First date horror stories

She wanted to help her sister lose her virginity.

I would have liked a threesome - but nope. Just lots of awkwardness and her playing with her phone. Her sister and I kinda making the WTF faces the whole time.

Anyhow, I tried to get something going but she was also super flaky so it got killed after about a 2 months of trying.
 
Anyhow, I tried to get something going but she was also super flaky so it got killed after about a 2 months of trying.

I would've given her a bottle of head and shoulders just to see if she would get the hint.

Then again I've never tried for two months.
 
A gal brought her sister once; did not tell me till I had already gotten to the meeting destination. Talk about awkward.

In my case it was even worse, she brought not only her sister but her sister's bf as well. Fucking bitch was psycho.
 
Suddenly I see her coked out ex boyfriend opening my door a little like Jack in the Shining. He doesn't say anything and keeps staring at me for a good minute (which is, pretty long). I might know some bjj basics, but I can't fight getting stabbed in my sleep. .

i lol at this
 
A gal brought her sister once; did not tell me till I had already gotten to the meeting destination. Talk about awkward.


As soon as the sister was introduced you should have said "damn this is going to make this rape twice as hard".
 
geesh - some gals are fucking nuts.

She really was nuts and I am ashamed to admit that she freaked me the fuck out. I met her on match.com, really pretty mexican girl. She asked me to meet her at an open air theater and I was like wtf but then I thought fuck it maybe I'll get some in the open air. I reached the theater 10 mins before time as I always do and it was ghetto as fuck. I waited for about one and a half hour, and I didn't leave all this time because every 15 mins she would text me I'd be there in 10 mins lol. I was pissed out of my fucking mind and finally she shows up with her sister and sister's bf. She stands outside and keeps like a 4 feet distance between us. I couldn't even understand what she was saying since she was standing at quite a distance from me. For the most part we stayed silent but from whatever we talked about I could tell that she was extremely dumb. She didn't even wanna sit in the car with me to watch the movie so it was evident she didn't like me and I didn't like her one bit either. So I made an excuse in about 30-45 mins and just left.

Next night I was watching ufc at a bar and she calls me which I wasn't expecting at all. She calls me and tells me she is waiting for me by my car and I was like wtf are you talking about?
She says "I just wanna see you, why'd you leave me like that last night, I thought you liked me". I told her I actually thought she didn't like me at all and that's why she was keeping that distance so I didn't want the situation to get anymore awkward. And then I told her I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I am busy right now (Fucking ufc was running at that time and this bitch was talking nonsense). She kept on calling me the entire night and I had to turn off my phone. For the next 2 months she kept calling me and even had her sister call me from another number and was asking me to meet her at the same theater and that she wants to fuck me. I stopped taking calls and blocked texts from unknown numbers after that. Btw when I would tell her don't call me again, she would say things like You are not a man, you pussy, I wanna fuck you so bad, are you gay or what lol. Fucking complete psycho bitch. Sorry for the long ass story.
 
Not really a first date but about three years ago I got a callgirl from the internet and when she arrived was about 60lbs fatter than her profile and had some kind of psoriasis . . . still did it because I was horny and she was inexpensive. Pretty gross and in retrospect regret it.
 
She really was nuts and I am ashamed to admit that she freaked me the fuck out. I met her on match.com, really pretty mexican girl. She asked me to meet her at an open air theater and I was like wtf but then I thought fuck it maybe I'll get some in the open air. I reached the theater 10 mins before time as I always do and it was ghetto as fuck. I waited for about one and a half hour, and I didn't leave all this time because every 15 mins she would text me I'd be there in 10 mins lol. I was pissed out of my fucking mind and finally she shows up with her sister and sister's bf. She stands outside and keeps like a 4 feet distance between us. I couldn't even understand what she was saying since she was standing at quite a distance from me. For the most part we stayed silent but from whatever we talked about I could tell that she was extremely dumb. She didn't even wanna sit in the car with me to watch the movie so it was evident she didn't like me and I didn't like her one bit either. So I made an excuse in about 30-45 mins and just left.

