** The 42nd Annual 2014 Petey Awards **

[Peteyandjia]

Weirdest Thing of the Year:

Spoiler

BJ Penn

for his stance in the 3rd Frankie Edgar fight

First, it was weird that BJ wanted to fight Frankie again. He had gotten his ass kicked worse in the 2nd fight than he had in the 1st, and indeed, the 3rd fight would prove to that trend even further. But what was even weirder than the three-peat call-out, was what BJ did once the opening bell rang: he walked out there, and began trotting around the octagon, on his tippy-toes, feet together like a ballerina, and proceeded to get easily out-struck, out-grappled, and just all-around owned by a pissed-off Frankie Edgar, who was clearly getting pretty damn sick of fighting him by that point. It's one thing to lose a fight, that can happen to anybody. Even the best of 'em, which BJ undoubtedly was at one point. It is quite another thing, to throw all conventional wisdom about fighting out the window, and just bounce around on your tippy-toes like a bobblehead punching bag. Weird. So goddamn weird.
So while it didn't work out for you BJ, whatever it was you were trying to do there, at least you win one final accolade: You are now the proud recipient, of the 2014 Petey Award for Weirdest Thing of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Strike of the Year:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Lyoto Machida

for his Liver Kick of Doom against CB Dolloway

Coming in just under the end of the year, Lyoto 'The Dragon' Machida steals the show with a brutal reminder of the one-shot kill ethos of Karate. The kick felt all around the world, and all around CB Dolloway's internal organs. OUCH!!! When that fatal blow landed, it sounded like the home-run crack of a baseball bat hitting the ball, like a tree branch snapping suddenly in half. In the moment right after, The Dragon has a look on his face, like Jesse Pinkman after he just scored some meth ("YEAH, BITCH!!!"); and CB Dolloway has a look on his face, that makes his regular face seem pleasant. Okay, that was mean. I ain't no Brad Pitt neither. To be honest, as much as I jumped for joy at seeing that amazing finish, in the days following, when I think back on it I mostly wince and touch my side in sympathy pain, all the while marvelling at the effectiveness of a good ol' blast to the liver. Christmas came early for Bas Rutten with that one. Mr. Machida, you sir are now the proud owner of the 2014 Petey Award for Best Strike of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Takedown of the Year:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Daniel Cormier

for his Pizza Toss on Dan Henderson

Dan Henderson, is an Olympic wrestler. Daniel Cormier, is an Olympic wrestler. When they met in the center of the octagon, though Cormier was certainly the favorite, no one was quite sure what exactly was going to happen. What exactly happened, was that Cormier picked Hendo up, spun him around in the air like a pile of pizza dough, and then dropped him on the ground like an unwanted child. I mean uh... like a bag of old clams. Well, have you ever held a bag of stinky old clams? You don't just place them in the garbage gently, you drop them in there, with disgust. Which was exactly how Daniel treated Daniel. I mean how Dan treated Dan. I mean... fuck it, that's how Black Fedor treated Hendo. Boom. He threw him down on the ground, like he thought he might bounce. It was actually kind of cool, because it was also in part a submission defense as well. Hendo was going for kind of a guillotine, or at least that head control and threatening with one, and Cormier spun him in the air the correct way to get out of it. Great stuff, it doesn't get too much more dramatic than that in the way of takedowns, and so I present to Mr. Daniel Cormier, the 2014 Petey Award for Best Takedown of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Knockout of the Year:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Mark Hunt (KOs Roy Nelson)

If you are like me, you were very disappointed this year, by what was supposed to have been the summer's big monster movie blockbuster, in the big-budget remake, 'Godzilla'.

Luckily, not too long after, a real-life fight took place, between two Gigantic Monsters, IN JAPAN, and more than made up for it: Mark-o Hunt-o vs. Roy 'Big Fat Badass Motherfucker' Nelson fought, for the premiere Sumoweight Championship of the UFC; and boy, did it live up to the anticipation. Two legendary Heavyweights, two of the heaviest hitters in the game in every sense of the word, and also two of the most iron-clad chins. This one could not disappoint, and it did not. Pure excitement, pure entertainment, from start to devastating finish. Roy Nelson had only ever been stopped by strikes one other time - a TKO against Andrei Arlovski in the now-defunct organization EliteXC back in 2008; and that was more of a TKO, with Roy eating an uppercut-cross combo, then falling to the ground rocked & tired, but still with the lights barely on.

