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What age did you start living on your own/not with your parents/family?

jeff7b9 said:
So I am curious how this has changed based on time/generation and location/culture.
As such I will leave a few prompt questions


1- What age were you when you stopped living with your parents/family?

(For the sake of clarity let's define this as you moved out such that your primary residence was not your parents address AND either permanently continued living on your own (or with roommates)
.. lets say it is OK/counts if you moved back in at your parents at some point, but just living in a dorm then coming back to your family house doesn't count.

1b- Did you ever move back in with your parents?

2- What was the major deciding factor in your move?

(Ie, did your parents kick you out? You got married?
Moved to college but Lived there year round
_______________________________________
Edit:::

Just want to clarify that there is no judgement from me if anyone ever needed or received some help. Life is tough and finances can be very difficult to manage in this world, particularly if compounded by injury, illness or other similar of life's little surprises.

My in laws have helped me and my wife out on 2 occasions for which I am eternally grateful, first when we bought our first house, as we were moving from LA back to NJ they let us stay with them while we looked for a house and got set up with jobs, and again several years later we ran into tight finances due getting railroaded by a fucked up lawsuit situation and we (with 2 dogs and 2 young kids) moved in with them again and rented out our house for 2 years to get our finances in order.
______________________________


Bonus details:

What year did you move out?
What was your rent? (your share if you had roommates)

If you have kids, would you want the same for them or different?

Have you ever been "homeless" or some slight variant thereof, such as couchsurfing?

If you were forced out by your parents, looking back do you think it was for the best?
Do you resent being kicked out or coerced out?

If your parents kicked you out, do you feel like it was fair or reasonable?


My answers
||
V
1- What age were you when you stopped living with your parents/family?

I was 18 in 1997 when I moved out to go to Lacrosse summer preseason at Hofstra, but never lived with my parents again after that. The longest I have ever stayed with them since then is 3 days, following a major shoulder surgery.

I did not realize when I left at 18, the summer after my senior year in HS that I was moving out for good.

I pledged a fraternity my 2nd semester, and the intense schedule and sleep deprivation made it tough for me academically. As I had to maintain an overall 2.5 GPA to keep my scholarship (academic scholarship that the lacrosse coach secured for me, which was awesome because I kept that scholarship even though I only played Lax the fall season freshman year.)

To keep my GPA up, I withdrew from all but one class that semester.
Somehow I managed to get a C in calculus.

When my grades came in my parents kicked me out and told me I had to go to summer school on my own dime to make up the 4 classes I dropped. I took the maximum allowable amount of credits which was 2 condensed classes in each of the 2 summer sessions, totaling 12 credits, leveling me back to where I would have been without withdrawing. I had full time classes, 8 hours a day m-f 8-12 + 1-5 and I had to take a full time job. I managed straight A's somehow, it definitely helped that I took easy classes like human sexuality,.abnormal psychology which I was interested in and 2 language classes, I think it was Japanese and Italian.

I was given the boot that night with the money I had in my pocket, which was $20.
I had no job because I was expecting to be living at home in a different state than my college, so I took what I could get, which was school security for minimum wage... but i used that job to steal food and that is how I fed myself. I would keep tabs on school meetings, clubs and catered events and pack up the leftovers.


1b- Did you ever move back in with your parents? Nope..

2- What was the major deciding factor in your move?

Punishment for dropping classes





Bonus details:

What year did you move out? 1997


What was your rent? (your share if you had roommates)

That summer was one of 2 times I was borderline homeless.
At first I lived on an air mattress on the kitchen floor of an apartment in the GHETTO
By August I upgraded to a couch in the garage of the frat house.

Somehow I got laid all summer and would use that as an opportunity to live in the relative luxury of a girls nice clean bed with sheets. I had 3 chicks which I had recurring things going with. One catholic school chick who was also a freshman who lived nearby with her family but invited me over if her parents went away, hs sweetheart who was down for public shit like car sex, school playgrounds, Central Park.... good times, and an Asian chick who everyone thought was a nerd math genius type but was a actually a goddamn FREAK nympho


First apartments I paid for my share was $400/month


If you have kids, would you want the same for them or different?

