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UPDATED: Best-man no-showed birthday. RE:Losing all my friends and losing my mind

I'm not as well liked as I thought I was
There was most likely something said that was misunderstood or a behavior that has rubbed people wrong for a long time and you haven't noticed it.
It doesn't warrant their behavior and it doesn't mean you need to correct anything, but I would want to know what my crew just pulled a 180 on my wife and I.
 
Have to go with the other posters here TS. Either there is more to this story or your 'friends' are not 'friends' at all, in which case nothing of value was lost that evening. "Bros before hoes" doesn't really count here TS, this isn't some women you've been seeing for 6 months thats your wife dude and lines have been well a truely been crossed
 
er, Im not as well respected as I thought I was.... neither was my wife apparently

edit: your av is so fucking ridiculous I love it

If its a respect thing then they're respect is meaningless. You don't treat people like this. You're better off without them.
 
Watch as this guy breaks up with her (or vice-versa) and tries to act like everything is cool with you.
 
'Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do'-sit down and cry..
Don't worry,everything will be fine bro.
 
You'll be glad to be rid of those people when the smoke clears. Fuck 'friends' who put not upsetting the social dynamic over actually doing what's right.

Lend all your friends $50. The ones you never see again for shit have done you a favour. It's a good investment.
 
There was most likely something said that was misunderstood or a behavior that has rubbed people wrong for a long time and you haven't noticed it.
It doesn't warrant their behavior and it doesn't mean you need to correct anything, but I would want to know what my crew just pulled a 180 on my wife and I.

Have to go with the other posters here TS. Either there is more to this story or your 'friends' are not 'friends' at all, in which case nothing of value was lost that evening. "Bros before hoes" doesn't really count here TS, this isn't some women you've been seeing for 6 months thats your wife dude and lines have been well a truely been crossed

Definitely some 1 on 1's coming in the next couple of weeks, cause you guys are right...pretty baffling to have that many people just do a 180

Watch as this guy breaks up with her (or vice-versa) and tries to act like everything is cool with you.

oh man.

I asked the guy who was best man at my wedding (his roommate) in regards to why the girls such a hothead...and he responded with "she has a fucked up worldview from what she's told me, and I'm pretty sure shes had similar problems with so-and-so's other friends too..."


so if he does dump her ... on one hand, fucking great.... but oh boy that apology had better come tout-de-suite ... and even then.... not sure I can be friends with the guy after how this all went down
 
What I do know is that there are times in ones life where circumstance reveals the character of those around you.

At such times you can readily cut out those who are fair weather friends.

I'm 38, I have been through times of contorting myself to try and maintain friendships with people that really weren't worth it or didn't give back.

For the last decade if anyone shows as unworthy or uninterested I DTMFA (drop the motherfucker already) and move on. Sure my close friends are few, but they really matter, I seem to have a much wider friendship group too.

If these guys care about you they'll reach out. Just let it go, go your own way and remain friendly.
 
Also FWIW you seem pretty rational.
 
Not being malicious or disrespectful, but maybe your wife is the one that is disliked in the group. Might be hard for you to see since it is your wife after all.

You mentioned your wife comes off strong and like one of the guys. Maybe "majority" of the group actually condone the new girl stepping up and it is the reason no one is stepping up.

Maybe the other girl is completely wrong in this situation but your group may think its somewhat satisfying in some pent up accumilated way towards your wife.
 
Not being malicious or disrespectful, but maybe your wife is the one that is disliked in the group. Might be hard for you to see since it is your wife after all.

You mentioned your wife comes off strong and like one of the guys. Maybe "majority" of the group actually condone the new girl stepping up and it is the reason no one is stepping up.

Maybe the other girl is completely wrong in this situation but your group may think its somewhat satisfying in some pent up accumilated way towards your wife.


Very well could be. The only flaw I see in this is that my wife wasn't the one that got hit...it was my wife's best friend.

so like, yah....I guess if they really don't like my wife and are exercising some weird pent up aggression by condoning what this chick did to my wifes best friend, then I guess? ya that could be it.... but she didn't get hit.... she COULD have been the one who got hit... but her friend who came to her side got suckered instead... unless they condone it because they dont like this other friend in our group?

either way.... even if I am at odds with some people whom I'm friends with, I could never condone violence towards them in any way....so it like rattles me to my core that these people I called friends are just passively saying what the girl did to their friend is ok.


its very strange...


I take issue with my friend group for basically excusing an assault on a friend for what appears to me like some wierd cuckish reasoning PLUS

1. not offering any support to the girl that actually got hit after the fact
2. not openly discussing that what my buddys girlfriend did was unacceptable, and will not be tolerated, and that she isn't welcome around ever again
 
Would be cool if you asked them what's up then reported back with a part 2 thread.
 
Under no circumstances is you friend's GF punching your friend or threatening your wife cool. If your friend is too pussy whipped to condone that shit, screw him. If it creates tension among your friends and they allow that shit, screw them too. Don't stress about it too much. Don't be afraid to call your friends out on their bs. Allow things to sort themself out. Be prepared to learn who your real friends are and which ones you can truly rely on. Friends come and go. It's the ones that stick with you through thick and thin and show that they value your friendship as much you value theirs that worth holding on to.
 
I have to agree that at this point any type of apology is too little too late. At least the boyfriend has the excuse that he has to side with his new woman. The rest of the group has no reason whatsoever to condone this type of behavior, regardless of how they feel about either party. Cut all them fuckers out. For good.
 
this us a strange situation ts,and as others have said,it seems like something is missing. but women can and do target one another for no apparent reason(to guys anyway). if it was my wife she targeted it would have happened only once before i said " fuck you bitch" and told my buddy he was welcome round,but the skank wasn't. and if anybody else didn't like it,then fuck them to.
 
