How long would you stay in a relationship without sex?

She has been treated horribly and abused by her ex. She's unfortunately been through a lot in her short life, which makes the situation less black and white. She tells me she feels like she doesn't deserve my love.

Sounds like she may have an anxious-preoccupied attachment type. Those with that type unconsciously seek out emotionally unavailable (dismissing) partners as a repeat of early-life attachment patterns. It can change, it's a self-work thing but the person needs some perspective into their situation. And it's not really a question of "what she's been through", someone else would have left, but a question of "what she allowed her partner to do to her" e.g. low self-esteem.

What's the medication for? Depression, anxiety? Or we talking big-league problems like bipolar or borderline? For smaller problems, it should be therapy, not pills, pills are just masking and delaying making actual progress.
 
Sounds like she may have an anxious-preoccupied attachment type. Those with that type unconsciously seek out emotionally unavailable (dismissing) partners as a repeat of early-life attachment patterns. It can change, it's a self-work thing but the person needs some perspective into their situation. And it's not really a question of "what she's been through", someone else would have left, but a question of "what she allowed her partner to do to her" e.g. low self-esteem.

What's the medication for? Depression, anxiety? Or we talking big-league problems like bipolar or borderline? For smaller problems, it should be therapy, not pills, pills are just masking and delaying making actual progress.

Not always true. Depends on the condition, medication, and how long they're using.
Simply talking doesn't work for a lot of people. Especially if the depression is due to chemical imbalances in your brain, or the depression is so deep that it drains your energy and it makes it difficult to do anything.
Pills can get you to a place where you can then actually mentally deal with the problem. They can give you energy, or help block the energy zappers
Pills alone don't work, but a combination of them and therapy does.
 
I'll go on 2 dates and I'm fooling around by then I ghost them. If they chase back maybe a late night hookup. You get like 2 days off a week. If that. Who has time to wait all those weeks ?
 
I think it's something worth just talking about with her. "Hey, Girlfriend. I know you're on some new medication, and I can understand and sympathize with the fact that it's making you feel weird. But at the same time, we haven't had sex in several weeks, and that's not ok. I have needs as well, and intimacy is an important component to a healthy relationship. I wanted to talk about this with you because I want to address it so that we're both happy, and please take this as a sign that I respect you. If I didn't care about you, I would let our relationship suffer, but it's too important to me to allow it to do that. Let's find an acceptable solution for both of us." Once you get the conversation going, be ready for her to unload some feelings about how she doesn't feel herself, feel sexy, etc. She may let the insecurities flow like a river, and you should be willing to address them and be supportive. That's my advice.
No offense, but I think this is bad advice. It sounds like it's either the medication or she's lost interest.

If she's lost interest, being the nice, understanding guy and trying to reason with her using logic won't make her any more attracted to op.

It will be difficult initially, but the healthiest move would be to break up with her. Tell her you still care to soften the blow and protect her ego but don't continue on in a one sided relationship.

You need to pull away emotionally and protect your own feelings. Try to enjoy being single and the freedom that it comes with.
 
Last edited:
I didnt read through this thread

but if shes telling the truth

she needs to see what is being depleted in her body by this medication to kill her sex drive. Something as simple as a vitamin or two may be depleted and need to be put back in her


Or her she may need to switch her meds.
 
2 weeks

if she doesn't have the desire to want to bang me I'm out I take it as a personal insult it will also prevent problems in the future ,if she doesn't want to bang she will probably cheat on you.
 
She probably expended her energy banging someone else.
 
Here's my situation.

When my girlfriend and I first started seeing each other, I was emotionally available but she pursued me anyways. We started sleeping together and it was amazing. She wanted me all the time, and the sex was great. Eventually I got to a place where I felt ready for a relationship which made her very happy. But ever since we started dating, things changed. She's become depressed and has no sex drive. She says she is disgusted with herself even though she looks the same and is beautiful. She switched medication around the time we started dating and she sites that as the reason for the change, but I can't help but feel like she liked the cold hearted emotionally unavailable version of me, and now that she has the me chase is over. When we started dating I went from being kind of an asshole, to the sweet person who I feel I really am (flowers, dinner, etc). I've talked to her about it and she insists it's her medication and nothing to do with me, but man it's been a while since we've had sex now. Last time was August 5th. And before that it had been a while too. I haven't even seen her recently, so it's not like she's taking care of me in other ways if you know what I mean. When I was single in the winter I was having sex all the time. I've been in a relationship for most of the summer now and have had sex like twice. I'm doing my best but it's getting more difficult. I don't wanna keep talking to her about it because I feel like I've made myself very clear. I'm in a really good place in my life right now aside from this, but I can't help but feel a little bad about myself because of it. I really do care about her and I want it to work but how long do I wait to see if things change?

TLDR: Cliffs

-Started seeing girl when emotionally unavailable
-I was kind of an asshole
-Sex all the time
-Started dating
-Started being really sweet to her
-Sex no mas
-She claims it's her new medication

How long would you stay in a relationship without sex?

It depends. If there is light at the end of the tunnel I would stick it out. But it sounds like you guys are sexually incompatable.

I was in your situation, she was great and I loved her. But the sex really trailed off. Just kinda stuck it out for more than a couple years, never improved. Ended up being one of the main reasons we aren't together.

In hind sight I had no reason to think things would improve way back, but it can be weird to think of ending a good thing just because you haven't been fucking.
 
You've been with her for 6-7 months? That's WAY too early for the sex to stop. Get out while it's still early.

Pics of GF?
 
It depends. If there is light at the end of the tunnel I would stick it out. But it sounds like you guys are sexually incompatable.

I was in your situation, she was great and I loved her. But the sex really trailed off. Just kinda stuck it out for more than a couple years, never improved. Ended up being one of the main reasons we aren't together.

In hind sight I had no reason to think things would improve way back, but it can be weird to think of ending a good thing just because you haven't been fucking.

But if you're in a romantic relationship and the sex tapers off that much, might as well just be friends and end the romantic relationship part of it. Life's too short to spend in a relationship where you can't get your dick wet.

Unless of course it really is medication that's causing the loss of libido, in which case I'd think a change should be made.
 
Last edited:
But if you're in a romantic relationship and the sex tapers off that much, might as well just be friends and end the romantic relationship part of it. Life's too short to spend in a relationship where you can't get your dick wet.

Unless of course it really is medication that's causing the loss of libido, in which case I'd think a change should be made.
Nah yeah I agree, I am just saying it is easier said than done. Something that you can just 'put off' if it is otherwise comfortable because the acute impetus isn't there. But yeah maybe it is the meds. Is she willing to look into changing them? If that's not possible it doesn't really matter what the cause is
 
Not gonna read the whole thread TS but you shouldn't be dating someone who needs medication to be normal kick her to the curb
 
***THREAD UPDATE***

I talked to her last night about it after she tried calling me out for ignoring her texts. She's going to the Doctor on Thursday to see about changing her meds. I reiterated everything she needs to do to help herself. Eat food (she tends not to eat enough or at all), Start working out (sent her a flyer for a free intro to BJJ for Women in our area) and have regular sex. I explained how it's important for both of us. After that I pretty much gave her an ultimatum. I didn't mince words either. She didn't respond so I'm hoping it gave her some things to think about. At least now if it doesn't work out I can say I gave her every chance to make some changes, but like some of you guys pointed out I have just been enabling her bad behavior.

Will continue to update thread with what happens. Thanks for all the input Sherdawgs.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
1,234,833
Messages
55,310,903
Members
174,733
Latest member
NiTrok
Back
Top