Most awkward people talked to, or illogical interactions you've had

[RayA]

Who are some of the most awkward people you've met, or what are some of the most irrational confrontations/interactions you've had? Times where you just wondered, how do these people function or go about their lives in the world around them?

I have a few stories from when I worked a temp job in a warehouse.

1. It was a group of us just talking, waiting to start the day, and the new guy, his first day, his first half hour there, unprompted just walks up to us and says, "Hey, do you want to see my wife's titties?" and just throws his phone on the pallet with his wife's chest on the screen. Is, is this a thing? Just walking up to random dude's you've never met before and just showing nude photos of your wife. We all pretty much just say, OK cool, and then continue about our business. Later that day, while pushing a rack he just stops and says, "I think I shit myself." I chuckle because I thought he was joking, but later that day he's missing, and I asked where'd the new guy go? Apparently he walked to the office, and asked if he could go home because he had actually soiled his pants. The next day he asks to leave early again because of a "family emergency" and we never see him again due to him being let go.

2. There was a batch of new guys, and they were tasked with unloading a container of light mattresses and box springs. There were 3 of them doing what could easily be a two man job. Instead of helping them, one of the workers there gave me the gun to take inventory and scan in new items. The one got outright pissed off at me for not helping them unload the truck, and I simply told him I was asked to do what I was doing. After I finished, I walked over, and the guy just starts yelling at me. He calls me lazy, and goes on to say, and I remember this word for word because of how ridiculous he sounded
"I ain't no hood , but s like you making me all angry and shit, making me want to go all street on your ass."
He then proceeded to touch up some mattresses with his swift boxing. One of the workers saw this and reported him to the manager. The guy was released right then and there.

Temp jobs always attract quite a peculiar crowd

 

[Bubzeh]

This is Sherdog bro. We are the awkward ones.

 

[MoparOrNoCar]

Back when I worked retail there was this dude there who was obviously closeted but was trying to hide it and was doing a terrible job at it. When he walked down an aisle, he looked like he was walking on the runway. He had this really feminine strut he would do. One day my buddy asked him why he walked like that and he said "Because I have my mothers hips".

 

[boingyman]

I've had many, but usually with individuals with unstable psychiatric issues. I've worked in a psychiatric state hospital as well as covering the acute psych ward at the current hospital I'm at. Usually patients with untreated schizophrenia, manic bipolar, pyschosis, etc can get very interesting. Throw in heavy polysubstance abuse and personality disorder/traits is the cherry on top. Many I've encountered in public probably have untreated mental health disorder or an acute occurance that needs attention. I've even encountered a few patients with multiple personality disorder. In the previous state hospital I worked at probably the craziest ward was an all female (non forensic) ward. You are not even allowed to bring a pen inside because someone may swallow it or stab you with it. Those girls were nuts.

 

[Bubzeh]

Back when I worked retail there was this dude there who was obviously closeted but was trying to hide it and was doing a terrible job at it. When he walked down an aisle, he looked like he was walking on the runway. He had this really feminine strut he would do. One day my buddy asked him why he walked like that and he said "Because I have my mothers hips".

Burst out laughing. Love it.

 

[Kanuck99]

Every morning I look in the mirror and tell myself how dominant I am.

 

[SMillard]

had one Saturday, wasn't really the most awkward but it's recent. Guy came over to wash and detail my wife's car and my truck. Guy starts telling me about his life and goes on about what a rough life he had and tells me how "you'll see someday when you get around my age, when I was young I could do stuff all day long. Now I've slowed down a bit. Wait until you get close to my age it'll start hitting you too"I figure he's got to be in in mid 60's or so, but I don't care I am just trying to get him to finish doing his job while I'm trying to finish doing what I'm doing my yard work and fixing the sprinklers when he says "yeah, I was married to a 29 year old girl when I was 49, but now she's strung out on drugs now and I'm single again at 54". I couldn't help myself and blurted out "holy shit, you're only 5 years older than me?" Talk about an awkward moment.

 

[Pugilistic]

i have a lot of stories. The community I'm loosely a part of seems to attract weird people and I also meet a lot of people in general so the possibility of me meeting a weirdo increases.

