First date horror stories

[lowsingle]

that would have made it a real tragedy.

Alright, here's another.

Met this girl online, we talked online for a couple weeks. Finally, she sends me a picture and I ask for her phone number, she won't give it because of "all the weirdos" but she asks for mine. I give her my number and about two days later I get a phone call at about 1:30 in the morning, I answer and the person hangs up. I'm pissed someone woke me up so I call the number back and it's her. We talk for a few minutes and she asks if I want to go out with her the next night.

She asks me to meet her at a pool hall/sports bar, so I go in and I'm walking around. I can't find her, so I'm about to walk out when she comes up to me. We walk over to where she has her friend and this guy that was in his late 40's early 50's (the girl, her friend and I were all in our mid 20's), she tells me her friend is engaged but that this guy kept asking her out so she finally said alright. The guy seems nice enough and we all play pool for awhile, I suck at pool but this night I was playing out my ass, the other guy started getting pissed that I was beating him. Finally the girls say "let's go dancing". As we are leaving my girl runs over and jumps in my car. We kiss in the car and she just sits there I ask if she's alright she looks at me all bug eyed "did you feel that? please tell me you felt that" I didn't know what she was talking about but I just said "yeah, I felt it" and drove off.

I don't know where we are going so she is giving me directions. The "club" turned out to be the bar at a Holiday Inn. We go there and they try to get me to pay a cover for her and me. I just started laughing, all I could think was there was no way in hell i was paying a cover to get into a hotel bar, at least not one in Florida that is 30 minutes west of the beach. The girl says something and they let us in. Her friend and the guy come in about 10 minutes later.

We are having a drink at the bar and some guy walks up to the girl and asks "where's your husband? how's the baby?" they have a 10 minute conversation then the guy leaves. I ask her "you're married and have a baby?" she tells me she is divorced and yes she has a daughter, but it's easier to tell people she is still married". All I can think is so it's easier to let people think you are having an affair than to tell them you are divorced. Then she says she wants to dance, I say fine. She says, "no, I dance alone" This girl went out on the dance floor and did the electric slide by herself, the pinnacle of group dancing this girl is doing by herself. A couple of girls tried to join in and she waves them off real snotty. Meanwhile I've got the guy standing there dancing in front of the other girl, but he's doing the spinning thing. Basically every middle age white guy movie dancing cliche.

When she finishes dancing I tell her I'm done for the night, she tells me she wants to go home with me. I say fine, figure might as well get laid out of this fiasco. We get to my house and she basically turns into a mannequin. I literally have to undress her, I am doing everything, the whole time she is looking at me again bug eyed. When it's all said and done I'm thinking to myself "guess I didn't do a good job" when she says "oh my god, wow". I tell her I have to get up early in the morning, she tells me she has to get home because her ex was babysitting. I drop her off and don't think anything of it, I swear she lied about the whole divorce thing.

I get a call a couple days later asking me to go to a park with her and her daughter, I tell her I'm busy. She starts screaming at me "oh, you got what you wanted and now you want nothing to do with me" I tell her that's not true, so she asks me to come by her place later with some taco bell. So I go over to her place and on the bed is a vibrator, I ask what's up with that? She tells me she likes to put on a show for her neighbor, I look out the window and there is this dude peaking over the window sill. I tell her, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. Although I did confirm that she was divorced.

About a month later about 11:00 pm she calls me when I have another girl over at my place and asks if she can come over. I tell her it wasn't a good time, she asked if I had another girl over. I said "yes", that was the last I'd heard from her for almost a year. I'm at a super cuts or something getting a haircut and she walks in, she tells me how she got pregnant from another guy, married him and was just finishing up the divorce. Told her I was leaving the country for six months and left.

single moms, they're either amazing or a quagmire of issues, i swear

 

[kuromusha]

Threads like this one is the reason I came to Mayberry. One thing Mayberryians can do well is provide a good story.

 

[lowsingle]

well I didn't ask but the vibrator on the bed and chester the molester peeking over the sill was enough to make me think so.

I've actually got a couple more, one really quick one

I meet this woman in a used sporting goods store, I'm looking for hockey gear. She is there checking out inline skates. She's a little fat in the ass but other than that a pretty decent looking Latina. We get talking and she tells me she's a widow, her husband was a biker that got drunk, drove home and missed the exit; literally. The dude missed the ramp and hit the barrier flipping off the bike falling down to the underpass.