Nope. The cost of living is so fucking out-of control now.and as I have daughters I would rather they live with me and be safe than live-in the seriously dangerous neighborhoods I had to live in with gang activity and gunshots and shit. One place I lived in the next door neighbors house got hit with 14 gunshots from a drive by on the first weekend of a 1 year lease. My lady, understandably did not like to come visit me there


My HOPE is thay I can raise my.girls to eventually be self sufficient,.but I would be more than happy to help them out for a few years while they save up money and pursue their careers. If things go perfectly to plan, which I highly doubt they will, we have a guest house 1bedroom apartment that one of them could rent to have morenindepwnxence and get used to living one their own and paying some rent (I would charged them WAY under market value, hopefully helping them to save for a down payment if they are seeking to own a home.


Have you ever been "homeless" or some slight variant thereof, such as couchsurfing?

yup. 2x. The summer i lived onnthe airmattress then the gsrage and a few years later i wound uo bsck innthe garage, sometimes sleeping in my car or sneaking into the practice rooms in college music department.

If you were forced out by your parents, looking back do you think it was for the best?

100% absolutely. It was the right thing, I deserved to be kicked out and I learned SO MUCH about myself and about life, learned how to be resourceful, gained major insight and appreciation for when things are good. Also very much learned what is I portent and what is not. Somehow being somewhat homeless and dead broke I still had one of the best summers of my life.


Do you resent being kicked out or coerced out? Nope. Fair play

If your parents kicked you out, do you feel like it was fair or reasonable?

Yup. I appreciate that they forced me to take responsibility for my actions, thay they DIDN'T bail me out and didn't therefore teach me I could fuck up and get away with it. It was a TOUGH lesson, but maybe the most valuable lesson I ever learned.

My mom cried when she saw how I was living and it all sunk in for her but even then I wasn't mad at them
Click to expand...
17
 
22 I shot at mice with a pellet gun, killed roaches and dusted for bedbugs
 
Left home at 22 , moved to a better job with my fiancee , got married, job didn't work out, moved back home for a year whilst sorting out another job and house. Been out since then.
 
Left at 20 moved back at 30 becasue of a divorce and went back to school, was out again for a while and now I'm back becasue the folks are at the age they need someone around to help.
 
jeff7b9 said:
So I am curious how this has changed based on time/generation and location/culture.
As such I will leave a few prompt questions


1- What age were you when you stopped living with your parents/family?

(For the sake of clarity let's define this as you moved out such that your primary residence was not your parents address AND either permanently continued living on your own (or with roommates)
.. lets say it is OK/counts if you moved back in at your parents at some point, but just living in a dorm then coming back to your family house doesn't count.

1b- Did you ever move back in with your parents?

2- What was the major deciding factor in your move?

(Ie, did your parents kick you out? You got married?
Moved to college but Lived there year round
_______________________________________
Edit:::

Just want to clarify that there is no judgement from me if anyone ever needed or received some help. Life is tough and finances can be very difficult to manage in this world, particularly if compounded by injury, illness or other similar of life's little surprises.

My in laws have helped me and my wife out on 2 occasions for which I am eternally grateful, first when we bought our first house, as we were moving from LA back to NJ they let us stay with them while we looked for a house and got set up with jobs, and again several years later we ran into tight finances due getting railroaded by a fucked up lawsuit situation and we (with 2 dogs and 2 young kids) moved in with them again and rented out our house for 2 years to get our finances in order.
______________________________


Bonus details:

What year did you move out?
What was your rent? (your share if you had roommates)

If you have kids, would you want the same for them or different?

Have you ever been "homeless" or some slight variant thereof, such as couchsurfing?

If you were forced out by your parents, looking back do you think it was for the best?
Do you resent being kicked out or coerced out?

If your parents kicked you out, do you feel like it was fair or reasonable?


My answers
||
V
1- What age were you when you stopped living with your parents/family?

I was 18 in 1997 when I moved out to go to Lacrosse summer preseason at Hofstra, but never lived with my parents again after that. The longest I have ever stayed with them since then is 3 days, following a major shoulder surgery.

I did not realize when I left at 18, the summer after my senior year in HS that I was moving out for good.

I pledged a fraternity my 2nd semester, and the intense schedule and sleep deprivation made it tough for me academically. As I had to maintain an overall 2.5 GPA to keep my scholarship (academic scholarship that the lacrosse coach secured for me, which was awesome because I kept that scholarship even though I only played Lax the fall season freshman year.)

