So....parents aren't allowed to hit kids anymore?

[chardog]

I've actually been trying a new kind of parenting with my kid, I try not to hit kid as much. When the boy acts up, I take him and sit him down, go up to his room and grab his rabbit. He loves that rabbit something special.

So I bring that rabbit down and put my hands over its mouth and nostrils and I squeeze real tight. It starts thrashing around and freaking out and the boy starts freaking out.

So I look at him, I know he knows that the reason his bunny is suffering right now is because his ball hit my car. There's nothing wrong with that.

if you dont listen, I'm gonna take it out on mom angle

 

[The_Renaissance]

I got a reasonable slap or two as a kid, I was pretty unruly sometimes sometimes more than unruly. Not the best behaved. I turned out decent in the end but I generally think it's a good thing to not be smacking your kids. I do also think some kids are psychos and no manner of other methods will smack them into reality so to speak. I don't know the answer with them really. You can't beat the living fuck into them, and shouldn't, but in reality it's the only thing that would potentially work. It'd like a bully getting a kicking out of his victim, a shock to the system. Reevaluate your behaviour. I dunno though I'm not a parent and times are different now.

 

[Connection Lost]

You can judge a tree by the fruit it bears.

Do you use a belt on the fruit or do you beat it with your hands

 

[Bia]

I highly recommend waterboarding as a method for disciplining kids, it gets the job done without leaving any marks.

I prefer water torture

 

[Koro_11]

Do you use a belt on the fruit or do you beat it with your hands

A short thin flexible stick to the backside does the job. It’s a great deterrent with zero chance that you’ll do any actual damage to the child. Eventually, you barely ever actually use it and alll you have to do is show it or remind them of it and it does the job. I don’t enjoy it at all, but it’s definitely doing the kids a favor, rather than having them grow up as a little shits who think that there are no consequences for bad actions.

 

[DoctorTaco]

If you can’t parent your kids without hitting them then that’s on you.

And if you want to spank and hit your daughters? Some lucky gentleman will be thanking you 20 years later for planting the seed for the fruits he’s now enjoying in the bedroom.

 

[Prefect]

Scientifically? We're talking about human behavior, not molecules and laws of the universe.
How do you scientifically test this? These conversations often devolve into this simplistic argument of "Does corporal punishment work or not work?" It's not a matter of if it works or doesn't work because whether or not "it works" depends on a ton of factors that aren't being "scientifically" tested.
There's not a bunch of cameras in homes across the world for 18 years analyzing how kids that have gotten spankings fair vs. those that haven't. And even if there were, that wouldn't be enough to show the effectiveness of it because it would again depend on a lot of factors.

Your description of your relationship with your kid is fine, as I said. But not every kid is the same. Of course you need to do some good parenting and set boundaries in order to get a kid to comply. That baseline is of course true.
BUT, there are SOME kids that will not comply from count downs, time outs, or grounding. This idea that that all comes down to bad parenting is simply not true. It CAN be true, but it's certainly not always the case.

And you are also describing the dynamic between a daughter and a father. Kids, especially girls are a lot less likely to go against their father, especially if you put some bass in your voice and tell them what's up.
Boys can be different, especially if the father isn't present. I had two strict marine parents. I didn't go against them, but my brother was a whole other beast, and he earned and deserved the butt whoopings he got growing up. Counting to 10 or grounding him would have been a joke to him.

It just doesn't work because you are producing an adult that needs to be whipped in order to understand the rules or what should be done. Your goal is to produce an adult that when they leave the house, they are respectful and responsible for themselves and others. I can kick a dog hard for pissing on the lawn and it will quit pissing on the lawn when I am around. When I am not around, it is either pissing on the lawn or mentally ratched up in fear of being kicked. Both those are poor results.

 

[djacobox372]

I remember that the boys in the class with the ultra strict dad's who spanked them on the regular were complete angels... they weren't the schoolyard bullies at all.