She tells me how she hasn't been on a date in a year since his passing. So I say what the hell and ask her out. So we meet, go out to dinner and she starts talking to me about her and the husband's sex life. She tells me she is bi, loved bringing women to the bedroom for the two of them and so on. She even goes on about her extensive "toy" collection and that she loved to record her adventures. At the end of dinner she invites me to her house, after what I just heard how could I resist.

So we get to her place start making out and she suggests we move things to the bedroom. Have a pretty wild time, one thing I notice is this girl had the worst cheesy tattoos but I figured I wasn't there for her artistic taste (one of her tattoos was of a blue whale across her shoulder) Then she asks me if i'd like to watch one of her videos, to which I say "sure". She starts one up and it starts out with her going down on another woman, so far so good. Then I see a pair of panty hosed legs walk in front of the camera. I think "cool, she had two women" no sooner the panty hosed individual bends down and it's her biker husband. Dude is walking around in panty hose, a garterbelt and high heels. He get's on the bed all fours and she and the other girl proceed to attach false appendages and started using them on the husband. I'm just sitting there wide eyed, when she looks at me and says "oh, i guess you aren't into that, well we'll work on that"

End up sleeping at her place, first thing in the morning her bedroom door gets slammed open and in runs this little kid. She says something like "there's my little man", she tells me it's her son and he's three years old. The kid jumps up on the bed and is trying to crawl under the covers with me, she and I are still naked. I start freaking out, I don't want some three year old in bed with me. i ask her to take him out of the room, I wanted to get dressed. She tells me "oh, don't worry it's nothing he hasn't seen before" still I ask again, finally she takes him out of the room.

I get dressed and try to beeline for the door. She yells out, "hey, I made my son some Capt. Crunch, you want some?" I look over and there's the kid sitting there in his underwear slurping down cereal. I think I outran my shadow that day getting out of there.

lol, once again, its the single moms

 

[Gene Tunney]

"When I'm w/ you, my heart jumps out of my skin, I can't breathe, for my breath, you have taken from me, unlike anyone before you, I know not what to say, your in my dreams, my thoughts, my every prayer. How have I lived so long in despair, when you where right there, a stranger at the bar, holding the key to unlock all that is and could be.

"What now?" the angels cry from on high. What shall be? What shall become of the broken hearted who found each other amongst the Starz, Truly the only One who knows, at this time, He who knows all, whether believed in or not, He is there to comfort us.

Once upon a time there was a lonely man who needed a help mate, so the Lord cast upon him a deep sleep that a rib may be taken from him to create the one woman who would be by his side forever n always. Flesh of his flesh, n the two became one.
What than this story of the two who where made at Starz, Only time will tell what is to become of them. For in one language there story is of One Love and in other it has just begun."

Terrifying right? Then one day they just stopped... Until December, when I got an e-mail that just said... "Merry Christmas"

lol

 

[Rawex]

Threads like this one is the reason I came to Mayberry. One thing Mayberryians can do well is provide a good story.

Indeed, makes time go so much faster at work
Thanks guys!

 

[LEWIS540]

When I was at Uni, me and my flatmate double dated. We took the girls to a local curry house and everything was going well. Then for some reason, my friend ordered a bottle of Southern Comfort. The girls took a small glass each only, so me and my pal ended up drinking the whole bottle in about 90minutes.

Amazingly, one of the girls, after finishing the meal, suggests we go to the local pub for a quick drink before getting a cab back to her place to "carry on the party." So we get to the pub, drink a beer and everything seems to be going well. Then things take a turn for the worse.

The girls excuse themselves and go to the bathroom together as girls tend to do. My friend, decides to order us a pre victory drink, and comes back with yet more Southern Comfort. As by this time, I'm already 3 sheets to the wind, I neck the double shot on the spot.

All of a sudden, I hit the wall. My mouth fills up with saliva. My stomach begins to churn. The whole room is spinning. The unmistakeable signs that violent and unstoppable projectile vomitting are on the way.

I make a bee line for the toilets. If I can get in and out undetected, there is still a chance I can get my dicky sticky. I lunge for the toilet door, karate kicking it open just in time. Without chance to make it to the toilet or sink, I hurl my guts up all over the floor. I look up, expecting to see a few stern faces, maybe even a couple of fellow students laughing, but instead I hear about 12 girls (including our dates) shrieking looking absolutely horrified. In my haste. I'd entered the women's bathroom by mistake.

Needless to say, the offer to carry on the party was swiftly withdrawn.

 

[The Zuskan]

Not a long story or anything. But when I was in highschool and I invited a girl over to "hangout" my mom would always invite them for a heart warming dinner.

