He didn't die but he's as good as dead to me today. It hurts more than I can imagine.
We met when we were freshman in college (we'll call him "R"). We had a connection from the get go and became friends very quickly. One of my female friends from high school went to college with us and he and one of her friends started to get close (we'll call her "A"). They wouldn't have even met had it not been for me but I digress. They had an unspoken, flirty relationship that neither acted on from sophomore year until one of them grew stones to act on it our senior year. In the meantime, I met a girl and we started dating junior year. My girl and this girl hit it off immediately and became great friends. After we graduated, we were both couples and did a lot of things together despite the distance after we all moved away.
In late 2012, my gf's father was diagnosed with AML, an aggressive form of leukemia. They were incredibly close and it was devastating to her. He lasted about 9 months before he succumbed. "A", despite her relationship with my gf, never said a word to her. Not a phone call, text, nothing offering her condolences. This was one of my gf's best friends and she completely turned her back on my gf when her father passed. My gf was very hurt and severed ties with "A". I stayed in touch with "R" but was still hurt by the situation. We were still friends but the relationship changed now that my gf wanted nothing to do with his now fiancee.
R and A got married in April of 2014. I was a groomsman. My now fiancee did not attend as she was still very upset by what happened and the fact she expressed her displeasure with the situation and A never made the attempt to rectify it. My fiancee would have certainly been a bridesmaid to A and R would have been my best man had this clusterfuck not occured. We were that close. I went to the bachelor party and supplied several cases of top quality beer (beer nerds out there...Lagunitas Sucks, Fat Head's Hop JuJu, Ithica Flower Power, Sixpoint Hi-Res, etc. All cases that are $50+ per and I brought like 5-6 cases). Hotel room in AC, expensive dinners, other party expenses, tux rental, and a fairly generous wedding gift ran me well into the thousands on their wedding. Didn't really care, I make a decent living and I'm financially stable. I never thought twice about it. He's one of my best friends. Right?
I got engaged and asked him to be in the wedding. He agreed immediately and I hoped this was a step in restoring the relationship. There was an understated tension between us as a result of my fiancee's father passing and the events that transpired. But still, A had never even attempted to speak to my fiancee and apologize. At his bachelor party, he asked me if his soon to be wife would be invited. I told him that my fiancee was very hurt by the situation and it would upset her if A attended. He understood. My fiancee told him he would be invited with her as a polite courtesy but ultimately, it would be better if she'd not attend.
Today is 1/15/15. My wedding is on 1/24/15...9 days from now. He called me today and basically said that he's been at odds with the idea and that he felt it was time to make a choice. This is a choice I never asked him to make mind you. 9 days before my wedding when things are already bought, paid for, in writing, etc. he tells me he's not coming to my wedding. He went on to say that he understood that this was a decision that there was no coming back from effectively ending our relationship. The hurt I feel right now is terrible. He was like a brother to me...a brother who's wife made some poor choices in life that negatively effected people I love.
It feels like a good day to get shitfaced and vent. Am I wrong in any way, shape, or form here? What could I have handled differently or was this doomed from the get-go?
