Relationships Divorce can pull you from your throne and drag you underground

[Prime LeVan]

Got married young and divorced after 18 years. Remarried since but I wouldn’t put that experience in even my worst enemy for no faults divorces. It took me years to trust again

 

[William Huggins]

This thread is relevant to my interests.

Divorce is brought up every time we fight now.

We don't fight often, but it feels like each time we do, we get closer to calling it quits.

Hopefully I can make it another 2 years because I want my daughter to graduate first.

Whenever it happens I will most definitely be financially fucked. Despite her always claiming that she wants to work, she hardly did. So being her sole source of income for 26 years means I'll certainly have to pay alimony. Maybe for the rest of my life.

I would seriously start to plan for the worse..... I would be 100% ruthless and take everything she says seriously no matter if it's only once..... No matter how outrageous it is.

DM me if you like......

 

[William Huggins]

The fact that you need a great lawyer, shows that there’s something wrong with the system.

This is 100% correct, any system that's so open to abuse that you need a very expensive legal representation isn't a good sign at all..... Marriage and divorce shouldn't be like being arrested for murder......

 

[Long Dark Blues]

 

[chardog]

I would seriously start to plan for the worse..... I would be 100% ruthless and take everything she says seriously no matter if it's only once..... No matter how outrageous it is.

DM me if you like......

I dont think this is necessarily the end, however it can spiral out of control quickly. When my wife was preggors with my fifth, it got in a similar pattern for me, fights would have mention of divorce, and it has not escalated or been mentioned since..... just dont let her know it's her trump card, ever, because she'll use it.

for me, there was a pattern recognition epiphany moment.... I was on the defense too often for some trumped up charges

I had to get back my edge, and reclaim dominance, and this claiming of dominance is something I will have to maintain for the rest of my life, and what that meant was that I would put her secondary to my kids and make boundaries great again. That would mean that I would initiate mini fights where I was on the offense, even for small things like not picking up her underwear on the floor. It was unintuitive and it started a slow process where I would be in dictating the relation, by putting her on the defense more often, you can start to reclaim your positioning. If there was too much good time that elapse without incident, start up something, even if it feels very contrived, just to put her on defense.

our sex lives were never dry, but I started to demand them pick up even more, instead of 2 in 10 days, 2 in 8 days, something small, but progressive and meaningful. Tap into your post nut clarity in that you are not going to give up on your edge, and these small changes are life long, it sure as hell is NOT intuitive for me, it's contrived as hell, but the only thing we ever fight on now is the finances and business decisions, and even then, I'll try to go offense as often as I can rather than be caught playing defense.

 

[TeTe]

The fact that you need a great lawyer, shows that there’s something wrong with the system.

I would seriously start to plan for the worse..... I would be 100% ruthless and take everything she says seriously no matter if it's only once..... No matter how outrageous it is.

DM me if you like......

At least in some states like California if the divorce is contested they automatically halve the assets, property, and debt no matter who earns what. If both people want the house... too bad you have to sell it and split the equity.

I guess if someone wants alimony or child support that could be contested though. But considering how expensive lawyers are it's wild that people still refuse to divorce amicably.

 

[Contempt]

I guess if someone wants alimony or child support that could be contested though. But considering how expensive lawyers are it's wild that people still refuse to divorce amicably.

People are really stupid. I used to play indoor sports with a couple of divorce lawyers... bigger shitbags, you will never meet.

They always wanted to represent the women because they were "always the more vindictive and easier to manipulate". Apparently their goto was "Are you going to let him get away with that?"

The only reason why they did it of course, was to draw out the process and be able to charge more. They openly bragged about being able to drag out the process for years, charge five times as much money and still have their clients thanking them at the end...

Lawyers reputations for being assholes are richly deserved in their case.

 

[wlu.29]

I remember my dad's ex-GF trying to saddle up to hitch a ride. Always with the comments about how much easier things would be if they were married, etc.

One day there were some off-color jokes about my dad croaking and she wanted his car, etc.

Cold stare with dead eyes I said she better not cost more than $10k because that's what it costs to have someone whacked. Looking right at my dad. Never even glanced over at her.

Bitches need to understand.

Interesting flex

Murder for hire

 

[Natural Order]

Watch him spiral into alcohol or substance addiction.

Username and avatar couldn't check out any better!

