Attempted Suicide Last Week And Just Got Home From A Psychiatric Hold

[BillytheFish]

The crux of my issue is you're trapped there on an indefinite prison sentence. If you want out, it should be instant. The people there are not prisoners, and that doesn't even begin to deal with the fact military service enlistments are often brought about through shady means and people there usually are ignorant to what awaits them. You're dealing with taking people's freedom away; that shouldn't be taken lightly.

But you're not trapped- you can tell them you cannot take it anymore and go through the process of getting out. In prison you cannot leave if you want to.

 

[Mr Mojo Lane]

Just walk it off and turn your frown upside down

 

[LTorino]

But you're not trapped- you can tell them you cannot take it anymore and go through the process of getting out. In prison you cannot leave if you want to.

Then they make an example and keep you for as long as they desire. That's why I said indefinite prison sentence.

 

[LTorino]

Plus, I also don't think people deserve the type of power they get over others in the military. I'll give you an example. There's a poster on here that I have on ignore, Subthug. Supposedly he is an Army Captain. He guised himself as trying to help in a thread, only to turn the thread into a self blow job about how he's special for being in the Army while being ignorant enough to diagnose me as a "depressive narcissist." I was completely appalled by HIS narcissism, ego and lack of self awareness. A thread originally started off as a way to give me some helpful insight just became about how this guy finds himself special because he's one of the few that can look someone in the eye and then kill, the retard. Yet, HE gets to order people around and have officer powers? Certainly furthers my belief humans are too flawed for that type of power.

I'll give you some of personal experiences at Leonard Wood with my "superiors." Firstly, I will be totally honest, I cannot handle confinement at all and would never have enlisted if I knew Basic Training was handled that way. I am amazed more people aren't that way. I couldn't have completed training if we played video games all day. I'm just not wired that way, for better or for worse.

Anyways, I broke pretty quickly. I have bad anxiety issues, so I legitimately believed we could not leave for any reason. My solution was suicide. Only after I was hanging did I realize that they possibly would rather let me go than have a corpse to deal with. So I made a commitment to myself: discharge or death, training was not an option.

My first experience was just punching the living shit out of myself in front of everyone as a symbolic form of punishment for how stupid I was for enlisting and to put them on notice that I was suicidal. This got me to talking with the platoon DS Robles. I focused on my anxiety and my feelings of low self worth, which are actually the main problems I still deal with. I felt like all these people had big egos, so I wasn't going to verbalize my moral issues. In hindsight, I think that was a very smart decision on my part. Robles pretty much tried to give me more responsibilities to keep my mind occupied, which works for most but not for my anxiety, and ended the conversation telling me I wasn't getting out of the Army and it was dumb to say I was suicidal. Realistically, telling me I wasn't getting out was the worst thing he could have said because that was the only thing keeping me alive and he pretty much dismissed my admission of being suicidal.

I think I hate the First Sergeant Weatherholt the most because I had expectations he would be an intelligent guy who would not be so quick to close the door on getting discharged. In reality, the guy seemed near mentally retarded and was just a super charged Drill Sergeant. After I tried stabbing my jugular with a pen(what can I say? I didn't have access to anything and I remembered the scene from Casino), all that idiot could do was threaten me that he was going to take some wires and hogtie me. One of the Drill Sergeants was swearing he wished he could hit me. The condescending Captain warned me he would keep me there for a long time if I tried anything again. Seriously? I'm trying to kill myself and that was their responses? That still seems so bizarre to me. "Don't kill yourself or we'll punch you or tie you up or keep you longer in an environment that made you feel this way"

I don't know. I guess I'm just really hard on others as well as myself. I came away feeling really bad for people in the military who have to take orders from the type of idiots I was around. None of those people seemed all that competent to me. I guess I have an issue with confusing selective ignorance with overall incompetence. I just know I would never want them to be in charge of anyone.

 

[DataBreach]

I should not have made it seem like I'm such great analyzer. I guess that I meant I try not to let basic things slide, such as that ex-friend having some really bad understanding of simple things.

What was the proper way for me to have handled that person who continuously said things that I found to be dumb? Is it OK to judge them as not being someone who can hold a conversation but move on and not think further on the issue, or I am supposed to somehow not notice? I truly am looking for help in filling the blanks, and I thank you for that.

You can walk away. I have abandoned friends simply because I have nothing in common with them any more. But I am not their judge.

You can bear with them if you have the will to do that. But you can't bear with them and continue to judge them. That's toxic and will create a toxic relationship.

You have many choices but judging them is not one of them. I told you before judgment doesn't go out unless it first goes in. You are insecure and need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin.

I had someone tell me it's ok to be selfish if you need to work on you. If you have a broken arm you're not selfish if you put it in a cast! That arm needs rest and healing.

Whatever you need for yourself right now take it. But you can't judge others. Take the time you need but keep it all inward. You are not justified putting it back outward. That's your way of feeling superior over others but that path is riddled with condemnation and regret.

Working on you means working on you not judging others. Do you honestly want to better yourself or via insecurity do you want to judge others for a false sense of superiority over them?

