@chickenluver you rotten scoundrel! Get in here so that I can kick your goblinoid behind! What evil machinations were going on inside your reptilian-brain when you kept asking me "Hey europe1, have you seen the
Suspiria remake?" instead of "Save yourself! Stay away from the Suspiria remake! By Yahwe don't watch it! N
ooooo!" *followed by a self-inflicted gunshot to the head*
That movie was terrible! It was bad! It was terribad!
Alright... clearly it wasn't aiming to ape the Argento version. I got much more Fassbender/Possession-vibes from it, with the political milieu, the body-writhing aspects (reminiscent of the subway scene in Possession) and the grimy, featureless German setting. Fairy tales on acid this was not.
A big part of my issue with this movie was just the storytelling. The plans of the coven are just overheard in everyday scenes, glossed over as if they were talking about the weather. It completely robs the movie of any mystery, menace or sense of momentum. You're just watching a bunch of weirdos impassionately talking about their plans. There is no sense of discovery or dread.
And what the fuck was the camera-work and editing? You get some drastic camera moments and zooms whose only impression is "whaaaa?" If they were trying to mount tension or alienation or anything like that then they drastically failed.
And then there was all that political stuff? Were they trying to link the Dance Academy to the Radical politics of the 70's? The Academy feels very much like some sort of feminist collective. And there are illusions to their dancers sprinting off to join the underground. The protagonist flees from an old-timey church-cult in the Midwest. Are they trying to equate the self-destructiveness (and plain old destructiveness) of those political movements with the self-destructiveness of the Witches Coven? By trying to radically alter themselves they only descend into fuckery and perpetuating the old order? I have no idea what I'm writing about at this point! All of this feels rather purposeless and fetid.
Some funny ending body-horror scenes don't save this picture. I don't know if that was meant to be funny. But it was so try-hard and absurd that it ended up as such.
And those red ropes wrapped around their bodies made me think I was watching a fucking Japanese bondage-porno!
Some days I just want to be like that old guy at the end of
Rosemary's Baby and rise from my chair yelling "Heil Satan!!!"