Most awkward people talked to, or illogical interactions you've had

[Darth_Inv1ctu5]

Plot twist - I had some really awkward conversations with myself while high. Uncomfortable conversations. I don't handle pot well so I now steer clear of it.

Other than that, the most awkward conversation I can recall was when a good friend was explaining to me why I needed to get my girlfriend at the time to move out of my apartment. We'd been together six years and it was definitely going nowhere but the guy wasn't mincing words, wasn't very delicate about it and while I didn't say anything to protest, I wanted to rip his fucking head off. It was unbelievably painful to think about what he was saying. But he was right, it was just a bandaid that was ripped with zero tenderness. I felt fucking livid and depressed at the same time. After a few months when me and the girl.finally broke up he apologized for harsh words but said it was needed. And it likely was. But I'm not gonna lie, it was fucking brutal.

 

[PlayswellwithLawnDarts]

Do we really have to call it poly-substance abuse?

Should just say a bunch a drugs

 

[ToxicShocker]

I've never heard of someone abusing drug

 

[nostradumbass]

I just yesterday had a chick from Mexico think it was hilarious that I'm from SC. Bitch, aren't you from a 3rd world country? Might wanna ease up on the criticism of someone's home town when your own is run by drug lords.

 

[MoparOrNoCar]

I just yesterday had a chick from Mexico think it was hilarious that I'm from SC. Bitch, aren't you from a 3rd world country? Might wanna ease up on the criticism of someone's home town when your own is run by drug lords.

Well it is kind of a third world state so she had a point.

 

[nostradumbass]

Well it is kind of a third world state so she had a point.

Oh yeah, what a nightmare.

 

[LEGS MAHONEY]

back when i was a hospital renta cop we jumped on this heroin addict who tried to punch me in the chest and as we were cuffing him up for the real cops , this bleeding heart liberal doctor who saw literally none of the fight or what lead up to it barged in and tried to make us let the poor man go because she believed we could just go to our security office and issue a warrant for his arrest.

I just stood there like

HOW CAN SOMEONE GET SO FAR IN THEIR LIFE BEING SO FUCKING STUPID.

 

[Social Distance Warrior]

when you have worked in social services, mental health, or in the food industry you definitely encounter you fair share of crazies and down right fu*king idiots.

 

[Tuf_guy]

I worked in a small shop on Saturdays, sort of like a hardware/bit of everything type shop. One day, this old codger about 70yrs old walks in, walks past me and smiles, then smalltalks me for about 2-5mins. Fine.

Next Saturday, he's there again,only this time his small talk (bear in mind, second ever 'chat' we'd had) consisted of this (I more or less know this word for word, especially the bold part):

"Got a girlfriend then?"
Me: Yeah
"Shagging her?"
Uhhhhh.......
"Bet you have a good ol' play with yourself though, right? I bet it used to be like spud juice, bet it's the real cream now, isn't it?"

Spud is british slang for potato.

I just stared for a few seconds, then walked off. Saw him come in a couple more Saturdays, blatantly snooping around for me, avoided him. When I was about 21, I realised he actually lived way down the other end of my old street and clearly spent his afternoons stood at his gate watching schoolkids walk home. Pretty disturbing.

 

[Bacco]

In my early 20s worked as security in stores and clubs, lost count of the bizzarre shit drugged up/drunk guys say LOL

If i can count out them, my best is probably this fucking 50s wierdo that EVERY DAY for weeks used to come to the store and play a fucking playstation demo (whatever game was on) for HOURS.
Like 10am morning opening to 1 or 2 pm, then leave

First days i was worried was some kind of shit and got an extra eye on him, but he totally ignored kids or anybody else, he just wanted to play his demos for hours LOL

Sometimes i or staff had to tell him to left the pad to let kids play and he was like a kid who got a scolding

Every morning as standard i had to open the store 10min earlier to let staff enter and set up things, while customers had to wait the 10am

Every morning had this dude asking "are you opening?are you opening? when it's opening? can i enter?"

Best was times i had him in same subway wagon on the way to the opening (LOL) and in middle of crowd i was like
"OH! You need to behave well today, i'm already angry"
"nono i'm good"
"i told you!"
"nono i'm good, i wait opening then i play the demos"

Everything lasted like 2 months iirc lol

 

[Falconkick]

At work and lunch break hits. We pile into a co-workers car and head too the Lebanese restauraunt. I personally do not care for the driver because he is a fucking idiot...You will read a prime example why right now.

He hits reverse to leave the parking lot, always trying to be the cool guy he hits the gas hard and goes way too far back and hits the lead hands jeep. The lead hand had brought his lunch, he was inside the warehouse NOT in his jeep...

So I say too him "Woah what in the fuck man, seriously?" He puts the car in drive and goes to leave...So laughing my ass off at how stupid this kid is I ask him "You're not going to go and tell Scott you just hit his jeep?"

His reply

"It's 50/50 in a parking lot"

So bad

We all laughed at him called him a retard asking him how he can justify his logic considering Scott wasn't in his vehicle it was fucking parked...he is a ginger and just turned like 5 more shades of red and had nothing too say....fucking dummy

 

[Kraysla]

Or help move shit to keep from getting touched with some street combos?

