Food & Drink Anyone here done AA meetings or the like?

[Deleted member 592570]

I suppose being a non-alcoholic who rarely drinks is a hard concept for many people.

100%

You just have to accept that denial is a big part of the functional alcoholic playbook so they need to craft a narrative where you're the weird one.

 

[Fury]

For alcoholics it pisses them off that you can live a normal life with alcohol. It's so foreign to people like us. I would never make you feel uncomfortable at my table for drinking whatever you want.

100%

You just have to accept that denial is a big part of the functional alcoholic playbook so they need to craft a narrative where you're the weird one.

I don't blame the recovering alcoholics, they are dealing with some things.

I think it weirds out the people who are mostly social drinkers the most. Like I'm breaking the social contract they are following.

I sort of understand that too. I had more drinks when I was younger just because it seemed like what you were supposed to do in different situations. I got good at being me somewhere between 30-35, which included not trying to be what other people wanted or expected.

My wife never drinks, also not for any reason than it doesn't interest her, so I got lucky there. Side bonus, no drunk girl drama.

 

[mozfonky]

100%

You just have to accept that denial is a big part of the functional alcoholic playbook so they need to craft a narrative where you're the weird one.

I think that's why my weed buddy did to me, project all his shame and guilt on me and attack me, it was the last time I spoke to him and I didn't completely understand it. I know that some of it was over money that I owed at least I think it was. He never made a fuss over it so neither did I, big mistake. I learned from it, in the times I've borrowed money I do my best to pay it and then some because I know the first thing that'll happen when something, anything goes wrong is to demonize me. But I really think it was about his own projecting of his state, I'll never really know because we were so out of touch, I don't know if he'd gotten into harder drugs, I just know he gradually withdrew and also, let me say that it effected how I let people into my life. I just do not allow anyone into my life because i've had so many friendships get fucked up that it isn't worth it to me. The only possible exception I might make today is for a woman in a relationship, but I don't expect that to ever happen.

Part of where we are, marriages, jobs, friendships, family, all are fraught with all sorts of issues. I tell people now that I'm tired of trying to decipher things and getting shat on for stuff I don't even know is coming.

 

[Crazy Source]

100%

You just have to accept that denial is a big part of the functional alcoholic playbook so they need to craft a narrative where you're the weird one.

You suck even in a meeting environment. Let that sink in.

 

[Kenshi]

Not sure if it's been mentioned but there's also "Smart Recovery", which is similar to AA but without the cult like feeling and spiritual undertones. They're also more tolerable of things like harm reduction

I attended a variety of both which was easy as there are so many online meetings across the country you can just pop into.

Even if you hate the idea of attending these type of meetings I still encourage it. For me it helped me realize how much I messed up by finding myself there and motivated me to get my shit together.

 

[Croaker]

It's always weird because I never announce that I'm not drinking, I just don't order a drink. Somehow it becomes a thing.

Also, I don't care if other people drink a little, a lot or none for whatever reason their heart tells them. So the whole concept of caring what other people order is strange to me. I don't even really pay attention to that other people order.

Then with people who know me well...I get..."what's wrong" when I do order a drink. Generally, I just saw something interesting on the list or felt like a drink.

I suppose being a non-alcoholic who rarely drinks is a hard concept for many people.

You ever get the "Whats your vice?" question then?

Afterwards they ask how I stay in shape and I always answer "Don't drink alcohol" and its like they cant live without it. Pretty pathetic tbh.

 

[Croaker]

Not sure if it's been mentioned but there's also "Smart Recovery", which is similar to AA but without the cult like feeling and spiritual undertones. They're also more tolerable of things like harm reduction

I attended a variety of both which was easy as there are so many online meetings across the country you can just pop into.

Even if you hate the idea of attending these type of meetings I still encourage it. For me it helped me realize how much I messed up by finding myself there and motivated me to get my shit together.

Yeah my dude believing in God isnt a cult thing but best of luck with your bullshit, you've completely missed the point of the AA programs. You should try going back to square one.

Understanding you can't control your addiction and believe in a higher ideal than your selfish impulses is key in overcoming an addiction. The other people in these programs can take it too far, but you're all there to hold each other accountable. That's not a cult. That's community.

 

[fingercuffs]

I got dui's in 2005 and 2014. When I got my second one I had to go to work furlough which is kinda like a low level jail where you can leave for work. While I was there I had to attend several AA meetings they conducted at the facility. It wasnt for me because I didnt want to quit drinking, I just wanted to become a responsible drinker. The other part that turned me off was like Stargazer rex said, its very spiritual and if you are an atheist like myself, you might have a hard time with that.

I told my roommate that I was an atheist and he said that I needed to read the chapter from the AA book that was written for Agnostics. I gave it a read and it basically says that if you dont believe in god you are wrong but dont worry, lots of members have been wrong about god but they find him eventually. It literally says that it is impossible to beat alcoholism without believing in a higher power so AA meetings will help you work on your disbelief too. I found that off putting.

Best of luck on your journey.

Yeah I wouldn't be able to reconcile with the whole God bothering aspect. I left quite a religious background for a reason, no way I'd willingly go back to it. Sounds like they're preying on you when you're at your weakest.