This one against Hunt was different; after much battery, Nelson ate an uppercut from Hunt and was demolished, faceplanted on the floor. Mark Hunt then executed perhaps the coolest move known to MMA, the Mark Hunt walk-off. Like Godzilla walking back into the Pacific Ocean, after saving the day. And it was done. There were a lot of great KO's in 2014, but when you land on Roy Nelson and become only the second person to serve him a KO, you sir, Mr. Mark Hunt, become the proud owner of the 2014 Petey Award for Best Knockout of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Submission of the Year:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Ben Saunders

for his Omoplata on Chris Heatherly

(above: kindly Ben Saunders, helping a distraught Chris Heatherly look for his missing contact lens.




I really thought Luke Rockhold's inverted triangle-turned-kimura was going to be a lock for submission of the year, (hehe, get it, 'lock'? man I'm good) but then Ben Saunders had to go ahead and do something that's Never Been Done Before In The Entire Twenty Year History Of The Freakin' UFC: he made someone tap to an Omoplata. Wow!!! Seriously, think of every time you've heard Joe Rogan's voice over the years say, "He's going for an omoplata here..." It's a lot. Now add to that, a guesstimate of all the times you didn't see, going back to the mid-nineties. In ALL of those, it's never happened. The move has never been finished, not once.

Not until 2014, when big ol' lanky, range-y, permanent Joker-smile fused to his face Ben Saunders came along, and made short work of poor Chris Heatherly, the man burdened with the task of welcoming Ben back to the UFC. The most amazing thing about this submission is, from my understanding, Saunders seeked out high-level blackbelt, conpiracy-theorist, renowned wacky tobaccy enthusiast, and 10th Planet BJJ owner Eddie Bravo's services, to up his jiujitsu game.

(above: who said Eddie Bravo never works in the gi?)




Now keep in mind, Saunders already had a lot of experience in the MMA game up to this point, but in true warrior fashion, is always looking to get better. He spent time with Bravo working on, amongst other things, the omoplata from rubber guard; and then BAM, he nails it in a fight just a few short weeks later, in his first fight back in the UFC, making history in the process. How's that for a welcome home? Honestly, he never should have been cut in the first place. This one was easy. Ben Saunders, on top of being the man, you are now the proud owner of the 2014 Petey Award for Best Submission of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

The 2014 Petey Award for Creativity:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Jon Jones

for his Standing Mirlock against Glover Teixeira

'Creative' is one of those words that is thrown around in MMA sometimes, and often times when talking about Jon Jones. There is no one who deserves it more. We all see the raw talent he possesses, but when raw talent is molded into refined technique in MMA, things can get downright scary. And when Jones stepped into the clinch with Glover Teixiera in round one, he added one more move to his arsenal, to the MMA lexicon, and by doing so also gave every smart fighter watching the fight pause to think about one more way they can be fucked up, that they didn't know about. Seriously, who the fuck would have thought that a loose underhook was some kind of huge vulnerable opening that could be exploited, to the extent that it absolutely jacked up Glover's right arm for the rest of the fight? Jon Jones, that's who. This guy is not just winning, he's thinking. If the sign of a great fighter is adapting to overcome adversity, then the sign of a great champion is improving to further increase dominance. And Jones did just that in this fight, once again showing us something that we'd never seen before. Amazing. Mr. Jones, step right up and receive your 2014 Petey Award for Best Creativity.

And don't even try it Jon, I'm wearing goggles.

