The addiction/depression thread.

[That209]

I dont get why people are addicted to coke and drugs like that. I have tried coke twice and never got addicted to it. Dont be offended by this but are people who use Coke, Meth and these other drugs that weak? I am certain it is to some chemical unbalance but a strong individual would be able to kick the habit if they'd used it.

This is a very very long post so i don't blame you if you don't read it, but as an addict, let me explain why it's so difficult to stop for some of us --

Use it enough time and odds are you'll end up addicted, especially if it's opiates or benzos (Xanax, Klonopin, etc). For most addicts, it's not actually the high that keeps them addicted, it's the withdrawal. With benzos and opiates, the withdrawal is just insane. Most keep using to avoid the sickness of not having anything both mentally and physically. If the withdrawal wasn't so bad, people wouldn't have as much trouble getting off. At first you love the high and keep using for that, then your tolerance goes up and you need more of the drug to get that same high you once had. Then it's eventually 'just getting by', it's not just the high anymore, it's avoiding being sick.

You won't really understand it unless you've went through it. The whole mentally weak/mentally strong thing doesn't really work when it comes to this, not in every case. There's many factors to it that I could explain but it'd take awhile. It's something you have to experience to truly understand. The withdrawal for some drugs is really that bad, that getting off is the toughest fight of your life. Getting clean is one of the most difficult things you could possibly do, especially if you're trying to get off opiates (OxyContin, heroin, etc). That's why I hate when people say addicts are mentally weak because really that's not exactly what it comes down to.

The people that say this, I'd love to see them try to get off heroin cold turkey. It's extremely painful physically and mentally. Getting clean is one thing, staying clean is something else. For addicts, sometimes staying clean is like pure hell. The drugs they were taking became a big part of their life and living without it is fucking hard, I know from experience, obviously. It's always on your mind no matter what. You could be watching a movie, playing games, hanging out with friends, etc, but in your mind you'll end up thinking "this would be so much better if I had some pills or a shot" (shot meaning injection, I never injected, never will, used for 6 years).

It's things like that. Every little thing a former addict does after getting clean.. "this would be so much better if I took a few lines", and these thoughts can last for years for some. If you get into the real specifics behind it, these drugs effect the brain and release something called dopamine which is known as pleasure. When you take drugs (opiates, coke, meth, even weed), it releases dopamine, when you have sex, it releases dopamine. When you become dependent on a drug, your brain actually starts to rely on it for releasing dopamine in the brain. When your tolerance goes up, you need more of the drug because if you take too little of it, the dopamine is not being released and you feel extremely depressed, so that's why an addict feels so awful mentally without the substance they're addicted to.

It works similarly to how using steroids effects your body, if that makes sense. If you use roids, your body becomes dependent on it and stops producing testosterone by itself. It relies on the roids you were taking to do that for you, so when you stop taking roids, your body gets fucked up and estrogen rises instead If I remember correctly, which makes people get on TRT to fix their levels and such.

Your brain does the same thing with dopamine, as I said. That's some of the science behind what's happening when you take drugs, become dependent on them and stop taking them. The brain basically being sapped of dopamine fucks you up mentally making you more depressed than basically ever. Some people seriously consider suicide because of it, again, I know from experience.

Hopefully this explained things well enough and shows why the 'mentally weak/mentally strong' stuff doesn't tell the story of what's really going on. Also I know you said you weren't trying to offend anybody, i didn't take it the wrong way.

Sorry for the super long post.

 

[ConnorMacGregod]

This is a very very long post so i don't blame you if you don't read it, but as an addict, let me explain why it's so difficult to stop for some of us --

Use it enough time and odds are you'll end up addicted, especially if it's opiates or benzos (Xanax, Klonopin, etc). For most addicts, it's not actually the high that keeps them addicted, it's the withdrawal. With benzos and opiates, the withdrawal is just insane. Most keep using to avoid the sickness of not having anything both mentally and physically. If the withdrawal wasn't so bad, people wouldn't have as much trouble getting off. At first you love the high and keep using for that, then your tolerance goes up and you need more of the drug to get that same high you once had. Then it's eventually 'just getting by', it's not just the high anymore, it's avoiding being sick.

You won't really understand it unless you've went through it. The whole mentally weak/mentally strong thing doesn't really work when it comes to this, not in every case. There's many factors to it that I could explain but it'd take awhile. It's something you have to experience to truly understand. The withdrawal for some drugs is really that bad, that getting off is the toughest fight of your life. Getting clean is one of the most difficult things you could possibly do, especially if you're trying to get off opiates (OxyContin, heroin, etc). That's why I hate when people say addicts are mentally weak because really that's not exactly what it comes down to.

