The trials and tribulations of eating Ritz Bits cheese cracker sandwiches

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by Clippy, Aug 14, 2018.

  1. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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    Low and behold the might, the prestige and alure of the glorious

    [​IMG]

    They're so good, so fun , the perfect ratio of cheese and cracker pour em out and:

    [​IMG]

    Yeah like that ever happens.

    In a perfect world one would think this happens but it never does. There's always lone halves with missing other halves

    And there in begins the struggle

    Nobody wants to eat a half ritz sandwich cracker, it's like making a sandwich with one piece of bread so what do you do?

    Put it aside on your arm chair and wait for another half, there's one, put it together

    NO

    why

    because each halve has no cheese on it

    <34>

    It's bad enough they break apart for no reason but they don't break symmetrically (omg I spelled that word right) each half is menacing in it's torment

    Now on your arm chair you have two cheese-less crackers that can't make a sandwich

    You wait and dig into the box and get a cracker that has only SOME cheese on it

    Well you can't make a sandwich until you get another cracker with the same attributes

    A full cheese cracker arrives and you can combine it with a no cheese cracker, but can't combine two half cheese crackers

    and what about broken crackers? Another can of worms

    this is like opening Pandora's Box!!!

    Now your arm chair is full of miscellaneous crackers as you try to keep everything sorted but you're quickly running out of real estate. Each rock sends the crackers closer to peril. Cats circle you waiting for their chance.

    A delicious treat once full of wonderment and intrigue is lost as soon as you open the package and stick your hand in there.

    I just wish they could get their act together in the factory and not put me through this, but nobody complains and we're stuck with the seeds we sow

    Funny cheese can both hold and divide at the same time

    I'm still going to keep eating these tho
     
  2. Tone C Silver Belt

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    You have waaayyyyy too much free time...
     
  3. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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    No I don't, I'm too busy trying to assemble broken Ritz cheese crackers all day
     
  4. Legumes Freshest ham @ the deli.

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    Handi-snacks shit all over ritz bits! Mmm, processed goo.
     
  5. SammyPops Gold Belt

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    Polish sausage and cheese cracker sammies >>>>>>
     
  6. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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    These?

    [​IMG]

    Yeah all fun and games until you break a bread stick mid dip

    :mad:

    also the pressure is on trying to accurately dip 1/8th of the cheese inventory each time

    It's so hard to proportionally consume these
     
  7. yamahacrasher Blue Belt

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    [​IMG]
    GOAT Ritz snack cracker.
     
  8. Legumes Freshest ham @ the deli.

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    The ones with the flat crackers, not the bread sticks. I just had some of those for the first time in a few years and they've removed the little red plastic cheese applicator stick from them. A quick search showed some reply from Ritz saying they removed it to be more eco-friendly.
     
  9. Renard Red Belt

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    Ritz don't have enough cheese filling. Ritz aren't sending us their best.
     
  10. Kaybee Arianator Belt Staff Member Senior Moderator

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    <DCWhoa>
    I totally forgot about those things! Do they even make them anymore?

    I remember their commercials as a kid
     
  11. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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    THAT IS HORSE SHIT

    Those crackers don't have the structural integrity to self apply the cheese spread cause they break each time

    what what are you suppose to use outside tools to aide in the process?

    Terrible cheap bastards
     
  12. Legumes Freshest ham @ the deli.

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    I don't have proof to back it up, but the cheese seemed to have a lot softer consistency without the stick. I only broke one cracker while eating a couple of packs of the last week or two.
     
  13. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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  14. Legumes Freshest ham @ the deli.

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    The first reply there had me laughing.

     
  15. rj144 Gold Belt

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    So, many things wrong with the OP.

    They are not the perfect ratio. Not even close....not enough filling. For that reason, I normally don't get them.

    But, when I do, they are mostly fine. I think it's the Canadian version that's messed up.
     
  16. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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  17. Yeah Brown Belt

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    Where is the cheese
     
  18. Agent Mulder's Hair Banned Banned

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  19. Clippy Do I amaze you?

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    Get out of here with your runny bullshit cheese
     
  20. C-H-L Cool Hand (Just the Flu)ke

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    is it even cheese?
     

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