 

[Peteyandjia]

TKO of the Year:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Ronda Rousey (vs. Alexis Davis)

Ronda was coming straight off a win where she had dropped her opponent with a liver shot in the first round, landing a perfectly-placed knee and defending her title. She had previously said that she wanted to show off the striking she had been working so hard on, so what better way to show it than a one-minute win by strikes, right? ... Well I'll tell you what better way... How about a 16-second, one-punch drop to clinch, judo-throw into scarf hold, rabbit punches ground-and-pound finish. Holy shit. If it weren't for Dominick doing something similar to higher competition, this would have been my pick for Domination of the Year. As it stands, Ronda's besmirching of Alexis is a perfect gif-sized fight that you can show to anyone, and say "Look at this badass bish". Something I've done about 10 times. Ronda, you malicious minx, you are the hella fine recipient of the 2014 Petey Award for TKO of the year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Decision of the Year:

Spoiler

and the winner is...


Robbie Lawler vs. Johny Hendricks

Parts 1 & 2

Chuck vs. Randy, Wanderlei vs. Rampage, Cain vs. JDS. MMA is littered with a handful of great trilogies. Who would have thought that the next great trilogy in MMA would be comprised of these two? Honestly, I didn't. I thought Hendricks would outwrestle Lawler, or maybe Lawler would catch Johny with a one-shot kill, but either way what I didn't expect was for them to put on two of the better wars in recent memory. We're two-thirds into a three-volume set, and so far, I still don't know who is going to win. That's pretty amazing. With Chuck vs. Randy for example, or even Cain vs. JDS, before the 3rd one everyone pretty much had an idea of how it was going to go in the finale. Not so with Lawler/Hendricks. Both fights went to a decision, and both were razor-thin, with neither man really having a clear edge or disadvantage in either one.

Personally, I'm glad they each happened to get one a piece, so we can see the third. I know that's not the popular opinion right now, though to be honest I can't really see why. This has been an epic rivalry, one of the closer contests skill-for-skill-wise that I can recall, and I for one am very excited to see the final chapter and hopefully, get a clear resolution. Because so far I'm still 50/50 on this one, 10 rounds into competition. That is really quite rare. Normally, this would be an award for one fight, but I kinda consider both of these to be one fight, in a Kill Bill volumes 1 & 2 sorta way, and so with that said, I present Lawler/Hendricks 1 & 2 with the 2014 Petey Award for Decision of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Robbery of the Year:

Spoiler

and the award goes to...


Diego Sanchez vs. Ross Pearson

"Dude! Did you see that? Forrest Griffin just landed a shitload of punches on Anderson Silva! And then dropped for a leglock! Amazing!"

- Judges for Sanchez/Pearson, watching Anderson vs. Forrest



What can I say? Diego Sanchez missed just about every shot he threw. Like literally, almost every single shot. Except for the headbutts and facebutts he threw at Ross Pearson's fists. Those seemed to land pretty perfectly, and quite often. I'm not prone to hyperbole, but this may indeed be the worst decision I have ever seen in my life. It was absolutely laughable, and the fact that it was Sanchez makes it seem almost purposely so. Ross Pearson kicked Diego's ass for three rounds.

This one isn't even really arguable. This is one of those matches that represents everything about why I pretty much ignore decisions, i.e. judges, i.e. other people telling me who won a fight. You have to think for yourself, other people are clearly not qualified to do it for you. One of the judges, actually gave this fight to Sanchez 30-27. All three rounds. Think about that. And then never take judging seriously ever again. Diego Sanchez wins one more time, but this time fair & square - the 2014 Petey Award for Robbery of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Event of the Year:

Spoiler

and the award goes to...


UFC Ireland

As previously stated during the Best Coach award, when I was kissing Kavanagh's ass, this truly was an historic event - but on top of that, it also happened to kick a whole bunch of ass. Ireland's hardcore MMA fans had been starving for a UFC card, pretty much since the last one happened back in 2009. Through the years, at press conferences, Q&As, scrums etc., every so often you'd hear the brogue, as someone asked the question. "When will the UFC return to Ireland?" And always met with the same answer, the answer given to that question regarding just about anywhere it was asked about, usually from Dana White: "Soon." I'm pretty sure if you asked Dana when the UFC would be coming to Antartica, his answer would be: "Soon." The hardcore Irish fans had to wait a bit longer than maybe anybody expected, but who would have thought back then in 2009, that the next time the organization came back to the Emerald Isle, it would be on a tidal wave of anticipation and hype, mostly swirling around one man, an Irishman not just fighting in the promotion, but headlining the card? And not just covered by a few MMA sites, with a surface glance from the mainstream, as it was in 2009, but instead this time with a major focus of mainstream media spotlight?