The people that say this, I'd love to see them try to get off heroin cold turkey. It's extremely painful physically and mentally. Getting clean is one thing, staying clean is something else. For addicts, sometimes staying clean is like pure hell. The drugs they were taking became a big part of their life and living without it is fucking hard, I know from experience, obviously. It's always on your mind no matter what. You could be watching a movie, playing games, hanging out with friends, etc, but in your mind you'll end up thinking "this would be so much better if I had some pills or a shot" (shot meaning injection, I never injected, never will, used for 6 years).

It's things like that. Every little thing a former addict does after getting clean.. "this would be so much better if I took a few lines", and these thoughts can last for years for some. If you get into the real specifics behind it, these drugs effect the brain and release something called dopamine which is known as pleasure. When you take drugs (opiates, coke, meth, even weed), it releases dopamine, when you have sex, it releases dopamine. When you become dependent on a drug, your brain actually starts to rely on it for releasing dopamine in the brain. When your tolerance goes up, you need more of the drug because if you take too little of it, the dopamine is not being released and you feel extremely depressed, so that's why an addict feels so awful mentally without the substance they're addicted to.

It works similarly to how using steroids effects your body, if that makes sense. If you use roids, your body becomes dependent on it and stops producing testosterone by itself. It relies on the roids you were taking to do that for you, so when you stop taking roids, your body gets fucked up and estrogen rises instead If I remember correctly, which makes people get on TRT to fix their levels and such.

Your brain does the same thing with dopamine, as I said. That's some of the science behind what's happening when you take drugs, become dependent on them and stop taking them. The brain basically being sapped of dopamine fucks you up mentally making you more depressed than basically ever. Some people seriously consider suicide because of it, again, I know from experience.

Hopefully this explained things well enough and shows why the 'mentally weak/mentally strong' stuff doesn't tell the story of what's really going on. Also I know you said you weren't trying to offend anybody, i didn't take it the wrong way.

Sorry for the super long post.

This was a pretty good read. I see your point though how your brain fucks with you and the chemical dependence of drugs due to the withdrawals and how it becomes less and less effective on getting the same high as you used to get.

I probably said what I said due to never being in that situation like someone like you have been in.

 

[Rav1nHunter]

$1200 a G for coke in my neck of the woods only rich people can afford to get addicted.

Ice is a major problem around here heaps of my construction guys are on the pipe.

 

[danny23]

 

[That209]

This was a pretty good read. I see your point though how your brain fucks with you and the chemical dependence of drugs due to the withdrawals and how it becomes less and less effective on getting the same high as you used to get.

I probably said what I said due to never being in that situation like someone like you have been in.

Another long one, but this'll be the last one since I don't want to talk you and everybody else to death with nonstop 1 million word posts like I usually do 'round here.

That's really what's going on when you're taking drugs. A lot of people look down on addicts as if they're bad people simply because they use drugs but they need to understand what's happening in the brain when someone takes something and why it's so addictive. Certain drugs actually release like 10x more dopamine than sex does, so it's understandable why people get addicted to that high. Once the tolerance goes up, for many addicts it becomes a hunt for the high they used to get when they first started taking what ever they got hooked on and after awhile that becomes difficult for some.

It's also why some people overdose. They were chasing that amazing high they used to get and end up overdoing it accidentally. It annoys me when people look down on all addicts as if they're all bad people but they're not. There's tons of addicts that are real pieces of shit and deserve all the backlash they get for stealing from family, friends, robbing pharmacies or other stores for money to buy drugs, etc. Not all of us are like that, though. There's some people you'd never know are addicts unless they told you. Some are functioning addicts that have families and do just fine in life overall, and some aren't really functioning addicts but they don't steal from their friends and family or rob pharmacies/stores and such.

A lot of things are changing now for addicts where treatment is finally becoming more accessible. Addicts aren't being demonized as much anymore and seen as people with an illness that need help. It's exactly what they need. Before this, like I said, almost all addicts were seen as bad people and left on their own. Treatment wasn't as easily available, they were basically fucked. Today, addicts are finally getting treated right like any person should be treated both as a human being and someone that just needs help for their issue(s). Unfortunately, some addicts are being tossed in prison because we live in a punishment society instead of a rehabilitation society, if that makes sense.

