I lost my wife yesterday.

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers. Be strong brother.
 
Calhoun said:
That's beautiful and such a wonderful way of reframing what clearly was a deep loss for you. For those that are able to reframe it in a matter that you were able to, there is no doubt in my mind that it would only serve to benefit in coping with this type of trauma.

Well said and kudos to you for finding a way to work through your loss.
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Thanks brother! Life is filled with a lot of sadness, but the perspective you keep can certainly alter your mood.
 
Jesus...I remember when you first posted about marrying her, moving, her family and all that. This just came out of nowhere it sounds like and I can't even fathom how you must feel and have felt over the past few days. Most sincere condolences brother.
 
I don't know you, apart from just responding to each other's posts, or know your full situation and don't know what to say that other's have already said, but I'm very sorry to hear about your wife's sudden passing. Without drawing too much attention to myself, I can certainly relate to feeling everything comfortable about your life come crashing down so quickly and suddenly.

While you may not be a man of faith, I am and I wish you God's comfort. With time comes healing, please give yourself time to grieve, to sort everything out; for me it was several weeks before I could do much more than get out of bed.

I wish I could do more; hang in there, man.
 
GSP_37 said:
Sorry for your loss.

I saw on the news a young married man was released from hospital after COVID thinking he's out of the woods and he died in his sleep. Also saw on the news, COVID is known to cause heart damage, multiple times detected in college athletes who I guess have to do physical tests regularly that ordinary people don't get.
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Significantly increase risk of blood clots which can end up as a stroke or pulmonary embolism too.
 
Just checking in again to thank everyone for yet even more kind words & comforting thoughts & prayers. I appreciate them all.

I'm probably repeating myself but I've found that the mornings are by far the worst. Waking up without her & realizing again that she's gone for good is so fucking awful. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is. Each morning brings about the threat of a new panic attack from grief & loneliness.

For others, the nights are the worst. But I can usually distract myself at night & then stay up until four or five in the morning until I fall asleep from exhaustion. But then, when I wake up it starts all over again.
 
sweetviolenturg said:
Just checking in again to thank everyone for yet even more kind words & comforting thoughts & prayers. I appreciate them all.

I'm probably repeating myself but I've found that the mornings are by far the worst. Waking up without her & realizing again that she's gone for good is so fucking awful. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is. Each morning brings about the threat of a new panic attack from grief & loneliness.

For others, the nights are the worst. But I can usually distract myself at night & then stay up until four or five in the morning until I fall asleep from exhaustion. But then, when I wake up it starts all over again.
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I'm not religious and so I'm not very good at offering religious comfort...

What I can tell you is that time and space are entwined together in ways we do not fully understand... and one way they are similar is that if you move away from something in space it seems to get smaller and smaller in your "rear view mirror". It is still there, but as you create more distance between you and it, it appears smaller and smaller proportional to the distance in space between yourself and it.

Time works similarly. As you put distance between yourself and an event in time, it gets smaller and smaller. It will never cease to exist but the amount of distance between you and the event in time the smaller it will be in your life. As more time passes, the smaller it will be.

One good thing about time (which can simultaneously be a bad thing as well) is that even if you cannot manage to move, it moves you regardless. You're already marching forward in time and you're creating more distance between you and that dreadful day. You'll never forget, but nor should you want to. However the grip that pain has weakens over that distance in time and whether you're ready or not that distance is inevitably growing.

I wish I was better with words, but as a non-religious person this is the best I can do.
 
Hello! Thanks for checking in again. Yes I can relate to mornings being difficult. That happened with me a few years ago when I lost my moorings and even my sense of humor. I was working too hard and upset by so much. My humor has slowly returned over the years and life is bearable and even enjoyable at times once again. Like a tree that suffers a storm and is now a bit more healthy.

Since your situation seems unique I talked with a buddy who experienced something similar. This is a guy who I've done business with and we have both benefitted from that work and gotten to know one another a little better. In the kind of ways where we share personal stuff.

In his late 20's he lost his fiance. She died in a car wreck. He told me what he did and I wanted to share. He had no money at the time and moved in with his mom. He could barely get out of bed long enough to walk to the kitchen. He started an experiment to walk outside and see how long he could walk until he'd stop feeling that awful lonesomeness. This went on for a while. I don't know if it was inspired by that forest gump movie but whatever lol. He said he eventually ran a marathon. His back and knees were messed up by then and he stopped long distance running.

When I met him he seemed - and still does seem - a positive upbeat person who is grateful for nature, sunshine, food, shelter. He has two kids who seem cool. Appreciates the basics. Every now and then we ponder how we both recovered from trauma. We're both super grateful for basics. If he's working too much I get him outside. And vice versa.

I'm confident you will do something similar. When I think on others I sometimes understand that they have burdens too. Sometimes they feel too enormous to bear. Not all quite exactly the same. Tragic in their own personal ways.

