Hoe-juggling: Awkward or hilarious stories go here

[spannered]

Right, I'm by no means a superstar with the ladies, but I've managed to get myself in a pretty awkward situation with two spunky chicks. Sort of by accident.

I hadn't been getting a lot since breaking up with my ex last year who thought I was too busy to have a longterm girlfriend. After a dry two months, I discover Tinder and do what any other sane man should do in that situation: attempt to plow as many girls as humanly possible in post relationship angst.

Anyway, I meet girl #1 just in the new year after a few flings. We really hit it off and bonk like rabbits pretty consistently. She was just coming out of an 8 year relationship and we had a chat about a month in to confirm we were both just keeping it casual: she was single for the first time in her adult life and I've had failed relationships recently due to my stupidly busy work/study schedule. All was good.

Fast forward two months, we've stepped things up slightly: we go on dinner dates here and there and we're now texting every day. Still in bonk-only territory though and she's getting introduced as my 'friend' to other people still. I like her, but get the situation, so all is still good.

I went to a wedding on Saturday and happened to really kick it off with the maid of honor. She's gorgeous, fun, smart and for some reason laughing at all my jokes. I'm completely sold on her. We have a blast, get drunk and sleep together. My phone went dead that night, but the next morning it lights up like a fucking ambulance with messages and missed calls from girl #1, who happened to be out drinking that night. For whatever reason, the next day she decides to tell me she dreamed I was talking to another girl and she pushed her off a cliff... 'jokingly' of course. I now get kisses at the end of my texts since that day. The timing of this behavior change is unbelievably fucked up.

Girl #2 and I have been texting regularly. We are meeting up on Sunday, the afternoon after I have to hang out with Girl #1. I'm trying to phase girl #1 out, as I don't want to hurt her, but girl #2 is amazing and absolute girlfriend material.

So here I am. Two girls kind of on the go, hiding messages and feeling guilty about the ill-truth. Not so much lying, but not declaring Girl #2 to Girl #1. I'm surely going to have to start some gnarly bullshiting to make this all work. I'll most definitely fuck this up quite quickly. I'm no player and I'm not used to juggling multiple girls. In fact, I've come to really like Girl #1, but conceded a while ago that it will only ever be a casual only thing... but Girl #2 is amazing. True GF material.

Tell me stories about your awkward or hilarious hoe-juggling to distract me from the fact that I'll probably be returning to the realm of chronic masturbation in a few weeks because I'll end up fucking this up in hilarious fashion.

Cliffs:
- Casual bonking of girl #1
- Girl #2 woo's me off my feet and into her vagina, while Girl #1 steps things up the very next day
- still honoring Girl #1 commitments but meeting up with Girl #2 again

 

[Kneepocalypse]

Logistics are key. You need to find the right place to hide their respective toothbrushes/toiletries, etc. from each other. And make sure they don't find the other's hair in the shower. They be looking for that shit.

 

[God_Emperor_Of_Mankind]

Cologne rubs off on you as well. Be safe.

 

[Count Zero]

You must not really be all that into #2 if you're still throwing it to #1.

 

[spannered]

Logistics are key. You need to find the right place to hide their respective toothbrushes/toiletries, etc. from each other. And make sure they don't find the other's hair in the shower. They be looking for that shit.

Girl #1 is Italian and loses hair like crazy. If she stays over on Monday night, I'm still finding her brunette hairs on Friday. Girl #2 is blonde, just to make this way more convenient for me.

 

[Slobodan]

I'll take Girl #1 off your hands mate.

 

[spannered]

You must not really be all that into #2 if you're still throwing it to #1.

Only met #2 the one night, meeting her for a second time on Sunday. #1 had already scheduled in a meeting for me to throw it out two days after the wedding.

Truth is I don't want to hurt #1 because she's lovely. I think she might have really liked me for a while but it isn't in her nature to come out and say it.

 

[Pugilistic]

Why do you feel you need "juggle" them and hide the fact you are meeting other women if they are merely "hoes" as you put it? Do you want to be in a relationship with women if that's what you refer to them as? Why not just keep on plowing them both and be honest about what you want?

The only time I had to "juggle hoes" is when I was dating this one girl and I just straight told her my deal. I don't want to be in a relationship but I would like to keep seeing her for dates and sex. She cool with it and there was no ensuing awkwardness or hilarity.

 

[Count Zero]

Only met #2 the one night, meeting her for a second time on Sunday. #1 had already scheduled in a meeting for me to throw it out two days after the wedding.

Truth is I don't want to hurt #1 because she's lovely. I think she might have really liked me for a while but it isn't in her nature to come out and say it.

Ahh ok, got the impression it was a longer timespan than that.

Still, tho - the longer it goes on the worse it's gonna be. For you and both girls involved. Maybe you don't have to tell 1 there's someone else but you need to make it clear you two won't be hooking up anymore. You have to do this before 2 thinks you and her are dating or whatever, because no matter how careful you are and no matter how little overlap your social circles have, there is a chance she will find out you're taking another girl to pound town and then you're done, son.

 

[spannered]

Why do you feel you need "juggle" them and hide the fact you are meeting other women if they are merely "hoes" as you put it? Do you want to be in a relationship with women if that's what you refer to them as? Why not just keep on plowing them both and be honest about what you want?

