Let's make puns

[Kenny Powerth]

Did you guys hear about the tickle me-Elmo dolls? They won't laugh after being tickled.

So the engineers had a recall, did some testing and found out the issue.

Before they sent them out they had to give them two test tickles

 

[Kenny Powerth]

Did you hear about the guy who was shot with a track starter pistol?
Police say it was race-related.
The shooter said he had to do it because he "crossed the line."

 

[Andy Capp]

I'm jelly. I mint to do something like this but you got to it before I could leaf work. I guess I artichoke it less and rice earlier in the day to beet you to the punch.

 

[Andy Capp]

But lettuce not mince words, buns are the yeast of our worries and more power to you; don't stew about it, dumpling.

 

[Hotora86]

@Kenny Powerth @Crazy Diamond love you guys!

I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.

 

[Hotora86]

- What did the fish get on her wedding day?
- Herring.

 

[Hotora86]

- How much space does the EU gain after Brexit?
- 1 GB.

 

[Tone C]

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road...'

 

[danielZ76]

Why did a blind man fall into a well?
He couldn't see that well....

 

[Andem]

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.

 

[fungi]

Not a pun, butt...

Spoiler: not a pun

Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.

After it wouldn't wash off. This morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.

 

[Andy Capp]

Not a pun, butt...

Spoiler: not a pun

Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.

After it wouldn't wash off. This morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.

Reminds me of,

The other day, I spilled spot remover and now I can't find my dog.

Edit: I may have said that one already ITT, so sue me.

 

[Goonerview]

My father was mowing the lawn and all of a sudden he started breaking down in tears.

I asked him “Dad, what’s wrong?”. He said “nothing son, I’m just going through a rough patch!”

 

[fungi]

 

[Stranger Come Knocking]

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

 

[Hotora86]

(read in James Hetfield voice)
All my flour I put in you
Then I add an egg or two
Milk and butter and sugar too
And MUFFIN else matters!

 

[fungi]

 

[fungi]

 

[Hotora86]

Best show ever.
Colin Mochrie bless!

 

[Hotora86]

You seem like a fun guy, @fungi.