The addiction/depression thread.

[Phlog]

I dont get why people are addicted to coke and drugs like that. I have tried coke twice and never got addicted to it. Dont be offended by this but are people who use Coke, Meth and these other drugs that weak? I am certain it is to some chemical unbalance but a strong individual would be able to kick the habit if they'd used it.

It takes more than a couple of lines to get addicted brah, it starts as purely a little moreish.

The actual addiction mostly comes from how once using on the reg, all your other issues go away and it's either get drugs or take them.

A pleasingly simple binary.

 

[The Diplomat]

Depression from grief is the worst and has no cure

It may not have a one shot "cure", but time passing really helps with regard to grief-stricken depression. Ofcourse, nobody is the exact same, and it'll always stick with you and never leave, but the agony becomes easier to deal with as time goes by - say for instance, a child dying or something. A strong person is able to go on and live, even though the memory will never leave. It's a natural feeling that anyone is capable of feeling.

What really sucks about clinical depression is that no amount of time will truly help. You may take meds, but even those will eventually lose their strength and your tolerance will go up. Waking up feeling like killing yourself every day, for absolutely NO reason, is the worst IMO. Atleast with grief depression, you can pinpoint an actual reason, and work from there. With clinical depression, you're stuck wondering why you feel the way you do.

This is why when a guy like Robin Williams kills himself, it affects those with depression, especially if they grew up with that guy. To know that someone who you thought "beat it", had everything in the world, made people laugh, etc...to know that he made it into his 60's and still wasn't able to cure himself of it....it's a disheartening thought for someone who goes through the same thing, but is much younger.

 

[SugarKrok]

Even worse is that Williams was rich and well renowned with apparently a large circle of friends and family. His example really goes to show you cannot find meaning or reason to live even if from the view of others you seem to have everything to live for.

 

[ConnorMacGregod]

What strength was it? Cocaine is a fucked drug, the amount of times it gets cut. Whoever you get it from cuts it, then other little dealers cut it and by time you get it it's shit. Quality cocaine can be quite the devil's habit.

Probably it wasnt strong enough. It was just a small baggie also.

 

[IIIIIIII]

Sounds dumb, but our Sherbro's suicide attempt hurt a lot.

We all hurt, we're all here for a reason... so share what's on your mind. This thread offers no judgement, only support (I hope).

I'll start.. I didn't buy coke tonight.. I felt a weird hold grab over me as soon as I got paid (I got paid in cash and I finished a 15 hour shift today) I went to the poolhall my dealer is at, and... I just left.

To everyone suffering and struggling, how did you get through the night?

MOD EDIT:

THIS IS NOT A TROLLING THREAD. AND ANY ATTEMPTS TO TROLL OR DERAIL IN AN ATTEMPT FOR CHUCKLES OR SOAPBOX POSTING WILL BE DEALT WITH SWIFTLY. POSSIBLE BANNING. NOT THE PLACE.

i'll make mine as short as i can. i had a roommate who turned into a great friend. or so i thought. he was in a bind, so i let him borrow some money. i'm talking in the four-figures. a few months passed, and i asked him about the money. he would continually say that he'd have the check, "by next week". which happened several times. then one day, the guy was gone. all his stuff was gone. everything. it wasn't the missing money that hurt the most, it was the fact that i thought i had made a solid friend. it's tough when you seemingly had great times with someone, to only realize that they were acting and didn't give a crap about you. but life goes on and time and distance away from the incident helps as well.

 

[mushishi]

American, I started a team 4yrs ago, there's none within 50min drive of me. Me and a couple of guys. We pushed and pushed, turning up every Sunday with 4 or 5 people for years, making shit up as we went along. Now we have committee, 6 coaching staff over 50 players, a pitch with football posts and are joining the league (all things well) next year. It's the biggest achievement of my life, 90% of it was turning up.

I have never been able to settle on something, paralysis through analysis, probably fear of failure. I currently do manual labour jobs plus doorwork and the pay is OK if infrequent. I rely heavily on a wife who has a good career.