 

[Satsui Ryu]

I can see it as being a last resort or for something egregious. And even then it must be done methodically. I think the issue with spanking is in many instances it is the only recourse parents have with dealing with their kids because they failed in every other aspect in parenting. Or the kids are just psychos and even hitting won't help that.

 

[EL CORINTHIAN]

Hitting or spanking is lazy parenting. I have never done either as I have never in my personal life seen it be effective forms of behavior correction and often is counter productive. It makes the parent feel good about doing something but it doesn't lead to anything productive. The only time I think that it might be necessary to spank is if a child was doing something that needed immediate correction like drinking bleach and it had to stop now. Parents hit and spank because they have been unwilling to spend the time to properly parent.

What is my punishment?

I take away the Ipad and load my kid down with reports and stories that she needs to write about what happened. If you don't like your free time getting wasted in front of a computer typing up reports and stories, don't do the thing that you just did and learn from it so you don't do it again. You would not believe how much a kid ,who is an amazing writer, hates having to sit at a computer and write up story or report on something that just happened.

You're the one who was perfectly fine with your daughter and wife sharing the bathroom with a tranny airing out his balls on the bench on the count that it was just a peepee.

Not sure anyone should be taking parenting advice from you.

 

[SmilinDesperado]

It just doesn't work because you are producing an adult that needs to be whipped in order to understand the rules or what should be done. Your goal is to produce an adult that when they leave the house, they are respectful and responsible for themselves and others. I can kick a dog hard for pissing on the lawn and it will quit pissing on the lawn when I am around. When I am not around, it is either pissing on the lawn or mentally ratched up in fear of being kicked. Both those are poor results.

"It doesn't work" according to whom? Corporal punishment has been and still is used in many parts of the world.
You are taking this oversimplified, black/white description of corporal punishment as if it means curb stomping and whip lashes. That isn't the reality, and that's certainly not what I'm talking about.
As I said, corporal punishment should be a LAST resort. If it is the first, or the only way that you try and correct behavior then you are a lazy parent, and likely a bad one at that.


You're taking this view as if kids will always do the right thing if you just explain it to them. That is not reality. A lot of kids will. But not all of them.
Some kids can have the best parents and the best circumstances and they can still do all the wrong things.

You're completely dismissing reality when it comes to kids, and just humans in general.
Boys and girls act different around men and women. Do you think mothers and fathers always get the same results from their kids even if they were to use the same words?
We aren't astral beings--we are physical beings and physical communication can and will happen in a multitude of ways whether you like it or not in the real world.
The fear of physical punishment can deter a hard headed kid from doing something that would get them in trouble...just as that works in adults. So I don't know why we're making comparisons to dogs as if we don't understand this already exists with adults.

Would it be great if kids were always respectful and responsible and listened to reason? Of course. But that is not reality. Not all kids will just go along with what you say just because you explained it nicely.

 

[Koya]

Long story short, a coworker was telling me about her kid's awful behavior. She's rattling off all this stuff so I said introduce her to the board of education. She said what? Then I picked up a cutting board from the break room. She laughed and said she's not trying to go to jail. Then I said for what? She said 1st day of school they go over social service numbers to report parents if they hit you. Once they call, police are notified, and you can be arrested.

What in the actual fuck? Is this real? And I'm not talking about beating the shit out of a kid because they spilled a soda. But you seriously are not allowed to physically discipline your children anymore for any reason?

I have 3 kids. Never hit them. Not even once. I discipline them through various means when they do something they really shouldn't, but generally they behave very well. I also even don't yell at them. They help around the house despite being small children. They're not spoiled brats. Sure kids are gonna be kids sometimes. So what ?

My dad was old school and used the beat the shit out of me for absolutely nothing, like the true meaning of "beating the shit out of someone ten times weaker than you". Had insults and words that left real trauma, you can never forget those. He considered children property. I hate him for that, more precisely I despise him. Only keep in light touch because of my mom and because our ethnic culture/religion forces us too. I was the eldest and my little brothers and my sister had it less rough but they still dislike him.

