STFU&Learn: Clubbells

Probably the best addition to my home gym in some time (that fucking Bulgarian bag has become a hardcore draught excluder), clubbells are well worth investing in. And investing is the right word, since the price of the things means you'll probably have to get them on layaway - but read on for why you shouldn't bother with the heavy, prohibitively expensive bells anyway.

Cut through the bullshit claims about the magical properties of "circular strength" and ancient training methods derived from the wisdom of Hanuman's monkeys, and what you have is an iron weight, affected by the same kind of gravity you're already familiar with, plus -once you pick it up and start swinging it- centrifugal force. The latter, along with the distance of the weight from your hand, adds up to a significant difference that makes even a 5kg CB slightly less deserving of the laughter you would aim at the cardiofag swinging it.

Like a dildo, every part of the standard clubbell, from the pommel to the muzzle, is logically designed. Yet there's a tendency to think a home-made piece of shit that omits all these details is just as good. You wouldn't presume to make a respectable oly bar out of scrap iron, nor dildo out of an aerosol can wrapped in sports socks and a rubber glove. Likewise you're not going to MacGuyver up your own CB with less stress and expenditure than just buying one. A sledgehammer is not a viable alternative, neither is a weighted baseball bat, a tin of beans duct-taped to a stick, or even a novelty dildo. Either buy a CB and learn to use it properly, or forget about it.

You're also not going to listen to your ego and buy the most fucking ginormous clubbell you can find because you're swole beyond even having to learn stuff. Yes, I know you can pick up 10kg. Now pick it up and swing it around as fast as you can for an hour without putting it down. I'll come back when you're done crying, vomiting, praying for death and having a miscarriage, and we'll order that 5kg club that's more appropriate to your beginner level.

What's it for? Convenient, zero-impact, full body, silent, stationary aerobic work. I defy you to name any other exercise that nails all those points. A fucking Nunavut eskimo with teething triplets, agoraphobia and a broken foot could bust out a solid 90 minute cardiac output session at 3am without leaving the igloo. Unless he drops the thing, the level of disturbance will be less than the average wank session.

Too fat to run? Too pencil-calfed to jump rope? Too balloon-thighed to cycle? Too consumed with psychosexual shame to expose yourself at the local pool? All of the above? You need a clubbell.

What's it not for? Getting stronger in any sense of the word: there's some challenge to grip endurance before you find your groove, and your shoulders might get a bit fried before you learn that moving a weight around your body at speed should be a full-body dynamic movement that requires you to generate power from the legs, transfer through your core and maintain control with the arm(s). You're not doing curls for an hour, you're keeping every muscle in smooth, constant motion. And goddamn it, it's fun.

Just as with kettlebells, years of zealously wrongheaded marketing of CB's as strength tools engenders a lot of kneejerk prejudice in sensible athletes. In an attempt to sell to everybody, and so lying, they obfuscate the genuine uses and it ends up getting sold to nobody, until it's just a weird fringe pursuit practiced only by the angry schizophrenics who buy Scott Sonnen's commando tutorials. It shouldn't be so.

Some apposite demonstrations of the manful art:








And at max level you can just use trees, and you get a backing band who play badass ragas while you mill all day...

 

Fantastic post.

Why don't you post here more often, Revok? We miss you.

 

Given how boring and not fun that looks, there's no way I'd do that for an extended (or even short, actually) period time.

Also, for the aforementioned reason, I'd never pay what you seem to indicate is a very high price for one.

Seem like the kettlebell's nerdy brother.

 

Funny story: persistent, deep rooted depression. Ahahaa! Inappropriate disclosure.

 

I treasure your thread-shits. I print and laminate every one, and hang them on the cardboard speech bubble of the hunched, sour-faced effigy I have constructed of you. It is filled with coarse sand, no less coarse than the chambers of your heart.

BTW its arms are clubbells. I make it watch me swing every night. For hours. Every... night.

 

Been there, done that, welcome back.

 

what about wrist tendon trauma risk? looks like one wrong move and your hand gets screwed

 

Clubs have added significantly to my own training and that of the guys I work with . The shorter length of the Clubbell ( compared lb for lb to a meel club ) helps the athlete perform the movements with less difficulty . My own Clubs are 29.5 inches long to 30.3/4 inches long and have no bud at the end of the handle , making the grip work overtime to say the least . Aside from the grip benefits , the Clubs will strengthen the Shoulders , mid section and add mobility . The light Indian Clubs are also a great tool that will not only strengthen the hands , shoulders and elbows but help to develop muscular endurance and mobility and help to prevent injury .

The history of these Clubs is significant , but here in the USA a Greco Pan Am Gold medalist , then turned pro wrestler , The Iron Sheik gets credit for making many aware of these clubs . From there Karl Gotch , another Wrestler brought them to Japan and began training wrestlers and later on Pancrase athletes . I have a short clip of him with the clubs in this short video. Today I know Olympic Wrestler and Wrestling coach for BJ Penn, Kenny Johnson uses the Meels in his own training .

I've been training for many years and these clubs have brought my grip strength to new levels . They're worth given them a shot .

http://youtu.be/DXl736rIllU

 

I've been with a few women that fit that bill.

ETA I agree with KiwiTricker that your contributions are missed around here. Hope you are able to work through it. Not sure I'll be buying the clubbells anytime soon, but I would be interested in hearing more about the Cratos Voodoo doll. Do you ship those to the U.S.? I'd like one with a shake weight in each hand.

 

Re grip/wrist: you're supposed to use a "dynamic" grip that adapts as the club arcs around your shoulder. Different fingers apply pressure to allow the club to move - if you're gripping it like a barbell, you're gonna have a bad time.

scoopj SimulaCratos thanks you for your compliments. And by that I mean he vomits forth a geyser of rancid cum. I really should give him a cleaning every so often.

 

Yay! Revok Thread!

Started training with clubbells middle of last year, there are some really fun little exercises that aren't achievable with any other implement, mills are a great shoulder exercise, swinging a 25lb club around your head in a figure 8 takes some real effort.

 

It looks ridiculous... Ridiculously fun.

 

My take away is the Revok really likes to talk about dildos.

 

I like everything about this thread so far.

 

I use 5lb Indian clubs (same thing) for an upper body warm up. Usually only 5-10mins but they work really well for that intended purpose.

 

One more thing on the list of the dream gym that i'll never get to build, I guess.

 

Entertaining and colorful! I learned and chuckled at the same time.

CB have any relation to 3:00 marker. 4:30 double work.

 

Somewhat the same as CB'ing, but not as fluid and smooth, and it looks like his intention is solely towards grip/arm/shoulder work (else he wouldn't be keeping his legs out of the movement by sitting in horse stance). This is sound training but only a minor part of what can be done with a CB. He'd also stand less chance of whacking himself in the head or shoulder with a narrower CB, but maybe Amazon don't deliver to mountaintop dojos so he's had to make do with giant marshmallows.

This fella presents a good lesson on the nuances of fluid movement in the CB mill.

Any time you allow the CB to come to a dead stop, and then use angular force to get it moving again, you stand the chance of accumulating microtrauma - minuscule perhaps, but a thousand reps later and you're dealing with tendonitis. Keeping a dynamic grip on the CB (sometimes utilising the knob, using a higher grip on the neck, etc.) is what allows you to keep the weight arcing smoothly without hitting any 'corners'.

 

Giant marshmallows... will never look at those the same. It does seem more fluid with the CB work. Thanks for the information.