Hoe-juggling: Awkward or hilarious stories go here

[pookiyama]

Right, I'm by no means a superstar with the ladies, but I've managed to get myself in a pretty awkward situation with two spunky chicks. Sort of by accident.

I hadn't been getting a lot since breaking up with my ex last year who thought I was too busy to have a longterm girlfriend. After a dry two months, I discover Tinder and do what any other sane man should do in that situation: attempt to plow as many girls as humanly possible in post relationship angst.

Anyway, I meet girl #1 just in the new year after a few flings. We really hit it off and bonk like rabbits pretty consistently. She was just coming out of an 8 year relationship and we had a chat about a month in to confirm we were both just keeping it casual: she was single for the first time in her adult life and I've had failed relationships recently due to my stupidly busy work/study schedule. All was good.

Fast forward two months, we've stepped things up slightly: we go on dinner dates here and there and we're now texting every day. Still in bonk-only territory though and she's getting introduced as my 'friend' to other people still. I like her, but get the situation, so all is still good.

I went to a wedding on Saturday and happened to really kick it off with the maid of honor. She's gorgeous, fun, smart and for some reason laughing at all my jokes. I'm completely sold on her. We have a blast, get drunk and sleep together. My phone went dead that night, but the next morning it lights up like a fucking ambulance with messages and missed calls from girl #1, who happened to be out drinking that night. For whatever reason, the next day she decides to tell me she dreamed I was talking to another girl and she pushed her off a cliff... 'jokingly' of course. I now get kisses at the end of my texts since that day. The timing of this behavior change is unbelievably fucked up.

Girl #2 and I have been texting regularly. We are meeting up on Sunday, the afternoon after I have to hang out with Girl #1. I'm trying to phase girl #1 out, as I don't want to hurt her, but girl #2 is amazing and absolute girlfriend material.

So here I am. Two girls kind of on the go, hiding messages and feeling guilty about the ill-truth. Not so much lying, but not declaring Girl #2 to Girl #1. I'm surely going to have to start some gnarly bullshiting to make this all work. I'll most definitely fuck this up quite quickly. I'm no player and I'm not used to juggling multiple girls. In fact, I've come to really like Girl #1, but conceded a while ago that it will only ever be a casual only thing... but Girl #2 is amazing. True GF material.

Tell me stories about your awkward or hilarious hoe-juggling to distract me from the fact that I'll probably be returning to the realm of chronic masturbation in a few weeks because I'll end up fucking this up in hilarious fashion.

Cliffs:
- Casual bonking of girl #1
- Girl #2 woo's me off my feet and into her vagina, while Girl #1 steps things up the very next day
- still honoring Girl #1 commitments but meeting up with Girl #2 again

You're going to turn Girl #1 crazy playing that game and maybe lose Girl #2. Gnarly bullshitting is a horrible idea, unless you're just in it for the story.

Girl #1 says things are casual. You can tell Girl #2 that are casually seeing Girl #1, and that its open but you two are not in a relationship. You like Girl #2 and are willing to stop seeing other girls if Girl #2 wants to get more serious with the relationship.

Girl #1 is trying to move beyond casual, and the best way to phase her out is to break cleanly with full disclosure. You met someone else while you were casual with her. You don't want to lead her on, and she's a blast to be around, but you're an adult and you know you cant have your cake and eat it too at the expense of her feelings, and so forth.

End result is Girl #1 still respects you, even if shes emotionally hurt. Girl #2 doesn't break clean from you for lying. And Girl #1 is still within reach if Girl #2 doesn't work.

Be smart.

 

[equus]

its been a long time since I was single but I did in fact have a gaggle of hoes to juggle at several points in my life. so since I cant comment on current hoe juggling i'll add this old story ive shared a bit..

about 13 years ago, long before my wife and kids i was living the single, man whore life. it was summer and i was on a fairly competitive softball team in Fargo. one weekend we came down to Sioux Falls for a 2 day tournament. we came to play with a former teammate who had moved down there and was now married with a big new house so they let us stay. we all had to stay in the basement but it was giant and finished. friday night we get in town and head to a local bar. being a friday, it was packed so myself and a couple others guys are immediately hunting for some ass for the evening. at the end of the night, myself and 2 other guys ended up getting girls and bringing them back to our buddies place, much to his wifes protesting, and i dont blame her. so we get back to he house and she and i go straight for the downstairs bedroom. we dont waste anytime. we start getting hot and heavy and in short order we're a couple of sweaty monkeys. to shorten this up , i had to take a mid coitus piss so i went into the bedrooms bathroom. being unfamiliar with the house i flip on the light to take my piss. to not get too graphic but allow you a visual picture, do you remember what Babalu looked like after he split open David Heath and didnt release the darce choke?

that was me. i came out of the bathroom and flipped the fvck out and started berating this poor girl with every expletive i could think of assuming she had had her monthly visitor and being drunk wasnt helping either of us. she starts screaming and gathering her clothes as i stand there looking like a naked serial killer. as my buddies come running in the room to see what all the commotion is, my nose starts bleeding again which has always been a thing for me in dry summer weather. it was me and i got it E V E R Y W H E R E. i ended up buying my buddies wife new linens. i was banned from their house for life. this was one of my biggest asshole moments. not my proudest.

cliffs:
went outta town for softball.
got a random chick.
had a nosebleed that couldve filled a small dog.
lost my dignity.
bought a new bedspread

 

[Possum Jenkins]

All the juggling I've ever done has been with girls that I don't have interest in dating so it's been pretty fun/easy.