Punishing addicts doesn't help, it often makes shit worse. It's usually easier to get drugs in prison than it is on the street ffs. Addicts shouldn't be punished (unless they're a criminal, robbing people n shit), but given help. Not all addicts want help though 'cause they can't admit they have an issue or they're just not ready to stop. Not being ready to stop is something all addicts go through, I've been through it myself. We all want to live normal lives, we don't want to be on drugs forever, we all want to stop but wanting to stop and being ready to stop are two very different things. When it comes to drug addiction, there's so much to it that most people can't even begin to understand.

There's so many factors to it and sometimes words can't really explain it, instead, sometimes, it's one of those things one must experience for themselves in order to really understand what hardcore addicts go through every day for sometimes years and years. It's not an enjoyable lifestyle. No addict really enjoys the lifestyle. Most of us hate ourselves for having to rely on such things just to feel normal. That's what it usually comes down to for every addict after awhile. Like I said, at first it's about getting high, then it's about not getting sick and just getting by, just being able to feel normal and not like complete shit, bit of course they're still hunting that high they once had.

For me, I hate the withdrawal far more than I ever loved the high. I hate being addicted to opiates, but I'm not going to lie and say I don't enjoy the high because I do enjoy it very much. I don't like saying that because I know it makes me looo bad, but it's true. Drugs make you feel good, especially opiates. I really wish I just stuck to weed. My life wouldn't be so fucked if I never took any of these pills. I wish I only took it twice like you did with coke and never went back. I had my reasons at the time when I started self-medicating though, it wasn't for fun, it was to get my mind off of something and it worked at the time.

Then it created something so much worse - an addiction that is still plaguing me 6 1/2 years later (reason I started is 'cause my gf or 2 years broke up with me n fucked some guy my gf before her had cheated on me with, that's why I went to drugs, I only take opiates and been on it for about 6 1/2 years as I said, but I used to be worse 'cause I used to mix it with coke, liquor and tons of weed everyday for about a year, so when I talk about abusing my body..)

I guess I'll cut it off here. I could say so much more but I have to stop myself, lol. Another classic That209 post.

/rant

 

[The Diplomat]

Anyone who thinks Robin Williams had beaten depression and that he had it all never looked into his eyes. That dog was hurting from the beginning till the end.



That's terrible dude. In a sense we all are, but I hope you find some distraction along the way.

Yeah, I never figured he was really happy. Much like Jim Carrey, who suffers from depression. I keep waiting to hear something about him...

 

[SugarKrok]

View attachment 281161

That's fair and definitely an accurate depiction of where depression and addiction could lead. In that case those things won't really help. To be fair though, if you're not taking part in any outside activities, I find strangers and such to be quite cold and distance in my city. The difference between here and some places in the USA or abroad was really eye opening. People just aren't as friendly and are very guarded here. At the end of the day, In kind of blame the internet since it has allowed people to fall into complete isolation without th usual total lack of interaction that follows.

 

[Gazwald]

I'm down to 15 units of alcohol per day. Was drinking 70+ a fortnight or so ago. Reducing has been hell. Waking up every morning at 4.30am. DTs kick in, no way I'm getting back to sleep. Loading myself up with vitamins, trying to keep hydrated and eat even if I don't have the appetite. I should be fine in a few days but having to do this with no medication has been a white knuckle ride. Detoxing from the drug your addicted to using the drug your addicted to... Well, you can imagine... I've been disciplined enough however and seem to be coming out the other side. Feeling better today. Only had the one can so far and the shakes/sweats are way better than they were.

 

[mushishi]

I didn't want to say this because it makes me feel like a piece of shit, but I relapsed a few weeks ago (opioids). I've dealt with depression for most of my life and actually have suicidal thoughts pretty often, but more these days than I ever have before. For some reason I'm getting worse when it comes to those kind of thoughts. My health is actually fucked up because of all the abuse I've put my body through over the years and finding help to see what's wrong isn't as easy as it sounds, so it seems hopeless and feeling like shit both physically and emotionally for so long takes its toll.

I'm worried one of these days I'm not going to wake up because of how I feel all the time, unfortunately nobody takes me seriously because I'm only 24. I'm young, so there can't possibly be anything wrong with me. That's how family looks at it and likely all the asshole doctors I've seen. When there's something wrong with you (health wise), you can feel it. You can feel there's something wrong. People shouldn't feel sick most of the time, puking blood, sudden, brutal headaches, pain in limbs, fucked up breathing, chest pain, etc, is that normal for a 24 year old?