This is such a great sentence.

I worked with a few guys that were crazy, but this one russian IT guy at the office I used to work at takes the cake. He would constantly pace around the office and talk to himself out loud. You couldn't understand him when he talked and he would often just stand in the middle of a room for long periods of time just staring. Talking about him won't do his craziness justice, but here are some highlights:

My buddy came into work on a saturday. Guy was sitting in his cube shirtless.

In men's room, came out of stall to wash hands. Dude was standing on a freshly mopped, wet floor in black dress socks, no pants, and a button up shirt. While washing my hands, as quickly as i could, he pulls out some orange bikini briefs from a bag and just swaps bottoms right there at the sink counter.

One time he was walking in circles around the urinals, eating an apple and talking to himself.

My buddy made oatmeal in a cup one morning. Guy picks it up, sticks his nose in it, and then inhales deeply.

He used to wait until women would get close to the office door, then he would open the door with his keycard. But instead of standing behind it and holding it, he would stand in front of it, and expect the women to crouch down and walk under his arm and between him and the door.

An email was sent out for ideas for annual holiday party. He replied to all that we should have it at an indoor waterslide park for little children.

Was using stall in men's room and dude was standing outside the door talking to himself. I ripped open the door and yell in his face, "what the fuck are you doing?!" He stammers incoherently in his weird high pitched voice, 'no, i uhhh, mmmrrrmmm, ugh...' "What. Are. You. Doing?" 'Ehhhh, noooo, iiiii, mmrrrmm, sorrry, i bother...' "You're standing outside the stall door talking to yourself while i'm trying to piss. Yeah, it's a little fucking weird." He stammered some type of apology and then ran out of the bathroom.

For some reason they kept him on for a long time even though he had a bunch of complaints against him. They finally had to fire him eventually. Good riddance, hated that fuck. So much more shit he pulled.

 

[Damien Karras]

Oh yeah, what a nightmare.

Your retaliation is a picture of a marina?

 

[Damien Karras]

Maybe this doesn't count but one time there was this crusty old homeless guy with vomit in his beard who walked up to a group of teenage girls and said "Hey d'ya want to eat my pussy?!"

 

[nostradumbass]

Your retaliation is a picture of a marina?

A marina in SC, yeah.

 

[SMillard]

I just remembered this one, I used to work for a guy that was just the most socially awkward person I've ever met. Once we were standing inside a corridor with a bunch of people including some who are construction workers eating their lunch just inside the door that goes to the outside. Out of nowhere the guy starts shuffling his feet, grabs his stomach and starts repeating "oooh, I've gotta fart, I've gotta fart, I've gotta fart" then rips this long loud fart. I said "why didn't you just go outside?" he replies "oh yeah, you're right, it really stinks in here now" then goes outside leaving all these poor guys in his personal oversized dutch oven.

Same guy, he was really nasty. I hated to even sit in his car, he had a fairly nice Cadillac Escalade that within a month looked like a homeless crackhead had been living in it. We have to go to a meeting and he comes in to a construction trailer meeting wearing baggy gym shorts, a stretched out stained white T shirt and crocs. He goes to sit down and says "oooooh, that MRSA on my ass makes it really uncomfortable to sit down" one of the guys in the trailer says "what? MRSA? what? I'm not sure you should be in our trailer" my bosses response was "oh, don't worry the doctor said I got it when I picked my nose then scratched my ass, so you should be alright because I'm wearing underwear". Everyone just looked at me like "what the hell?" I ended up putting in my notice about a month later, I just couldn't deal with that crap anymore.

 

[Couch Ninja]

One time I was jamming with a buddy in his barn. We were just riffing, him on drums, me on guitar. All the sudden his drunk dad barges in, picks up a mic, and starts scream-singing a song that doesn't exist. He was right in my face shouting, and I had to pretend it was all totally normal because he was having a mid-life crisis or something. I asked my buddy 'What the fuck was that?' after his dad left but he didn't have a good answer. What could he say?

 

[Couch Ninja]

A few years back I was camping by myself on a mountain. It was technically on private property so you weren't really supposed to be up there, but lots of stoners knew about it and would go up there and make fires and smoke weed. In the middle of the night, a car came up there and parked behind the cemetery. I went to spy on whoever it was and caught this couple having sex in the front seat. I walked up and hit them with the flashlight, and they immediately threw up this tarp they had so I couldn't see them. Only the woman would talk to me, she sounded older. She kept calling me 'Officer,' they thought I was a cop! Hehehe Still makes me laugh. I just let em think it and told them to be safe after a little chat. Then I disappeared into the dark woods like a crazy person, and they left. Lol I didn't mean to cockblock that guy though

 

[boingyman]

Do we really have to call it poly-substance abuse?

We don't. It's just a bad old habit when noting their past medical history when charting on patients. If I'm not mistaken the term 'polysubstance' is not even part of the DSM5 or a ICD10 code. I don't really pay attention to it since I don't code for mental health conditions.

 

[Fatt Hughes]

unironically, some of the most awkward convos I've had the reluctant pleasure of being in are from vidya console releases. Some real weirdos, grown men mind you, trapped in some warped sense of reality. I begin to wonder whether these people are geninue or I'm being punked.