Attn divorcees, do you regret getting divorced?

Timetravel_0

Timetravel_0

Black Belt
@Black
Joined
Oct 7, 2006
Messages
5,085
Reaction score
718
My wife and I just got separated. We're trying to decide if divorce is necessary at this time. The reason behind it is basically 8 years of a miserable marriage. 8 years ago, I pretty much wasn't ready to get married, never envisioned being married to her, then knocked her up. We agreed to get married and have been in a less than storybook relationship ever since. We actually get along fine and she's a good, down to earth person but I never felt she was "the one." I admit I'm only in it for the kids. We have 3 daughters together and they mean everything to me. We've agreed to split the time with them 50%. I also anticipate paying about $600 for child support since she has been receiving $200 for each of my stepkids she had before we met.

It's a tough decision I could use some input for. My main concern is for my daughters.
 
I have been through a divorce with a kid involved and am looking at a second. I don't regret it, but I wish I had tried to work on the first one a bit more. I felt like I had 'tried', but I have tried this time around a whole lot more so I know I could have tried harder the first time. If that makes sense.

How old are your kids?
 
I thankfully didn't have any kids with my ex-wife, but divorcing her was the best decision I ever made.
Then, I met "The One"

If you are really this unhappy, you have three choices..
1.) work on the marriage and improve it to where you are both happy.
2.) end it as soon as possible, and get on with your new life.
3.) resign yourself to the fact that this is your life and don't complain about it.

Your kids don't deserve unhappy parents....especially if there is something that can be done about it.
 
Don't regret the divorce but I regret getting my ass handed to me in the process.
 
As a child from a broken marriage, never stay together for the kids.

Why do people get married now? If I do it it'll be to facilitate a visa. That's it.
 
Timetravel_0 said:
My wife and I just got separated. We're trying to decide if divorce is necessary at this time. The reason behind it is basically 8 years of a miserable marriage. 8 years ago, I pretty much wasn't ready to get married, never envisioned being married to her, then knocked her up. We agreed to get married and have been in a less than storybook relationship ever since. We actually get along fine and she's a good, down to earth person but I never felt she was "the one." I admit I'm only in it for the kids. We have 3 daughters together and they mean everything to me. We've agreed to split the time with them 50%. I also anticipate paying about $600 for child support since she has been receiving $200 for each of my stepkids she had before we met.

It's a tough decision I could use some input for. My main concern is for my daughters.
Click to expand...

That is a tough one and I am watching my oldest son go through a divorce, he gets custody of the kids because his wife went to jail for the next year and he's decided to move on with their lives without her. Good luck and don't be shy about lawyering up in your divorce.
 
I regret not doing more to save it... or keep it all together before we got to that point. But I've moved on, been put back together, and found happiness. No point in thinking through it too often.
 
Spoken said:
I regret not doing more to save it... or keep it all together before we got to that point. But I've moved on, been put back together, and found happiness. No point in thinking through it too often.
Click to expand...
You're about to be wed again, right? Did I read you're both seeking counselling, or did I read it wrong? Honest question, I'm really not trying to be a bitch.

No passive aggression at all, you buggers.
 
Best thing to happen to me. Before I was a loser, trying to skate by in life, and do the bare minimum. Had 3 kids with her, and a failed business( nobody buys used books anymore apparently) with nothing to show for my past except my military exp. My marriage enabled me to sit on my ass, and grow complacent. I was on the fast track to a depressed, sad existence.

But since then? I have learned how to live with myself, and learn there is sommuch more in this world to live for. My boys will have a father they can be proud of, with a terrific job, and actual aspirations in life. Now I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my family, but in the long run, it will be for the better and work itself out.
 
Timetravel_0 said:
My wife and I just got separated. We're trying to decide if divorce is necessary at this time. The reason behind it is basically 8 years of a miserable marriage. 8 years ago, I pretty much wasn't ready to get married, never envisioned being married to her, then knocked her up. We agreed to get married and have been in a less than storybook relationship ever since. We actually get along fine and she's a good, down to earth person but I never felt she was "the one." I admit I'm only in it for the kids. We have 3 daughters together and they mean everything to me. We've agreed to split the time with them 50%. I also anticipate paying about $600 for child support since she has been receiving $200 for each of my stepkids she had before we met.