Apparently there's nothing wrong with me though in my family's blind eyes. I've never really been close with anybody in my family besides my brother and father, so the rest (aunts, grandparents) don't give a fuck. Long before I got into drugs to self medicate, my family fucked off. They're a bunch of selfish cunts though anyway, so it's whatever. I could go on and on and actually be detailed, but I guess this is long enough and personal enough.

(I kept writing so I guess it wasn't long enough, lol)

Feel like taking a bunch of morphine and going to sleep half the time but I know it's not the right decision. I have the thoughts often but I know it's not the answer to anything, it's a waste. Even though I know that, no matter what I've done in life, I never was happy. I've been depressed since I was a little kid for fuck's sake and I don't know why. One day after school (like grade 5 or 6), when I got home I went to the kitchen and put a knife to my throat and I don't even know why. I just stood there until my brother got home. I still don't know why I did it. It literally just came over me as soon as I got in the door.

That day wasn't bad at all, it was a normal school day. Nothing bad happened, yet when I got home I went and did that and can't explain why, it just came over me. Another time I filled up the bathtub and planned to drown myself, wrote a note and everything (I was 14 at the time) but my dad came home suddenly, read that note and found me in my room in my closet just sitting there, but it was the look in his face, in his eyes as he was tearing up that got to me most, made me feel very guilty.

Then I had to go to the psych ward or whatever in the hospital for like 2 weeks. I guess I'll stop here since I think I went a little far. I'm not the only one this way though on here clearly as evidenced by this thread and BEER's thread the other day. In my opinion, I already killed myself, I just did it slowly through the abuse I put my body through. Now I'm always feeling sick but that's what happens when you're taking hard drugs and mixing them for years and years.

You get one life so if anybody read this, don't make the same stupid mistakes I did. Ones health is something most take for granted. Your health is worth more than anything else in this world. No amount of money, possessions, etc, comes close to your health. Some here know exactly what I'm talking about, some don't, so believe me when I say that. I wish I took care of myself instead of letting the depression get the best of me/beat me.

Thanks for bring so brutally honest, it definitely help folk in similar situations. Most people can't empathize unless they actually go through something similsr, so dont feel bad about your family. Dont really have any advice, just don't accept your current condition as permanent; it's not. Dont believe that lie. Seek out a support group. Stop destructive behaviors, and replace with healthier ones. Get exercise. Walk 10 minutes every day. You can and will get better. You can do it! I believe in you.

 

[Phlog]

I'm down to 15 units of alcohol per day. Was drinking 70+ a fortnight or so ago. Reducing has been hell. Waking up every morning at 4.30am. DTs kick in, no way I'm getting back to sleep. Loading myself up with vitamins, trying to keep hydrated and eat even if I don't have the appetite. I should be fine in a few days but having to do this with no medication has been a white knuckle ride. Detoxing from the drug your addicted to using the drug your addicted to... Well, you can imagine... I've been disciplined enough however and seem to be coming out the other side. Feeling better today. Only had the one can so far and the shakes/sweats are way better than they were.

That is fucking hardcore man. I got nothing for you, you're already nailing it.

 

[Gazwald]

That is fucking hardcore man. I got nothing for you, you're already nailing it.

"Patients suffering with delirium tremmers must be monitored at all times in hospita and medicated with benzodiazepines. Even so, when alcohol withdrawal reaches the seriousness of delirium tremmers, the condition still carries a mortality of 10-15%"

No medication, at home, mostly on my own. Nearly there, 2 cans tonight and I'll be down to 12 units. Which is pretty much back to the safe zone. Thinking of going alcohol free on Saturday/Sunday.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

 

[45ACP]

Went skateboarding with a couple friends last night then to the bar for food and I only had one beer and went home. Didn't wake up hungover on the couch this morning for the first time in like 2 weeks. Even did some of the dishes in the sink before I went to bed so I guess that's progress.

The depression is pretty intense though, apparently I'm not hiding it as well as I normally do. People have been asking me what's wrong and if I'm ok. I'm withdrawn, un-talkative, can't seem to smile or laugh, and don't find any enjoyment doing things that I love to do. Everything just feels pointless now like I'm just going through the motions.

Fake it til you make it, I guess.

 

[Phlog]

"Patients suffering with delirium tremmers must be monitored at all times in hospita and medicated with benzodiazepines. Even so, when alcohol withdrawal reaches the seriousness of delirium tremmers, the condition still carries a mortality of 10-15%"

No medication, at home, mostly on my own. Nearly there, 2 cans tonight and I'll be down to 12 units. Which is pretty much back to the safe zone. Thinking of going alcohol free on Saturday/Sunday.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

No worries man, you're effort is inspirational.

