Makes me sad seeing pics of my kids when they were younger.

Phlog

Phlog

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Nothing prepared me for the constant loss of being a parent. The child you love so much you ache just thinking about them is gone every time you look around.

They're a new person, that you love just as much as who they were, but who they were is gone.

When I look at photos of them as toddlers.. I'm just really lucky that I know this feeling. I think that's where the hurt in loving something so much it hurts resides. To really love something is to appreciate, to feel it's finality.
 
Right there with ya.

Mine are grumpy little young men now, and losing my tiny buddies makes me think of how quickly time goes by. One second you’re their entire world, and the next they are little astronauts, trying to escape your gravity and explore on their own. Bittersweet looking back
 
Phlog said:
Nothing prepared me for the constant loss of being a parent. The child you love so much you ache just thinking about them is gone every time you look around.

They're a new person, that you love just as much as who they were, but who they were is gone.

When I look at photos of them as toddlers.. I'm just really lucky that I know this feeling. I think that's where the hurt in loving something so much it hurts resides. To really love something is to appreciate, to feel it's finality.
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My opinion may be unpopular and is caused by personal experience with my father.

My father tells me every time we meet how he misses me being little. It feels like he misses the time when I was fully dependent on him and bereft of a personal opinion.

Your main mission as a parent is to nurture and grow your kids to be next generation of functioning adults. Cherish the people your kids grow up to be.
They need your love as adults too, and love not for the memory of them being toddlers but for who they are now. Only parents (and even they not every time) love us for who we are.
Do not rob your kids of that. Do not make them think they are now somehow inferior to what they used to be when they were little.
 
ssBaldy said:
My opinion may be unpopular and is caused by personal experience with my father.

My father tells me every time we meet how he misses me being little. It feels like he misses the time when I was fully dependent on him and bereft of a personal opinion.

Your main mission as a parent is to nurture and grow your kids to be next generation of functioning adults. Cherish the people your kids grow up to be.
They need your love as adults too, and love not for the memory of them being toddlers but for who they are now. Only parents (and even they not every time) love us for who we are.
Do not rob your kids of that. Do not make them think they are now somehow inferior to what they used to be when they were little.
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This makes no fucking sense at all.
 
ssBaldy said:
Probably you have a less fucked up family than I do. I am happy for you, brother. As I said, that shit is personal, and I just don't want other kids to live through feeling they are not as good grown up as when they were younger.
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You're probably right. But I think you may be thinking more into those words than is meant. I'm not sure there's a parent out there that doesn't miss the times they spent with their kids when they were little. Its honestly one of the greatest things in the world. But that doesn't mean we don't love them as they get older. It's just nostalgia.
 
Each stage has it good and bad.

Try your best to soak up the good moments as best you can and hold on to those memories, and don't let the tough spots get the best of you.

We humans perceive time as linear in one direction, so purposefully hanging yourself up in the past is an odd form of self flaggelation that i don't see the benefit of.


Dont let whatever you miss from your past experiences allow you to miss how great your kids are RIGHT NOW. They are currently as young as they will ever be for the rest of your life.
 
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mjmj said:
You're probably right. But I think you may be thinking more into those words than is meant. I'm not sure there's a parent out there that doesn't miss the times they spent with their kids when they were little. Its honestly one of the greatest things in the world. But that doesn't mean we don't love them as they get older. It's just nostalgia.
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I mess with mine all the time that way... Hope I am not giving them reasons to be truly upset.
 
mjmj said:
You're probably right. But I think you may be thinking more into those words than is meant. I'm not sure there's a parent out there that doesn't miss the times they spent with their kids when they were little. Its honestly one of the greatest things in the world. But that doesn't mean we don't love them as they get older. It's just nostalgia.
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In general you are right.
I do not want to dig deep in my situation here, especially since my father and I learned to deal with it somewhat and now it is better than when I was 20 or 25. But believe me, there are parents who treat their kids like pets, at least to a degree, and get mad when they grow up and refuse to behave exactly like parents want.
 
ssBaldy said:
Just don't forget to tell them you love their present selves. Nostalgia is not bad at all if the present situation is good too.
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For sure. Besides the youngest, they are well on their way to success, so I tell them all the time how good they are doing. Much better than I was doing at that age... So much better.
 
I got a good mix. The oldest is 18. While the other two are 5 and 2 and we are working on having another. It is pretty wild seeing old pictures of the oldest kid. Especially what he looks like now, and just how much he looked like his siblings at the same age they are. Spitting image. Part wishes they could have met or known him from back then, but at the same time he is a good brother to them now.
 
Cerberus87 said:
As a father of a 10 month old, I appreciate this thread!
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I got a 10 month old too. I've got mixed feelings on it though. On one hand you don't want to miss a second and time to freeze but on the other hand I really really want to get out of the baby stage and him to be old enough to talk to me and go on adventures and I feel like the amount of energy he needs every day is killing me.
 
Phlog said:
Nothing prepared me for the constant loss of being a parent. The child you love so much you ache just thinking about them is gone every time you look around.

They're a new person, that you love just as much as who they were, but who they were is gone.

When I look at photos of them as toddlers.. I'm just really lucky that I know this feeling. I think that's where the hurt in loving something so much it hurts resides. To really love something is to appreciate, to feel it's finality.
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Google photos' daily popups remind me everyday how small they were.

therealdope said:
I'm visiting my kids at university right now. It is brutal not having them at home.
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My son goes to a local uni and we're paying for his dorm. He still comes home everyday/night.
 
ObsoleteSoul said:
For sure. Besides the youngest, they are well on their way to success, so I tell them all the time how good they are doing. Much better than I was doing at that age... So much better.
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I am so glad for you and your family! Keep going the right way.
 
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