I've met serious socially clueless people.
Once met a guy who kept listing all the languages he can count to ten in. He literally went, "Do you guys know any other languages? I know how to count in German. Eins, zwei, drei..." He goes up to ten and says, "Oh I know it in Spanish too. Uno, dos, tres..." Finishes and says, "I know it in Chinese too." Then repeat. Everybody else at the table just looked at each other like WTF is up with this guy. I left to spare myself.

Also met this old dude who likes to take random photos of people. He once argued to my Chinese American friend for not being able to speak Mandarin. Her family was cantonese so that's what she spoke but this geezer kept telling her she should speak Mandarin because she's chinese lol. Conversation went, "Hello, where are you from?"
"I'm from California."
"But where is your family from?"
"My family is Chinese."
"So you speak Chinese?"
"Yes, but I speak Cantonese, not Mandarin."
"But you're Chinese. Why don't you speak Mandarin?"
"Because my family is culturally Cantonese!"
"You should speak Mandarin, you're Chinese!"
Then he whipped out his camera and took a picture of her while she was looking at him dumbfounded.

A recent friend I had to cut out always tried to one up people in his "alpha-ness." I made a thread about him before. It was ridiculous. I once mentioned that a guy I know is in Army Special Operations and that he's a legit badass, and this dude's immediate response is, "So? I'll kick his ass." I don't know why anyone's immediate answer be such other than that they are extremely insecure. Talk about a guy who's jacked and he'll go, "So? I bet I'm taller than him." Mention a guy you know who does well with women and he'll go, "So? I'm better looking." It's rare to encounter such a frail ego. I couldn't have a conversation with him.

but the guy that takes the cake was this sociopath who lied about everything or asked for the weirdest things. Claiming to being a virgin one day then claiming he picked up some girls at a club the next, then back to claiming he's a virgin again. If I called him out on it, he'd claim he was drunk even if know he wasn't. You couldn't tell which was the lie.

 

[Tuf_guy]

This is Sherdog bro. We are the awkward ones.

The op being Exhibit A. Who doesn't know that you're supposed to have a good circle jerk when a guy shows you his wife's titties? Or offer him a change of socks if he shits his pants?
Or help move shit to keep from getting touched with some street combos?

A Sherdogger, that's who.

Spoiler

shoulda put spoiler tags around the answer above, but fuck it. I get the feeling a lotta mofos here don't click on them anyway, so whatever.

 

[Bubzeh]

Back when I worked retail there was this dude there who was obviously closeted but was trying to hide it and was doing a terrible job at it. When he walked down an aisle, he looked like he was walking on the runway. He had this really feminine strut he would do. One day my buddy asked him why he walked like that and he said "Because I have my mothers hips".

Read this 6 or 7 times and still can't stop laughing ffs. Deserves a bump.

 

[Nameless Ghoul]

I had a co-worker that did not know the difference between AM and PM. One Friday they were looking at the schedule and said "Oh, I'm surprised Chris is working tonight", I said "He isn't, that's AM he worked this morning". It turned into a back and forth about "why I was wrong", until finally they called the Supervisor to settle it.

 

[The_Renaissance]

This isn't illogical, but it was fucking awkward - I was about 15/16 at the time and didn't really absorb how serious this conversation potentially was.

I worked in a small shop on Saturdays, sort of like a hardware/bit of everything type shop. One day, this old codger about 70yrs old walks in, walks past me and smiles, then smalltalks me for about 2-5mins. Fine.

Next Saturday, he's there again,only this time his small talk (bear in mind, second ever 'chat' we'd had) consisted of this (I more or less know this word for word, especially the bold part):

"Got a girlfriend then?"
Me: Yeah
"Shagging her?"
Uhhhhh.......
"Bet you have a good ol' play with yourself though, right? I bet it used to be like spud juice, bet it's the real cream now, isn't it?"

Spud is british slang for potato.

I just stared for a few seconds, then walked off. Saw him come in a couple more Saturdays, blatantly snooping around for me, avoided him. When I was about 21, I realised he actually lived way down the other end of my old street and clearly spent his afternoons stood at his gate watching schoolkids walk home. Pretty disturbing.

 

[salamander]

Autistic people always give me a pause, if I'm not aware of their condition.

