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try mucking that bin
She has been treated horribly and abused by her ex. She's unfortunately been through a lot in her short life, which makes the situation less black and white. She tells me she feels like she doesn't deserve my love.
try mucking that bin
Sounds like she may have an anxious-preoccupied attachment type. Those with that type unconsciously seek out emotionally unavailable (dismissing) partners as a repeat of early-life attachment patterns. It can change, it's a self-work thing but the person needs some perspective into their situation. And it's not really a question of "what she's been through", someone else would have left, but a question of "what she allowed her partner to do to her" e.g. low self-esteem.
What's the medication for? Depression, anxiety? Or we talking big-league problems like bipolar or borderline? For smaller problems, it should be therapy, not pills, pills are just masking and delaying making actual progress.
Excelllent!! Tomorrow I'm gonna start a new thread for BPD. Would be good to compare experiences.The crew grows @xANDREWPx @wonderbread
No offense, but I think this is bad advice. It sounds like it's either the medication or she's lost interest.I think it's something worth just talking about with her. "Hey, Girlfriend. I know you're on some new medication, and I can understand and sympathize with the fact that it's making you feel weird. But at the same time, we haven't had sex in several weeks, and that's not ok. I have needs as well, and intimacy is an important component to a healthy relationship. I wanted to talk about this with you because I want to address it so that we're both happy, and please take this as a sign that I respect you. If I didn't care about you, I would let our relationship suffer, but it's too important to me to allow it to do that. Let's find an acceptable solution for both of us." Once you get the conversation going, be ready for her to unload some feelings about how she doesn't feel herself, feel sexy, etc. She may let the insecurities flow like a river, and you should be willing to address them and be supportive. That's my advice.
Here's my situation.
When my girlfriend and I first started seeing each other, I was emotionally available but she pursued me anyways. We started sleeping together and it was amazing. She wanted me all the time, and the sex was great. Eventually I got to a place where I felt ready for a relationship which made her very happy. But ever since we started dating, things changed. She's become depressed and has no sex drive. She says she is disgusted with herself even though she looks the same and is beautiful. She switched medication around the time we started dating and she sites that as the reason for the change, but I can't help but feel like she liked the cold hearted emotionally unavailable version of me, and now that she has the me chase is over. When we started dating I went from being kind of an asshole, to the sweet person who I feel I really am (flowers, dinner, etc). I've talked to her about it and she insists it's her medication and nothing to do with me, but man it's been a while since we've had sex now. Last time was August 5th. And before that it had been a while too. I haven't even seen her recently, so it's not like she's taking care of me in other ways if you know what I mean. When I was single in the winter I was having sex all the time. I've been in a relationship for most of the summer now and have had sex like twice. I'm doing my best but it's getting more difficult. I don't wanna keep talking to her about it because I feel like I've made myself very clear. I'm in a really good place in my life right now aside from this, but I can't help but feel a little bad about myself because of it. I really do care about her and I want it to work but how long do I wait to see if things change?
TLDR: Cliffs
-Started seeing girl when emotionally unavailable
-I was kind of an asshole
-Sex all the time
-Started dating
-Started being really sweet to her
-Sex no mas
-She claims it's her new medication
How long would you stay in a relationship without sex?
It depends. If there is light at the end of the tunnel I would stick it out. But it sounds like you guys are sexually incompatable.
I was in your situation, she was great and I loved her. But the sex really trailed off. Just kinda stuck it out for more than a couple years, never improved. Ended up being one of the main reasons we aren't together.
In hind sight I had no reason to think things would improve way back, but it can be weird to think of ending a good thing just because you haven't been fucking.
Get her off the meds and try a radical diet change , alot of issues can be fixed by improving what you fuel your body with , up to 3/4 of people on anti depressants experience sexual dysfunction btwI'm not sure the exact medication but yes.
She works and then is wiped out. Doesn't have energy for anything.
Nah yeah I agree, I am just saying it is easier said than done. Something that you can just 'put off' if it is otherwise comfortable because the acute impetus isn't there. But yeah maybe it is the meds. Is she willing to look into changing them? If that's not possible it doesn't really matter what the cause isBut if you're in a romantic relationship and the sex tapers off that much, might as well just be friends and end the romantic relationship part of it. Life's too short to spend in a relationship where you can't get your dick wet.
Unless of course it really is medication that's causing the loss of libido, in which case I'd think a change should be made.