To have kids, or not to have kids...

[JonnyRingo84]

seems like this would have been posted before, but i did not see it.

I'm approaching the age where if i am going to have children, i should make it happen. however, i am just not sure that i want any. i am a VERY generous person materially, but i am extremely selfish with my time. i enjoy being independent, and i know that having kids would change my ability to be that way, dramatically. with that said, i do often enjoy being around kids, and there are things about being a parent that would seem very fulfilling.

so my question is from those who may have had a similar experience, do you think i'd regret such a decision, to not have children? and no need to point out that this would vary from person to person; that is obvious.

there are also studies like this that pop up from time to time:

http://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/20...ign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20150821

couples in Germany who have recently had a first child report overall life satisfaction declines that are, on average, substantially greater than those reported by people who have experienced the death of a loved one, divorce or unemployment.

Maybe the thing is that being a parent gets better so fast that we sort of forget how hard it was at first.

 

[thebluerider]

i'll procreate in the next couple of years. now that i don't drink i need something to do. that german study sounds fishy imo.

 

[zackryder]

dont let the dumb ppl take over the world

 

[Jack Handy jr]

join the club bro.

 

[greygoose]

Long story short, when I was in college, I was pro not having kids. Now that my wife and I had our first child almost 2 years ago, I'd say my stance has changed for the better. Yeah, you have to sacrifice many of things you enjoy, but watching your kid develop is pretty amazing

 

[Horse Style]

lol this topic again. This is the new tipping thread

 

[brownfeet]

I dont want any, now got to convince the wife to not want any either

 

[Lethal_Striker]

If you could just skip to them being around 5 or 6 years old it doesn't seem like it would be all that bad, but since you can't skip over the pain in the ass years I'll pass.

 

[5H3RD0G]

Study up on parenting and the perils and joys and judge for yourself if you can handle this grand duty. :icon_chee

 

[Dogstarman]

If you could just skip to them being around 5 or 6 years old it doesn't seem like it would be all that bad, but since you can't skip over the pain in the ass years I'll pass.

It's important to have them when they are little so they can get used to your way of life. It's stupid to want a grown kid. Watching your kids grow up is heart warming and heart breaking.

Sure there are times when I wish I had my own time, but spending time withy family outweighs any of that. I used to be selfish, but now my son does bjj with me and we play video games together. It's great. My daughter is just super special. She's daddy's little girl. You don't understand until you hold your own children in your arms.

It's not easy but I think it's pretty great.

 

[osudude]

If you could just skip to them being around 5 or 6 years old it doesn't seem like it would be all that bad, but since you can't skip over the pain in the ass years I'll pass.

I've had two and I wouldn't give up any time period I've had so far. Granted, my oldest is only 4, but I've enjoyed every minute. Some periods are better than others, but they're all rewarding, IMO.

 

[ndwolfwood]

http://www.amazon.com/Selfish-Reasons-Have-More-Kids-ebook/dp/B004OA64Q6

Bryan Caplan (a great economist) makes really good, researched points about how the benefits of having kids outweigh the negatives.

But if you don't want to further your genes, nbd, less competition for my delicious genes.

 

[fightingrabbit]

If you don't want kids then don't have them. Wtf kind of question is that? You're going to take the advice of a bunch of random internet strangers on whether you should bring a child into this world? Do you also ask for help on whether you want to be buried or cremated?

How is that fair to your kid when you're sitting there thinking "I had to have you" instead of "I wanted to have you".

 

[ripskater]

seems like this would have been posted before, but i did not see it.

I'm approaching the age where if i am going to have children, i should make it happen. however, i am just not sure that i want any. i am a VERY generous person materially, but i am extremely selfish with my time. i enjoy being independent, and i know that having kids would change my ability to be that way, dramatically.

I understand, but I wouldn't have kids yet after seeing you say this. I would wait if I were you.

 

[Bloody Pulp]

Getting a tight hug around the neck by 1 year old son > all that other stuff.

 

[jackietreehorn8]

i am a VERY generous person materially, but i am extremely selfish with my time. i enjoy being independent, and i know that having kids would change my ability to be that way, dramatically. with that said, i do often enjoy being around kids, and there are things about being a parent that would seem very fulfilling.

Nobody can really answer this for you, but I have 3 so I'll mention a couple things...

- Are you with the right babe? Are you in a good committed marriage to a girl who will make a good mother? This can make things so so so so much easier on a waffler like yourself. She can do most of the heavy lifting, and you're there to bail her out when she's at wits end and do the fun dad stuff. If you're with some flake or some narcissist or spaz babe, parenting is going to be tough sledding. Be honest when you assess her ability to mother.

- One child, between two adults, is not really the time suck it's made out to be. It can be, but it doesn't have to be if you and the wife manage things that way. Young kids go to bed early, you'll have all night without them. One kid only needs one person to monitor them (and that's only up until like age 7 whereupon they require much less supervision), leaving the other freed up. Two kids and beyond...the story changes and you really are far more committed time and money wise to the whole thing. But with one it's very feasible to keep a pretty active social life and not necessarily have to give up a bunch of shit that you currently enjoy.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

I look at people with kids and I'm the least bit envious of their lives.

Looks horrible actually.

 

[Jermei]

I have an 8 week old daughter and its crazy how much I love her. She brought tears to my eyes about an hour ago just by smiling at me... be warned though, the journey from conception to birth and beyond cannot be prepared for and is the right of passage for all parents. Do it.

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

I'd rather spend my time and money on other things.

 

[jackietreehorn8]

If you don't want kids then don't have them. Wtf kind of question is that? You're going to take the advice of a bunch of random internet strangers on whether you should bring a child into this world?

You don't think it's a good idea to talk to other parents when you're deciding whether or not to become one yourself?