 

[SMillard]

single moms, they're either amazing or a quagmire of issues, i swear

another funny part about the one that liked to strap on her husband. I ran into her almost a year later, she tells me that she had been working at a convenience store and hooked up with one of the other girls that worked there. The two of them were getting in on in the back store room late at night when no one was coming in. She finds out that the place was being watched by the cops and they had video all over the place. Apparently the owner was dealing and using the store as a front. So one day she went in to work and the store was closed and the cops were there sorting shit out. One of them explained to her what was going on then said "on behalf of all the guys, thanks for your portions of the video." So the cops had hours of video of these two women munching on each other

 

[Zer]

another funny part about the one that liked to strap on her husband.

I need to set an hour aside and read back though this thread sometime

 

[SMillard]

I need to set an hour aside and read back though this thread sometime

the funny thing is when the TS started the thread at first I thought "I really didn't have any strange "first dates"", then a flood of memories came in and I realized what a trainwreck my dating life was. Like i said, I've got even more if anyone is interested in hearing them.

 

[Gavel]

the funny thing is when the TS started the thread at first I thought "I really didn't have any strange "first dates"", then a flood of memories came in and I realized what a trainwreck my dating life was. Like i said, I've got even more if anyone is interested in hearing them.

You should post as many as you've got. I have an hour between classes full of bordom.

 

[Naramie]

I've told this story on here before but I feel like I need to share it again now for all the laughs this thread's given me.

This happened back around 2008 when The Dark Knight came out (this becomes important later). I was at the bar and by pure chance I ran into this girl I knew from high school. She was pretty much the school slut, except not attractive enough for me to want to risk teh herps. She ended up rather good looking though, and it didn't take long for me to get her to come home with me (I knew she was interested in me before so I had no problems making a pass at her).

So we're both drunk and being silly, just making out on the couch for awhile before she tries dragging me upstairs. I didn't feel like traversing the stairs though (half due to laziness and half due to not wanting to fall on my face), so she gets the bright idea to get on all fours on the living room rug. Worked for me. So she's face down ass up and we're going at it like this for awhile... so long in fact that when we finish up and I move to lay next to her, she turns and shows ALL THE CARPET BURN on one side of her face. Being drunk (and a total movie nerd), I thought it was a good idea to talk in the Batman voice and start likening her to Harvey Two Face. She gets pissed and starts to leave. I shout after her "I get it. I got the dick you want, but not the one your pussy needs right now." Got a slap for that one before she left.

Haven't heard from her since.

 

[Asathor]

the funny thing is when the TS started the thread at first I thought "I really didn't have any strange "first dates"", then a flood of memories came in and I realized what a trainwreck my dating life was. Like i said, I've got even more if anyone is interested in hearing them.

Just tell them. I have another one but i am not really sure if i can tell this one in english.
But tell as much as you want/can

 

[Bukowski82]

Not a long story or anything. But when I was in highschool and I invited a girl over to "hangout" my mom would always invite them for a heart warming dinner.

Hahah, oh man... This reminds me of a fairly embarrassing one.

Growing up I had the best parents you could even imagine. The only one complaint is that my Mom was always way too Mom'ish... And even though she could be pretty corny, I was happy to have one that cared so much, so a lot of times I'd just humor her on stuff she'd give me as presents (shirts, books on stupid stuff, ect.) I don't know how she got this in her head... But she thought I really loved cats for whatever reason and would always get me books on them, ect.

Anyways, I always threw parties at my parents place in High School because they were gone on work or vacation all the time. This particular party, I'm in the process of hooking up with a girl that literally everyone at my school wanted to bang... Just a 10/10. Things are going really well, Massage in the hot tub, making out on the couch... and she's like, hey... Why don't we check out your room?

Head up to my room, fall on top of her on my bed, things are getting really hot... and then, Boom. All of the sudden she's just staring at the ceiling. I ask her whats up and she just points. Based on the look on her face, I already knew what was up. I slowly turn my head towards the ceiling and what do I see?

Yes... A gigantic cat poster that my Mom had appearantley just put up in my room before she left that day. I'm talking multiple Cats... Cat's everywhere in this thing. Just a gigantic poster of a bunch of fucking cats.

She starts laughing and I'm like Ok, John this is hugely embarrassing but just keep it cool, think of something. And out of my mouth comes the words... "Um, yeah... I like cats." Needless to say... I did not get laid that night.

And that, my friends... is the story of how I blew one of the biggest sexual opportunities of my life.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Maybe she was being weird because she interpreted your behavior (indirectly asking instead of just coming out with it) as being weird. Just my interpretation, but I'm guessing she probably knows it's not common to have a place like that and was being "weird" because she assumed from the way you were hinting at it that you did not approve.