Well, I suppose the answer to 'who would have thought that', would be Conor McGregor. The guy claims to have not just dreams, but visions regarding this kinda thing, and so far just about all of them have come true. Certainly on that night, things could really not have gone more perfectly. It was like a movie. Every Irishman on the card won their fight, some by domination, some by epic comeback, but they all won. Even Icelander Gunnar Nelson, SBG Ireland member, and main training partner of McGregor, won his bout. 8-0, a clean sweep on the night. Conor's main event fight turned out to be an execution, with TUF winner Diego Brandao folding early; half from strikes, half seemingly from fear, the crushing weight of the moment. The crowd was going absolutely mad from the very first fight, right up through the main event, and you gotta love that. To all us bitter hardcores, and to the spoiled UFC casuals, this stuff may be all old hat; to the people of Ireland, MMA was the great new drug, and they were all high as fuck. The energy was unreal, and it translated off the screen. To have SBG's work essentially building an MMA world within a new nation culminate in that event, and then to have it play out so perfectly the way it did with all of those exciting matches, UFC Ireland wins the esteemed 2014 Petey Award for Best Event of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Fight of the Year:

Spoiler

and the award goes to...


Chris Weidman vs. Lyoto Machida

The term 'chess match' is sometimes used to describe an MMA fight. Usually a cliche, I do think the term actually applies here. Usually title fights start off strong, until the winner starts coasting in the championship rounds; this match was the opposite. Highly technical, it started off with a slow burn, then got really interesting about halfway into it, right up until the end. Up until this fight, Chris Weidman had looked indestructable; not just smashing the MW GOAT Anderson Silva twice, but also in all of his fights leading up to that, especially in retrospect - crushing the usually resilient Mark Munoz into tiny bits, out-grappling Demian Maia on less than two weeks notice, etc. The indications of a great champion in the making were all there, and Weidman managed to claim & defend the MW title, without much opposition. In Lyoto Machida however, Chris Weidman found if not his match, then certainly the closest thing to it so far.

Chris edged out the first three rounds, before suddenly finding himself in a real fight for the last two, as The Dragon finally awoke & took it to him. The last moments before the final fight-ending horn sounded at the bottom of the 5th, pretty much summed up the fight as a whole: Weidman mostly controlling the distance, then Lyoto landed some surprising shots, and then Chris gesturing at him, like "I can take it, I'm still here." Weidman walked away with the belt, but the question felt unanswered. Still, for being unfinished business, it was the most satisfying match of the year for me. High-level technical competition, in its purest form. I really hope we get to see more of these two go at it someday, and so far it's looking like a rematch could be in the cards somewhere down the line. For now though, The Dragon & The Chris, take a bow - you are the proud owners of the 2014 Petey Award for Best Fight of the Year.

 

[Peteyandjia]

Fighter of the Year:

Spoiler

There are actually a good handful of candidates this year, and any one of them could reasonably be called Fighter of the Year. Tough call. Donald 'Cowboy' Cerrone for example, fought 16 times in 2014. Jeremy Horn and Travis Fulton actually organized an intervention for Cowboy at a riverside firepit last week, telling him that he needs to "take it easy". Cowboy is on the roll of his career right now, and could easily be called Fighter of the Year.

Conor McGregor, for all the hype, look at the facts: The man came off a year-long ACL injury, the biggest fear an athlete has outside of a spinal or brain injury, and not only did he look great - he called his shots, and absolutely smashed both of his opponents in the first round. Including a top 5'er in Dustin Poirier. All while bringing more attention and fun to MMA, than almost any other fighter in 2014. I am absolutely on the McGregoat train, and he could easily be considered Fighter of the Year.