 

[Fluffernutter]

Someone I've known at work for 25 years just got a divorce. Went from living in a big house in a gated community to living in a studio apartment. He looks ROUGH. Lost his house, his retirement money, boat AND judge ordered for him to pay child support AND alimony. It's pretty much too late for him to start over as he is in his mid 50s.

He didnt do anything wrong. His wife said she wasnt happy in the marriage anymore and lost the spark. I had a feeling this was gonna happen because the age gap was huge.

Recently divorced middle aged guy.

We evolved into roommates raising great kids.

It's hard to sum it up on one statement, but I feel one spouse may feel a sense of stability, the other may feel complacency.

 

[Thepaintbucket]

Marriage is a serious decision bro and sometimes you can't control the outcome. It sucks but life goes on. Your friend and his ex-wife shared memories together for better or for worse and no amount of money is more valuable.

At the end of the day his wife is very selfish because kids are involved.

 

[mozfonky]

Someone I've known at work for 25 years just got a divorce. Went from living in a big house in a gated community to living in a studio apartment. He looks ROUGH. Lost his house, his retirement money, boat AND judge ordered for him to pay child support AND alimony. It's pretty much too late for him to start over as he is in his mid 50s.

He didnt do anything wrong. His wife said she wasnt happy in the marriage anymore and lost the spark. I had a feeling this was gonna happen because the age gap was huge.

old news, we've seen it all our lives but we also had stupid ideas planted in our heads from birth of courtly love and the nuclear family, they call it a nuclear family for good reason.

I just don't get how you dummies keep doing it to yourselves.

 

[mozfonky]

Marriage is a serious decision bro and sometimes you can't control the outcome. It sucks but life goes on. Your friend and his ex-wife shared memories together for better or for worse and no amount of money is more valuable.

At the end of the day his wife is very selfish because kids are involved.

marriage is really outmoded and we're tricked into it so the society can perpetuate itself with our dollars and our offspring, always at the ready for some endless war. It's good that birthrates are dropping and men and women are learning to hate each other.

 

[mozfonky]

Wouldn't have happened if you were hiding out at some hole in the wall strip club.

yup, as creepy as those guys be looking, trenchcoats, walking with an unkown purpose, just weirdos, looking for a corner to wack off in.

 

[Protectandserve]

Divorce and child custody are so fucking absurd.

Zero reason to get married

 

[Law Talkin’ Guy]

Child support in his mid 50s? And you said they’ve been married 25 years? They must have had multiple kids into their late 30s or even into their 40s.

 

[Ballsaque]

Remind me again what a man can do married that he can't do single besides get divorced and file a joint tax return?

Family.

 

[Ballsaque]

The crazy thing with my divorce is I was able to negotiate 252k over 10 years in alimony. Plus her retirement. She gave in and we had a no lawyer divorce because I said I wouldn't try for 100% custody which I had a chance at.

And because I'm a good salesman I make more than her before the alimony hits my checking each month. And its all signed sealed and delivered and binding through the courts. Wtf

I mean that's not better. So now you fucked your childrens mother?

Goddamn the system you have over there is reeeeal bad.

 

[Ballsaque]

I dont think this is necessarily the end, however it can spiral out of control quickly. When my wife was preggors with my fifth, it got in a similar pattern for me, fights would have mention of divorce, and it has not escalated or been mentioned since..... just dont let her know it's her trump card, ever, because she'll use it.

for me, there was a pattern recognition epiphany moment.... I was on the defense too often for some trumped up charges

I had to get back my edge, and reclaim dominance, and this claiming of dominance is something I will have to maintain for the rest of my life, and what that meant was that I would put her secondary to my kids and make boundaries great again. That would mean that I would initiate mini fights where I was on the offense, even for small things like not picking up her underwear on the floor. It was unintuitive and it started a slow process where I would be in dictating the relation, by putting her on the defense more often, you can start to reclaim your positioning. If there was too much good time that elapse without incident, start up something, even if it feels very contrived, just to put her on defense.

our sex lives were never dry, but I started to demand them pick up even more, instead of 2 in 10 days, 2 in 8 days, something small, but progressive and meaningful. Tap into your post nut clarity in that you are not going to give up on your edge, and these small changes are life long, it sure as hell is NOT intuitive for me, it's contrived as hell, but the only thing we ever fight on now is the finances and business decisions, and even then, I'll try to go offense as often as I can rather than be caught playing defense.

That sounds absolutely horrendous. Cringed hard reading this.

 

[AFanNotAFighter]

Family.

You don't need to be married to have a significant other/kids. Plenty of people go that route.