 

[milenss]

The year 2016 has kicked my ass mentally. I was crying like a baby for weeks until I decided to just end the suffering, so I took a ton of vicodin and muscle relaxers, hoping to die in my sleep. I passed out almost immediately. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed with an IV attached, vaguely remembering being asked what I took and having my dick cathetered for urine. Initially, I was annoyed that I woke up alive, which led to them having a nurse assigned to watch me for days until my kidneys functioned better and referred me to another place to be held until I was not a harm to myself.

I was really embarrassed and ashamed to be under that psychiatric hold, which motivated me to act better so that I could be released. Initially, they were going to hold me while I was given electroconvulsive therapy to fight the depression, but the doctor who does the treatment wanted them to exhaust more options first. Thankfully, although legally I could be kept 60 days, they released me in five. I have to attend outpatient therapy for just two weeks. They prescribed me another anti-depressant(paxil) to go along with my current one(wellbutrin). I'm hopeful that the new anti-depressant helps, but also feel better that electro shock therapy may be an option in the future.

Anyways, just wanted to share my story. I hope nobody ever gets that low in their lives.

Welcome back to the shitty life my friend.
You will have to suffer more.

btw.. how does it feel to be there for a while? Is it any better?

 

[FrankNStein]

Good lord, this guy again?

Mods should just ban this guy again. Last thread he was asking another poster to PM his address so he could go and shoot him in the face with a shotgun, and seemed to be on the verge of a mass shooting. The guy has serious mental issues and shouldn't be indulged.

 

[Kirin]

The year 2016 has kicked my ass mentally. I was crying like a baby for weeks until I decided to just end the suffering, so I took a ton of vicodin and muscle relaxers, hoping to die in my sleep. I passed out almost immediately. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed with an IV attached, vaguely remembering being asked what I took and having my dick cathetered for urine. Initially, I was annoyed that I woke up alive, which led to them having a nurse assigned to watch me for days until my kidneys functioned better and referred me to another place to be held until I was not a harm to myself.

I was really embarrassed and ashamed to be under that psychiatric hold, which motivated me to act better so that I could be released. Initially, they were going to hold me while I was given electroconvulsive therapy to fight the depression, but the doctor who does the treatment wanted them to exhaust more options first. Thankfully, although legally I could be kept 60 days, they released me in five. I have to attend outpatient therapy for just two weeks. They prescribed me another anti-depressant(paxil) to go along with my current one(wellbutrin). I'm hopeful that the new anti-depressant helps, but also feel better that electro shock therapy may be an option in the future.

Anyways, just wanted to share my story. I hope nobody ever gets that low in their lives.

Isn't one of the side-effects of anti-depressants feeling suicidal?

 

[Renard]

Thanks for the response.

The struggle with judging myself and others is my feeling that my perspective is more reality-based, yet it's clearly more unhealthy. I do not mean that to sound arrogant at all, but I truly look at others self confidence as delusion, whereas I see my own self effacement as realistic. Like, I can prove I suck, others cannot prove they are special or that their beliefs are right. Does that make sense? For example, I recently stopped being friends with someone because I just could not understand their stupidity, which also seemed to manifest in self belief(They also confessed to punching their MS-suffering, wheelchair confined dad in the face). They legitimately thought the only reason they weren't in the NFL was because they did not play in High School. They also thought they could stop all takedowns in a fight, despite having no wrestling background at all, no strength or any athleticism whatsoever. Now, this person is mentally healthier than me and clearly has confidence going, but it's a complete farce. Yet, I'm worse off for being realistic that I am not an athlete, athletic, and would get my ass kicked. Does that make sense?

Lol I knew that thread was you

By the way, from a psychological perspective mentally healthy people have all kinds of unconscious positive self-biases. That's the way you're supposed to be. You're not aiming for "realistic", you're aiming to be a normal human being. Besides your "realistic" is just you feeling bad about yourself, not realistic at all. Read the handbook of self and identity if you want to learn about dem positive biases.

Ever heard of the concept of Jung's shadow? "If you hate it, you got it." People hate in others things that they've denied in themselves. If you deny yourself self-confidence, feel that it's forbidden, you hate others who display it. I suspect that your fixation on the military and "arrogant" people is projection. People project onto other people because it's easier to cope with the others being "evil" than to face the reality of your extreme vulnerability. But by projecting you're just feeding and strengthening your unhealthy schemas, you're running in circles. Stop projecting ya goof.

 

[LTorino]

Good lord, this guy again?

Mods should just ban this guy again. Last thread he was asking another poster to PM his address so he could go and shoot him in the face with a shotgun, and seemed to be on the verge of a mass shooting. The guy has serious mental issues and shouldn't be indulged.

Just so you know, I had zero intention of doing any of that. In fact, I was bedridden for about 3 months and didn't go outside. One of my "ego tests" I have done since like 2000 on the internet is threaten an asshole. If they respond like they can stop it, nobody can stop anything if someone truly wants to do something and is willing to deal with the consequences, you know they are an egomaniac and a moron, since they are acting like they are invincible. They completely took the bait. I had a chuckle and deleted the PM, then placed the moron on ignore.