But even then, the washing your dick in the sink and vacuuming your car and bed for hair are key.

You're going to turn Girl #1 crazy playing that game and maybe lose Girl #2. Gnarly bullshitting is a horrible idea, unless you're just in it for the story.

Girl #1 says things are casual. You can tell Girl #2 that are casually seeing Girl #1, and that its open but you two are not in a relationship. You like Girl #2 and are willing to stop seeing other girls if Girl #2 wants to get more serious with the relationship.

Girl #1 is trying to move beyond casual, and the best way to phase her out is to break cleanly with full disclosure. You met someone else while you were casual with her. You don't want to lead her on, and she's a blast to be around, but you're an adult and you know you cant have your cake and eat it too at the expense of her feelings, and so forth.

End result is Girl #1 still respects you, even if shes emotionally hurt. Girl #2 doesn't break clean from you for lying. And Girl #1 is still within reach if Girl #2 doesn't work.

Be smart.

Golf clap.

This man has it down. Just be straight up and nice about it to #1. Obviously you're gonna have to ignore a couple of texts and phone calls so she can start getting the hint that something's up. But at some point you gotta tell her what the deal is.

And yeah, if things don't work out with #2, you may have #1 as a nice backup. Either for sex or a relationship if you get into it.

 

[MuyThaiTom]

Bang them. Bang them all.

 

[Se4n]

I would if it didn't require Facebook. Imagine having a FB account in 2015.

 

[method115]

Girl #1 my ex/baby momma. We broke up but still bang every now and then even though she has a bf . So Girl #1 has a hot friend (Girl #2) who came over one day and just gave me that DTF smile that girls can give. I let it go cause obviously it's not going to happen. Girl #1 calls me one day "Have you heard from Girl #2?" I tell her no of course not why would she contact me Girl#1 "Something happened between us so I was just wondering." My ex is a hardcore slut so I was able to put things together and decided this was the time to make the move.

I hit up facebook and add the girl to my friends list. We talk hang out smoke a joint she tells me the whole story about Girl #1 fucking Girl #2s BF. I don't talk to her for 2 weeks until one day I get a random call. She's moved in some guys apartment who thinks shes a lesbian (parents lost their house and had no where for her to live). I go over with a bottle of wine we take some xanax and do the dew.

Girl #2 calls me on my way home from work and I decide to wait until I get home to call. Girl #3 (girl I knew in highschool almost fucked but ruined it by sleeping with her best friend - it was my first asian I had to do it). Anyways she tells me her and her baby daddy broke up and wants to hang out. She comes over spends the night wont let me hit though

Girl#1 calls my phone the next day nonstop during the night. Girl#3 is now suspicious and wants to leave unless I answer the phone with my Gir#3 right next to me. So I do and Girl#1 is begging me to come get her because shes scared of some dude (girl #1 is hardcore infamous liar so I don't trust any of it). I tell her I have company over and cant. Call did the trick and I bang Girl #3 that night.

One week later I have the clap don't know who gave it to me and have to avoid all three for a while.

 

[method115]

its been a long time since I was single but I did in fact have a gaggle of hoes to juggle at several points in my life. so since I cant comment on current hoe juggling i'll add this old story ive shared a bit..

about 13 years ago, long before my wife and kids i was living the single, man whore life. it was summer and i was on a fairly competitive softball team in Fargo. one weekend we came down to Sioux Falls for a 2 day tournament. we came to play with a former teammate who had moved down there and was now married with a big new house so they let us stay. we all had to stay in the basement but it was giant and finished. friday night we get in town and head to a local bar. being a friday, it was packed so myself and a couple others guys are immediately hunting for some ass for the evening. at the end of the night, myself and 2 other guys ended up getting girls and bringing them back to our buddies place, much to his wifes protesting, and i dont blame her. so we get back to he house and she and i go straight for the downstairs bedroom. we dont waste anytime. we start getting hot and heavy and in short order we're a couple of sweaty monkeys. to shorten this up , i had to take a mid coitus piss so i went into the bedrooms bathroom. being unfamiliar with the house i flip on the light to take my piss. to not get too graphic but allow you a visual picture, do you remember what Babalu looked like after he split open David Heath and didnt release the darce choke?

that was me. i came out of the bathroom and flipped the fvck out and started berating this poor girl with every expletive i could think of assuming she had had her monthly visitor and being drunk wasnt helping either of us. she starts screaming and gathering her clothes as i stand there looking like a naked serial killer. as my buddies come running in the room to see what all the commotion is, my nose starts bleeding again which has always been a thing for me in dry summer weather. it was me and i got it E V E R Y W H E R E. i ended up buying my buddies wife new linens. i was banned from their house for life. this was one of my biggest asshole moments. not my proudest.

cliffs:
went outta town for softball.
got a random chick.
had a nosebleed that couldve filled a small dog.
lost my dignity.
bought a new bedspread

This is hilarious but I don't understand why the wife got so mad you weren't allowed back. It's not like you bleed all over the place on purpose.

 

[Yellowking]

Pics will determine your fate. Why can't girl #1 make the jump from casual to for reals