'larger' server at a resturaunt as well.

When we give her the 'Are you fucking serious...' look, she starts in on how we're both way too shallow.

Little does she know, I'm on Sherdog so that obviously means I only date ten's... and my Brother is gay.

Mothering fail.

 

[Islam Imamate]

Interesting question TS and one that's somewhat personal since my father comes from a culture where this is common and my mother seems to think its a good idea. I've seen it work for other people we know but I don't think it would work as well for me. I know everyone thinks they're special and different but the one thing that would I think would prevent my mother from choosing a good partner would be our views on spirituality. I'm not religious or spiritual at all and she is and I'm sure if she were to find a girl for me she would look for one who is as spiritual as she is. Also in general she's just much more conservative than I am, though I think the spirituality thing is the biggest difference and hence the main reason she probably wouldn't find a suitable partner for me.

The way I look at it is that arranged marriages are more likely to be stable because your parents(and hers) aren't looking for the most attractive or fun loving partner for you but rather the most emotionally stable, likeable, and successful one. So while the person they choose for you may not share your interests or be beautiful or be all you want in the sack they're probably not crazy or disloyal or anything like that. The downside being of course they're probably not going to find a girl who is exactly your type in terms of looks or personality.

 

[Scerpi]

My mom is a little bit crazy. So no...

I might trust my dad to provide with the suggestions though....

"Hey Dad, what do you think?"
"Do it"

 

[Islam Imamate]

God no... When I'm with Family. My Mother for whatever reason takes it upon herself to notify me and my Brother every time there's an unattractive girl in our vicinity that 'That girl is cute' and asks us if we'd date her... knowng full well that we would not. I don't know what that is... And it's always a 'larger' server at a resturaunt as well.

My mother does that but she usually points out girls that are daughters of her friends or something like that. One time she even said that about my first cousin once removed...got kinda awkward.

 

[Bukowski82]

My mother does that but she usually points out girls that are daughters of her friends or something like that. One time she even said that about my first cousin once removed...got kinda awkward.

Whoa!

 

[RawDawgBob]

Well, im married to my mom so yes.

 

[RoninJin]

Mother knows best. They can spot stinky skank a mile away

 

[Leagon]

arranged marriages - ranging from the family simply being involved in the screening progress and making recommendations all the way to 'marry this person or we'll poison you' - tend to espouse more interpersonal and materialistic qualities such as social status, income/ability to provide and how well they're viewed by their peers, and also scrutinize the greater family as well, in terms of whether they are in favorable standing amongst other families and have good reputations associated with their surname. this approach is better suited for developing a more political or economic arrangement between two people in terms of child-rearing and ensuring a home where resources are provided and roles are established and enacted by both parties, and the marriage contracts reflect these values.

the western approach to sexual selection relies on more intrapersonal qualities, ie being able to approach somebody of your own accord and manage to attract them to your own personal nature without providing greater knowledge of your social status, family history and so on. because there isn't nearly as much family pressure and involvement, and there aren't severe contractual and social obligations to be met, these social bindings are easier to break and recover from.

it really depends on what qualities you value in a partner and what your scope for that particular relationship is. both approaches are tried and true when it comes to fulfilling their intended purposes.

This. It's simply a difference in strategies.

I'm a big fan of arranged marriages for this reason. I'm not all that interested in meeting some woman that makes me feel butterflies every morning. I'm not a particularly emotional person that way. I just need someone who is stable (with a stable family), intelligent, capable, committed, and has a similar perspective on what's important. In this day and age, a partner can be more useful than a wife.

My mother is made of steel and isn't the most lovey-dovey type, so I doubt she'd be interested in finding me a mate. My dad has grown soft in his age and would probably pick me out a good one. If he somehow got my mother involved, I'm pretty sure they could find a perfect woman for me, between the two of them.

 

[faustian]

Oh yeah always a great idea to let your mom micromanage your life

 

[Islam Imamate]

Whoa!

I know right? She tried to make it more palatable by saying its been done before in my family...

I'm a pretty open minded guy(translation: desperate) but if we're talking cousins here then she better be damn near perfect. First cousins once removed are about as related to you as your second cousin so its not as bad as it sounds and I barely know her so I don't really think of her as family but still, if you tell me she's my cousin sex is not the first thing that comes to mind and its going to take quite a bit for me to get over that, assuming I even can get past that.

Well, im married to my mom so yes.

You just had to one up my incest story didn't you?

 

[ZainGFY]

My mom is very judging, so no, no one is perfect for me in her eyes.

I once brought her a girl who was a 10/10 in looks & she basically called her a whore.

I brought a lawyer home once who was really cute & had all of her shit together & her response was "she's probably corrupted".

She now complains about my wife saying "she spends too much money on things".

The only girl she ever seemed to like was my ex who lives in San Diego now......but she only liked her after we broke up & she moved.

My moms not right.

 

[Iroh]

My mom is friends with the mom of one of the most famous Dutch models (at least national fame), so yeah I think she could arrange something nice.

 

[Bukowski82]

I know right? She tried to make it more palatable by saying its been done before in my family...

I'm a pretty open minded guy(translation: desperate) but if we're talking cousins here then she better be damn near perfect. First cousins once removed are about as related to you as your second cousin so its not as bad as it sounds and I barely know her so I don't really think of her as family but still, if you tell me she's my cousin sex is not the first thing that comes to mind and its going to take quite a bit for me to get over that, assuming I even can get past that.


You just had to one up my incest story didn't you?

Wow, dude. That's crazy.

 

[Cipote]

sure, if I wanted to marry a religious prude and be bored the rest of my life

 

[Islam Imamate]

Wow, dude. That's crazy.

What's crazy, the history of mild incest on my mother's side of the family or the fact that I would even consider porking my cousin?

To be clear here, the incest that has occurred wasn't with my ancestors. My parents and grandparents weren't related but my aunt married her first cousin once removed and my uncle was married to his cousin previously before marrying my aunt and joining the family. Still odd but thankfully it doesn't affect me or even the first cousin in question so hypothetically if she looked like this

our kids probably wouldn't come out looking like this

 

[Caution]

TS needs his mummy's help to get laid.

Bless.