Ronda Rousey, there is another worthy candidate. Though I am not usually a fan of WMMA, Ronda is quite the exception, sitting on top of the mountain -- only she is not sitting, she's probably up there doing squats and jumping jacks, and punching some kind of pads really fast. For someone so far ahead of her competitors, you might think she would rest on her strengths a bit, and just keep the armbar streak going. Instead, she spent 2014 showing us that not only can she bend a bitch's arm back the wrong way, but now she's also apparently learned how to batter them into defeat, finishing both of her opponents in 2014 with strikes. Whether it's brutal knees to the liver, or a sick right cross, Ronda has actually bothered to become dangerous in the one area she used to not be too much of a threat in, and that is pretty goddamn impressive, a true champion quality.

But speaking of champions, it just wouldn't feel right when looking back at 2014, to leave this guy off the top of the list; after a decade and a half career of ups and downs, trials & tribulations, in just about every organization MMA has ever seen come & go, but never quite reaching that gold strap - until now...

Spoiler

Robbie Lawler

... is the UFC Welterweight Champion, leading into 2015. How does that sound? That is just too goddamn epic a story. To see a guy make the technical leaps he has, this late into his career, is nothing short of inspiring. And to see all of his hard work finally pay off, it's just too perfect, too amazing, and so without further ado, it gives me great joy to present the 2014 Petey Award for Fighter of the Year, to one Mr. Robbie Lawler. Actually, this is an official thing, so for the purposes of this ceremony - Mr. Robert Lawler. Congratulations to you, good sir.

Oh yeah, and enjoy it while it lasts buddy - Nick Diaz is coming for that WW strap.



...


...


...


...


... Just kidding. He is actually fighting a gigantic GOAT MW instead.

"WHAT" indeed!

 

[Peteyandjia]

... Well, my fellow MMA heads, I hope you've enjoyed this commercial-free presentation, of


The 42nd Annual 2014 Petey Awards!



That's our show for tonight. We sincerely hope you've enjoyed it.

Please be sure and collect any belongings you may have left around your seat before you leave. Otherwise, we are just gonna throw that shit out.

Please file out to the hall now, and out of the theatre, in a civil manner. Thank you.

The time is now. For you to GTFO.

Until next year!

- Love,

your friendly neighborhood pal,

Petey

 

[Spindrift0036]

Jerk of the Year:

Spoiler

and the award goes to...


Paul Harris

Again? Seriously? He did it AGAIN?? Just let go of the fucking leg, man! How hard is that?? He tapped! For God's sake, they ALL tapped!!! The guy already got kicked out of the UFC for this shit, and even that clearly wasn't enough for him. What's a guy gotta do to get banned from MMA around here, anyway? I get it, that he's a bit, shall I say, 'slow'. I get it, that he's maybe not a bad guy, outside of this. But hey, a knee is a fucking knee. It's already the most poorly designed part of the human body. (Way to go God.) We don't need to make it worse, by letting this musclebound treestump of a man go all Paul Daley on your ligaments, after the tap. And don't give me that shit about the ref being any part of this equation. When a guy taps, you let go. Period. This isn't 1993 where people might not see, the ref and the 3 cameras are right there. This also isn't the ancient Roman Coliseum, where gladiators are fighting to the death. The tap is sacred. Respect the honor of your opponent. Let the fuck go, you nut! Paul Harris, I hereby sentence you, to the distinct dishonor of bearing the 2014 Petey Award for Jerk of the Year. Shame on you. Shame I say!!!

Reported for fighter bashing

 

[oscerthegrouch]

a lot of work went into that good job petey not bad picks

 

[Tol]

Excellent work sir!
Is there a Performance of the Year?

 

[FlyingKimurabar]

No idea how you could put anybody but Duane for coach of the year. Everyone at TAM striking improved like 10 fold. He took a bunch of wrestlers and turned them into some of the best strikers in MMA in Mendes & TJ.

Most improved: TJ went from losing a decision to Assunciao to absolutely mauling Barao.

Edit: except castillo heh.

 

[BiasBEgone]

Very well done, I enjoyed it, thanks

 

[salkyrie]

Quality thread, that was a good read.

Edit: And probably better than most MMA websites' articles.

 

[BigGucciSosa]

"Hey pussy are you still there?" is quote of the year