I'm trying to come up with a small business idea atm so I can get off the manual work trip. Craft would be fine. If worst comes to worst I can build traditional stone wall well and push that angle but I would really like a nice office job for the winter as I'm getting on. I get beat up from football and really could do with sitting down most of that season.

Determination and dedication are powerful things. Really eye-opening and motivating.

Even with that shitty pixelated pic, I can spot you. Haha, youre hard to miss, big fella.

 

[Higus]

Even worse is that Williams was rich and well renowned with apparently a large circle of friends and family. His example really goes to show you cannot find meaning or reason to live even if from the view of others you seem to have everything to live for.

idk if it makes more sense or not, but he had been diagnosed with Parkinsons's before he committed suicide. He would have only had a few years anyway, and they would have been pretty miserable. For a guy who battled depression and addiction for a long time, I could see that being too much to handle.

 

[Yunes]

I have a ton to share but im work pwnt

 

[AgonyandIrony]

i'll make mine as short as i can. i had a roommate who turned into a great friend. or so i thought. he was in a bind, so i let him borrow some money. i'm talking in the four-figures. a few months passed, and i asked him about the money. he would continually say that he'd have the check, "by next week". which happened several times. then one day, the guy was gone. all his stuff was gone. everything. it wasn't the missing money that hurt the most, it was the fact that i thought i had made a solid friend. it's tough when you seemingly had great times with someone, to only realize that they were acting and didn't give a crap about you. but life goes on and time and distance away from the incident helps as well.

Shit man, I have a friend who stole twenty dollars from me and just ghosted, he's lost his job, roomies kicked him out, and decided to fuck over his last remaining friend. It's not that I'm upset over a measly twenty, it's the audacity of someone I thought was a close friend doing it.

idk if it makes more sense or not, but he had been diagnosed with Parkinsons's before he committed suicide. He would have only had a few years anyway, and they would have been pretty miserable. For a guy who battled depression and addiction for a long time, I could see that being too much to handle.

I can see why he took that way out, it's really sad but it makes sense. I remember when my grandfather was slipping into dementia (it got really bad at the end) and he was begging for us to kill him. I ultimately advised my mom to take him off the feeding tube. That shit haunts me, but the look of pain and terror in his eyes in the nursing home was just too much.

 

[Bobby Boulders]

I suffer a lot with both. I've had lots of time to learn how to handle it, and I do. And I always will.

 

[Phr3121]

I often legitimately enjoy the pureness of being under the influence. I feel good keyed up (obviously), it doesn't have the terrible jitters that adderol (sp) has and the does are more controlled. On weekend nights I'm out partying I moniter it like red bull consumption. My mind is always busy, and for some reason I always want to process things from a different perspective. Hell... when I write something I have a legitimate method to see it from multiple POVs.

I get what you see about being around animals. What do you honestly think about someone with a really bad anxiety disorder using a service dog? (Or anyone elses opinion for that matter) it seems to be socially frowned upon but...

They use both dogs and pigs for anxiety disorder. I think it is great if it works for them. You will see them at the airport and on airplanes. Yes, by law, the pig gets to go on the airplane with the individual. I don't think it is frowned upon by society. People like to touch the animal, which they should not do. The pig below is allowed to be petted.

My rescue involves: Dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, pigs, goats, cows, etc.

 

[evergreenrider]

I was addicted to pills for almost 10 years, at the end moving to heroin. I've been clean now for over a year in large part to finally admitting to myself that I indeed have/had a problem. I'm currently on a Suboxone program. Many people that have never dealt with real addiction feel that it's a cop out or an easy way out. Which it is not. Alot of addiction stems from chemical in balances inside our brain. It's not something we can just "get over". I wanted nothing more than to just feel normal again. If anybody is struggling with opiate addiction I HIGHLY recommend seeking out an addiction medicine specialist, it really is a life saver and life changer. It doesn't make you weak by accepting that you need help, if anything it makes you stronger being able to realize that for yourself

 

[sickc0d3r]

American, I started a team 4yrs ago, there's none within 50min drive of me. Me and a couple of guys. We pushed and pushed, turning up every Sunday with 4 or 5 people for years, making shit up as we went along. Now we have committee, 6 coaching staff over 50 players, a pitch with football posts and are joining the league (all things well) next year. It's the biggest achievement of my life, 90% of it was turning up.

