Whats worse...Knife attack or Eye Gouge?

[Ogata]

well I'm glad I made you look into PTSD but be careful about self diagnosis. Stuff like this needs to be diagnosed.

Do you generally have aggression issues?

Thats the thing though I actualy don't have any anger issues and that me losing my cool was so uncharacteristic for me that if I don't feel rage about the knife incident I would feel deep guilt and shame for my own behaviour and the major thing that is bothering me is I feel like my existence and integrity has been shattered since I was looked at as someone who is rational and respectful but now I don't even know who I am anymore.:icon_sad:

 

[oFUNGUSo]

if someone went for my eyes i would pull out my knife and start stabbing if at all possible.

I gouged someone in the eye very badly in a fight once (many years ago). shit is no joke. hope to never do it again. If hes not blind in that eye, his vision is at least messed up.

 

[BearGrounds]

Eye gouging is crossing the line. If you go that route and the knife comes out, that's on you.

 

[Damien Karras]

Thats the thing though I actualy don't have any anger issues and that me losing my cool was so uncharacteristic for me that if I don't feel rage about the knife incident I would feel deep guilt and shame for my own behaviour and the major thing that is bothering me is I feel like my existence and integrity has been shattered since I was looked at as someone who is rational and respectful but now I don't even know who I am anymore.:icon_sad:

May I ask how old you are?

 

[Ogata]

May I ask how old you are?

I am 26 years old which makes my behaviour more shameful, uncharactersitic and Bizzare since it was such an abnormal situation. Also I found this video that talks about PTSD which lots of it pertains to things Im going through:

 

[ookii]

Go for the eyes Boo

As you were gouging his eyes out with both hands, did you bellow out in anger?

 

[NRFC]

Knife,

it can make you use diapers for the rest of your life.

I love The Knife. Great band.
I would think you would dig them.

[YT]VrjwqXwyzNU[/YT]

 

[LionExMachina]

Going for the eye first (on your own kin) is pretty extra. It's an act worthy of a proper shanking.

I can relate to you about the negative thoughts and having difficulty letting things go. I've lost friends, jobs and almost lost my freedom a couple times when I was young and foolish. I'm also bigger than most people and ethnic, so the optics always looked bad when I'd lose it on someone (dat "explosive" temperament), no matter how justified.

Since I'm unable to pray and won't do SSRI's I've had to resort to pranayama. The positive effect it's had on my health and interpersonal relations, especially coping with the human-chiuanna's of this world are amazing. Maybe you should look into it.

In any case, good luck and be Well.

 

[Ogata]

Going for the eye first (on your own kin) is pretty extra. It's an act worthy of a proper shanking.

I can relate to you about the negative thoughts and having difficulty letting things go. I've lost friends, jobs and almost lost my freedom a couple times when I was young and foolish. I'm also bigger than most people and ethnic, so the optics always looked bad when I'd lose it on someone (dat "explosive" temperament), no matter how justified.

Since I'm unable to pray and won't do SSRI's I've had to resort to pranayama. The positive effect it's had on my health and interpersonal relations, especially coping with the human-chiuanna's of this world are amazing. Maybe you should look into it.

In any case, good luck and be Well.

I hear what your saying, when the incident was over, I was like cool we both dropped it and we moved on. All was good until I started getting flashes of the knife attack which caused me rage,bitterness and rage. Then I argued with myself that me losing my temper first,gouging his eyes was just as bad if not worse which cause me great deal of shame and guilt and beating up myself in my head for how easily avoidable of a situation it was.

So I either have a day thats based on me being angry,bitter and vengeful for the knife attack while other days I feel overwhelming shame,regret and intense guilt for me losing my cool first and going for the eyes first.

But yeah Im thinking about doing yoga, wasen't sure what style or what to look for in a teacher.

 

[Protectandserve]

Wow. Eye gouging a relative is pretty up there. TS you ought to seek out some psychological counseling. Sounds like you are lucky you got pulled apart by family, one of you would have ended up dead or disabled from both your actions.

The fact that you can't remember eye gouging someone during a fight should be a big warning sign.

 

[jmadtx]

fuck that guy. i wouldn't ever trust him or want to see him again. and if i did he's probly getting his ass beat.

 

[KrazyKanadian]

Those thumps must have got him good.

