What do you think people do before they commit suicide?

[Social Distance Warrior]

I went through a period of drinking every day for several months thinking about it before I decided I'd had enough and it was time to end it, then I realized I didn't want to die without ever having done heroin. Became a full blown heroin addict for over a year before it escalated to shooting heroin and meth speedballs more than a half dozen times a day.

The first time I decided to end it, my tolerance was so out of control that ODing was more difficult than I realized. I never shot anything less than $40 of dope at a time. The whole time I had been a junkie, I wanted to start dealing to support my drug habit while still having enough cash to live in hotels and not be broke. Eventually I got to that point and still wasn't content with it so I said fuck it but the OD didn't kill me.

The second time was after I had been arrested, gone through drug classes, been clean for over a year, was working out, training again, etc. and I was still miserable all the time. I saw no point in living so once again I said fuck it, figured an OD would work the second time around as I no longer had a tolerance built up. While in my car I took a ton of Klonopin and slammed what should've been more than enough heroin to get it done, woke up hours later face down on the asphalt in handcuffs. On the way to jail, the cop told me he found me not breathing and at some point I just randomly started up again so he arrested me (instead of calling an ambulance for the guy he just found ODd and not breathing, I got charged with a felony for the nothing amount of dope I still had left in the bag).

Both times I wasn't particularly happy/relieved or sad/depressed or anything like that, I just felt completely cold and empty. They weren't spur of the moment decisions, I just genuinely had no desire to go on living. There was no catharsis to go along with it. I didn't feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I wasn't crying in unbearable despair, I was emotionless and focused on the task at hand. I consider both of those actions me at my most rational, it just turns out that heroin doesn't fucking kill me.



I love that Cage song, I also used to be obsessed with Suicidal Tendencies. Basically what I'm saying is good post, brah.

Whoa...that's deep...thanks for sharing.

 

[Iroh]

Think about what/who you are going to leave behind, write a suicide note, plan/go over the whole thing and do it.

 

[Pupi]

i would make a "Ask Anything to Someone Who's About To Kill Himself" thread.

 

[Iroh]

i would make a "Ask Anything to Someone Who's About To Kill Himself" thread.

First post: Why don't you just go kill yourself?!

 

[KyleInAction]

Not sure, but if you're interested in his story, the thread is here:

http://advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=136505

EDIT: Found the book, 2 Arms and a Head: The Death of a Newly Paraplegic Philosopher

http://www.2arms1head.com/

I would recommend reading his story on advrider.com first (pages 1-13), then the end of the book relating to the first post here. Really sad stuff.

I read that a few months back when Paul Williams was in his bike accident. Utterly chilling how calm and rational he sounds at the end.

 

[Nomad Nemesis**]

First post: Why don't you just go kill yourself?!

2nd post: do you want me to come get the porn you don't want you family to find?

 

[Average Joe]

I have allot of suicial thoughts on a regular (daily) basis and I've felt close to going through with it on multiple occasions. I usually try and rationalise the decison based on how it's the best long term solution for everyone involved in my life. I'll think about the suicide note I want my family and friends to read which will usually also consist of my reasoning behind the decision etc

Once I have that down. I'll go to where I've planned to kill myself and just absorb the atmosphere and set everything up. I usually feel really at peace with myself.

It's only during this time when I'm at peace with myself & visualising my own death that I'm happy enough to want to live. It's a weird kind of catch 22.

Then there are times where it's like you're a child wanting to open a car door on the freeway. You're standing on the edge of a train track and thinking "f*ck it, shall i just jump now and get it over with?". That sort of thing follows me everywhere, and i could imagine some people are crazy enough to just go for it.

Btw, don't worry about me guys, I'm fine. If I really wanted to kill myself I would have done it by now.