- Joined
- Jul 13, 2017
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So I stopped Sherdogging for a few months and then started again around Christmas. One thing I learned from this sudden off and sudden on experience is that Sherdogging definitely makes the quality of my interactions with people in real life worse, and I wondered why.
Is it because I was spending less time with them and spending it here instead? No, because I was not taking away any time I spend with people in real life to spend it here. Is it because Sherdogging puts me in a bad mood? Again no, because I like being here and it usually puts me in a more humorous mood.
And then I realized what it is. It's the number of cycles of my brain that this takes up when I'm by myself and idle. Before in my idle time, without even specifically trying, I might just let my brain drift to thinking about people in my life. I might be thinking about something interesting that I need to mention to them the next time I see them. I might be trying to understand more deeply something I observed about them. If there was some kind of conflict, I might be thinking about how to resolve it. If the conflict is past, I might be thinking about how to recover a warm feeling for them. But after I began Sherdogging again, I realized it has invaded this idle time. I might be thinking instead about something funny that someone wrote here. I might be thinking about something fun or interesting I can write here. Or perhaps I am just chilling out here instead of being idle. So next time when I am interacting with a person in real life, I am actually much less prepared to interact with them and that makes the quality of the interaction poor, which diminishes the relationship over time.
I think this observation is useful because when we want to improve our relationship with someone, usually a first piece of advice we get is to spend more time with the person. But the amount of your idle time you spend thinking about them may be just as if not more important, and I feel that importance is overlooked. So suppose you're often very busy with work but you purposefully set aside an amount of time to spend with someone you want to be closer to, but then you don't spend any of the rest of the time thinking about them at all, it should be no surprise if the interaction in the time you set apart is low quality or turns to shit, because you haven't invested the cycles thinking about them.
Is it because I was spending less time with them and spending it here instead? No, because I was not taking away any time I spend with people in real life to spend it here. Is it because Sherdogging puts me in a bad mood? Again no, because I like being here and it usually puts me in a more humorous mood.
And then I realized what it is. It's the number of cycles of my brain that this takes up when I'm by myself and idle. Before in my idle time, without even specifically trying, I might just let my brain drift to thinking about people in my life. I might be thinking about something interesting that I need to mention to them the next time I see them. I might be trying to understand more deeply something I observed about them. If there was some kind of conflict, I might be thinking about how to resolve it. If the conflict is past, I might be thinking about how to recover a warm feeling for them. But after I began Sherdogging again, I realized it has invaded this idle time. I might be thinking instead about something funny that someone wrote here. I might be thinking about something fun or interesting I can write here. Or perhaps I am just chilling out here instead of being idle. So next time when I am interacting with a person in real life, I am actually much less prepared to interact with them and that makes the quality of the interaction poor, which diminishes the relationship over time.
I think this observation is useful because when we want to improve our relationship with someone, usually a first piece of advice we get is to spend more time with the person. But the amount of your idle time you spend thinking about them may be just as if not more important, and I feel that importance is overlooked. So suppose you're often very busy with work but you purposefully set aside an amount of time to spend with someone you want to be closer to, but then you don't spend any of the rest of the time thinking about them at all, it should be no surprise if the interaction in the time you set apart is low quality or turns to shit, because you haven't invested the cycles thinking about them.
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