Children are not objects. We don't own them. We chose to bring them to that world. Their wellbeing and that includes mental wellbeing is our responsibility. If we are not capable of educating and disciplining a defenseless child without hitting or insulting him, it means we probably suck ass as an adult. And should re-evaluate who we are.

I hate violence against children. In my circle of friends I'd say 70% of them give slaps to their children and say it's necessary. Necessary my ass. they'tr surprised when I tell them I never lifted a finger or even an insult towards them.

I think hitting or insulting children means you failed somewhere as a parent. An accident can happen. But on the regular? You're a bitch if that's your way of parenting.

 

[Koya]

Got my ass kicked plenty of times but thanks anyway kitler.

I got beaten like shit man. I dont think todays kids would physically even be strong enough to withstand it. They are way too delicate.

The vast majority of cultures on earth physically disciplines their kids except western liberals, are they all terrible parents should their kids be taken away ?

As said above. I got the shit beaten out of me. Had to go to the hospital as a kid and my mom had to lie about the cause. Almost lost my eye.

If you're a grown man that hits his kids you're a little pussy bitch. I'm breaking the stupid cycle. Because it was done to me doesn't mean I have a right to do it again like my father and grandfather and such. It means I have a responsibility to stop it.

Want to punch someone ? Join a gym. I do that.

And @Lycandroid please stop talking about those cultures like you know them. I'm from those cultures. I grew up in it. The good part are the family values, solidarity, respect of the elders. The "kids are object that can be beaten the shit of and parent can never be wrong" is absolutely a toxic element of our culture and should be getting ridden of. I don't know your background, but if you'te white, stop fantasizing about that, it's not as cool as it sounds in your head. It sucks.

Again, I have 3 children and they are well-mannered and polite, I never once hit them or insulted them, actually I make a point of never hitting or insulting them.

I don't even understand how you "need" to hit a child to make him behave well. That's so fuckin lame. Even animals don't do this. For real.

Sorry I feel very strongly about that. As I do for any injustice. But against children ? Fuck I can't stand it.

 

[Lycandroid]

And @Lycandroid please stop talking about those cultures like you know them. I'm from those cultures. I grew up in it. The good part are the family values, solidarity, respect of the elders. The "kids are object that can be beaten the shit of and parent can never be wrong" is absolutely a toxic element of our culture and should be getting ridden of. I don't know your background, but if you'te white, stop fantasizing about that, it's not as cool as it sounds in your head. It sucks.

Again, I have 3 children and they are well-mannered and polite, I never once hit them or insulted them, actually I make a point of never hitting or insulting them.

I don't even understand how you "need" to hit a child to make him behave well. That's so fuckin lame. Even animals don't do this. For real.

Sorry I feel very strongly about that. As I do for any injustice. But against children ? Fuck I can't stand it.

What you described is abuse, not discipline and I am sorry you endured that beating the shit out of a child is a criminal act. But there is nothing wrong about pulling out the wood spoon.

I grew up on a reserve, hardly what anyone would call a western liberal environment. I can tell you that from my experience that the kids who weren't properly disciplined from an early age are the ones that amounted to nothing but drugs and alcohol.

If you raised your child to be so soft that a smack on the bum is going to be traumatizing then you failed just as hard as someone who mercilessly beats their kids. The intent might be less sinister but either scenario is setting that child up for massive failure.

 

[Streeter]

I gave my kids a few whoopins it was needed . The way its been done since time thats how kids learn. Now I only did that in cases of disrespect to teach as words only go so far. Never out of anger except when tbe boy burned my shed down an ruined my tools - he deserved the paddle that day.

No issue with taking paddle to ass when a kids really fucking up. Not the first thing you do but the most effective when words dont work.

Now its more painful on the parents . Always laughed when my old man did it and said that but its true - I felt terrible after but sometimes needs doing.

 

[Crazy Source]

I gave my kids a few whoopins it was needed . The way its been done since time thats how kids learn. Now I only did that in cases of disrespect to teach as words only go so far. Never out of anger except when tbe boy burned my shed down an ruined my tools - he deserved the paddle that day.

