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The laws of God

Discussion in 'Archives' started by skyboat, Jul 16, 2002.

  1. skyboat

    skyboat Fear God

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    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

    1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

    4) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    5) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    7) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some room for negotiation here?


    8) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?


    9) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
     
  2. FightTilYouDie

    FightTilYouDie Old Skool Superstar

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    HAHAHA I read that shit somewhere, but since i haven't read the bible, I can't make a judgment call about its accuracy.

    Can anybody more knowledgeable confirm/deny?
     
  3. RAZOR1

    RAZOR1 Blue Collar

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    Ask Red Dragon he is the Heavyweight fucking kingpin of Christianity and its vitriolic virtues.


    I think its a great read, the guy who wrote it is definitely the JD Salinger of his time.
     
  4. skyboat

    skyboat Fear God

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    I got it from forbiddencompounds, dont know wher they got it from though :D
     
  5. Matt in Oz

    Matt in Oz Blue Belt

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    I checked the slavery and cutting the hair at your temples ones, and they are true. There's worse shit than that in the Bible, though.

    It's all easy to check just look it up at:

    http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible

    I go for the New International Version, when I'm annoying Christians, because the language is easy to follow.

    Here's a couple of slavery ones:
    Leviticus 25:44
    Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves.

    Leviticus 25:46
    You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.


    Numbers and Deuteronomy contain some genocidal shit that would make Hitler blush. Check them out.
     
  6. FightTilYouDie

    FightTilYouDie Old Skool Superstar

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    Red dragon is bible knowledgeable, but I fear biasness.

    Damn matt, that's some fucked up shit, I always wanted to read the bible for general education purposes, but that definitely sparked my interest now.
     
  7. Matt in Oz

    Matt in Oz Blue Belt

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    Here's another one for you:
    Deuteronomy 7:1-2
    1 When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations-the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you- 2 and when the Lord your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. [1] Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.
     
  8. bruise lee

    bruise lee Orange Belt

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    the bible definately needs some editting. i've been reading this book lately. ethics for the new millenium, by the dalai lama. its virtually another bible written by another jesus for the times.
     
  9. LeftBench

    LeftBench Red Belt

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    That's some crazy shit.
     
  10. computer fogie

    computer fogie Senior Moderator Senior Moderator

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    Wow. I never knew the bible had so much crazy shit in it. That stuff really makes Jesus' quotes stand out for their simple common sense. It's clearer to me now why he was persecuted for his ideas, a lot of highly thought-of people of the day were barbarians by our standards.

    In an insane world, a sane man must appear insane.
     
  11. Matt in Oz

    Matt in Oz Blue Belt

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    Actually the oldest text of the New Testament that we have is the King James Version. In that there are more than 3000 cases of editing, written in at least 8 different peoples handwriting. :confused:

    I'm sure they were all inspired by God, though. It's just that he kept changing his mind.:D
     
  12. computer fogie

    computer fogie Senior Moderator Senior Moderator

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    Our constitution is getting to be like that. That's my only politically incorrect comment today.
     
  13. Matt in Oz

    Matt in Oz Blue Belt

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    I've got another quote:

    "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians,
    Your christians are so unlike your christ"
    [Mahatma Gandhi]

    A bit of a generalisation (I'm English hence the s in generalise), there are a lot of nice Christians, but there's a lot who're not.

    Also, for anyone who likes to upset religious people:
    http://www.math.unl.edu/~augustyn/godisdead.html
     
  14. Meat Fist

    Meat Fist Senior Administrator Senior Administrator

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    Jesus H. Christ, we all know the Devil can quote the bible to his own ends, I don't see the fuss. The Good Book is riddled with this shit, pick it up anywhere and point your finger. The trouble comes with fundamentalists pro and con. These literary zingers from the bible aren't half as offensive as the major philosophical atrocities such as Abraham's slaughter of his son because he heard the "voice of God!" etc. We're frying people today for saying the same thing, rightfully so.

    As for Dr. Laura. She strives to be a modern day Joan of Arc, minus the integrity, vision and willingness to lead the charge. She doesn't have the balls to burn, as I would willingly prove to the world as I entinguished my smouldering cigar in her evil blind eyes.
     
  15. el principe

    el principe Orange Belt

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    I'm still wondering how many versions of the bible exist. And who the hell wrote them too? It sure wasn't God.
     
  16. Matt in Oz

    Matt in Oz Blue Belt

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    :D :D :D I just do it cos I like an argument. It's also fun to find out how many Jehovah's witnesses who believe in every word of the Bible didn't bother to read it first before deciding that.:p
     
  17. computer fogie

    computer fogie Senior Moderator Senior Moderator

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    I'll double my sherdog server donation if they force Meat Fist (Drunken or not) to provide at least 1 post for every thread in OT. Give him a flashing titanium belt, a 100mB mpeg avatar, whatever he wants. High comedy is hard to find at this hour!
     
  18. Drunken Meat Fist

    Drunken Meat Fist FloobyDoop Senior Administrator

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    Matt in Ozzy, I know you didn't just call me a Jehovah's Witness. What I witness is my own business and is filtered through a wholly different pathology.

    There are as many versions of the bible as there are people who read it. It's just another good painting, the eyes are the purveyor not the author.
     
  19. computer fogie

    computer fogie Senior Moderator Senior Moderator

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    Meat, I noticed you just became Drunken in the last few minutes. What are your criteria for becoming Drunken? You don't sound impaired now, solid as ever. Is there a test you administer to yourself? I wish I could be that sure of exactly when I cross that threshold.
     
  20. Matt in Oz

    Matt in Oz Blue Belt

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    I definitely didn't. :confused:
    I was talking more about the people who come to my door or stop me when I get off the train. Like I said I only do it because arguing's fun.

    I've got no problem with anyone's beliefs as long as they don't get upset if my beliefs remain different from their's after they try to convert me.

    For the record I agree with the sentiment from the above quote, wholeheartedly and I had a giggle.
     

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