Social Do you lie or do you tell the truth?

[AldoStillGoat]

Do you tell the truth or do you lie?

I tell the truth about everything to a fault.

My parents raised me Christian with good morals (I'm an agnostic now), I try to help people and I always tell them the truth no matter if it hurts their feelings or not. Obviously, I don't take this out of proportion and hurt people but while some people will conceal information to glean benefits from others, I'll tell them the truth in order to help the other person get ahead which usually leads to no direct benefit to me and makes people angry at me for telling them how they can get ahead. Other people would lie or conceal information to these individuals in order to make them feel good/not make them feel bad. When people lie, it angers me, I then point the truth out and then I want to get away.

Do I tell the truth because I've been manipulated to tell the truth by my parents and now it's second nature? Or did my parents want me to have a solid foundation knowing that lies will lead you to trouble in the future? Or is it for personal benefit? Is it because I tell them the truth in order for them to get ahead so that my friendship with them will be more fruitful for both of us? Is this a way for me to feel superiority over others? Am I so far up my own ass because I'm smart/think too much that I find it hard to connect with others? Is it because I come from a collectivist culture and therefore I'm looking to help others before I help myself? All of the above? Is this a healthy outlook or should I be lying more in order to benefit from others? Does lying lead to short term benefit but long term misery?

When people criticize me I take it pretty well and I always question myself and my actions. I'm honest with myself because I feel like you need to be honest with yourself in order to be as successful as possible.

I'm asking these questions because for the most part I'm a lone wolf with hardly any friends because of these traits while I see other people who are more dishonest and manipulative with tons of friends and opportunities. I basically get 0 opportunities because no one wants to benefit someone they don't like. I have a few friends that I can be upfront and honest with and we're cool but in general you could call me a loner who spends his friday and saturdays alone working on my programming to get ahead or watching MMA and chatting on Sherdog. I'm above average in attractiveness, 5'11, above average IQ, athletic but I still feel like I'm different than others and can't connect with the general population.

This might be a question better suited for a psychologist (psychiatrist? lol) but I feel like it would be hard to get answers to these questions because I doubt most people scrutinize themselves or others to this level to begin with. I'd have to search pretty far and wide to get the right type of psychologist that could help me answer the above questions. This is why I turn to Sherdog armchair psychologists. Please let me know what you think, it's highly appreciated. Any and all comments are welcome. Especially for the older folk who have more experience in life.


TLDR:

Do you lie to others? Or tell them the truth? Do you lie to yourself or are you honest with yourself? Why do you do what you do?

 

[ferrisjso]

I tell the truth. There's def consequences to it though. Especially politically.

Also notice in suburban areas in particular there's a social expectation to lie about certain things, especially confrontation and disliking people that you'd never do in an urban setting. I grew up in NYC where people wore their actual thoughts on their sleeves. As a result when I tried moving to NE I was very very confused and was seeing ghosts(metaphor) everywhere cause the cutlure was to deflect never acknowledge talking shit or disliking someone etc. Even if you KNEW someone said or did something they'd tell you with an absolute straight face they didn't. Shit will make you think you're going crazy when it's the norm.

I tried acting and doing the same but it was so weird cause I was doing it for like 2-3 years and these mofos were doing it their whole lives. It was just really fucking unnerving. There's large swathes of the country where people are just doing a song and dance to avoid confrontation. I know that might seem funny given how much people argue online but IRL people go to extradordinary lengths to avoid confrontation.

 

[AldoStillGoat]

I tell the truth. There's def consequences to it though. Especially politically.

Also notice in suburban areas in particular there's a social expectation to lie about certain things, especially confrontation and disliking people that you'd never do in an urban setting. I grew up in NYC where people wore their actual thoughts on their sleeves. As a result when I tried moving to NE I was very very confused and was seeing ghosts(metaphor) everywhere cause the cutlure was to deflect never acknowledge talking shit or disliking someone etc. Even if you KNEW someone said or did something they'd tell you with an absolute straight face they didn't. Shit will make you think you're going crazy when it's the norm.

I tried acting and doing the same but it was so weird cause I was doing it for like 2-3 years and these mofos were doing it their whole lives. It was just really fucking unnerving. There's large swathes of the country where people are just doing a song and dance to avoid confrontation. I know that might seem funny given how much people argue online but IRL people go to extradordinary lengths to avoid confrontation.

I live in LA so this might explain it partly. I met this chick from NYC she was pretty upfront as well... but she played a lot of mind games and lied.... but I'm sure location is a factor though. LA is known to have fake ass people in it.

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

Do you tell the truth or do you lie?

I tell the truth about everything to a fault.

My parents raised me Christian with good morals (I'm an agnostic now), I try to help people and I always tell them the truth no matter if it hurts their feelings or not. Obviously, I don't take this out of proportion and hurt people but while some people will conceal information to glean benefits from others, I'll tell them the truth in order to help the other person get ahead which usually leads to no direct benefit to me and makes people angry at me for telling them how they can get ahead. Other people would lie or conceal information to these individuals in order to make them feel good/not make them feel bad. When people lie, it angers me, I then point the truth out and then I want to get away.