That's fucking awesome.

 

[Zer]

Thanks again. I think what I'm doing with this self-destruction I learned from her. We split up a few times in the past and when it was me trying to walk away she'd relapse and let her life spiral completely out of control. She doesn't really have any close friends or other support besides her parents so she'd come back to me begging for help. And I loved her so much I couldn't ever say no. It's hard to admit but I think I might be doing this to myself to get her attention. There's part of me that's still desperate to keep her around and make things work and I know that it's worked in reverse (me taking her back because she was so desperate for help when she'd relapse).

She tells me she's worried and has been trying to be there for me but I know me acting like this is only pushing her farther away, she's just frustrated with me at this point because I'm being stubborn. Negative attention is better than no attention I guess. I know I can't keep this cycle going though. I know if I keep her in my life in this way eventually she'll find someone else and I'll still be stuck on her and be even more devastated over knowing she's moved on.

I'm just doing everything wrong. My brain is telling me all the right things to do, to let her go, accept that it wasn't working, lay off the drinking, spend more time at the gym and with friends, get back to some of the things I enjoy that had fallen to the way-side during our relationship, etc. But then my heart just keeps reminding me of how special what we had was, how it was everything I'd always been looking for, how it gave me purpose, how I'd finally found someone who seemed to 'get' me, who made me feel like I wasn't alone and that I was accepted and loved for who I was. That I was better with her than I was on my own. How I might never find something like this again and that it's too valuable and rare to give up on. I can't seem to accept that I don't have any control over it and I can't figure out how to let go.

So I drink to numb the pain. I self medicate. It's been my go-to coping mechanism for a long time and it's now also a way I can get her attention. I feel like a pussy ass bitch I know I'm stronger than this and I'm behaving like a pathetic loser.

I'm definitely no expert on women or alcohol problems bro but I'd say try and focus more on your gym buddies. At times like this I think it'd be good to have friends because they'll prob pick up on how much you're hurting and try and help you out of this rut, but at the same time they'll probably challenge you to start moving forward, demand more of your time and get your mind off the girl. It'd be good to more involved with your friends because the stakes will be higher if you risk disappointing them, and that can be a source of motivation

 

[Randy Trevor]

 

[Defanged]

Most commonly used drugs in the world:

1) Caffeine
2) nicotine

alcohol is up there too.

http://www.jyi.org/issue/caffeine-understanding-the-worlds-most-popular-psychoactive-drug/

I need coffee to function in the morning. I've tried going decaf and I don't feel right. I also need alcohol in me about once every 5 days to relieve the stresses of life.

 

[WorldofWarcraft]

All I feel like I'm doing now is waiting to die.

 

[That209]

I didn't want to say this because it makes me feel like a piece of shit, but I relapsed a few weeks ago (opioids). I've dealt with depression for most of my life and actually have suicidal thoughts pretty often, but more these days than I ever have before. For some reason I'm getting worse when it comes to those kind of thoughts. My health is actually fucked up because of all the abuse I've put my body through over the years and finding help to see what's wrong isn't as easy as it sounds, so it seems hopeless and feeling like shit both physically and emotionally for so long takes its toll.

I'm worried one of these days I'm not going to wake up because of how I feel all the time, unfortunately nobody takes me seriously because I'm only 24. I'm young, so there can't possibly be anything wrong with me. That's how family looks at it and likely all the asshole doctors I've seen. When there's something wrong with you (health wise), you can feel it. You can feel there's something wrong. People shouldn't feel sick most of the time, puking blood, sudden, brutal headaches, pain in limbs, fucked up breathing, chest pain, etc, is that normal for a 24 year old?

