Let's make puns

[Hotora86]

- When Noah was loading his Ark, where did he put the oldest bees?
- In the Ark-hives.

 

[Hotora86]

Did you hear about the pilot who went on sick leave? He had the flew.

 

[Hotora86]

A man worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.

 

[Hotora86]

- What do prisoners use to call each other?
- Cell phones.

 

[Hotora86]

A cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race. The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato had to catch up.

 

[Hotora86]

- Who is black and white and asian?
- A panda.

 

[Hotora86]

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. He told her:
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Well, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."

 

[Hotora86]

- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
- It has great food, but no atmosphere.

 

[Hotora86]

- Why do we keep building new mausoleums?
- Because people are dying to get in.

 

[Hotora86]

- What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
- One sells watches and the other watches cells.

 

[Hotora86]

- What's the difference between a moose and an ant?
- A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have mooselers.

 

[BTard]

What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?
I've never made a vitamin before.

 

[Hotora86]

- Why did the fly fly?
- Because the spider spied her.

 

[Hotora86]

- My dog has no nose.
- That's terrible! How does he smell?
- Awful.

 

[Hotora86]

- Why don't sharks eat clowns?
- Because they taste funny.

 

[Hotora86]

- Why did the barber win the race?
- He knew a short cut.

 

[Hotora86]

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill.

 

[Hotora86]

This just in:
"Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery."

 

[Hotora86]

- Why didn't the skeleton go see the scary movie?
- He didn't have the guts.

 

[Hotora86]

- Why was the chess master interested in European women?
- He wanted a Czech mate.