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Your Life in a Paragraph.

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by squeezewax, Aug 31, 2015.

  1. squeezewax Black Belt

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    Can you describe your whole life up to now, in one paragraph? Not a huge one either.

    England-Australia-NZ-England-NZ-England-Australia-NZ-Australia.[where i've lived] Lost virginity age 15. Married at age 20, however it only lasted 6yrs, divorced. Quite a few relationships and quite a few jobs, including busking for a year or two. Nowadays I live off the east coast of Queensland on a small, sand island.
     
  2. GoldenRedKicks Banned Banned

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    moved from shitty relative to shitty relative from birth to age 14, no stability or role models, lived with my strict gparents til 19, failed in school and skateboarded religously, now im livin with my junkie mom at age 22, never had a relationship for longer than a year, am very negative towards life and people, had a job for the last 4 years but just recently lost it, addicted to drugs. fuck life lol.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2015
  3. odog A cat trapped in a dog's body

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    The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
     
  4. Sampsonsimpson Brown Belt

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    Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air. In west Philadelphia I was born and raised. On the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, she said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, holmes to Bel Air'. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo holmes smell ya later'. I looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.
     
  5. 5H3RD0G Silver Belt

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    Awesomehumumrumtumsumyumgumsumaz :D
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2015
  6. ToxicShocker Banned Banned

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    He was born, embarrassed himself and later died like Mr. Hands. He will be missed, especially by the horse.
     
  7. Minnja Touch-Butt white belt Platinum Member

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    The day I was born was the day I died. But now I live in an apartment with a roommate. We like to play counterstrike
     
  8. Kardashians ☆ sitting on the moon ☽

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    oh oh
     
  9. Sdeaf Blue Belt

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    Just an ant in a long line of ants, following the pointless behest of my biological programming before I die, having achieved only survival and propagation. At best.
     
  10. GoldenRedKicks Banned Banned

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    not everyone can be a kardashian
     
  11. GoldenRedKicks Banned Banned

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    shout out to harbison canyon!
     
  12. keripag White Belt

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    A paragraph...

    I fell from heaven. I or my sister stole the crown as a result became all powerful, us friends:eek:ne of us did. So they chopped my hands off, did the deed, rearranged my brain and sewed her head on mine and mine on hers, his and sent us down to Earth, where I lived ever since. All they wanted to know was who stole it by testing us on a wall climb. After that it was just torture.
     
  13. thetruth2709 Red Belt

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    Moved from Peru to the US when I was 19 years old. I wanted to be a journalist but became a TV commercial producer. Later in life I learned that I always just kept an open mind, positive attitude and let the universe take me wherever it wanted and so far its been nothing but great things. Profesionally I always searched for personal satisfaction and meaning in what I do, Ive never searched for money and Ive never been in need of it. I live very comfortably, Ive never worked hard a day in my life and wish more people would stop thinking about money all the time, money really isnt that big a deal.
     
  14. Jermei Steel Belt Platinum Member

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    Amazing. I could hear your voice speak every word.
     
  15. Bobby Boulders My Lovin' Is Digi Platinum Member

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    Oklahoma, Texas, England, Oklahoma, England, Oklahoma, Maryland, Oklahoma, Ohio, Oklahoma, Illinois, Florida, Colorado, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Cali, Oklahoma, Louisiana. US Navy, top secret clearance. Discharged early. Affairs, compromising pregnancies. Drugs. Depression, Jail time. Been to NYC, Baltimore, DC, Charlotte, San Fran, Padre Island, Vegas, Indy, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Paris, Milan, Switzerland, Atlanta, Germany, Tahoe, Memphis, Nashville, and many more. Never married, not sure if I want to. No kids, not sure if I want to. Banged girls from all over. Maury could call any day. Black chicks, white chicks, Puerto Ricans, Irish, Filipino, Italians. And I've tossed a penny from atop the Empire State building.

    Been a lot of places, done a lot of shit. Fucked a few womens. Lived a lot for a guy my age.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2015
  16. bigkick Brown Belt

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    DC, London, Boston, Paris, Singapore, and New York. Wide-eyed innocent boy chased dreams of a life in art. Now I'm just a dad.
     
  17. AgonyandIrony Steel Belt

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    Born in Oklahoma City, was attacked by a Rottweiler when I was 2 resulting in major facial scarring. Parents moved to a small NE Oklahoma city. Teased a lot for being a city kid, nicknamed scar face. Learned to talk/charm my way out of situations and how to go batshit crazy on people. Got really into punk rock really young, started working in restaurants young, played in a punk band. Graduated culinary school when I was 17 and joined the Navy. Stationed at Pearl Harbor, when I got out I moved to California then back to Oklahoma. Competed in Brazilian JiuJitsu and was number 2 in the world at throwing pizza dough, now a chef and comedian, slept with 100+ girls. Do a lot of drugs. Functioning alcoholic.
     
  18. LC Shepard Brown Belt

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    Born in a shitty town of 100k in eastern Ukraine. Moved with family to a shitty port town of 200k in Lithuania at the age of 2. Attended shitty Russian minority schools. Got beat up for speaking Russian while late outside. Made good friends but most time was spent playing computer games with them. At the age of 17 moved to the capital. Graduated with a bachelors degree in economics from a good private university. Got a decent, average salary job in finance. Barely have any friends, have an infiriority complex of not speaking fluent lithuanian so that I could discuss any topic. Spend my free time at home on the internet. Had 2 unsuccessful long relationships. Now at the age of 25 im numb, jaded and cant move anywhere because im tied helping run a small family business part time because parents are too dumb to do it on their own. Live at my parents place because they are away on trips 40% of the year and someone has to look after their shitty animals. (2 cats and a dog.)
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2015
  19. golvmopp Always outnumbered, never outgunned

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    I fucking love the few lithuanian women I've met abroad. Would you be up to down moonshine by the gallon and terrorize Vilnius for a weekend? Semi-srs.

    Overprotected late-bloomer with roots in eastern Europe living in Sweden, born to two formerly touring parents. At 27 I've been fucking around with too much with dead ends - tried making a career as a painter before realizing that the art world is nothing but a microcosmos of pimps and prostitutes, now resaddling to become a psychologist - and being Goody Two-Shoes as of late with too much school and work, too little actual living.
     
  20. Marfa Green Belt

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    I was, and then I was no more. I fucked up several times along the way.
     

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