To keep my GPA up, I withdrew from all but one class that semester.
Somehow I managed to get a C in calculus.

When my grades came in my parents kicked me out and told me I had to go to summer school on my own dime to make up the 4 classes I dropped. I took the maximum allowable amount of credits which was 2 condensed classes in each of the 2 summer sessions, totaling 12 credits, leveling me back to where I would have been without withdrawing. I had full time classes, 8 hours a day m-f 8-12 + 1-5 and I had to take a full time job. I managed straight A's somehow, it definitely helped that I took easy classes like human sexuality,.abnormal psychology which I was interested in and 2 language classes, I think it was Japanese and Italian.

I was given the boot that night with the money I had in my pocket, which was $20.
I had no job because I was expecting to be living at home in a different state than my college, so I took what I could get, which was school security for minimum wage... but i used that job to steal food and that is how I fed myself. I would keep tabs on school meetings, clubs and catered events and pack up the leftovers.


1b- Did you ever move back in with your parents? Nope..

2- What was the major deciding factor in your move?

Punishment for dropping classes





Bonus details:

What year did you move out? 1997


What was your rent? (your share if you had roommates)

That summer was one of 2 times I was borderline homeless.
At first I lived on an air mattress on the kitchen floor of an apartment in the GHETTO
By August I upgraded to a couch in the garage of the frat house.

Somehow I got laid all summer and would use that as an opportunity to live in the relative luxury of a girls nice clean bed with sheets. I had 3 chicks which I had recurring things going with. One catholic school chick who was also a freshman who lived nearby with her family but invited me over if her parents went away, hs sweetheart who was down for public shit like car sex, school playgrounds, Central Park.... good times, and an Asian chick who everyone thought was a nerd math genius type but was a actually a goddamn FREAK nympho


First apartments I paid for my share was $400/month


If you have kids, would you want the same for them or different?

Nope. The cost of living is so fucking out-of control now.and as I have daughters I would rather they live with me and be safe than live-in the seriously dangerous neighborhoods I had to live in with gang activity and gunshots and shit. One place I lived in the next door neighbors house got hit with 14 gunshots from a drive by on the first weekend of a 1 year lease. My lady, understandably did not like to come visit me there


My HOPE is thay I can raise my.girls to eventually be self sufficient,.but I would be more than happy to help them out for a few years while they save up money and pursue their careers. If things go perfectly to plan, which I highly doubt they will, we have a guest house 1bedroom apartment that one of them could rent to have morenindepwnxence and get used to living one their own and paying some rent (I would charged them WAY under market value, hopefully helping them to save for a down payment if they are seeking to own a home.


Have you ever been "homeless" or some slight variant thereof, such as couchsurfing?

yup. 2x. The summer i lived onnthe airmattress then the gsrage and a few years later i wound uo bsck innthe garage, sometimes sleeping in my car or sneaking into the practice rooms in college music department.

If you were forced out by your parents, looking back do you think it was for the best?

100% absolutely. It was the right thing, I deserved to be kicked out and I learned SO MUCH about myself and about life, learned how to be resourceful, gained major insight and appreciation for when things are good. Also very much learned what is I portent and what is not. Somehow being somewhat homeless and dead broke I still had one of the best summers of my life.


Do you resent being kicked out or coerced out? Nope. Fair play

If your parents kicked you out, do you feel like it was fair or reasonable?

Yup. I appreciate that they forced me to take responsibility for my actions, thay they DIDN'T bail me out and didn't therefore teach me I could fuck up and get away with it. It was a TOUGH lesson, but maybe the most valuable lesson I ever learned.

My mom cried when she saw how I was living and it all sunk in for her but even then I wasn't mad at them
Click to expand...

My mother cried at the state of a room that I was renting in Ealing. It was horrible, but I got used to it. That was a few years after I initially left Mum though.

1a) I was about 22 when I left living with Mum. Moved in with Dad for a month, stayed in a rented room for a year after that, moved back in with Dad in his new place for about two years or so after that, then moved out again.

My mother and I moved to the Isle of Wight when I was sixteen, and although I have a soft spot for it, it has very high unemployment and I had big time issues with depression and anxiety. I signed onto Jobseekers Allowance from time to time, did a stint on a sixth form college that I stopped attending, a social program for teenagers trying to get into work and a part time job as a golf ball collector on the driving range, but mostly I stayed in, playing videogames, writing stories, wanking the soul out of my body and being sad.

