Relationships What do you all think of this behavior? Was my mom legitimately abusive or am I being a p****? (Srs)

[SalvadorAllende]

Ha, have you even had immigrant parents?

My parents were brutally strict and I was burdened with tremendously high expectations (I was the youngest of four, and all of my siblings are incredibly accomplished). I could write pages about the stuff they would do..... my favorite anecdote is having to write an essay on Christmas as to why I deserved a Playstation.

HOWEVER, I don't regret a thing - I also didn't mind it as a child. The big distinction between abuse and strict parenting is a) I always knew that my parents loved and wanted the best for me - this was never in question, and it created a very stable foundation for our relationship b) their expectations were always clear - my siblings and I knew what the household expectations and rules were. Do well in school, be respectful to elders/others, do our chores etc. If we did these things, we were rewarded. If we didn't, we were punished - the world was very black and white.

I am not going to discount your experiences. Everybody is shaped by things differently, and what may be normal for some, may be traumatizing for others. With that being said, don't let a therapist "plant" ideas.

Brother.. your parents pushed you to be the best version of yourself.

They were not throwing butter knives and hitting your sister for not being smart enough.

 

[Osculater]

Yeah, I don't need a therapist to tell me that my parents were fvcked up parents hahahaa!

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

Brother.. your parents pushed you to be the best version of yourself.

They were not throwing butter knives and hitting your sister for not being smart enough.

Nah they were raising her Agility stat...

 

[Brampton_Boy]

Brother.. your parents pushed you to be the best version of yourself.

They were not throwing butter knives and hitting your sister for not being smart enough.

Oh, I didn't describe the physical punishment. No butter knives, but we absolutely got beat with wooden spoons and belts (never in the face, only on the hand/butt).

My mom open face slapped me while I was in my late 20s because I was rude to her in public.

 

[SalvadorAllende]

Oh, I didn't describe the physical punishment. No butter knives, but we absolutely got beat with wooden spoons and belts (never in the face, only on the hand/butt).

My mom open face slapped me while I was in my late 20s because I was rude to her in public.

Yeah.. I got my ass kicked (literally, my father kicked me in the butt) quite a few times as a kid. But I think a well thought and controlled kick in the butt or in the hand is different than losing control and throwing stuff.

Also your mom did ok with the slap. IDK how rude you were but you were in your late 20s ffs.

 

[Brampton_Boy]

Yeah.. I got my ass kicked (literally, my father kicked me in the butt) quite a few times as a kid. But I think a well thought and controlled kick in the butt or in the hand is different than losing control and throwing stuff.

Also your mom did ok with the slap. IDK how rude you were but you were in your late 20s ffs.

It's actually kind of a funny story.

I was waiting for my mom at the pharmacy, and she was taking forever. After waiting for about 30 minutes in the car, I went inside and said something to the effect of "You are taking too long and we are going home now". It wasn't so much what I said, but the way I said it - she construed it as talking down to her and embarassing her in public. She turned around and slapped me. What made it particularly funny is that she is a tiny old woman and I am a foot taller and 270lbs.

I accepted that I was wrong and that was the end of it.

 

[PBAC]

when I was 6 I thought studying meant stand outside the pub and wait for parents. At the end of class the teacher told me to study after school and I stood outside the pub door for two hours. It only stopped when I was paired with a study buddy and I took him to the pub until he told his parents.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

my balkan instinct is to laugh like bro good story. Made me feel better about my story. Our humor is dark. And it fixes things. Why cry. We can laugh. You sure turned out good and healthy, didn´t you. The break your arm thing sounds very crazy. Yeah they are limits when someone is a bad parent and bad person. Limits most definitely.

I’m fine for the most part. Though who knows what a toll that stuff actually takes?
But at one point I basically had to tell my own mom that I would beat the shit out of her if she touched me again. Then she stopped. Because I would have.

 

[ezikel315]

Well, I'm Asian, so obviously I'm going to say you're a pussy. You have no idea what real abuse is unless your dad is both Asian and a former marine.

Did your parents touch you inappropriately or pimp you out to strange men when you were a child? That's some real abuse I know some people experienced.

 

[KeepingItReal]

Yes, all of that sounds pretty fucked up. People need to look at themselves first before they decide to have kids.

 

[Stoic1]

Honestly, some of ya'll sound soft AF.

 

[fishbisquit]

I remember when I was 5 or 6 my mom and her boyfriend left me at home for a couple days. A farmhouse too so it wasn't like I could go find a neighbor. Plus they were junkies so there was minimal food. I cooked frozen fish sticks on top of the toaster until they were warm enough to eat. First 10 years of my life, and this is my "nice" story. It was pretty bad most days.

