First date horror stories

[BobbyMunson**]

It's a Tucker Max story.

I read his books last year, genius!

Especially the midgets:icon_chee

 

[highkicknomore]

Damn, this thread delivers.

Creepy and funny at the same time.

 

[Social Distance Warrior]

ohhh what?

i wouldnt even know how to respond, or react. like im supposed to pretend to be sad? i wouldnt even know what expression to make

damn dude

Exactly...

I really didn't know how to respond...

I tried the symphathy approach,

"...oh were you close to him? when did he pass? Was it expected?"

Anyway, whatever libido I had that night became non-existent once she showed me the box.

 

[Diktaattori]

Not a date, but there's chance things may get weird. Just got a phone call from some lady that asked if I remembered her and then proceeded to invite herself into my place, don't know when she coming and who she is but yeah, I'm getting some.

 

[xcvbn]

Not a date, but there's chance things may get weird. Just got a phone call from some lady that asked if I remembered her and then proceeded to invite herself into my place, don't know when she coming and who she is but yeah, I'm getting some.

Live pbp is required plus pics of course.

 

[Diktaattori]

Live pbp is required plus pics of course.

If this thing really happens, I'm writing a report tomorrow, minus the pics.

 

[Protectandserve]

I'll share one from working graveyard patrol. We get a call of a robbery at roughly 5am, my shift ends at 630. My partner and I get there and meet two super drunk dudes. The one guy is yelling at his friend that he freaked out his girl and that's why she left. Other guy tells us that the chick stole his IPhone.

So we asks how they met the girl and the other guy says they met at the club, drank all night together and implies that he's pissed at his buddy for c**k blocking him. Buddy is mad cause girl stole his phone and ran off.

So our early car shows up to take the paper and I go look for the girl. Now I'm driving around in the early morning looking for a chick with a purse, club dress and high heels. Find her pretty quick and stop her. Tell her to stand against my car while I search her purse. Find the phone and "her" ID. Turns out she is a he, and not a very good looking she either.

Call my partner who's handling the call and ask if angry dude knows his girl is a dude. She, my partner, says nope. I ask are we gonna tell him, she says nope. We returned the phone and dude came to pick up his "girl" and ditched his friend. In his defense he was just under the limit for DUI.

 

[Crazyced]

I read his books last year, genius!

Especially the midgets:icon_chee

I want to try a totem too now. :icon_lol:

 

[lakersfan45]

the first one wasnt as good of a story. basically in high school, i was at a party and my girlfriend was making out with another girl because they were both shitfaced drunk. we ended up in a bedroom alone somehow, and i pretended to be more drunk than i was and "mistake" her friend for my girl. i said my girlfriends name "graaace" and came forward, and we made out for like 10 seconds. then grace said "thats not me!" and pulled me off and onto her. then i started undressing her, and th friend started wrestling around with both of us. i started struggling to pull their shirts off and they were letting me while making out with each other

then some drunk asshole opened the door to the room and both my girlfriend and her friend darted into the bathroom to put their clothes back on

so nothing ended up happening and we never mentioned it again

sorry for the disappointing story

Spoiler

they were hot as fuck, hottest girlfriend i ever had

Spoiler

they were both asian and looked like twins

Spoiler

i still think about it when i have sex and cant get off

i've been the drunk asshole several times. never intentionally, its something like i'm drunk and just looking for a friend to make sure they dont drive home drunk. why dont doors have locks? i remember one specific time this girl was getting worked doggie style over a desk and i walked in. they both had that deer in the headlights look. i didn't leave right away i stared for a good 10 seconds then said "Where's Anth (my friend)". neither of them said nothing. then i left. i'm sure the guy was fine and got off, but i'm sure i ruined it for the girl. the next week i saw her at another party and in front of a bunch of people i was like "hey i walked in on you having sex last week, sorry". she was cool about it

 

[tkotom]

this story is just proof that we as men will enter into a fucking nightmare if it means we may get our weiners wet.....

it really is the most counter intuitive thing if you think about it.

power of the pussy.

 

[thegreenblender]

Decided to ask my friend's wife's sister out on a date back in the early 90's. We had Mexican food and I ordered the bean plate special since I was kinda strapped for cash at the time.