But anyway, I'm not sure if it counts as a "date" but I'll toss it out here. I've posted about it here before but it's a good fit for the thread ... and I might be getting some of my own details wrong, so I'll try to find my original post on it to see if I can self-corroborate everything.

Anyway, there's this chick I know. She had either been engaged or married to the brother of a guy I had been working with, but hadn't been for ... I dunno how long, but I'm thinking at least a couple months. She wound up working at that same place for a bit, so she hung out with a few of the folks I hung out with from work.

One night ... I don't remember anymore how we wound up hanging out, but I was at her place (a house she shared with her brother) after she'd gotten back from the bar. We're smoking up and watching one of the Friday the 13th movies. Now ... I have no shame in admitting that I have absolutely no game. I don't know how to put the moves on a lady. But somehow I stumbled onto the winning formula and we start messing around.

Eventually we take it from the couch back to her room. And, hrm ... I was about to sidestep the possibly more-interesting aspect of the story, but I'll leave it in. I wound up deciding I just did not want to have sex with this girl. I think it hit me when she said something to the effect that there would be "no strings attached" if we had sex. Don't get me wrong -- to this day I kinda wish I had slept with her (I wouldn't say I regret my decision -- don't feel bad about it or anything), but at the time I just wasn't into the idea of sex with someone who didn't want to get involved with me (and, hey, who knows if maybe we would have started dating after).

Anyway ... I wind up just going downtown, and when she was begging (literally) for the D, I just told her I was nervous and wasn't sure if we should be moving so fast (I wasn't lying, but that wasn't the main reason I didn't want to). We hang out for a bit, little bit of pillow talk, then I cut out. On my way home I decide to hit a gas station and get a Livewire (remember this). Now, this is where my memory is failing me, but doesn't change the ultimate arc of the story. I had either left my wallet or my phone back at her place.

So, I head back. I can't bang on the front door or ring the bell because her brother is asleep, and I think it might have been obvious what had gone on and I don't like to publicize. So I have to crawl behind some bushes to get up next to her window to tap on it. Eventually I get her up, retrieve my property, and I'm on my way. It's at this point I either successfully obtained my Livewire or I went home.

Either way -- after I get home, I go in the bathroom to clean up a bit before crashing out. I don't know how I hadn't noticed at the gas station, but I guess it was dark enough even under street lights in my car to not see the blood on my face and fingers.

I had gone into a gas station at around 3am (give or take an hour) covered in blood, casual as fuck, and the clerk didn't even seem to notice. I was a stoned, half-black (other half korean, if it adds to the story) guy with dreadlocks crawling around in some bushes, with my face and hands covered in blood, at around 3am. The best/worst part is that if some cop(s) had stopped me when crawling around in the bushes, that was before I realized I was covered in blood.

I'm sure hilarity would have ensued. Hilarity and me probably getting shot.

Blake Bowman posted this exact story many years ago. You just got caught.

 

[Grob]

Ok I read this entire thread so I guess I'll have to contribute my story.

Just graduated high school and my folks are out of town. I had mentioned this to a girl I liked and she said she wanted to come over. Mistake #1: I call up a buddy of mine who has a car and get him to pick her up. They arrive and we fire up the bbq and have a few drinks. Things are going well, but I can kind of tell that she's not impressed that my buddy is still there. It's getting late so we go inside to watch tv. Finally my buddy gets the hint and goes into the spare room to crash for the night and I start making out with her on the couch.

Mistake #2: I had drank too much and initiated the action prior to covering my bases. Eventually I can't focus on the task at hand and all I can think of is how badly I have to piss, so I get up and go to the washroom. I had to superman to relieve myself and I'm sure I was in there for at least 10 minutes. I came back out expecting the worst, but there she was patiently waiting and had removed her shirt.

Mistake #3: I turned off the lights so that the room was only lit by the tv and went to work on her enormous breasts. The vodka really started to kick in at that point and I could not figure out how to unclasp her bra, so I gave up and just pulled it down. With the poor lighting and drunkeness I couldn't even tell where her nipples were so I just drunkenly slobbered all over everything. She excused herself to the washroom.

So now in my drunken stupor I'm convinced that things are done for the night, but she comes out wearing one of my concert T's and I make a comment about how her giant tits are going to stretch it out of shape, she laughs, takes my hand and pulls me into my bedroom.

