Hard life decisions

Im not talking about high school "I love her but she is fucking my best friend" bullshit. Im talking about real decisions.

My brother owns a construction company. He is looking to buy a restaurant with another partner of his. Ive been in the restaurant industry for 12 years and I need a new job. If he buys this property he offered to pay my moving expense to have me come up and be the Exec Chef. Normally I would jump at this opportunity but I cant.

My son is 6 and he is with me full time, not court ordered. I have had him full time for the last 3 years. If I want to take him from Cali to Oregon his mom probably will try to go for full custody, keeping me stuck in Cali. Ca has a huge deal with one parent moving the kid out of state so I might lose. Also Ca is notorious for being a mother favored state no matter what the father has done.

I will not do this if it means I cant have my son full time but I also need this to potentially change my life. I would say there is a 20% chance of everything working out but Im confused as fuck as of what to do.

Anybody else been in a similar situation where you hit a HUGE fork in the road?

 

Haven't been there w/ these exact details, but do what's right for your son, man. Sounds like you know what the best decision is deep down. Don't know jack about custody laws, but you don't want to screw up the current arrangement and end up missing out on son-time (especially at his age).

coupla other thoughts:
#1 - the restaurant business is tough, don't most places end up closing w/in a year or so? And you don't want to make this type of choice for an eventually failing business

#2 - it's your bro and it can be bad news to mix blood w/ money - especially if your father/son relationship implodes b/c your brother made a shitty business decision.

#3 if you got skills another opportunity will come up that'll be more right for you.

 

#1 It is extremely tough but I have opened a few restaurants from the ground up and have been successful. Those were full new concept restaurants. This one will be easier considering what he wants is a quick dining but nice food concept for cheap and the area he is buying is needs one like this bad. The Demographic is great and people have been talking about needing a place like that in the community. If it fails it fails, I just want to move there and its a better place for my son than shitty SoCal.

#2 I have worked with him many times in the past. He is an extreme hard ass but with both have a very hard work ethic so we get along better at work than we do in real life.

#3 It doesnt matter much on your talent in this industry unless you are a top new Chef in the country. The industry is flooded now because of the Chef shows on TV. I have an incredible resume for my age(28) and still have problems landing more than a line cook job. Sous and Exec Chefs positions are hard to find right now. Last time I interviewed for a Sous position I made it to the top 2 out of over 2500 people only to lose it to the Chefs friend with less experience. This was for a major casino in CA as well.

 

Your son is more important correct? So don't move. Why else? If you are a good chef why do you need to depend on your brother for a job? And if you're not good, why fuck up your brother's new restaurant? The choice seems clear cut to me....

 

lawyer up. or at least ask a professional for advice.

 

No better place to come for "hard life decisions" than a internet forum especially Sherdog.

 

This.

If you have had your son full time and can prove it I would think you would win the custody battle so at least it would be legal and she can't pull crazy shit on you. Moving out of state I'm not sure about.

Is this chick an unfit or absentee mother?

 

The first thing I would do is broach the subject in person with the baby momma in a non-confrontational manner. You'd be surprised how much people will compromise if you treat them as though their thoughts and feelings matter.

 

dont do this.

 

Im not depending on my bro for a job but its a great opportunity. Yes my son is more important and thats why I want to take him to OR where it is way better to raise a kid and a nice environment.

If Im not a good Chef why do 2 of the 3 restaurants I opened still performing great years later? In this industry you want to get alot under your belt before settling. Im finally to that part of my life where I want to settle and make a great future for my son and this is a potential opportunity.

I just read that in Anders voice from workaholics, haha.

I asked family and friends already and its split about 50/50. Im just looking for more input.

I have had my son full time for the past 3 years and can prove it. CA is a horrible mother state. She is not a bad mom just not great or involved much. Plus she is a Filp and has many lawyers in her family that would side with her. He has my last name and has been through preschool, kindergarten and 1st grade under my address. My brother couldnt get his son with full custody until the mom OD'd and got caught with meth on my nephew and her daughters clothes. My brother is an exec at his corporate job and it took that much before he was granted full custody. Thats how hard it is to be a good guy and get your kid in CA.

 

Damn. CA really is the shittiest state.

Well I would still talk to lawyer for some advice before doing anything.

Do you think there is any chance she signs on for this if you approach her straight up?

 

Im probably gonna go to a lawyer if my brother does purchase the restaurant.

I think there is a slim chance if I approach her and tell her she can have him for the summer and all holiday breaks. I am willing to pay the airfare for that. I just know if it doesnt go right I have a big custody battle on my hands. At best Ill get 50/50 with him which is not bad but Ill still have to pay her ass $800 a month for nothing. I buy him everything he needs for personal and school use. She takes him to Disneyland once a year and other than that doesnt pay for shit.

 

So, what happens if there is no way (assuming all avenues have been pursued) that you can take your son with you. Do you stay or go?

How far are you willing to pursue the matter - would you be willing to go to court? Would you be willing to talk to the mother?

How does your son feel about this proposal?

 

I don't see why not. Her opinion matters, and if he begins by acknowledging that she's less likely to react in an adversarial way.

Ultimately a judge is going to make sure her voice is heard so he might as well try to save some money and work things out like adults.

 

If I cant take my son I wont go, its as simple as that. He is a 6 year old boy that needs his dad, let alone a strong parent figure.

Im willing to go to court, I just dont see it going well seeing that she has family all over the court system from LA to SB. I am going to try to bring it up to her as civil as possible though, gotta take the chance.

My son wants to be with me and his cousins in OR. He is all for it as well as my Fiance.

 

Thats how I want to do it. We have been able to do it for the first 6 years, I just want to continue not having the law involved in my matters.

 

There's nothing to lose by trying. If you can't come to an agreement then you can get the courts involved. That's what they're supposed to be for anyway.

 

Best case scenario is everything will work out in my favor. Worst case is she takes me to court. It just sucks that the two outcomes are so far apart. I either get to go up there and have the life I want for him and me or I go from a decent life here with him full time to having him 50/50 and paying an extra $800 a month.

 

Children<<<<<



But in all seriousness I would do it. It will enable you to provide for your son. Just remember that a good lawyer is a worthwhile investment.

 

And how much time does she spend with your son at the moment?