Got back to my friends house where she rented a room and low and behold her parents and older brother were there visiting. I sit on the big leather couch next to her and suddenly my stomach starts to rumbles and groan. There is no stopping the gas that is forming in my bowels so I try to cover the noise by scooting my ass on the couch...It kinda covers the noise but unfortunately the smell can't be concealed.

I excuse myself to the bathroom which is a total of about five feet away from where they are all sitting. I turn on the water faucet to full power hoping the running water just might cover up what I know is coming. I sit on the pot and carefully try to pass the conglomeration that has formed in my guts but it's of no use.... I blast out the loudest most obnoxious cacophony of rectal contents you could imagine.

From outside I hear her father say, "What the hell?" and her brother laughing while the mother said, "Shhhh you will hurt his feelings."

Knowing the gig was up I just plowed on through the rest of my dump knowing that any dignity I might have had was gone. The exiting of the bathroom was the biggest walk of shame I have ever taken and once I had returned to my seat the stench decided to follow me out like an old loyal dog.

It was our first and last date.

Slayed me. Oh god. Thank you, sir.

 

[Aas Gutú Adéli]

i thought i wasn't shallow
she didn't have a profile picture
then i saw her and regretted
i was thinking, ok, maybe her personality would be great
and she just kept talking about herself and about work
it wasn't a conversation
i kept trying to steer it to something we could both talk about
and i failed
the second worst moment was when i asked if she had any favorite place to travel to, or a place she wanted to visit and her reply was
"i don't really like to travel"

the first worst moment was when i realized i had no exit strategy
and despite my profession
i have an intense aversion to lying

 

[Mr Gorgeous]

This thread delivers. The mask story, the batman story, the two shit stories, etc. I've lost it multiple times.

I have another one but unfortunately I only remember the beginning and end of it.

This happened when I was living in China. I was living with this hot French Canadian girl who I was friends with. I was working at a night club at the time. The club closed at four and I wasn't finished partying so I went to the only bar that was still open that late. It was an African bar that was owned by a friend of mine. I was usually the only white person who went there but the drinks were on the house and I was comfortable with the regulars.

This night I sat down with a couple Russian girls who I had never met before. This was strange to me because I knew most of the foreigners in the city. One of them wanted me so the three of us left the bar to go back to my place. I make us all drinks. I mix the friends drink stronger with the hope that she'll pass out soon (she was less attractive). It works, or so I thought.

I'm with the blond one in my bedroom and just as we start getting it on I hear my roommate screaming. I immediately realize what must've happened. I run out of my room and my roommate told me what had happened. The other girl who was supposed to be comatose had awaken and went looking for her friend. She walked into my roommates room instead and found her sleeping naked without any covers on. She didn't excuse herself, she just stood there and watched my roommate sleep. My roommate woke up and started screaming. The Russian girl only said "you are lesbian? I like ".

So my roommate made it clear that we had to leave. I finished my drink and the girls unfinished drinks. Then I walked them down to the street so they could get a cab home. That is the last thing I remember.

Until I woke up. I was on a hard wooden bed frame, no mattress. Just a straw cover. I'm naked and next to me is the blond Russian girl, also naked. I don't know where my cloths are. I start exploring my new habitat. It looks like I'm in an abandoned warehouse. All the furniture is broken and unused. I walk upstairs and find two more Russian girls on a mattress, also naked. I'm confused. I still can't find my cloths. I go back downstairs and walk outside into the walled courtyard of this "house". I find my cloths on a couch that is soaked with water. I still have my wallet.

I contemplate sticking around to ask questions once they wake up but my contacts feel like they've melted to my eyes. For those of you who don't wear contacts, it feels terrible to wake up still wearing contacts. I decide it's best to leave. I walk out the front door and I notice the "streets" are dirt and the buildings are huts. There are no skyscrapers and it dawns on me that I'm no longer in the city that I live in.

There are no cabs, no trains, no buses and I'm lost and I'm still drunk. I start walking. I walk for hours before I reach paved roads but now I've only reached the suburbs. I walk a few more hours before I can hail a cab. The amount of money that I had to pay to get home indicated that I was well outside the city.

When I finally get home after seven hours of walking/driving I ask my roommate what happened. She has no idea. She only thought I was walking the girls down the the street before I would come back home. That was my odyssey.

 

[Strychnine]

Spoiler

This thread delivers. The mask story, the batman story, the two shit stories, etc. I've lost it multiple times.