...and then I wake up the next morning as my buddy was leaving for work and she's asked him for a ride home. I have no idea what happened, but from what little she told my friend I blacked out, she tried to initiate some action and I was completely non-responsive and probably suffering from a severe case of "whiskey dick".

Never got another chance with her.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Many of you might not believe the stories I'm about to share, but getting girls here in my country are kind of easy - provided that you have the resources. Little bit of money, a decent car and 8-10/10 looks. I was the reason most of my first date stories got fucked up.

1st story - "no kiss".
Met the girl through a friend, our first date was set out of town in a private beach resort. I wasn't totally expecting anything. Shared the same room, had a few drinks by the beach in the evening after dinner and came back to our room to take a shower before we went to sleep.

As I turned the lights off, I did not say anything after I went back to my bed. Minutes later of feeling out, I joined her in her bed. I cup'd her breasts, no reaction. I tried kissing her, she wouldn't open her mouth. I was like, okay what the fuck is this hahaha

Then all of a sudden, to my surprise she took of her clothes. I did the same of course, and the unexpected happened. I was doing her doggie style, and felt I was gonna explode and bam! I pulled it out and it blasted on her back. What happened next was really weird, don't know what got into me but I spread the jizz all over her back.

We did it again one more time the next morning, after that I did not call her again even she was texting me. Maybe I was ashamed of what I did that night.

2nd story on my next post as I try to recall.

Dude, what are you , like 12? That's pretty much par for the course for any lay with maybe a sprinkling of sugar on top.

 

[Naramie]

I met some unattractive girl from a local online forum. I did not know what she looked like because this was before camera were readily available. I meet her at her house, which is actually a mobile home in a trailer park. She insists that her friend come along but I am against it. Eventually I cave because I just want to be out of there. Her friend winds up being her cousin who has cerebral palsy and walks with crutches like Walt Jr. from Breaking Bad. The cousin is pretty ghetto and has a really foul mouth. We get to my place and her cousin decides that she does not feel like walking, so I have to carry her through the parking lot (easily 80-90 yards distance) and up two flights up stairs. Once we get to my place we're sitting on the couch and I'm trying to put the most boring stuff on television so they get the hint and ask to be taken home. My housemates cat comes in and tries to be friendly, the cousin with palsy freaks out and starts screaming at the cat. She then asks me to show her around my place (ie. show me your bedroom) it's a 2 bedroom 1 bath room apartment. We goto my room and she starts getting physical, grabbing my junk and trying to feel me up. I tell her we're moving too fast and she gets really annoyed. She says she wants to go home, I'm like great!

 

[The Zuskan]

The cerebral palsy girl cornered you in your room?

 

[Naramie]

First date to Foursome

I had randomly run into this girl that I had dated a few years back. Nothing had happened between us then (mostly this was due to my lack of confidence as a younger guy). A few years had passed and after a random meeting we reconnected over lunch. I ll call her Mindy.

Later that night I was supposed to head to a going away party for a friend of a friend. I invited Mindy as the party was supposed to be pretty low key and fun. We picked up a bottle of Jaeger and headed to this guys apt.

The party is mostly a group of guys and the guest of honors girlfriend. The only other girl at the party is the one that I had brought. Everyone is cool and having a good time so we begin taking shots together.

This guys gf goes from normal to hyperslut in record time. Almost immediately she is talking about how beautiful Mindy is and how she wants to kiss her, touch her, look at her tits etc.

With each drink this escalates incredibly fast and the next thing I know the girls are raising up their shirts to compare nipples or something similar. The hypersluts bf suggest we go into the bedroom (which is all of 5 feet away in this 2 bedroom apt).

The 4 of us head in and the second that the door is closed the hyperslut grabs the other girls pants, deftly pulls them off wrestles the girl to the ground (onto a futon unrolled) and begins eating her out.

The guy and I are just stunned watching her.

This was the first time that I had ever been in a situation like this and honestly I had no idea what to do so I decided to just do nothing, I was enjoying the show so why fuck it up?

The next thing I know this sex vampire sits up and turns to me. She pulls me down while taking off my pants (I had been standing there a bit like an idiot). I give the other guy (who I just met today) a look of "is this cool?" and before I get my answer the girl is giving me the most amazing blow job I have ever had....ever (I still think about this girl).

For the next hour or so the hyperslut ends up bouncing between mindy and I while her bf just sits in the corner by himself. I felt bad for the guy after the fact but in the moment I didn't care.

After that night no one ever ended up seeing one another again. The hyperslut and bf ended up breaking up that night. Mindy was too horrified to ever talk to me again.

It was awesome.

How is this a horror story? Sounds like the greatest day of your life.