Attempted Suicide Last Week And Just Got Home From A Psychiatric Hold

blaseblah said:
You did zero research and decided to OD on Vicodin because you heard it killed someone. You also put yourself in a situation where people would find you and take you to the hospital. These are not the actions of someone who is serious about suicide.
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why do you two have the same avatar?
 
Seriously, guys. Research suicide methods online. The shit scares the shit out of you; it focuses on failures and the immense pain of things like organ failure. The suicide bag was the most obvious choice for me, but I'm absolutely terrible at assembling things and that's not the type of shit you buy off ebay.
 
LTorino said:
In theory, yes, I agree. Its a weird feeling to want to be dead, but have no energy to carry it out, no faith in your abilities to do it right, no desire to feel pain, and concern a failure will leave you alive as a vegetable.
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Did not think about that at all.

Wish you all the best in your recovery buddy.
 
LTorino said:
That's good.

Yeah, I would say there's also an element of neglect. Other parents would have got me help and made me face the world when I was locking myself in my room for days on end. They didn't know any better, though.

Sometimes I wish I could have kids to treat them with dignity and respect. When I jogged last night, I passed kids playing with their fathers. I thought of how lucky they were and how I'd love to raise a child free of abuse and neglect. But I just don't trust myself.
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Yeah, my dad was (still is) a great guy. He built a pitcher's mound for me in our backyard and caught for me so I could practice for Little League. The first year in Minors, I was by far the best pitcher in our league and it wasn't close.

My mom was the problem. She still is a problem. But I have limited my interactions with her.
 
The ScorpioN said:
Did not think about that at all.

Wish you all the best in your recovery buddy.
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Thanks.

I guess I just resent when people doubt my sincerity because I'm pretty straight forward. I own up to embarrassing shit that others would never dare. When people try to guess what I was thinking or diagnose me wrong, it just seems so ignorant and arrogant. I thought that of the Army NCOs and Captain when I was awaiting discharge. There's so many flaws about me that are accurate, that making shit up is unnecessary. I cry like a baby at times, I'm naive and idealistic, I lack empathy if I can't relate to the character, I'm too judgmental, I dehumanize athletes because they make millions, I have low tolerance for frustration, zero coping skills, I fear failure rather than try, I'm mechanically retarded, I have impulse control issues, I'm lazy, I objectify women too much, I talk too much, etc. Who owns up to their flaws like me?
 
LTorino said:
Thanks.

I guess I just resent when people doubt my sincerity because I'm pretty straight forward. I own up to embarrassing shit that others would never dare. When people try to guess what I was thinking or diagnose me wrong, it just seems so ignorant and arrogant. I thought that of the Army NCOs and Captain when I was awaiting discharge. There's so many flaws about me that are accurate, that making shit up is unnecessary. I cry like a baby at times, I'm naive and idealistic, I lack empathy if I can't relate to the character, I'm too judgmental, I dehumanize athletes because they make millions, I have low tolerance for frustration, zero coping skills, I fear failure rather than try, I'm mechanically retarded, I have impulse control issues, I'm lazy, I objectify women too much, I talk too much, etc. Who owns up to their flaws like me?
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Half of that shit describes me.

Have you tried weed?
 
The ScorpioN said:
Half of that shit describes me.

Have you tried weed?
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No, never, but people have recommended it to me. I was prescribed hydeocodine for my chronic back pain, and it made my mood better, but I don't think I can get them prescribed again after using them as an attempt to overdose.
 
LTorino said:
False. I researched that about 12 of my 7.5 MG hydeocodine was a potential lethal dose, so I took about 25. With muscle relaxers, the research showed that somas were more lethal than what I had so I just took the bottle. I also carried it out when no one was home. I guess my lips were purple which is the only reason the ambulance got called, otherwise I looked asleep.

Why do people make armchair diagnoses about people's thoughts?
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You did this in a house where other people live and expected them not to notice??? I mean holy shit that's fucking stupid.

I've had people in my life commit suicide. Keeping it from me and everyone else, knowing we would stop them. Planning carefully and executing at a time where we wouldn't find out until it was too late.

You're an attention seeking pretender. Go talk to a real therapist and stop trying to use sherdog as one.
 
@LTorino, you and I had some interractions in the Warroom about the military. I had a negative experience as well, four years of it.

And given the length and detail of your posts in this thread, I think you're being legit about your suicide attempts.

You're typing out your thoughts here not as a means to garner sympathy, but more as a means of therapy. That should be respected, but I hope it doesn't become a trend of dozens of Sherdoggers making threads about their depressing lives.

Rather than be an armchair psychologist about what you need to do to get your life in order, I'll recommend you seek the means to get your life in order because only you know what that would mean for you.