I have another one but unfortunately I only remember the beginning and end of it.

This happened when I was living in China. I was living with this hot French Canadian girl who I was friends with. I was working at a night club at the time. The club closed at four and I wasn't finished partying so I went to the only bar that was still open that late. It was an African bar that was owned by a friend of mine. I was usually the only white person who went there but the drinks were on the house and I was comfortable with the regulars.

This night I sat down with a couple Russian girls who I had never met before. This was strange to me because I knew most of the foreigners in the city. One of them wanted me so the three of us left the bar to go back to my place. I make us all drinks. I mix the friends drink stronger with the hope that she'll pass out soon (she was less attractive). It works, or so I thought.

I'm with the blond one in my bedroom and just as we start getting it on I hear my roommate screaming. I immediately realize what must've happened. I run out of my room and my roommate told me what had happened. The other girl who was supposed to be comatose had awaken and went looking for her friend. She walked into my roommates room instead and found her sleeping naked without any covers on. She didn't excuse herself, she just stood there and watched my roommate sleep. My roommate woke up and started screaming. The Russian girl only said "you are lesbian? I like ".

So my roommate made it clear that we had to leave. I finished my drink and the girls unfinished drinks. Then I walked them down to the street so they could get a cab home. That is the last thing I remember.

Until I woke up. I was on a hard wooden bed frame, no mattress. Just a straw cover. I'm naked and next to me is the blond Russian girl, also naked. I don't know where my cloths are. I start exploring my new habitat. It looks like I'm in an abandoned warehouse. All the furniture is broken and unused. I walk upstairs and find two more Russian girls on a mattress, also naked. I'm confused. I still can't find my cloths. I go back downstairs and walk outside into the walled courtyard of this "house". I find my cloths on a couch that is soaked with water. I still have my wallet.

I contemplate sticking around to ask questions once they wake up but my contacts feel like they've melted to my eyes. For those of you who don't wear contacts, it feels terrible to wake up still wearing contacts. I decide it's best to leave. I walk out the front door and I notice the "streets" are dirt and the buildings are huts. There are no skyscrapers and it dawns on me that I'm no longer in the city that I live in.

There are no cabs, no trains, no buses and I'm lost and I'm still drunk. I start walking. I walk for hours before I reach paved roads but now I've only reached the suburbs. I walk a few more hours before I can hail a cab. The amount of money that I had to pay to get home indicated that I was well outside the city.

When I finally get home after seven hours of walking/driving I ask my roommate what happened. She has no idea. She only thought I was walking the girls down the the street before I would come back home. That was my odyssey.

Do you still have your kidneys?!?

 

[Mr Gorgeous]

Do you still have your kidneys?!?

I don't have any scars that I didn't have before.

 

[riitzni]

So earlier this week the online dating thread got me back into POF....

Fucking lost at this one TS, and I'd like to point out that my misgivings about online dating are completely the fuck justified by your post and a lot of others on here.

And for the awkward date story, this takes place a year ago. I was hooked up with this girl by a friend (One of the ones from the threeway, actually) We went out to dinner. She was very nice, good looking and seemed interested in me enough. We have dinner and she has a few drinks, we go back to my place and I join in drinking. One thing leads to another and we're having sex. Out of nowhere she says "I love you." and I just went limp inside of her.

Shit was just weird.

Fucking lololololololo.

I thought it was a good idea to talk in the Batman voice and start likening her to Harvey Two Face. She gets pissed and starts to leave. I shout after her "I get it. I got the dick you want, but not the one your pussy needs right now." Got a slap for that one before she left.

Haven't heard from her since.

I am sending this one to my friends. Fucking amazing.

End up sexing her anyways and even that was so creepy I just couldn't keep my dick up. I didn't even finish. I just kinda stopped when she asked me to go down on her... And was like, Well, I'll see ya later. The scariest part about all of it was the fact that she was so cute and normal... and then boom, 180.

I still get the chills thinking about it. Who the fuck has a horse mask mounted on their wall?!

are about to get down to business....and then she asks, "do you want to meet my dad?"

I'm thinking, "WTF!?!?!" how is there another person in this cramped small apartment?

She goes in the other room...and comes back with a card board box...in it are her father's ashes...

I am beyond weirded out...so I make up a story and leave.