 

[RayA]

I left this one out to keep the op from being too long, but the worst was a guy who was just an actual idiot. Not autistic, just, dumb. He would mumble incoherently and stare off into the distance out of nowhere, so they nicknamed him space cadet. Sometimes, he would walk just straight ahead, into the path of a fork lift, and when they'd honk the horn, he'd just turn and stare at them. After 10 seconds or so, he'd turn and continue on his merry way. My first interaction with him was me simply asking "how's it going?" "HUH?"
The guy spoke like a south park Canadian sometimes, his bottom jaw staying still while the top half of his head being the one that raises. Me: "How's it going?" Him: "huh?" "how's it going?" "huh?" "Hi, hello, how are you?" "Naaww man, you on some crazy shit."
And then he just walked off.

Later, I was talking to my two buddies with him adjacent to us talking to one of the forklift drivers. We were talking about two weird bumps on my friends neck, concluding it was a spiderbite, and then naturally start talking about spiders. Meanwhhile he was telling a story about when he had diarrhea and vomiting, and had no idea what it was from. I turn to him and causally Make an admitably bad joke, "Was it from a spiderbite?" This followed
Him: "HUH?!"
Me: "Was it from a spiderbite?"
"Nawww man, you can't play with me like that, I ain't yo buddies. You got dem yo play with, not me. I ain't here fo you to talk to. Go and play with them, sheeeeyit."
He wouldn't let this go and went on and on while we were trying to ignore him. This went on for literally over 2 minutes, until I gave in and made the mistake of saying, "Are you done yet?"
And he replied. "Ohhhh! So you wanna fight? Nawww man, I ain't no bitch. Meet me in the corner, I'ma make you regret it" I looked at him dumbfounded, and he just walked off saying "That's right muffucker"

Later, my friend was talking about his girlfriend, and the guy comes up and asks, "She black?" My friend goes "yeah". "So she pregnant wit yo baby?" "...yeah" "You get her pregnant" "Why do you keep asking me bout my girl"
"You have some transgression against me man? Why you gotta act all hostile and shit. I'll meet you in the corner muffucka."
My friend was ready to throw down until we had to remind him that this was at work, this guy is an idiot, this is literally the dumbest reason to fight.
The guy deservedly was let go that day.

At one point he claimed that he gets "Appoximately 110 pussies a year, about 20 pussies a month easy."

 

[minute bull]

I argue with people who hate films. So that's double illogical.

 

[ToxicShocker]

Outside of a place I volunteer last night, which is across the street from a target. Homeless man in a long shirt has no pants, and no underwear on. I asked him "Dude, wheres your pants" He responds something about "their gone!" It's pretty obvious he's on meth. I tell him "If you wait behind that dumpster for 10 minutes I'll go buy you a pack of underwear."

"I don't want underwear, I want MMMMUUUUUNNNNNEEEEEYYYY" all drawn out like that. I laughed hard in his face and walked away.

Dude went past rock bottom and never looked back.

 

[minute bull]

It's a fine establishment.

 

[RawHawg]

I once had a lady at my work tell me that she didn't understand why people say gas prices change. It was such an odd statement and I answered her in a rather sarcastic tone and said "what don't you understand?" She then launched into a tirade and told me "listen, I always put in 10 dollars of gas every time I go to the gas station. I did this 10 years ago, I did this 5 years ago, I did this today....it's always 10 dollars, so it does not change, now do you understand?! duh!" Once I realized she wasn't joking I just agreed with her, there was no point in expending any more energy on this

 

[ToxicShocker]

Throw in heavy polysubstance abuse and personality disorder/traits is the cherry on top. Many I've encountered in public probably have untreated mental health disorder or an acute occurance that needs attention. I've

Do we really have to call it poly-substance abuse?

 

[RayA]

I once had a lady at my work tell me that she didn't understand why people say gas prices change. It was such an odd statement and I answered her in a rather sarcastic tone and said "what don't you understand?" She then launched into a tirade and told me "listen, I always put in 10 dollars of gas every time I go to the gas station. I did this 10 years ago, I did this 5 years ago, I did this today....it's always 10 dollars, so it does not change, now do you understand?! duh!" Once I realized she wasn't joking I just agreed with her, there was no point in expending any more energy on this

If it were me, I'd have to at least try and explain it to her. I'd just have to see how her brain handles this information.