Wear steel toes, drop a quarter on the ground in front of him so that he can see it. When he bends over, kick him in the face. LOL. Or, since this is all fantasy, flick his earlobe really hard and pluck the baby hairs from his neck! He might start crying then. If not, at least you made him angry and then you have a reason to headbutt him in the nose when he turns around.