 

[Hoof Hearted]

I hope this video helps

Hah I was acutally going to recommend some Jocko podcast as well. The guy is a great motivator and gives you the kind of verbal slap / push you need when you're down.

 

[LTorino]

Lol I knew that thread was you

By the way, from a psychological perspective mentally healthy people have all kinds of unconscious positive self-biases. That's the way you're supposed to be. You're not aiming for "realistic", you're aiming to be a normal human being. Besides your "realistic" is just you feeling bad about yourself, not realistic at all. Read the handbook of self and identity if you want to learn about dem positive biases.

Ever heard of the concept of Jung's shadow? "If you hate it, you got it." People hate in others things that they've denied in themselves. If you deny yourself self-confidence, feel that it's forbidden, you hate others who display it. I suspect that your fixation on the military and "arrogant" people is projection. People project onto other people because it's easier to cope with the others being "evil" than to face the reality of your extreme vulnerability. But by projecting you're just feeding and strengthening your unhealthy schemas, you're running in circles. Stop projecting ya goof.

Good post. I mean, I do feel a mix of envy and disgust with things like people who are confident, I am aware of that. I don't want to be like that because I feel like it's going too far, hence disgust, but I know it's healthier, so I am envious of it.

 

[sub_thug]

But you're not trapped- you can tell them you cannot take it anymore and go through the process of getting out. In prison you cannot leave if you want to.

I'm the guy that this idiot can't stand and has on ignore. Bottom line, he's a slack-jawed idiot that is incredibly weak and well off the deep edge. He thinks that everyone needs to be here to help him out, and when I told him to get over it and grow a pair, he threatened to come to my house and shoot me and my wife. I'm a former 3rd SFG guy, so that would have ended poorly for him. But like I said, he's a moron that is well beyond repair. He will likely eventually commit suicide, and that will be that. We all know the guys who can't hack it, and this dude is definitely one of them. Just the way it is, ya know?

 

[sub_thug]

Good lord, this guy again?

Mods should just ban this guy again. Last thread he was asking another poster to PM his address so he could go and shoot him in the face with a shotgun, and seemed to be on the verge of a mass shooting. The guy has serious mental issues and shouldn't be indulged.

It was me that @LTorino wanted to shoot

 

[Plissken]

Better to start a new like elsewhere than end it. That's at least been my train of thought when depression hits like a sledgehammer.

 

[FadeLess]

Good to know you´r doing better, stay strong bud.

 

[Chazz Reinhold]

my uncle committed suicide about 20 yrs ago and his 8 yr old son came home from school and found him. not good. long term solution to a short term problem. get on some meds and change what bothering you. don't give up. good luck.

 

[Bagatur]

my uncle committed suicide about 20 yrs ago and his 8 yr old son came home from school and found him. not good. long term solution to a short term problem. get on some meds and change what bothering you. don't give up. good luck.

dont worry, he is not gonna do it. he is the kind of a person who does these attempts to get attention. this thread and his active participation in it just prove it. if he really wanted to go, he would go Chester's way.

 

[LTorino]

dont worry, he is not gonna do it. he is the kind of a person who does these attempts to get attention. this thread and his active participation in it just prove it. if he really wanted to go, he would go Chester's way.

I can understand why you feel that way, and I even worried that I was "The Boy that cried wolf." But I can tell you with all honesty, I am not that type. I pretty much dealt with my despair by cutting EVERYONE out of my life, since I didn't want to bring them down by my poor mood and I didn't want to use them as means to vent my feelings. I honestly think that was thoughtful of me. Hell, I even stopped posting here when my mood went to an all-time low. Those aren't things a person who just does things for attention would do.

The reason I am not dead is honestly because I did not have the energy to do so, I am not a gun person, and I didn't believe in my competency to kill myself in a painless fashion. I had/have no desire to die in a painful fashion. I did a lot of research, particularly on hanging, but I couldn't be assured the process would be painless, so I never pulled the trigger. I read about a suicide bag, which replaced the air with carbon monoxide and killed peacefully, but I didn't trust in my competency to make one.

 

[LTorino]

I just went for a 3 hour jog. Man, the thirst I felt when I got home was insane.

Anyways, I was thinking about how thoughtful most of the people have been to me on Sherdog, despite the fact that I am a very flawed individual. I really appreciate it and it instills much-needed positive thoughts in my head towards humanity. I always find my way back here because I feel there are intelligent people to talk with and they actually benefit my life in a positive fashion. Believe it or not, if you're fair and explain your positioning respectfully and intelligently, I will take your words seriously and try and use the advice. Years ago, I was seriously suffering from anger towards a person who I felt wronged me. I made a thread about my anger and the responses actually helped me get over it and move forward. I always remember that and am grateful for it, along with all the other helpful stuff. I wish I could give back in some way. Damn, if I were rich, I'd be the most charitable person.