Do I tell the truth because I've been manipulated to tell the truth by my parents and now it's second nature? Or did my parents want me to have a solid foundation knowing that lies will lead you to trouble in the future? Or is it for personal benefit? Is it because I tell them the truth in order for them to get ahead so that my friendship with them will be more fruitful for both of us? Is this a way for me to feel superiority over others? Am I so far up my own ass because I'm smart/think too much that I find it hard to connect with others? Is it because I come from a collectivist culture and therefore I'm looking to help others before I help myself? All of the above? Is this a healthy outlook or should I be lying more in order to benefit from others? Does lying lead to short term benefit but long term misery?

When people criticize me I take it pretty well and I always question myself and my actions. I'm honest with myself because I feel like you need to be honest with yourself in order to be as successful as possible.

I'm asking these questions because for the most part I'm a lone wolf with hardly any friends because of these traits while I see other people who are more dishonest and manipulative with tons of friends and opportunities. I basically get 0 opportunities because no one wants to benefit someone they don't like. I have a few friends that I can be upfront and honest with and we're cool but in general you could call me a loner who spends his friday and saturdays alone working on my programming to get ahead or watching MMA and chatting on Sherdog. I'm above average in attractiveness, 5'11, above average IQ, athletic but I still feel like I'm different than others and can't connect with the general population.

This might be a question better suited for a psychologist (psychiatrist? lol) but I feel like it would be hard to get answers to these questions because I doubt most people scrutinize themselves or others to this level to begin with. I'd have to search pretty far and wide to get the right type of psychologist that could help me answer the above questions. This is why I turn to Sherdog armchair psychologists. Please let me know what you think, it's highly appreciated. Any and all comments are welcome. Especially for the older folk who have more experience in life.


TLDR:

Do you lie to others? Or tell them the truth? Do you lie to yourself or are you honest with yourself? Why do you do what you do?

Based on my few interactions with you I am skeptical about the IQ part. But good for you if you are handsome, though.

 

[AldoStillGoat]

Based on my few interactions with you I am skeptical about the IQ part. But good for you if you are handsome, though.

I believe I am handsome and above average intelligence... we can hop on facetime if you'd like me to prove the first part. But seriously, in regards to the topic at hand, let's say there was nothing wrong with me physically or mentally that would hinder me socially.... how would you answer some of the questions above?

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

I believe I am handsome and above average intelligence... we can hop on facetime if you'd like me to prove the first part. But seriously, in regards to the topic at hand, let's say there was nothing wrong with me physically or mentally that would hinder me socially.... how would you answer some of the questions above?

Without having read your post throughly, I would say that solitary people often lack a certain smoothness and social cues, that make their presence awkward. My recommendation is to force yourself to be around people to develop your "social game".

 

[Patrick Jane]

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

Oh and I would add that being likable is not always correlated with beauty and intelligence. In most groups, there are many ugly and dumb people that just fit in because they are likable and easygoing.

If you are handsome and intelligent but blunt and intense, that is not what most people want in a group.

 

[AldoStillGoat]

Without having read your post throughly, I would say that solitary people often lack a certain smoothness and social cues, that make their presence awkward. My recommendation is to force yourself to be around people to develop your "social game".

I am not the awkward type. I'm a natural leader and can be put into a room, break the ice, have people talking and liking me. I have no issues having a conversation with girls and guys. Highly confident and I can read social cues. What I can't do is lie to people which is where people start not liking me. If I see something not true, I point it out. I have a decently analytical, logical brain. I excel in math and I can't draw for shit. I've played basketball and other sports, weightlifted and I watch fighting. In high school, I was decently popular. This shit sounds like I'm bragging but I'm honestly trying to paint a picture to get an accurate representation of me. I'd really appreciate if you read the thread thoroughly and gave me a more in depth answer. I know you're a smart guy.

I do think however everyone can benefit from being around others and that will definitely help anyone fit in rather than fit out. I do learn things from others at work socially, but I still have my truthful side which hinders me. Like at work, I correct some of my peers and they get angry. When I get corrected in regards to a critical thinking issue, I take it on the chin and try to do better. They play the political games and I can't seem to get on their level because my first inclination is to find the root of the problem (programming or otherwise) whereas they are trying to find out how to use the situation to win the power struggle against me.

 

[Zinger]

I'll lie without blinking if I think I'll be able to survive the shitstorm that will later come my way once the truth comes out, or even better, I'll be able to hide the lies entirely.

I just like to protect people around me from the stupid shit I stumble into, and make myself look and feel better than I actually am, so others can stop worrying about me, and mind their own business.