It's a tough decision I could use some input for. My main concern is for my daughters.
Click to expand...

Staying married for your daughters will NEVER work. I did it for my boys for years, and all that happened was we resented each other to the extreme.
 
I don't regret getting divorced. I regret marrying my first wife altogether. We weren't ready. I was young, she is crazy. I have 2 kids with her and trying to keep it together for the kids just makes everyone miserable. I tried that and everyone suffered, some more than others. One person can't keep a marriage together and both parties have to give equal effort. My ex wife and I will never be "friends" but we are decent to each other when we have to interact.

When I think about divorce I always think about it like this, who wins a war? Nobody.
 
fingercuffs said:
You're about to be wed again, right? Did I read you're both seeking counselling, or did I read it wrong? Honest question, I'm really not trying to be a bitch.

No passive aggression at all, you buggers.
Click to expand...

Yes to both.
I didn't take enough time to be single and deal with stuff independently, so I brought some baggage that really should have been dealt with before I got back into a relationship.
What was nice is that 9 months after my split with the exwife, I spent 2 months in the middle of nowhere in Alaska, just reading, thinking, and working independently on my grief.
Now 2 years out since the split, I've had counseling (so has she) to work have a dialogue partner and seek some wisdom on things that eluded me. Most importantly, a good counselor just asks the right questions to make you aware of challenges you hadn't thought of. It's been a really, really good thing for me. I should have done it sooner.

The 'guilt' or regret I have is more about accepting the reality of the predicament I was in. I fought for the relationship too late; at that point, I was fighting for it alone. For me, there is no issue in admitting to my faults and mistakes. Of course, the counselor has really focused on how 1) I've changed to not allow those mistakes to be made again 2) giving me tools to work through them if ever they rear their head.

As other have mentioned, I should never have been married in the first place. I was young, she was young, and there was too much we didn't know about ourselves. Put bluntly, we didnt have the tools to deal with ourselves or each other.
 
Also, TS, I know people who grew up in families that didn't divorced, but where the parents were rough on each other. It can create different issues with the kids, but they can be just as severe.
It sounds like neither of you have spite in this thing. Either way, I'd see someone to talk through this stuff. Tearing yourself open to 'know thyself' a bit better is always healthy, IMO
 
Timetravel_0 said:
My wife and I just got separated. We're trying to decide if divorce is necessary at this time. The reason behind it is basically 8 years of a miserable marriage. 8 years ago, I pretty much wasn't ready to get married, never envisioned being married to her, then knocked her up. We agreed to get married and have been in a less than storybook relationship ever since. We actually get along fine and she's a good, down to earth person but I never felt she was "the one." I admit I'm only in it for the kids. We have 3 daughters together and they mean everything to me. We've agreed to split the time with them 50%. I also anticipate paying about $600 for child support since she has been receiving $200 for each of my stepkids she had before we met.

It's a tough decision I could use some input for. My main concern is for my daughters.
Click to expand...

Get a divorce for the kids.
 
Spoken said:
Yes to both.
I didn't take enough time to be single and deal with stuff independently, so I brought some baggage that really should have been dealt with before I got back into a relationship.
What was nice is that 9 months after my split with the exwife, I spent 2 months in the middle of nowhere in Alaska, just reading, thinking, and working independently on my grief.
Now 2 years out since the split, I've had counseling (so has she) to work have a dialogue partner and seek some wisdom on things that eluded me. Most importantly, a good counselor just asks the right questions to make you aware of challenges you hadn't thought of. It's been a really, really good thing for me. I should have done it sooner.

The 'guilt' or regret I have is more about accepting the reality of the predicament I was in. I fought for the relationship too late; at that point, I was fighting for it alone. For me, there is no issue in admitting to my faults and mistakes. Of course, the counselor has really focused on how 1) I've changed to not allow those mistakes to be made again 2) giving me tools to work through them if ever they rear their head.

As other have mentioned, I should never have been married in the first place. I was young, she was young, and there was too much we didn't know about ourselves. Put bluntly, we didnt have the tools to deal with ourselves or each other.
Click to expand...

I'm taken aback.

What a great decision, further to my VP I'm really happy for the both of you, you're treating it really seriously and that's what should happen.

Much love and good luck xx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,280,844
Messages
58,321,445
Members
175,999
Latest member
xande.fight

Share this page

Back
Top