 

[Bballfan123]

Went to therapy for the first time recently and my mom came up. So much shit I didn’t even think was a big deal but the therapist said may have altered my personality. She in general was a loving and warm mom but would lose her mind with any amount of stress. What’d yall think?

She once threw a knife at my sister during a heated argument. Was a small butter knife Wasn’t aiming to kill, just throwing random stuff in a rage. We were teenagers.

Was yelling at my sister that even if she tried to kill her, she would have to respect her because God says to respect your parents (I was like 9 when I heard her say this)

When I was 9 I would forget my homework sometimes, one time she started screaming at me that I was going to be a loser and homeless when I grew up while I was crying

She never hit me as far as I remember, but when I was 9 and my sister was 11 she was hitting her for getting math problems wrong while she was on the ground crying

And she was also just a massive Karen. Would incoherently scream in public and start arguments with workers for anything that upset her

Like I said, when these things weren’t happening she was loving and kind mom. What do sherbros think? Was this legitimately child abuse or just old school parenting and were soft now?

Sigh the whole point of therapy is that you can talk to someone who legally can’t disclose that you told them those things it’s a whole point to say difficult things not to like your coworkers so it doesn’t get around. It’s just a private conversation. Sometimes you just need to say something out loud it doesn’t mean it’s horrific or the worst thing to ever happen but you like to say hey this annoying thing happened to me and I’ve been thinking about it for five years That’s it there’s no deeper meaning I just need to say it out loud and then someone can be like oh do you wanna talk about that because you’re not gonna talk about something like this with your buddy because they’re gonna judge you you’re afraid well they probably will. But the whole point is just to say it out loud and think it through something could be annoying, but not completely mentally break me but yeah, I do think about that sometimes and I’m like what the heck

You’re not gonna get struck down by the Lord because you told the therapist your mom was rude to you to be honest you’re just not that important. God isn’t gonna break the cycle of time to divinely strike you down just say it out loud and you’ll survive.

 

[Trabaho]

I’m fine for the most part. Though who knows what a toll that stuff actually takes?
But at one point I basically had to tell my own mom that I would beat the shit out of her if she touched me again. Then she stopped. Because I would have.

yeah my momy couldn´t disciplie me anymore once I entered puberty cause I was too strong. My bro also couldn´t fight me anymore when I was 17 cause I started training boxing. I just became stronger than him altough he is 3 years older. To this day I am stronger and he would complain to our mom still, we´re 38 and 41 if I had gotten too agressive, obviously not hitting him but if I would like shout or just be pissed and leash out for a second over something. Sometimes I feel he is a tad of scared cause I don´t know, like I guess I can get ragey and shout. But that is super rare still funny to me that he would ever feel like that as I´m his brother and we are grown people. I did hit him recently, just with my palm on his back or something, I was super annoyed about something and he didn´t shut up.

 

[TJ Dillashank]

Not things that parents should do but those are not that bad and shouldn't have any effect on you now.

 

[TheTickG]

Went to therapy for the first time recently and my mom came up. So much shit I didn’t even think was a big deal but the therapist said may have altered my personality. She in general was a loving and warm mom but would lose her mind with any amount of stress. What’d yall think?

She once threw a knife at my sister during a heated argument. Was a small butter knife Wasn’t aiming to kill, just throwing random stuff in a rage. We were teenagers.

Was yelling at my sister that even if she tried to kill her, she would have to respect her because God says to respect your parents (I was like 9 when I heard her say this)

When I was 9 I would forget my homework sometimes, one time she started screaming at me that I was going to be a loser and homeless when I grew up while I was crying

She never hit me as far as I remember, but when I was 9 and my sister was 11 she was hitting her for getting math problems wrong while she was on the ground crying

And she was also just a massive Karen. Would incoherently scream in public and start arguments with workers for anything that upset her

Like I said, when these things weren’t happening she was loving and kind mom. What do sherbros think? Was this legitimately child abuse or just old school parenting and were soft now?

Sounds like you had a good mother.

 

[Fedorgasm]

Sounds like if anyone was abused or was your sister.

But generally, IMO it doesn't sound like abuse. Parents aren't perfect. She lost her shit and yelled sometimes.

I don't like the throwing things or hitting your sister, even though I'm not against spanking, it sounds like this wasn't a spanking. So maybe your sister has an argument for suffering a little abuse.