I signed on for this work experience thing that was funded by the National Lottery, called Not Just Enterprises. A small team of us went around the island landscape gardening. I wasn't paid, but it got me work ready. My father offered me a job as a Porter and Boots store cleaner at Gatwick Airport and as I was long bothered by not seeing any success for me on the island, I took it and moved in with him.

I paid him £300 a month and was on a £6 an hour wage, but had a massive bust up with him and had to find a rented room. He found one for me (I didn't want to go despite the room my Dad offered being shit), a single room, was a nice property, everyone was decent, and only cost £250 a month.

Once I settled in there, I was fairly content, until Dad asked me to move in with him at a new maisonette and to move jobs to Heathrow instead. I did, as our relationship was mended , I paid £350 a month, and we had a huge bust up a year or two after and I moved out immediately, this time the feelings were mutual. Moved to the shithole in Ealing and haven't lived with family since. Shithole in Ealing cost £375, then £400 just before I left it a year on.

I should have never moved back in with Dad. I took the job, sure, but Dad is dominant and I am bitter at the best of times. We're both messy and prone to depression. We get on well but explosion was always inevitable. I am best left alone and even though I paid rent and got myself going, living with family at that age still felt shameful to me.

1b) I wanted to move back in with Mum after my first night in Ealing, as my room was infested with bedbugs and I just gave up emotionally. I'd had enough. She said no, as there wasn't opportunity on the Isle of Wight and I'd stagnate again. It was the right call. Even though the room was bad, once the bedbugs were exterminated a few days later and I settled in, I was better off. People are adaptable.

2) When I moved out of Mums, it was because I had nothing going for me and Dad offered me a job. My first round with Dad? I slit my wrist with a bread knife after a big row with him and he found me a rented room elsewhere. I didn't want to go, but the decision was good for me. Second round with Dad? Huge bust up, as he wanted me to leave so he could move his girlfriend in, he said "you have a week to get out of my house you CUNT" and I said "You're dead to me" before going to Mums, organising the room in Ealing from there and only going back to Dads to collect my stuff, when he wasn't there. Didn't speak to him for a year after that and our relationship has never been the same. With that said, whilst I hated how it went down and why, I should have stayed on my own in the first place.

The fact that I was kicked out in the position that I was in, second time round, even though I agreed and stormed out myself, did make me resentful to him for a long time, as my finances were poor and I had to borrow money from Mum. A grand deposit is a lot of money when your payslips say £850 a month and you're studying. Also, it showed me that Mum was a better parent than Dad, as Mum wouldn't have cut me off like that.

Now? Twelve years have passed since I moved out/was kicked out, the second time. I'm on £40k a year, in a ten year relationship with my missus. I'm not resentful and although I hated how it all happened, I probably would be in a worse position if what happened, didn't happen. I get on well with Dad nowadays, but I don't think that he sees me as important. I'm not his son to him, even though he may call me that. I've come to terms with it.

Would I want the same for my kids? Not my path, but I do believe that leaving the roost as a young adult is vital for development and confidence. I'd try and plan ahead for it, let them know well in advance and make sure that they can stand on their own two feet, that their dwellings are good and I'd help any way I can.

Ps. Apologies for the grammar. Using the phone and autocomplete is getting worse...
 
Last edited:
18.
Moved back at 20 for 4 months then again at 34 for another 4 months(career change and pregnant wife).


Moved out cause I could, no major reason.
 
Moved out of my parents house and into a dorm when I was 17. When I graduated from school I moved back in with them for like 6 months while I got my career started.
 
Lived at home while I attended college and after graduating left at 23 to enter military service. When I was discharged I moved back home while attending graduate school and then moved out when I landed a job after graduating.
 
I was late as fuck - 21. Back then, that was crazy. Now I see people who are 30 still living at home with no plans to move out.

Sad sign of the times.
 
jeff7b9 said:
So I am curious how this has changed based on time/generation and location/culture.
As such I will leave a few prompt questions


1- What age were you when you stopped living with your parents/family?

(For the sake of clarity let's define this as you moved out such that your primary residence was not your parents address AND either permanently continued living on your own (or with roommates)
.. lets say it is OK/counts if you moved back in at your parents at some point, but just living in a dorm then coming back to your family house doesn't count.

