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Jon Jones will not face any fines or jail time from driving 75 in a 35, driving without a license, and proof of registration and inspection.
Some may find this mildly concerning. I imagine a raised eyebrow or two, like conscious little furry inquisitors hoping for an explanation.
"But why not?", the eyebrows ask, "If it was ME, I know I'd sure as fuck being paying out the ass right now. And I don't even have the extensive criminal record that Jon Jones has!"
Eyebrows might go on further to note that Jon Jones has previously:
1. Crashed into a pole while driving under the influence--endangering lives including the two random girls he was cruising around with. For this he paid $1,000, had to take a class, and had his license suspended for 6 months.
2. Failed a drug test for cocaine, which he tried to make amends for by checking into rehab, which he then left in less than a day.
3. Crashed into a car with a pregnant lady inside then fled the scene, then returned to grab handfuls of cash and left behind drugs. For this he received 18 months probation, and has to make a bunch of appearances. Separately, the UFC stripped him of his title and gave him an immediate title shot upon return.
4. Current moving violations listed in first paragraph.
Well relax, eyebrows. There is in fact a rational and Frankly excellent reason Jones has no need to fear the consequences of his actions or words, ever. He is a good person. In fact, he is one of the single most generous philanthropists in the world.
Yes. I mean, I was really ready to be upset that he has once again received the literal bare minimum of consequences for behavior that endangers human life. Less than the bare minimum in my estimation because I would never have known he could get away with paying literally no money. But oh how wrong I was. Doubly so because he has in fact paid money. He has paid a gargantuan amount to charity as a show of good will. I was dumbstruck. Like, I know he was trying to make a point but he didn't have to donate:
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!
I'm still a little shocked. It's like he finally starting caring about someone other than himself and it just so happened to be ANIMALS, I guess. Seriously, do you know how many lives you can save with
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS! (?)
Well I'm really not sure because I can't count that high. I didn't even know Jones was wealthy enough to afford to pay one dollar for every douchey thing he's ever done in public.
Either way, I'm just glad I can finally reconcile this series of events and Jon's continuously shitty attitude and behavior. I'm sure his criminal ways are behind him, forever.
Some may find this mildly concerning. I imagine a raised eyebrow or two, like conscious little furry inquisitors hoping for an explanation.
"But why not?", the eyebrows ask, "If it was ME, I know I'd sure as fuck being paying out the ass right now. And I don't even have the extensive criminal record that Jon Jones has!"
Eyebrows might go on further to note that Jon Jones has previously:
1. Crashed into a pole while driving under the influence--endangering lives including the two random girls he was cruising around with. For this he paid $1,000, had to take a class, and had his license suspended for 6 months.
2. Failed a drug test for cocaine, which he tried to make amends for by checking into rehab, which he then left in less than a day.
3. Crashed into a car with a pregnant lady inside then fled the scene, then returned to grab handfuls of cash and left behind drugs. For this he received 18 months probation, and has to make a bunch of appearances. Separately, the UFC stripped him of his title and gave him an immediate title shot upon return.
4. Current moving violations listed in first paragraph.
Well relax, eyebrows. There is in fact a rational and Frankly excellent reason Jones has no need to fear the consequences of his actions or words, ever. He is a good person. In fact, he is one of the single most generous philanthropists in the world.
Yes. I mean, I was really ready to be upset that he has once again received the literal bare minimum of consequences for behavior that endangers human life. Less than the bare minimum in my estimation because I would never have known he could get away with paying literally no money. But oh how wrong I was. Doubly so because he has in fact paid money. He has paid a gargantuan amount to charity as a show of good will. I was dumbstruck. Like, I know he was trying to make a point but he didn't have to donate:
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!
I'm still a little shocked. It's like he finally starting caring about someone other than himself and it just so happened to be ANIMALS, I guess. Seriously, do you know how many lives you can save with
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS! (?)
Well I'm really not sure because I can't count that high. I didn't even know Jones was wealthy enough to afford to pay one dollar for every douchey thing he's ever done in public.
Either way, I'm just glad I can finally reconcile this series of events and Jon's continuously shitty attitude and behavior. I'm sure his criminal ways are behind him, forever.
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