May god's grace touch you and envelop you in warmth and love. All the best my friend.
 
Oh man.. :(

So sorry for your loss, brother.
Thoughts & prayers headed your way.
 
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Deepest condolences, I can't fathom the pain you have to endure and I can't even formulate words to show how empathetic and sad to hear this happened to you. Life is cruel and I hope for you to have a lot of support during the time of grieving.
 
sweetviolenturg said:
She's gone. She passed away in her sleep for no apparent reason in the wee hours of the morning & I'm in total shock. I'm completely & utterly devastated. And I hurt so bad that it's even painful to breathe. Fuck, I don't even want to draw my next breath without her.

I'm posting here as a means to vent & to reach out because I'm totally alone here in Arizona. I've reached out to family, of course, but I still haven't notified her friends via phone or Facebook yet because I just can't face crying anymore. But I still need to distract myself from the emptiness & silence of this house. So, I've got the television on loud & I'm composing this as my heart lies shattered in my chest.

God, I loved her so much, guys. I mean, I think it was pretty obvious by how much I mentioned her & posted about her here. But you'd have to multiply that many times over to grasp how much I really loved her. And now, she's gone.

I won't know what happened to her until sometime Monday. Right now, I haven't got a clue. She was so young & so fit other than a couple of lingering issues from her tough battle with COVID last summer. She still experienced bouts of fatigue & she occasionally got a rattle in her lungs that she never dealt with before COVID. But other than that her doctor said she was in excellent health. None of this makes sense.

As I sit here alone all I can think of is how much I wish I had held her & told her I loved her even more often than I did. So, please, everyone. Take advantage of every moment that you can with your loved ones & be sure that you let them know how much you love them because time can be so damned short.

Rest in peace, my beloved wife, Jana. You were my life, baby & I don't want to go on without you.

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I'm so deeply sorry. I can't believe I didn't see this post until now. I'm here for you if you need me
 
My condolences to you man, your one of the most genuine dudes on here and im really sorry for your loss!
 
sweetviolenturg said:
Just checking in again to thank everyone for yet even more kind words & comforting thoughts & prayers. I appreciate them all.

I'm probably repeating myself but I've found that the mornings are by far the worst. Waking up without her & realizing again that she's gone for good is so fucking awful. I can't even begin to explain how difficult it is. Each morning brings about the threat of a new panic attack from grief & loneliness.

For others, the nights are the worst. But I can usually distract myself at night & then stay up until four or five in the morning until I fall asleep from exhaustion. But then, when I wake up it starts all over again.
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Maybe you're not ready for it now, but maybe after some time you could change beds and/or houses/apartments. It's not to forget about her but more about removing the objects that bring about the feeling of sharing intimate moments together... Obviously not now.
Man this is terrible I can't get over this.
 
Damien Karras said:
Maybe you're not ready for it now, but maybe after some time you could change beds and/or houses/apartments. It's not to forget about her but more about removing the objects that bring about the feeling of sharing intimate moments together... Obviously not now.
Man this is terrible I can't get over this.
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Yeah, bro. I think I'm going to have to make some changes. I can't bring myself to sleep in our bed where I found her. So, I've been sleeping in the bedroom recliner next to the bed. I can't imagine ever sleeping in that bed again.
 
PurpleStorm said:
Since your situation seems unique I talked with a buddy who experienced something similar. This is a guy who I've done business with and we have both benefitted from that work and gotten to know one another a little better. In the kind of ways where we share personal stuff.

In his late 20's he lost his fiance. She died in a car wreck. He told me what he did and I wanted to share. He had no money at the time and moved in with his mom. He could barely get out of bed long enough to walk to the kitchen. He started an experiment to walk outside and see how long he could walk until he'd stop feeling that awful lonesomeness.
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That is some good advice. @sweetviolenturg, a lot of us veterans came back from Afghanistan and Iraq pretty messed up. Deployments could be very different depending on what you did in theater and the kind of person you were. We are currently losing 24 veterans a day to suicide. Those that did not die overseas are dying right here at home. I myself went through a rough patch after leaving active duty with the U.S. Army. My wife and I lost our first child not long after that. My son was not even a day old. Therapy and medication did not do much to help. My salvation came through work that I did voluntarily with animals. Rescue and adoption. Dogs, horses, donkeys, and pigs. Five donkeys that I rescued I adopted and raise. These animals have done more for me than I have for them. The main thing is to keep yourself and your mind busy. There are lots of animals (and people) that are currently in need of help. I'm sure you can make a difference in someone's life. Good luck.
 
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Fuck man.. just.. I’m so sorry for your loss.
It might seem meaningless but some dumb fuck like me is sending you love from the other side of the world, sherdog is always family.
 
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