 

[AldoStillGoat]

Oh and I would add that being likable is not always correlated with beauty and intelligence. In most groups, there are many ugly and dumb people that just fit in because they are likable and easygoing.

If you are handsome and intelligent but blunt and intense, that is not what most people want in a group.

Absolutely agree there. I've been shunned by male groups because they see me as a threat or more as a outspoken alpha type. Having an edge in life over others while also being blunt/intense/truthful can lead to exclusion. That's a good point.

 

[TTech]

I try my hardest to not, either I change the subject or tell people im not saying or sth. Lying has always had sh1t consequences for me, besides the fact youre building a house of cards, but even more so personality wise. I begin losing respect for myself and my own word and eventually good people begin distancing.
I really care about the weight of a person's word. I do think its a measure of a person in many aspects. And I like to be surrounded by same principled folks. If youre a liar, whatever justification behind it, it leads to weakness and negative stuff in a whole variety of consequences.

 

[Busgosu]

Whoever tells you he/she always tells the truth is not to be trusted.

 

[Bacco]

Truth as default option
Lie if give me some effective advantage

Beyond cheating i don't stab in the back people though, unless i chose that they deserve it

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

I am not the awkward type. I'm a natural leader and can be put into a room, break the ice, have people talking and liking me. I have no issues having a conversation with girls and guys. Highly confident and I can read social cues. What I can't do is lie to people which is where people start not liking me. If I see something not true, I point it out. I have a decently analytical, logical brain. I excel in math and I can't draw for shit. I've played basketball and other sports, weightlifted and I watch fighting. In high school, I was decently popular. This shit sounds like I'm bragging but I'm honestly trying to paint a picture to get an accurate representation of me. I'd really appreciate if you read the thread thoroughly and gave me a more in depth answer. I know you're a smart guy.

I do think however everyone can benefit from being around others and that will definitely help anyone fit in rather than fit out. I do learn things from others at work socially, but I still have my truthful side which hinders me. Like at work, I correct some of my peers and they get angry. When I get corrected in regards to a critical thinking issue, I take it on the chin and try to do better. They play the political games and I can't seem to get on their level because my first inclination is to find the root of the problem (programming or otherwise) whereas they are trying to find out how to use the situation to win the power struggle against me.

Well you answered your own question. Refrain from always telling what you think. It s not always the best course of action to be blunt, unless you want to be avoided, which is also OK. Just decide what you want to be.

 

[Tone C]

I always tell the truth, 100%. I never lie . Or do I ? 6ft5 Sherdogger never lies..


What happens when the wife/gf/bf/ whatever asks you those awful questions though...

" Does my bum look big in this ?"
" Do you think I look fat ?"

 

[AldoStillGoat]

Whoever tells you he/she always tells the truth is not to be trusted.

I always tell the truth, 100%. I never lie . Or do I ? 6ft5 Sherdogger never lies..


What happens when the wife/gf/bf/ whatever asks you those awful questions though...

" Does my bum look big in this ?"
" Do you think I look fat ?"

I obviously overexaggerated a bit there but run with it as you please. I'd appreciate some more input though.

 

[Iroh]

Truth. Truth makes for a much better foundation, than a lie.

 

[Tone C]

I obviously overexaggerated a bit there but run with it as you please. I'd appreciate some more input though.

Nah , it's obvious I lie , I'm not a 6ft5 hulk.

I generally tell the truth but there's things that I will avoid or fudge about.

 

[Herwald]

Biggest liars and shysters with questionable morals I know are Christians, especially Mormons. And people who "always say it like it is" are proven to be extremely insecure.

So you got some red flags going for you, boyo.

That said, I can relate. Telling a lie literally feels like a burden, some shit you now need to keep track of. At the same time - right now, I'm of the opinion that truth is earned. Unless you're untouchable, being honest with somebody who could get offended and resent you for it is like giving a weapon to your enemy. They'll just use it against you. Cause truth can force people out of their comfort zone and they'll fight and destroy others to not have to do it. Meanwhile, being honest with a person who's earned it can help them out big time. And when to tell the truth? I think it's like "when the student is ready, master appears" kind of thing (not that you're a master, but the logic engine of this example applies). When they'll wanna hear it, you'll say it. Just my experience, so far.

Also, as you'll age, you'll realize that, yeah - you may have been right when you thought you were right. But the annoying part will be the realization that there are multiple right answers. And it can differ for everyone. So when you say "I always tell the truth! I always say it like it is!", if you're not careful with your wording and attitude, you can make people feel like you're forcing them into something. And you shouldn't really mess with people's personal path.

Consider learning how to keep things to yourself or add some legalese and nothing speak to your vocabulary to get out of situations without lying. Upgrade your sense of humor as well. You can drop quick truth bombs here there via "it's funny cause it's true". People are less resistant to you being honest if it's done with comedy.

That said, I post on sherdog and just had to get a new job cause my old career, effectively, failed. So maybe... not the right person to be sharing advice.