Next night I was watching ufc at a bar and she calls me which I wasn't expecting at all. She calls me and tells me she is waiting for me by my car and I was like wtf are you talking about?
She says "I just wanna see you, why'd you leave me like that last night, I thought you liked me". I told her I actually thought she didn't like me at all and that's why she was keeping that distance so I didn't want the situation to get anymore awkward. And then I told her I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I am busy right now (Fucking ufc was running at that time and this bitch was talking nonsense). She kept on calling me the entire night and I had to turn off my phone. For the next 2 months she kept calling me and even had her sister call me from another number and was asking me to meet her at the same theater and that she wants to fuck me. I stopped taking calls and blocked texts from unknown numbers after that. Btw when I would tell her don't call me again, she would say things like You are not a man, you pussy, I wanna fuck you so bad, are you gay or what lol. Fucking complete psycho bitch. Sorry for the long ass story.

Damn... you dodged a bullet here, Amigo.
 
She really was nuts and I am ashamed to admit that she freaked me the fuck out. I met her on match.com, really pretty mexican girl. She asked me to meet her at an open air theater and I was like wtf but then I thought fuck it maybe I'll get some in the open air. I reached the theater 10 mins before time as I always do and it was ghetto as fuck. I waited for about one and a half hour, and I didn't leave all this time because every 15 mins she would text me I'd be there in 10 mins lol. I was pissed out of my fucking mind and finally she shows up with her sister and sister's bf. She stands outside and keeps like a 4 feet distance between us. I couldn't even understand what she was saying since she was standing at quite a distance from me. For the most part we stayed silent but from whatever we talked about I could tell that she was extremely dumb. She didn't even wanna sit in the car with me to watch the movie so it was evident she didn't like me and I didn't like her one bit either. So I made an excuse in about 30-45 mins and just left.

Next night I was watching ufc at a bar and she calls me which I wasn't expecting at all. She calls me and tells me she is waiting for me by my car and I was like wtf are you talking about?
She says "I just wanna see you, why'd you leave me like that last night, I thought you liked me". I told her I actually thought she didn't like me at all and that's why she was keeping that distance so I didn't want the situation to get anymore awkward. And then I told her I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I am busy right now (Fucking ufc was running at that time and this bitch was talking nonsense). She kept on calling me the entire night and I had to turn off my phone. For the next 2 months she kept calling me and even had her sister call me from another number and was asking me to meet her at the same theater and that she wants to fuck me. I stopped taking calls and blocked texts from unknown numbers after that. Btw when I would tell her don't call me again, she would say things like You are not a man, you pussy, I wanna fuck you so bad, are you gay or what lol. Fucking complete psycho bitch. Sorry for the long ass story.

She wanted to fuck you so bad, are you gay or what lol.
 
Two more fairly good one's from the past week or so here...

On Saturday I was out watching the UFC with a couple of friends, my cousin and uncle. We got there early for great seats and by the time the event started, there were a ton of people standing. Two of which were these exceptionally hot girls. Being the gentleman I am, I asked them if they'd like me and one of my buddies seats. They said yes and then as fate would have it, a few people left right next to them, so they just scooted over and invited us to take our seats back right next to them. Anyways, I jokingly start going back and forth with one of them aobut the Andy/Weidman fight and before I know it, she's got her hand on my leg, then... my crotch... Meanwhile, my Uncle is giving me this look like he has to tell me something when all of the sudden, she goes "Do I know you from somewhere?" to him. He just flatly states, Uhhh yeah, we had sex one time like 5 years ago... Then, as if for good measure, tells her it's pretty appearant she has her tits done. The girl starts talking shit right back, telling him that it obviously wasn't that good if she doesn't remember. I'm dying at this point and ask her if that really happened and she tells me that she gets drunk and fucks guys all the time that she doesn't remember. Between that, the crotch grabbing, the location (Which is kind of a white-trash location north of Seattle) I'm just waiting to see this girl who was at first really attractive to me start slamming cans of Ranier and smashing them on her head... :D Anyways, she asks me if her sleeping with my uncle, and appearantly half the city... was a turn off for me. I tell her that it was... and out of nowhere she starts dropping F-bombs on me and her and her friend walk away and glare at me for the rest of the card. Usually, I love low-rent girls like that, but the absolute candidness of the situation just freaked me out. I ended up with something better at another place anyway.

