Office jibes too much for cowoker – wants to beat me up

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by MC Paul Barman, May 6, 2019.

  1. MC Paul Barman

    MC Paul Barman Gold Belt Platinum Member

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    A new guy (Doug) started in our department at the end of April of this year.

    On his first day he sees me in the breakroom drinking a Dr. Pepper so he calls me “Dr. Tim”. So I’m like “alright, game on”, let’s have some fun with this.

    In our first team meeting welcoming him to the job I crack him back with “keep the language clear here, folks…. We’ve got children present with us now” and I nod in his direction. To say he looked confused would be an understatement; to say everyone else in that meeting looked confused would also be an understatement.

    Uncomfortably our boss continued his brief welcome in which he used the phrase “I’m sure all will attest to the fact that we’ve a very relaxed atmosphere here”.

    Undeterred from the initial confusion I commented to Doug again, “Those are all very big words and probably hard to understand, but he’s just saying that you’re probably going to like it here.”

    A shower of “what the hell” “knock it off” “are you being serious” rained upon us and I just said, “easy everyone, we just have alittle jab war going on… all in good fun.”

    Doug knocked me on my heels with “I don’t know you and I don’t know what you’re even talking about.”


    After the meeting I went up to Doug’s desk and he ignored all of my pleasantries (“how bout this weather”, “local team is doing great this year”, “do brush your teeth more than twice a week”).

    The kitchen heat was a bit too much for him and hammered his fist on his desk and demanded I tell him “what the hell are doing this for?!”.

    “Oh, you can jab me with “dr. Tim”… but if I say anything back then it’s below the belt?”

    He CLAIMED that he didn’t mean “Dr. Tim” as an insult and said “I don’t know how any reasonable person could take that as a slam.” And went on to say that if I really took it as the welcoming of some insult war then he would apologize because it wasn’t his intent.


    Alittle bit later in the week I wanted to test the water to make sure he didn’t want to keep the war going. I walk up into his office and said, “Hey Doug, you left this over by the printer” and I let the biggest/loudest fart rip right next to him (with my rump situated over the edge of his desk).

    The maniac put his hands on me and shoved me…

    Well things hit the boiling point today and I have, for the first time in a long time, someone who told me they’re going to beat me up. And he seems sincere about it.

    Whatever…. I’m not afraid to fight. But if you can’t take the insults being lobbed back, you probably shouldn’t start them to begin with.
     
  2. wigglestick

    wigglestick pess de gward Platinum Member

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    The guys calling you a doctor and you take it as an insult and start reaming the guy non stop?
    <DisgustingHHH>
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2019
  3. Okajima

    Okajima Red Belt

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  4. Only Here for Attachments

    Only Here for Attachments Stipe Justice Warrior

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    What show is this from?
     
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  5. Which Doctor

    Which Doctor The ATT Heel Stable/Faction Belt

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    Dr. Tim sounds kinda cool.
     
  6. DougieJones

    DougieJones You're The Man Now Dog Belt

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    6/10 decent effort. Next time be a little more subtle.
     
  7. WaylonMercy5150

    WaylonMercy5150 Silver Belt

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    McDonalds will hire anyone these days.
     
  8. MC Paul Barman

    MC Paul Barman Gold Belt Platinum Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  9. Hog-train

    Hog-train Black Belt

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    You sound like an immature moron OP.
     
  10. MC Paul Barman

    MC Paul Barman Gold Belt Platinum Member

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    How? If you're going to start an insult war you can't call Switzerland when the mortar strikes start coming back.
     
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  11. fungi

    fungi Living la Vida Coca

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    Yeah, he should've gone with "Timmey"

     
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  12. chrisdiaz

    chrisdiaz Brown Belt

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    I see unemployment in your future.
     
  13. TheDodgyPlumber

    TheDodgyPlumber Banned Banned

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    This story only reaffirms my belief that all men that work in an office are sissies.
     
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  14. MC Paul Barman

    MC Paul Barman Gold Belt Platinum Member

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    I can't take an ass kicking and unemployment in the same week. So I hope you're wrong....
     
  15. KONG-D'SNT-TAP

    KONG-D'SNT-TAP Titanium Belt

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    Your screen name is so much cooler than your real name Tim
     
  16. JOE QUEEF

    JOE QUEEF Amply Insensate Platinum Member

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    Start wearing a mouth guard.

    There's uppercuts in the room.
     
  17. JAEGERX

    JAEGERX i stay blessed

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    he sealed his fate when he ruined your reputation and challenged you by destroying your identity and replacing it with this dr. tim, you should just kick him in the balls
     
  18. Shael

    Shael Silver Belt

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    Unfortunately these young cats have it in their heads that they need to be respected and oftentimes they try to earn theirs by going to war with a senior whose way cooler than they are. He needs to be out in his place.
     
  19. looktwice

    looktwice Blue Belt

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    How is Dr Tim an insult?

    {<huh}
     
  20. Thunderchild

    Thunderchild Platinum Nation Belt

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    Literally none of this happened, but if I were the new guy I would pimp slap you for passing gas on my desk.
     
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