You bitches! First guy, you should have conquered your fears, taken the horse mask off the wall, put it on and fucked her with it. Being a freaky wierdo, she probably would have liked it. Second guy, your answer should have been, "Do you mind if he watches what I'm going to do to you?"

 

[white-pony]

This isn't really a horror story but most of the date was a chore. I met a girl on a St. Patrick's Day and we hooked up. We hooked up maybe once or twice after that and she unexpectedly suggested we go on a date. This would be the first time I hung out with this girl while not being completely shit faced hammered. She suggested we go to a zoo.

So naturally I show up hung over as shit but she turns out to be a pretty normal girl. It was actually a pretty nice day, nothing bad happened, and we ended up spending the entire day together. At one point, my friend called me as I instructed. It was an out in case the date sucked but everything was going well so I gave him the code phrase to let him know he wouldn't have to call again.

Towards the end of the afternoon, she suggested we go grab some food and maybe get a drink. I was still sort of struggling with my hangover so I thought that would be a good idea. On our way to a pub, she gets a call from her friend with the same purpose as my friend had. We got to the pub to get a sandwich and beer when it hit me. All of the remnants of the rum & coke's and late night street food I had the previous night was coming out. I excused myself and must have been in the restroom of that bar for like 15 minutes. Some asshole knocked on the stall door four different times and every time would say, "jesus let me shit in peace!"

When I got back to the table, she asked what took me so long and was like half way done with her burger. I told her my friend called back so I went outside for a smoke while we talked. She asked why he kept calling and I said he bought a new tv and he needed me to walk him through how to hook up all the wires. No idea why I thought or said that at that moment but she didn't ask any more questions about it after that answer.

We decided to go to another bar and we eventually got drunk. Randomly, a few of my friends who happen to be girls showed up. My date was surprisingly normal when she was sober but she's a handful and sometimes a complete wreck when she has the booze in her. My friends, three cute girls and their lesbian friend, end up hanging out with us then the date leaves our table to buy us all shots. She's gone forever but when I look up she's grinding on some dude's crotch near the bar. She came back and started making out with me in front of my friends. Somebody wanted to dance so we left.

Next thing I know, I'm in a gay club with these five girls. My date continues to wonder off, bumping into people and nearly started a fight. She keeps ordering the both of us shots. I was completely hammered at that point.

Spoiler

on a completely random note, right around this time in the night, i look over and see a hot girl essentially dry humping another girl on top of a table in the corner of the club. i am now married to that girl.

The date then disappears yet again and this time I find her making out with a super butch lesbian that looks as if she would physically kill me if she had the chance. The date introduced me to the woman. She nearly broke my hand when she shook it. At this point, I was over the date. I had to drag/carry the date out of the club because she could barely walk.

When she snapped out of it, we were on the corner of a street, looking for a cab. She seemed to be upset that I was getting rid of her. I told her how annoying she was when she got drunk. That's when she put her tongue in my mouth. Things got pretty heated. At one point I was completely exposed and I had her shirt up and bra off on the street with cars driving by.

Instead of throwing her in a cab we went back to my place and banged each other all night. The next morning I was ready to go again. That girl had an amazing ass and I would be at full attention when I saw her partially or completely naked. She said she had to go because she had a lunch date with a guy she's been seeing for a while. She got dressed in the same clothes she wore the previous day without showering and without brushing her teeth and left. I never saw her again.

 

[Red Forman]

Not a funny story but it was a very strange date. My ex-girlfriend had a social problem. Like it was really, really bad. Our first date, I took her out to dinner. I remember her blushing and her hands shaking really bad when she was giving her order to the waiter. She spilled the glass of water as she was giving the waiter the menu back and she got up and stormed out. She was crying, apologizing and asked me to take her home.

 

[lowsingle]

the mlp party plan is going as bad as possible but hopefully things change

I'm sitting on a couch of 250+ girls watching this bullshit while the hot ones went out to get liquor

fucking things from the real world can go just as bad as these online dating stories

i better get a 3way out if this, because for the past 30 min, I've been watching my little pony with this girl translating the show

Spoiler

 

[white-pony]

the mlp party plan is going as bad as possible but hopefully things change

I'm sitting on a couch of 250+ girls watching this bullshit while the hot ones went out to get liquor

fucking things from the real world can go just as bad as these online dating stories

Not sure why you didn't think of an excuse to go with the got girls to get booze.