Ridiculous but true confessions

[Fedorgasm]

Confess your most ridiculous sins here.

You'll find no judgement on this thread, my sons (and daughter).

I'll go first.

I never thought Tracey McGrady was a great player. But in hindsight I think I was just biased because he had weird eyes.

Your turn.

 

[SSgt Dickweed]

Nice try, FBI ICE.

 

[CrazyN8]

I confess I welcome our ant overlords.

 

[Contempt]

I confess that I thought the Sherdog tech guys weren't utterly incompetent... three weeks and counting has proven me wrong.

 

[Fedorgasm]

One time my mom yelled "who ate all the cookies?"

And I said, "Mom, I cannot tell a lie. I ate the cookies."

But that was a lie. I didn't eat them. I just wanted to test my lying skills. Whoever did eat the cookies probably thought I was crazy.

 

[Tone C]

I was barely 17 and I once killed a boy with a fender guitar.I don't remember if it was a Telecaster or a Stratocaster,but i do rememberthat it had a heart of chrome and a voice like a horny angel.

I don't remember if it was a Telecaster or a Stratocaster, but I do remember that it wasn't at all easy.It required the perfect combination of the right powerchords and the precise angle from which to strike.

The guitar bled for about a week afterwards and the blood was ooh...dark and rich like wild berries.

 

[MarloStanfield]

I had a wet dream on an international flight

 

[Lycandroid]

i pissed in a chicks ass once

 

[Slobodan]

i pissed in a chicks ass once

 

[Zer]

i pissed in a chicks ass once

 

[Wilmer Digreux]

I had a wet dream on an international flight

not quite

 

[Brom Bones]

Confess your most ridiculous sins here.

You'll find no judgement on this thread, my sons (and daughter).

I'll go first.

I never thought Tracey McGrady was a great player. But in hindsight I think I was just biased because he had weird eyes.

Your turn.

I eat my own spunk on the regular.

Spoiler

No homo!

 

[Kardashians]

when i eat pretzel sticks, i start out by nibbling the salt off like a hamster, then eat the stick. it's like edging. building up the saltiness in my mouth.
then, it's too much, i gotta take a handful of pretzels and throw them in my gullet, chew two or three times, then sip diet pepsi. the saltiness is fantastic.
it's the cumming of salt n crunch!

 

[khukurikoo]

When me and my wife argue via text, sometimes I’ll just record a fart and send it to her. It always makes her more pissed off, but at least it lightens my mood. I’ve had to disguise it as she started to catch on around the 5th time. I started texting stuff like “you know I love you so just remember what matters” and then send the fart audio. The last time it worked was “Hey, did you get this message from (insert kid’s name)?”

 

[RoastBeast]

when i eat pretzel sticks, i start out by nibbling the salt off like a hamster, then eat the stick. it's like edging. building up the saltiness in my mouth.
then, it's too much, i gotta take a handful of pretzels and throw them in my gullet, chew two or three times, then sip diet pepsi. the saltiness is fantastic.
it's the cumming of salt n crunch!

 

[blackdudebro]

i pissed in a chicks ass once

Damn…

 

[jeff7b9]

At Lollapalooza 1996 or so Wu Tang Clan tossed a bunch of frisbees into the crowd.

Later on a Frisbee landed by me, I picked it up, threw it and hit the Soundgarden drummer during their show. They stopped playing and Chris Cornell told the crowd to beat me up, but I moved to a different location so people didn't recognize me as the guy who threw the Frisbee.

 

[toasty]

@jeff7b9 just reminded me of one. I was in junior high school and went to a pro wrestling event with Andre the Giant in the main event. I was pretty far back but evidently close enough to them walking out that the piece of pretzel my weak arm threw, flew true and hit Andre right on the forehead.

Then he died. And when he fell he crushed 4 spectators to death. Then Pedro Morales had to forfeit the tag team championship match. And I was responsible for all of that. We’ll not the last few bits but I did hit him with pretzel, can’t recall for sure but I think no mustard on it, but still feel bad when I think on it

Ps @MarloStanfield if yours is true can we get some details? We’re you traveling alone? Did anyone know what happened? What did you do to try to cover it up? Please Tell the story in full Sherbro