1b- Did you ever move back in with your parents?

2- What was the major deciding factor in your move?

(Ie, did your parents kick you out? You got married?
Moved to college but Lived there year round
_______________________________________
Edit:::

Just want to clarify that there is no judgement from me if anyone ever needed or received some help. Life is tough and finances can be very difficult to manage in this world, particularly if compounded by injury, illness or other similar of life's little surprises.

My in laws have helped me and my wife out on 2 occasions for which I am eternally grateful, first when we bought our first house, as we were moving from LA back to NJ they let us stay with them while we looked for a house and got set up with jobs, and again several years later we ran into tight finances due getting railroaded by a fucked up lawsuit situation and we (with 2 dogs and 2 young kids) moved in with them again and rented out our house for 2 years to get our finances in order.
______________________________


Bonus details:

What year did you move out?
What was your rent? (your share if you had roommates)

If you have kids, would you want the same for them or different?

Have you ever been "homeless" or some slight variant thereof, such as couchsurfing?

If you were forced out by your parents, looking back do you think it was for the best?
Do you resent being kicked out or coerced out?

If your parents kicked you out, do you feel like it was fair or reasonable?


My answers
||
V
1- What age were you when you stopped living with your parents/family?

I was 18 in 1997 when I moved out to go to Lacrosse summer preseason at Hofstra, but never lived with my parents again after that. The longest I have ever stayed with them since then is 3 days, following a major shoulder surgery.

I did not realize when I left at 18, the summer after my senior year in HS that I was moving out for good.

I pledged a fraternity my 2nd semester, and the intense schedule and sleep deprivation made it tough for me academically. As I had to maintain an overall 2.5 GPA to keep my scholarship (academic scholarship that the lacrosse coach secured for me, which was awesome because I kept that scholarship even though I only played Lax the fall season freshman year.)

To keep my GPA up, I withdrew from all but one class that semester.
Somehow I managed to get a C in calculus.

When my grades came in my parents kicked me out and told me I had to go to summer school on my own dime to make up the 4 classes I dropped. I took the maximum allowable amount of credits which was 2 condensed classes in each of the 2 summer sessions, totaling 12 credits, leveling me back to where I would have been without withdrawing. I had full time classes, 8 hours a day m-f 8-12 + 1-5 and I had to take a full time job. I managed straight A's somehow, it definitely helped that I took easy classes like human sexuality,.abnormal psychology which I was interested in and 2 language classes, I think it was Japanese and Italian.

I was given the boot that night with the money I had in my pocket, which was $20.
I had no job because I was expecting to be living at home in a different state than my college, so I took what I could get, which was school security for minimum wage... but i used that job to steal food and that is how I fed myself. I would keep tabs on school meetings, clubs and catered events and pack up the leftovers.


1b- Did you ever move back in with your parents? Nope..

2- What was the major deciding factor in your move?

Punishment for dropping classes





Bonus details:

What year did you move out? 1997


What was your rent? (your share if you had roommates)

That summer was one of 2 times I was borderline homeless.
At first I lived on an air mattress on the kitchen floor of an apartment in the GHETTO
By August I upgraded to a couch in the garage of the frat house.

Somehow I got laid all summer and would use that as an opportunity to live in the relative luxury of a girls nice clean bed with sheets. I had 3 chicks which I had recurring things going with. One catholic school chick who was also a freshman who lived nearby with her family but invited me over if her parents went away, hs sweetheart who was down for public shit like car sex, school playgrounds, Central Park.... good times, and an Asian chick who everyone thought was a nerd math genius type but was a actually a goddamn FREAK nympho


First apartments I paid for my share was $400/month


If you have kids, would you want the same for them or different?

Nope. The cost of living is so fucking out-of control now.and as I have daughters I would rather they live with me and be safe than live-in the seriously dangerous neighborhoods I had to live in with gang activity and gunshots and shit. One place I lived in the next door neighbors house got hit with 14 gunshots from a drive by on the first weekend of a 1 year lease. My lady, understandably did not like to come visit me there


My HOPE is thay I can raise my.girls to eventually be self sufficient,.but I would be more than happy to help them out for a few years while they save up money and pursue their careers. If things go perfectly to plan, which I highly doubt they will, we have a guest house 1bedroom apartment that one of them could rent to have morenindepwnxence and get used to living one their own and paying some rent (I would charged them WAY under market value, hopefully helping them to save for a down payment if they are seeking to own a home.