I enjoy listening to Jordan Peterson, who's a Psychology professor in Canada. He's built a large following online due to his lectures, stance against transgender pronouns, and appearances on Joe Rogan's podcast.

 
GearSolidMetal said:
@LTorino, you and I had some interractions in the Warroom about the military. I had a negative experience as well, four years of it.

And given the length and detail of your posts in this thread, I think you're being legit about your suicide attempts.

You're typing out your thoughts here not as a means to garner sympathy, but more as a means of therapy. That should be respected, but I hope it doesn't become a trend of dozens of Sherdoggers making threads about their depressing lives.

Rather than be an armchair psychologist about what you need to do to get your life in order, I'll recommend you seek the means to get your life in order because only you know what that would mean for you.

I enjoy listening to Jordan Peterson, who's a Psychology professor in Canada. He's built a large following online due to his lectures, stance against transgender pronouns, and appearances on Joe Rogan's podcast.

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Hey, thanks for your response. I am in the process of being admitted in a program that does group and individual therapy. My regular therapist felt I needed to keep myself busy with more therapy than seeing him just once a week. Only issue I have is I have a job giving me hours on the days I was supposed to start going, so I'm sort of in limbo for a month or two therapy wise. I neglected therapy over the years, I must admit. I was keeping myself with school and working, even a therapist told me I didn't need to be seen regularly. But it was all just leading me to explode like a volcano mentally.

You're absolutely right about venting as a form of therapy. It definitely helps. And guess what? If people don't want to read it, they can place me on ignore and don't have to read shit. I don't like to talk to people in person about it anymore because it's rehashed at this point and I don't want to bring others down or waste their time. I see the event from a million different angles and it just bothers me so deeply, that I could talk about it all the time.

I like the videos of that guy, I must say.
 
LTorino said:
I like the videos of that guy, I must say.
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Keep watching new videos you haven't seen of him in-between your therapy sessions.

He really is very insiteful and has a down-to-earth way to communicate his ideas to the listener.
 


Smile man... Life throws a lot of shit at you... I know what you mean. But there really is a way out. I am confident that you will pull through, just lift yourself up :)
 
I was talking to my mother today and she said she doesn't understand how I didn't know what to expect when joining. I would guess this a common sentiment. I wonder though, since I can't exactly relive my childhood, is it common knowledge that military training is conducted under a structure that is a close equivalent to prison? I mean, I knew there was yelling and insults, but I never got the impression one could not leave if they wanted. Like, I'll watch Full Metal Jacket and hear Gunnery Sergeant Hartman talk about "weeding out non-hackers" and asking Pyle if he wants to quit on a course. My interpretation was their job was to make training hard enough for people to quit voluntarily so those that passed had the pride of not quitting when they had the opportunity to do so.

I just want to ask another question that has to do with that. Do you think it is OK to not allow someone to quit and use weeks, months, or even years of idling on base as incentive, especially if said person did not even know? I might not get any responses, but I do appreciate your time in reading and responding.
 
I have been feeling a bit depressed the past two days. Honestly, what I think spurred my depression to get to the point of suicide was having a real bad relationship breakup last year.

I just really fell hard for this special needs teacher. She was sweet, kind, funny, generous, and amazing in bed. I guess I assumed she would be empathetic because of her job. I don't make a point to be a downer with friends, but I was particularly bothered by something, so I texted her. She was shockingly negative, telling me she was judging me and I shouldn't complain because I have a good life and my depression makes no sense because I didn't have a terrible childhood. I told her off about as brutally as one can tell off another because I was deeply hurt (honestly, I still am) It's one thing for some military asshole who I have zero respect for to criticize me; someone I valued very much being so ignorant was a dagger to the heart.

People have often told me that she's a bitch for saying what she did and that i put her on a pedestal, but I kind of feel that everyone is human and makes mistakes. I feel a lot of guilt, shame, sadness, and envy towards how things went down. I'm often amazed how easily people can get over things, whereas I struggle really badly.
 
I just want people to know that I am sorry if I invoked any negative emotion in them over the years. After self-reflecting, I realize that I selfishly view things without empathy if I cannot understand them. I should have moved past the military experience right away; nobody should have the degree of bitterness and hate I felt, especially since the intentions of my targets were not the evil that my mind has made it. It just sucks suffering in your head for so long, that you overreact to emotions and see things that aren't really there.

My ex of last year getting engaged has sent me crashing again. She is a good person who I traumatized because I react poorly and find things that don't exist. I am so damaged beyond fucking repair. I try therapy, reading books, and get so much emotional support from others that I don't even deserve. But I just don't feel an ounce better once my mind really analyzes things. I have no faith in the ability of my mind to become normal, non-judgmental, and something I can be proud of. I'm trapped in the head of an evil person trying to be good.
 
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