No issue with taking paddle to ass when a kids really fucking up. Not the first thing you do but the most effective when words dont work.

Now its more painful on the parents . Always laughed when my old man did it and said that but its true - I felt terrible after but sometimes needs doing.

This was how I grew up. I didn't get many, but I had it coming when I did, and nothing that left bruising or lasting welts. When I was really young and an older lady ran a daycare that I got dropped off to, she used to get the switch after us. Those kids always cried but even then, I thought they were soft, lol. That shit didn't hurt.

 

[HomeCheese]

A short thin flexible stick to the backside does the job. It’s a great deterrent with zero chance that you’ll do any actual damage to the child. Eventually, you barely ever actually use it and alll you have to do is show it or remind them of it and it does the job. I don’t enjoy it at all, but it’s definitely doing the kids a favor, rather than having them grow up as a little shits who think that there are no consequences for bad actions.

I'm surprised you see such a close link between bad behavior and beatings. Either they get beat OR they behave like little shits.

I wonder if there is a middle ground where decent behavior could be achieved without beatings?

 

[Streeter]

This was how I grew up. I didn't get many, but I had it coming when I did, and nothing that left bruising or lasting welts. When I was really young and an older lady ran a daycare that I got dropped off to, she used to get the switch after us. Those kids always cried but even then, I thought they were soft, lol. That shit didn't hurt.

Been done since cavemen for a reason . Sure there's sadistic parents out there but 99 of 100 parents hate doing it but its needed . Words only really work after you feel the result of when they aren't headed with kids. I got some looks when I disciplined my kids from friends of ours when they was over years ago. Kid was being disrespectful not doung what was asked and mouthing off and my wife smacked him in the mouth ( not hard hard but he felt n everyone heard it). The shock and appalling on their faces was funny as I look at my kids now and theres ..... just say theres a difference if being nice. Not saying discipline is reason but it didn't hurt - my wife did a great job I worked 60-70 hours a week. Maybe too good a job I got 1 kid in Northwestern and 1 about to start Vanderbilt- I make good money and Im flat broke

 

[Crazy Source]

I'm surprised you see such a close link between bad behavior and beatings. Either they get beat OR they behave like little shits.

I wonder if there is a middle ground where decent behavior could be achieved without beatings?

@Koro_11 went to the Adrian Peterson school of child-rearing.

 

[Koya]

What you described is abuse, not discipline and I am sorry you endured that beating the shit out of a child is a criminal act. But there is nothing wrong about pulling out the wood spoon.

I grew up on a reserve, hardly what anyone would call a western liberal environment. I can tell you that from my experience that the kids who weren't properly disciplined from an early age are the ones that amounted to nothing but drugs and alcohol.

If you raised your child to be so soft that a smack on the bum is going to be traumatizing then you failed just as hard as someone who mercilessly beats their kids. The intent might be less sinister but either scenario is setting that child up for massive failure.

I agree with your last paragraph. What you're saying is about having discipline, and I also agree that a lack of structure messes kids up.

But hitting or insulting them doesn't build toughness, it makes them bipolar freaks who when faced with problems react with either fear or rage.

Toughening them up is necessary yes, but you don't need any hitting for that. My kids do wrestling and judo, I give them boxing lessons, and I also try to bring them with me for as much "adult stuff" as possible, stuff as stupid and simple as changing tires, doing chores, fixing around the house, administrative stuff etc.

Sure I do raise my voice sometimes when they act out, but I don’t need to hit them to make them sto.

The problem is that a lot of parent who don't hit are into the new age bullshit, and they just don’t parent. No rules, no backbone, no example to follow. That’s a lot of work to know the parents of your kids friends, and monitor their lives with a good balance of discipline and fun.

Kids copy what they see. If you’re honest and not a pushover, they want to become like you. But if you rely on fear to get their respect, they won't trust you, and will get their education and values somewhere else.