Two, I was in Vegas two Saturdays ago and was hanging out at 'Bank.' Two really hot cougars pull up and just post right next to my group. One of them starts up a convo with me and tells me that her husband cheated on her and she's pretty sure she had a pass since she was in Vegas. For a moment, I actually tried talking her out of it because I'm not the kind of guy to hook up with a married woman... But she said she was pretty much headed for divorce and I was really drunk, so I was like fuck it... Let's do this. I almost died that night...

















From all the high fives coming my way :D
 
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This one time I met an actual model on my trip to Paris, she was a gorgeous 10/10. She had dark brown hair, a slim figure but not anorexic or anything and huge, firm boobs. We got along really well and she showed me some sites around the city during my week there. When she found out I was leaving soon she offered me the chance to experience something I'd never forget. She invited me to her apartment that night and when I arrived I found her and her equally hot blonde friend waiting for me in lingerie. I started to undress when she realized she didn't have any condoms so she asked if I could go get some from the store. I agreed but I never returned, why? Because why should I have to pay for them? She was coming on to ME!?

The nerve of those people, it was the worst date of my life.
 
She wanted to fuck you so bad, are you gay or what lol.

haha, even worse she also told me "your dick stinks", Idk what it means but it was insulting as fuck lol. I was like bitch you haven't even seen my dick and she goes "I would love to". I think she along with her sister and sister's bf woulda chopped me up in pieces , had I gone to the theater to see her again.
 
another date - i took a girl to smoke water pipe on wine. We did, she asks me to grab a cab and go home. On the way to her place she screams to stop the cab and pukes all over the street.

I was going to my brothers birthday and he is older and it was a classy place we were gonna meet up at and after go to a club. So i decided what girl to take there(hoped to leave a good impression on every one by taking a very sexy girl but in the same time a smart one) i pick out from all of my new gf one chick that fits the profile. We go there and while there she gets all fucked up and starts a fucking scene. Aferwards i bang the shit out of her and cum in to her(later on she was screaming in the middle of the old town that she is pregnant from me). Any way my brother leaned over to me and just said - maan, you sure date some fucked up crazy bitches.

I read your two stories and almost immediately it was Toki from Metalocalypes (sp) voice..fuckin awesome
 
:D



First time I posted this story, someone called BS on it because they couldn't believe the gas station clerk didn't freak out or something. I'd say odds are he didn't even notice, or it wasn't that uncommon to see drunk/high folks come in super late looking like they'd been in a fight. Or maybe he thought playing it cool was his safest bet, hahaha.




I love how your stories have titles !




I swear, I could not tell. There was no noticeable odor. Smelled about the same as any other vagina I've encountered. And yeah, I get what you're saying (as in, they must all have actually smelled bad), but, again I swear, they were all actually fairly pleasant-smelling ... and I've been in a room that my friends described as reeking of rank vagina. I'm not sure if period vagina smells the same as general foul-smelling vagina, but I'm just saying I can at least differentiate between vagina scents.

I can't believe I just typed that paragraph.

FYI it smells like nickels taste... :.(
 
After reading this entire thread over a couple of days i feel i owe a story or two of my own in repayment for all this comedy gold!

Not really a "first date" horror story more of "wtf it's a setup!" horror story.