 

[TrippleOG]

Went skateboarding with a couple friends last night then to the bar for food and I only had one beer and went home. Didn't wake up hungover on the couch this morning for the first time in like 2 weeks. Even did some of the dishes in the sink before I went to bed so I guess that's progress.

The depression is pretty intense though, apparently I'm not hiding it as well as I normally do. People have been asking me what's wrong and if I'm ok. I'm withdrawn, un-talkative, can't seem to smile or laugh, and don't find any enjoyment doing things that I love to do. Everything just feels pointless now like I'm just going through the motions.

Fake it til you make it, I guess.

Same here, people at work know I'm depressed and unhappy also which really sucks.
My problem is getting rid of negative thoughts, dwelling on the past, frustration from ending up in a cubicle.

Weed doesn't help anymore. Thankfully I don't drink. The main thing is staying away from pills. I'm an addict waiting to happen..

 

[TheNinja]

I'm finally going to see the doctor tomorrow to get help.

 

[Stargazer Rex]

I'm down to 15 units of alcohol per day. Was drinking 70+ a fortnight or so ago. Reducing has been hell. Waking up every morning at 4.30am. DTs kick in, no way I'm getting back to sleep. Loading myself up with vitamins, trying to keep hydrated and eat even if I don't have the appetite. I should be fine in a few days but having to do this with no medication has been a white knuckle ride. Detoxing from the drug your addicted to using the drug your addicted to... Well, you can imagine... I've been disciplined enough however and seem to be coming out the other side. Feeling better today. Only had the one can so far and the shakes/sweats are way better than they were.

That's good, man. Keep it up, are you going to get some kind of after care though like AA? It's hard not relapse unless you are in some kind of program.

 

[Gazwald]

That's good, man. Keep it up, are you going to get some kind of after care though like AA? It's hard not relapse unless you are in some kind of program.

Yeh that's my problem. I go to AA sometimes for solidarity and support, but fuck the 12 step programme. I just need to replace alcohol with other things, whatever they may be. I've seen people replace alcohol with AA, and tbh I don't envy them. Strategy that's worked for me in the past; work long hours in a job where you can't drink and work safely/competently. I can't do that anymore physically, so we'll have to see what happens.

My motivation to be sober isn't in question. My ability to keep occupied and stay sober has always been the problem.

 

[TheNinja]

Yeh that's my problem. I go to AA sometimes for solidarity and support, but fuck the 12 step programme. I just need to replace alcohol with other things, whatever they may be. I've seen people replace alcohol with AA, and tbh I don't envy them. Strategy that's worked for me in the past; work long hours in a job where you can't drink and work safely/competently. I can't do that anymore physically, so we'll have to see what happens.

My motivation to be sober isn't in question. My ability to keep occupied and stay sober has always been the problem.

I hear ya Sherbro! I'm on a 6 day bender right now....nonstop. I literally can't quit drinking or I'll die.....literally think I'll die. If I go 5 hours I get the shakes and DTs and have to drink something. But I'm trying to taper off without meds or having anything on my permanent record. We should have a Sherdog support group

 

[TheNinja]

"Patients suffering with delirium tremmers must be monitored at all times in hospita and medicated with benzodiazepines. Even so, when alcohol withdrawal reaches the seriousness of delirium tremmers, the condition still carries a mortality of 10-15%"

No medication, at home, mostly on my own. Nearly there, 2 cans tonight and I'll be down to 12 units. Which is pretty much back to the safe zone. Thinking of going alcohol free on Saturday/Sunday.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

I hope it works out well for you man! I truely do. Be safe.

 

[Gazwald]

I hear ya Sherbro! I'm on a 6 day bender right now....nonstop. I literally can't quit drinking or I'll die.....literally think I'll die. If I go 5 hours I get the shakes and DTs and have to drink something. But I'm trying to taper off without meds or having anything on my permanent record. We should have a Sherdog support group

The DTs are a recent thing with me. Had heavy withdrawal but not like that. They scare the shit out of me. Slapped myself in the face cos I thought there was some sort of bug(s).

As you know, don't stop too quickly. But you know that anyway. I was getting full on DTs 6 hours after my last drink not long ago. Watching the clock waiting for the off license to open (10am - bastard oliticians). I've had 12 units today tho and I feel confident of getting some fractured sleep.

You've at least got vitamin b (thiamin) tablets though?