Need to rant to my late-night mayberrians because I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind here...



Brief TLDR:

a guy I know brought his new girlfriend to a rec-sport league function our friend group was attending. My wife showed up later than everyone else and my buddys girlfriend immediately started mocking her to her face. My wife ignored her and approached my friend and asked what her problem was. Buddys girlfriend went nose to nose with her and then punched my wifes best friend when she came over to break up the situation.


Background:

My buddy's been dating this girl from his work for the past 6-7 months, I've met her on 4 occasions and each time she's progressively gotten more hostile towards myself, my wife, and another couple we are friends with.

the most recent time was for a house-warming/birthday party for the Best Man of my wedding and My Buddy with the new girlfriend... my buddys girlfriend gave me shit for going to a "chain restaurant" with a gift card I had got from work for all the hardwork I'd been doing. She then ignored the 4 people I came with and then quite loudly referred to my wife as a bitch in front of the whole room, then stormed off.

My buddy never once apologized for that incident.


The night of:

So my group of friends plays in a rec-sports league and they throw a big season wrap-up party which is held like down the block from our current house....so for the last like 4 years we've hosted the pre-game party before the wrap-up and we always have a great time.

My wife and I are moving out this month so this would officially be the last pre-game party we'd be hosting as our new landlords might not take too kindly to rambunctious party animals.

So this was like the LAST pre-game for the wrap-up ever ... it was kind of a big deal that everybody came.

of course, my wife and I and the other couple who got shunned at my best mans birthday party dont really want her to come to the pre-game because we've YET to get an apology so we dont know where things stand between us and them.

Soooo we party it up, we leave the house, we go to the bar, and lo and behold my buddy is there with his girlfriend. I'm kind of confused why they went straight to the bar....but in the back of my mind i'm thinking "his girlfriend has a problem with my wife and her best friend for SOME reason and he's too chickenshit to confront the situation"

5 MINUTES OUT:

So my wife enters the bar looking for her best friends guy who's holding her ID. She asks me but I say "haven't seen him" ... so she walks to the next person she see's and asks her.... as she's asking her "have you seen so-and-so's boyfriend I need to grab so-and-so's ID?"

my buddy's girlfriend is between my wife and this other person and starts doing that thing 5 year olds do to their siblings where they emphatically mock how they're talking and roll their eyes.... to my wifes face as she's talking to someone else...

I am witnessing all of this and my wife just turns around and goes "ok...wtf was that?"
and I just go ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3 MINUTES OUT:

So my wife is fed up. this is two incredibly rude encounters with this woman. and this incident happened like 30 seconds after she stepped foot into the bar. so she goes to my buddy and confronts him about his girlfriends problem with her.

my buddy starts defending his girlfriend saying its my wifes fault or whatever.

as this goes on, this girl then steps NOSE TO NOSE with my wife and states, "i like your husband, and this person and this person, i just dont fucking like you!" quite maliciously.

so my wifes best friend see's this, steps in and tells the girl to back the fuck up, and as she says that, my buddys girlfriend just absolutely slugs her with a cheap shot....

my wifes best friend takes it like a champ and returns an even harder one back.

they separate and thats that.


1 DAY AFTER:

soooo the next day is mothers day, and I text my buddy saying. "I hope you dumped that girl on the way home dude, if my wifes best friend didn't step up, your girl would've hit my wife. And she didn't do shit, your girl has some imaginary problem with her."

obviously the message was wayyyyyyyy longer, but this is already running long. thats the TLDR

I 100% called his girlfriend a cunt and I told him he can't expect me to ever apologize for calling a spade a spade.


3 days later:

Absolutely no one in my friend group who witnessed our friend get cheapshot has asked if she's ok or anything...so I pipe up in our group chat,

TLDR: Pretty embarassed that we're all just pretending nothing happened and condoning what my buddys girlfriend did to OUR friend.

everyone ignores it, and 1 girl actually has the balls to say that my buddy is the one in the rough spot and im rude for making people talk about it in a public forum.


4 days later:

my buddy texts me back fucking finally. and essentially says my wife and her bestfriend deserved it and his girlfriend was in the right to hit her.


So I responded with "wellp so long as your still dating her I can't be your friend anymore. if so-and-so didn't tell your girl to fuck off, your cunt of a girlfriend would've hit my wife...your friend of 15 years."


WEEK LATER:

my buddy has gone on a trip to Vegas with his girlfriend and all the people I called out for condoning his girlfriends actions liked his picture he posted on instagram...


Haven't even heard from the best man of my wedding who IS his roommate and certainly would've talked about everything I said to my buddy. So I'm kind of in this fog of shock as I try to manage this move to a new house and all my friends basically burying their heads in the sand for the sake of hurting their friends feelings...


feel like if one of your friends gets cheapshot by someones brand new girlfriend, the collective mindset should be to openly discuss how that person isn't welcome at group functions/hang outs etc.... but instead they're all playing the "this is an awkward spot for my buddy and we have to respect his decision"






TLDR: The people I thought were friends are showing their true character...and I feel like I'm being treated like a pariah for being honest about a pretty black & white issue

It sounds like your friend is one of those men who can't control their women. You're better off without him.
 
Have sex with your friend in front of his gf and all your other so-called friends to establish dominance.
 
Like everyone else is saying, definitely feels like there's more to this story than you're letting on or even know about. The only way your told account makes any sense is if your buddies girlfriend is like bipolar or something. In any case, you should have given her one of these..


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