@weed @Limbo Pete I've been inspired to take a hand at it. Going for an honorable mention award here.
A Christmas Tale
@Amerikuracana sat eating banana, happy and content, down with the peel he went.
"Enjoying yourself?" said his elf on the shelf.
"Yo, it's good, my homie; but no homo, you follow me?"
First, the elf nodded, then he said with a sigh, "Sod it," and left the shelf--he could fly! The elf darted round, sometimes skimming the ground, at others buzzing homie's head. Fin'ly settled on a shoulder, in a tone that could be no colder, he said, "What's that odor? Could be mold I suppose or..." He would not get to finish--unlike homie frequently did, sadly for his bishes, dumb-ass witches--for sadly he only had so much time for this shit.