 

[Frode Falch]

Nah i got self discipline. So i have never had the problem.

 

[Crazy Source]

Yeah I wouldn't be able to reconcile with the whole God bothering aspect. I left quite a religious background for a reason, no way I'd willingly go back to it. Sounds like they're preying on you when you're at your weakest.

And there is a whole industry behind it. Telling you this is the thing to do and telling your family this is needed. People are behind it all, and I find most people completely unreliable and insufficient.

 

[fingercuffs]

And there is a whole industry behind it. Telling you this is the thing to do and telling your family this is needed. People are behind it all, and I find most people completely unreliable and insufficient.

Flipside as an example (I was a massive Korn fan at the time) Head from Korn was on the path to death with his meth addiction and found Jesus. It was swapping one addiction for the other he was so far launched into the bible and religion. But he's still with us today so not every case is the same and he even rejoined the band so I'm thankful for that.

But I do find in general the religious aspect with it is really digging into you when you're at your lowest ebb.

 

[Crazy Source]

Flipside as an example (I was a massive Korn fan at the time) Head from Korn was on the path to death with his meth addiction and found Jesus. It was swapping one addiction for the other he was so far launched into the bible and religion. But he's still with us today so not every case is the same and he even rejoined the band so I'm thankful for that.

But I do find in general the religious aspect with it is really digging into you when you're at your lowest ebb.

I find religious people to be insufferable. I just can't do it. Good for him, and all that, but to flatline into some belief that a higher power has your hand is beyond idiocy. I find strength in people. My family, people I trust. People I talk to like you. There is an interconnectivity that is palpable and real.

 

[fingercuffs]

I find religious people to be insufferable. I just can't do it. Good for him, and all that, but to flatline into some belief that a higher power has your hand is beyond idiocy. I find strength in people. My family, people I trust. People I talk to like you. There is an interconnectivity that is palpable and real.

Unless it's being rammed down my throat I'm fine with religious folk but it feels like a false economy if it's either addiction or Christ and they're your only options.

All props to TS though, he may go to a meeting and decide against it but I guess taking the first step of knowing he has a problem is a good starting point.

 

[Dogpound2020]

Best of luck. Remember it’s the company you keep and the crowd you’ll bring in the end if it’s not really for you. They seem to be good people at those meetings though and most are genuinely trying to get better.

They all have their own reasons for getting help and getting healthy. Just go with an open mind. You have to participate a bit and read some text every once in a while, since the meetings are 90 minutes I’m going to guess they’re having a public speaker so you won’t have to do that much talking.

 

[evergreenrider]

There is an interconnectivity that is palpable and real.

Many people outside of the main Abrahamic religions who do have faith in a higher power or creator. Point to this. And imo, it's a compelling thought line to explore. You're absolutely correct, man made religions are just that. Man made. Used to influence, control, manipulate. But I dont believe we should throw the baby out with the bath water. There is a grand design, imo. It's beautiful how interconnected and deeply complex it is.

 

[BEATDOWNS]

I was on a list for a while and will finally be going to my first group meeting next week. I'm happy to get things going, but I'm anxious about the process.

The meetings are 90-minute long. It seems very long.

What can I expect? Any tip?

(Yes, sherbros, you can make fun of me because I'm a dumb alcoholic. Don't feel bad. Don't hold back.)

Yeah like 27 years ago I got put on probation and had to do NA meetings (Narcotics Anonymous) I honestly found that there were a lot of predators there just waiting to take advantage of that next down and out person that walks through the door. Very creepy and i find it strange that people that have been sober for a good number of years still get up and call themselves addicts. Like give yourself a break lol It would be exactly the same in AA imho a couple of us broke and got high and went to a meeting lol the one guy snitched on us and the girl we were with stormed out crying. Never seen any of them again after that. lol

 

[John Stockton]

I go irregularly. I like it for the stories and it helps when I'm going through a rough patch, but I have a hard time buying into the system as it's too dogmatic for me.

 

[Fury]

You ever get the "Whats your vice?" question then?

Tell them you're a nevernude... There are dozens of us!!!

I find religious people to be insufferable. I just can't do it.

I find religious people to be insufferable at the same rate as liberals, conservatives, atheists and anyone else.

The people that I know who've had issues with AA, it wasn't about the "higher power" it was that the community of particular groups had pivoted to, the simplest way to put it, is with us or against us. The reason for doing it didn't matter.

It's like having friends who go to church and you don't vs having friends who stop being your friend because you don't go to church.

It can happen in anything that goes from part of your life to defining your life.

 

[fingercuffs]

Tell them you're a nevernude... There are dozens of us!!!

I find religious people to be insufferable at the same rate as liberals, conservatives, atheists and anyone else.

The people that I know who've had issues with AA, it wasn't about the "higher power" it was that the community of particular groups had pivoted to, the simplest way to put it, is with us or against us. The reason for doing it didn't matter.

It's like having friends who go to church and you don't vs having friends who stop being your friend because you don't go to church.

It can happen in anything that goes from part of your life to defining your life.

I find militant religious folks as insufferable as militant atheists. We get it!

 

[Fury]

I find militant religious folks as insufferable as militant atheists. We get it!

I'm frustratingly agnostic