Have you ever been "homeless" or some slight variant thereof, such as couchsurfing?

yup. 2x. The summer i lived onnthe airmattress then the gsrage and a few years later i wound uo bsck innthe garage, sometimes sleeping in my car or sneaking into the practice rooms in college music department.

If you were forced out by your parents, looking back do you think it was for the best?

100% absolutely. It was the right thing, I deserved to be kicked out and I learned SO MUCH about myself and about life, learned how to be resourceful, gained major insight and appreciation for when things are good. Also very much learned what is I portent and what is not. Somehow being somewhat homeless and dead broke I still had one of the best summers of my life.


Do you resent being kicked out or coerced out? Nope. Fair play

If your parents kicked you out, do you feel like it was fair or reasonable?

Yup. I appreciate that they forced me to take responsibility for my actions, thay they DIDN'T bail me out and didn't therefore teach me I could fuck up and get away with it. It was a TOUGH lesson, but maybe the most valuable lesson I ever learned.

My mom cried when she saw how I was living and it all sunk in for her but even then I wasn't mad at them
Click to expand...

Moving out to go live on campus at college isn't moving out imo. Neither is crashing on a friend's couch. Moving out is when you sign your first lease.
 
18. Moved out my senior year to live at a friends house. Then joined the marines and was gone for 4 years.
Moved back a few times. Once was after I got out of the marines and moved home before getting my own place. I sorta live with them now since I work close to them and my house is out of town, so my work days I stay at their place.
 
Left at 18 in 1992 for military and it was mutual. Other than holiday visits, have been on my own since, except stayed for a month at 27 before I started grad school. Had built up a lot of tension with my dad and didn't want to put up with his shit any more. Getting out and on my own made him respect me more and improved our relationship somewhat.

For my own kids, I will have failed as a father if our relationship doesn't turn out better than the one I had with my dad. I will encourage them to be self-sufficient but will be willing to help if they're headed in the right direction. I do worry more about my daughter than my son because I think it's harder for young women to just GTFO and safely do their own thing than it is for young men at that age.
 
Last edited:
ColemanwastheGOAT said:
Moving out to go live on campus at college isn't moving out imo. Neither is crashing on a friend's couch. Moving out is when you sign your first lease.
Click to expand...

Agreed but only if mommy and daddy (or someone else) is footing the bill. If you're paying for college with your own money that you saved up, or living on base because you joined the military, that's moving out IMO.
 
I was 19
Left for 6 months to live with a GF who was older than me (27)
Came back
Stayed till 26yrs old.

Should have stayed even longer tbh.

My parent live in a 4 story town house.
Had the 4th floor by myself
Had a living room and a bedroom
And used the fire exit as my personal entrance.

Only things that sucked
Closest bathroom was on the 2nd floor...
 
ChickenBrother said:
Left at 18 in 1992 for military and it was mutual. Other than holiday visits, have been on my own since, except stayed for a month at 27 before I started grad school. Had built up a lot of tension with my dad and didn't want to put up with that shit any more. Getting out and on my own made him respect me more and improved our relationship somewhat.

For my own kids, I will have failed as a father if our relationship doesn't turn out better than the one I had with my dad. I will encourage them to be self-sufficient but will be willing to help if they're headed in the right direction. I do worry more about my daughter than my son because I think it's harder for young women to just GTFO and safely do their own thing than it is for young men at that age.
Click to expand...


Good point here.
Moving out was the best thing for my relationship with my parents.
That ended the entire tension of "our roof our rules"
 
Young enough.. and once I was gone, I was gone.


Loved having my own place but learned quickly I hated living by myself, so I had roommates for a while till I found a chick to settle down with.
 
jeff7b9 said:
Good point here.
Moving out was the best thing for my relationship with my parents.
That ended the entire tension of "our roof our rules"
Click to expand...

I think timing depends on everyone's individual situation and relationship with their parents, but IMO you're not really a grown man/woman until you're self-sufficient and paying for your own shit. It's always hard at first but is like ripping off a band-aid - it has to be done at some point.
 
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