A few years back i was newly single and not really looking for any birds. A friend of mine "Steve" had been seein this lass, she was alright i suppose 7/10, And she kept askin Steve if i'd be interested in meeting one of her friends now i was single, i declined. A few weeks later Steve asks me to me meet up for a few beers, sure why not.

Got to the pub and Steve was with his girl, which didnt bother me, she's cool. Anyway i'm sat there drinking & talking bollocks as usual when i notice Steve's girl takes a picture of me on her phone, "What you doin?" i asked, "oh nothing i was just taking a picture for my facebook." my suspicions were aroused.. unlike the rest of me that evening. 30 mins later were heading to another bar and Steves girl needs to go run an errand so she'll meet us there soon.
So were there getting fucked up, when she returns and she seems to have brought some kind of large mammal with her, this girl (if you can call it that) sweet jesus, around 5' 5" 220+ pounds, black goth \ metal clothing, tattoos everywhere and numerouse piercings 2/10, The 2 points being soley for the fact that i assumed she at least had a pussy. If i had to describe her as an animal the only vaugely matching description would be "Rhinosapig". This rather angry thing sat straight infront of me and proceeded to scare the shit out of me, she started to tell me how she had heard so much about me, that it's nice to meet a good guy that isnt a poser (i was wearing khaki shorts, tank top and shades, im pretty sure i was in full poser mode.) How much she hates Indie music and Indies are as bad as Chavs. Indie music and classic rock is my thing and im thinking how much i hate these dark dreary goth weirdos that hate everything just because they are so desperate to be "different".

For the most part i just tried to be polite, i was outnumbered and didnt want to be "the asshole". I gave Steve a wtf look and he was just sat there grinning, the motherfucker thought it was funny. She starts askin me all the usual questions and stuff and i try to give the most mundane answers possible, Steve and his girl get up and go to the bar "oh good were alone now" Rhinosapig says and proceeds to give me the look, you know the look that says "i'll suck you thru a hose pipe and then leave you crying, broken, battered & bruised like the victim of a grizzly bear". By this point im pretty wasted and this bitch was getting a bit too much complaining endlessly about anyone in the vicinity who didnt fit her style. As Steve sat back down and passed me another pint i thought theres only one way out of this.. i shouted "Jumanji!", it didn't work, she was still there & now the girls are staring at me, Steve is nearly crying laughing, then puzzled she starts fake laughing "oh your so silly!" Luckyily she's as dumb as she is unpleasant. Meanwhile i'm typing all this into facebook while she's talking at me, another friend of mine is telling me to "Get it!" so i have to point out she has a spike piercing below her lip.. So even if i settle for a blowjob i'm in danger of gettin a torn sack!
Then a miracle, she says she is hungry and wants to go get some fish and chips, i tell her i already ate, so she heads off with Steve's girl and promise they'll be right back. As soon as their out the door i said "You wanker, im out of here, tell them whatever you want, but i'm gone!" laughing Steve just says "Ok dude, ill cover you."
So i thanked god for making the Rhinosapig a gluttoness slob and legged it!

A few days later my phone rings, it's her, Steve gave her my number the treacherous dog! she tells me she hopes my mother is ok lol and Steve said how much i was gutted to have to go and she asked if i would like to go to a bbq at her house at the weekend, i replied "Fuck no!" and put the phone down, she never called back. :icon_twis
 
Posted this story in another thread but it works here:

When I was a freshman in college, I was with this girl for roughly 5 months and of course teh sex was involved. Well one evening after having went to a Mexican restaurant (which I hate) we went back to her apartment. I felt the gurgle in my guts that said a train was leaving the station soon and there was no chance of stopping it. I was sure I could clinch till we finished, but couldn’t and sprayed some Hershey squirts close to finishing. What did I do? I finished of course, grabbed my clothes from the floor and went. Just as I got out the front door I heard her scream as I guess she found out her white bed spread had a little color then. For some reason she dumped me, but it was ok as I had officially and permanently marked my territory. Kind of felt like George in the Seinfeld episode except he stopped and left before he sprayed.
 
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