Apparently there's nothing wrong with me though in my family's blind eyes. I've never really been close with anybody in my family besides my brother and father, so the rest (aunts, grandparents) don't give a fuck. Long before I got into drugs to self medicate, my family fucked off. They're a bunch of selfish cunts though anyway, so it's whatever. I could go on and on and actually be detailed, but I guess this is long enough and personal enough.

(I kept writing so I guess it wasn't long enough, lol)

Feel like taking a bunch of morphine and going to sleep half the time but I know it's not the right decision. I have the thoughts often but I know it's not the answer to anything, it's a waste. Even though I know that, no matter what I've done in life, I never was happy. I've been depressed since I was a little kid for fuck's sake and I don't know why. One day after school (like grade 5 or 6), when I got home I went to the kitchen and put a knife to my throat and I don't even know why. I just stood there until my brother got home. I still don't know why I did it. It literally just came over me as soon as I got in the door.

That day wasn't bad at all, it was a normal school day. Nothing bad happened, yet when I got home I went and did that and can't explain why, it just came over me. Another time I filled up the bathtub and planned to drown myself, wrote a note and everything (I was 14 at the time) but my dad came home suddenly, read that note and found me in my room in my closet just sitting there, but it was the look in his face, in his eyes as he was tearing up that got to me most, made me feel very guilty.

Then I had to go to the psych ward or whatever in the hospital for like 2 weeks. I guess I'll stop here since I think I went a little far. I'm not the only one this way though on here clearly as evidenced by this thread and BEER's thread the other day. In my opinion, I already killed myself, I just did it slowly through the abuse I put my body through. Now I'm always feeling sick but that's what happens when you're taking hard drugs and mixing them for years and years.

You get one life so if anybody read this, don't make the same stupid mistakes I did. Ones health is something most take for granted. Your health is worth more than anything else in this world. No amount of money, possessions, etc, comes close to your health. Some here know exactly what I'm talking about, some don't, so believe me when I say that. I wish I took care of myself instead of letting the depression get the best of me/beat me.

 

[AgentSmecker]

Depression and anxiety have been my bedfellows for as long as I can remember. I used a lot of recreational drugs in my younger days but vallium is my weakness as it's the only thing that takes away my crippling anxiety. I know it's real bad for me long term but lately I've been really struggling to keep a grip on my usage.

 

[Phlog]

It may not have a one shot "cure", but time passing really helps with regard to grief-stricken depression. Ofcourse, nobody is the exact same, and it'll always stick with you and never leave, but the agony becomes easier to deal with as time goes by - say for instance, a child dying or something. A strong person is able to go on and live, even though the memory will never leave. It's a natural feeling that anyone is capable of feeling.

What really sucks about clinical depression is that no amount of time will truly help. You may take meds, but even those will eventually lose their strength and your tolerance will go up. Waking up feeling like killing yourself every day, for absolutely NO reason, is the worst IMO. Atleast with grief depression, you can pinpoint an actual reason, and work from there. With clinical depression, you're stuck wondering why you feel the way you do.

This is why when a guy like Robin Williams kills himself, it affects those with depression, especially if they grew up with that guy. To know that someone who you thought "beat it", had everything in the world, made people laugh, etc...to know that he made it into his 60's and still wasn't able to cure himself of it....it's a disheartening thought for someone who goes through the same thing, but is much younger.

Even worse is that Williams was rich and well renowned with apparently a large circle of friends and family. His example really goes to show you cannot find meaning or reason to live even if from the view of others you seem to have everything to live for.

Anyone who thinks Robin Williams had beaten depression and that he had it all never looked into his eyes. That dog was hurting from the beginning till the end.

All I feel like I'm doing now is waiting to die.

That's terrible dude. In a sense we all are, but I hope you find some distraction along the way.