 

[LionExMachina]

I hear what your saying, when the incident was over, I was like cool we both dropped it and we moved on. All was good until I started getting flashes of the knife attack which caused me rage,bitterness and rage. Then I argued with myself that me losing my temper first,gouging his eyes was just as bad if not worse which cause me great deal of shame and guilt and beating up myself in my head for how easily avoidable of a situation it was.

So I either have a day thats based on me being angry,bitter and vengeful for the knife attack while other days I feel overwhelming shame,regret and intense guilt for me losing my cool first and going for the eyes first.

But yeah Im thinking about doing yoga, wasen't sure what style or what to look for in a teacher.

Pranayama can be used with yoga, but it can also just be something you can use on the fly at any moment . It's a basic but fundamental Vedic technique thats very old. Easy to learn, but it might take time to habituate it to become your default setting when negative shit arises. It took me a log while and I far from really being "good" at it but the practise itself helps noticeably.

There's a lot of spiritual rah-rah that people apply to it but I personally ignore that shit and use it as a tool the same way one would sex, or a car.

I'd caution you against guru-hunting tho (unless you meant the yoga-teacher that like fitness centres) because theres a lot of wolves in monks clothing in that realm.

 

[NRFC]

so the optics always looked bad when I'd lose it on someone (dat "explosive" temperament), no matter how justified.

Since I'm unable to pray and won't do SSRI's I've had to resort to pranayama. The positive effect it's had on my health and interpersonal relations, especially coping with the human-chiuanna's of this world are amazing. Maybe you should look into it.

I read your post three times and I'm completely lost. So many questions...

 

[Cherdawg]

I like the way you do things ts.

 

[mushishi]

Is your name Jon Jones?

 

[Serana]

[YT]jdTTqoOS2uk[/YT]

Do what this man would do and you're fine.

 

[Ogata]

So I talked to my friend who just came back from Tehran and he told me that what happened between me and my relative was an abnormal and excessivlely violent situation but that doesn't mean I have to ponder it or keep repeating it in my head.

He told me to accept what happened as oppose to try and rationalize over it and instead just move on with my life. I feel much better now.

I guess the whole "Knife vs Eye Gouge" was a way for me to vent out the situation but the right thing to do is to accept what happened, understand that I can't change the past but to learn from it and become a better person and try to make a more positive future by creating better memories.

He also assured me that I should have gratitude knowing that no one got hurt in the incident and the only thing changed in my life was my prespective but thats on me to change back and go back to being a positive person.

So right now I decided to create better memories by volunteering to help people who are less fortunate so I can in a way of attonment for the wrong I caused as well and perhaps have a better understanding of my own emotions.

 

[fightingrabbit]

So I talked to my friend who just came back from Tehran and he told me that what happened between me and my relative was an abnormal and excessivlely violent situation but that doesn't mean I have to ponder it or keep repeating it in my head.

He told me to accept what happened as oppose to try and rationalize over it and instead just move on with my life. I feel much better now.

I guess the whole "Knife vs Eye Gouge" was a way for me to vent out the situation but the right thing to do is to accept what happened, understand that I can't change the past but to learn from it and become a better person and try to make a more positive future by creating better memories.

He also assured me that I should have gratitude knowing that no one got hurt in the incident and the only thing changed in my life was my prespective but thats on me to change back and go back to being a positive person.

So right now I decided to create better memories by volunteering to help people who are less fortunate so I can in a way of attonment for the wrong I caused as well and perhaps have a better understanding of my own emotions.

Profound.

Have you ever been checked out for bipolar disorder?

 

[Ogata]

Profound.

Have you ever been checked out for bipolar disorder?

Not at all, I never get angry, the only reason I lost my shit was because my relative was giving my parents a hardtime even though he has been very kind to me in the last 5 years. But I didn't like him hareassing my parents so there was a little bit of build up and than hell broke loose. I saw him two days later, we walked passed each other and my parents said he was angry for a week while I myself have been pissed off and yet upset for 4 months.

So I decided to make a thread with a superfacial topic which is "knife vs eye gouge" so I woulden't feel bad about getting attacked by the knife while the reality is I should just accept what happened and know that I can't go back in time but to just go forward and not let this incident intrude my train of thought.

That being said, I do agree with ppl saying in this thread that I need to get checked out for mental illness, my lack of self-control was frightning and the ability to play the victim game in my own head makes me a pathetic human being.