The only time I had to "juggle hoes" is when I was dating this one girl and I just straight told her my deal. I don't want to be in a relationship but I would like to keep seeing her for dates and sex. She cool with it and there was no ensuing awkwardness or hilarity.

So why comment? You did not read my title, man!

And relax. I'm not a 'bitches and hoes' type of guy. I used 'hoe' as a colloquial term in the post for light-hearted humor. I wasn't looking to start a Dr Phil discussion on how I address women or my intentions and analysis of them.

And I intend to be honest at some point. I wouldn't mind feeling out Girl #2 to see what the go is first. We haven't spent much time together sober and I forgot to mention she lives in another town an hour away. But she does seem like a dream catch - something I should pursue anyway.

Girl #1 just grew on me and I think its reciprocal. But this only literally came to light the day after I met Girl #2. Figures.

 

[spannered]

Ahh ok, got the impression it was a longer timespan than that.

Still, tho - the longer it goes on the worse it's gonna be. For you and both girls involved. Maybe you don't have to tell 1 there's someone else but you need to make it clear you two won't be hooking up anymore. You have to do this before 2 thinks you and her are dating or whatever, because no matter how careful you are and no matter how little overlap your social circles have, there is a chance she will find out you're taking another girl to pound town and then you're done, son.

Yeah, exactly that. Had lunch with a mate today and he gave me, quite literally, the same spiel word-for-word.

 

[AgonyandIrony]

Why do you feel you need "juggle" them and hide the fact you are meeting other women if they are merely "hoes" as you put it? Do you want to be in a relationship with women if that's what you refer to them as? Why not just keep on plowing them both and be honest about what you want?

The only time I had to "juggle hoes" is when I was dating this one girl and I just straight told her my deal. I don't want to be in a relationship but I would like to keep seeing her for dates and sex. She cool with it and there was no ensuing awkwardness or hilarity.

My entire life I've pretty much been "dating" four or five girls. Not the same girls mind you just at a time. Granted when I'm in a relationship it's different, but I'm enjoying the the single life at the moment.

The awkwardness comes from the fact that eventually one of you gets attached in the way that you want the relationship to be singular and it's always a fucked up discussion. "I don't want a girlfriend right now" usually means "I want to keep fucking you, letting you stay over, hanging out.. but I don't want to be monogamous." The problem is.. if you've got the pussy on the chainwax, you do have some sort of connection.

Eventually, due to the rising frustrations, where you argue like a couple, and spend way too much time together you have to break it off. I think the tumblr feminists would call me polyamorous or whatever, but really I just have commitment issues and I enjoy the company of multiple women.

I'll drop some hilarious stories in here tomorrow, the amount of times I've slept my way through social circles has been both shameful and hilarious.

 

[Black Paladin]

When the situation changed with #1, you should have ended that.

"Don't chase 'em; replace 'em."--The Notorious B.I.G.

 

[A Loser]

Not sure I can give any advice, or contribute anything relevant. Wish I had problems like this

 

[loyalyolayal]

It was damn fucking expensive.

 

[ithinktheymad]

Was juggling hoes when I was a teenager. Went to the mall with one girlfriend and ran into another with her parents. Shit got ugly. Real ugly.

 

[sangreporsangre]

My entire life I've pretty much been "dating" four or five girls. Not the same girls mind you just at a time. Granted when I'm in a relationship it's different, but I'm enjoying the the single life at the moment.

The awkwardness comes from the fact that eventually one of you gets attached in the way that you want the relationship to be singular and it's always a fucked up discussion. "I don't want a girlfriend right now" usually means "I want to keep fucking you, letting you stay over, hanging out.. but I don't want to be monogamous." The problem is.. if you've got the pussy on the chainwax, you do have some sort of connection.

Eventually, due to the rising frustrations, where you argue like a couple, and spend way too much time together you have to break it off. I think the tumblr feminists would call me polyamorous or whatever, but really I just have commitment issues and I enjoy the company of multiple women.

I'll drop some hilarious stories in here tomorrow, the amount of times I've slept my way through social circles has been both shameful and hilarious.

Yea, this is my life. Major commitment issues, but love the company of several women. I'm not just banging them once and not calling back, treating them like crap or anything. It's like, I'll be your boyfriend when we're together. But then when you go home, it's sort of "until next time". I probably need a shrink.

I love that society has recently added this relationship status called "talking to", like "I'm talking to this guy" means we're hanging out, fucking and texting but we're not exclusively dating. So in recent years my MO has been to "talk to" several ladies at once. So last year, I started working crazy hours, I was even harder to pin down then normal, so I was doing pretty good for myself.

When my father passed away in October, these girls all felt so bad for me, so they all wanted to come to the funeral. So these 4 girls come, all black girls lmao so they all stick out at the funeral, and everyone knew what the deal was. Combined with my 2 baby mothers and a few female friends (a couple of whom I "talked to" in years past), the tension was pretty thick, didn't get too too awkward because it was a funeral. But consequences were never the same after that, at least for a couple of them.

 

[j123]

Threesome imminent

 

[sub_thug]

TS didn't set expectations from the get-go. He could have kept this really casual and had the freedom to "talk to" as many women as he wanted, but he's giving off vibes that he wants to lock it down. Now, he probably has to break it off with one of them.

 

[Count Zero]

Yeah, exactly that. Had lunch with a mate today and he gave me, quite literally, the same spiel word-for-word.

Plot twist: I'm your mate