Dining with martians

[golvmopp]

Morning weight: 99.2kg

Buttered lowcarb bread w 2tbsp zakuska. 100g cheese 100g nuts, tbsp olive oil. Two carrots, two celery stalks, half a cucumber, shredded cabbage, pickled bellpepper. Shot of 1dl cream 2015/48

250g ground beef, 50g nuts, 100g red lentils. 1080/87

Whey, 100g chocolate 625/30

Muffingirl's lunchbox (NOT AN INNUENDO. cream, ground pork, cauliflower), buttered breadroll, slice of cheesecake. 1050/20

Whey, 2dl milk, 1dl cream. 595/33

5365/218


Oh shit lol

 

[rikwebb]

She's making you lunches now aswell as cakes?

 

[golvmopp]

She's making you lunches now aswell as cakes?

Keeper-territory? Just gotta coax her into getting her football-quads back and we set, homie (that aint an analogy. She's was a footy goalkeeper.)

 

[rikwebb]

Keeper-territory? Just gotta coax her into getting her football-quads back and we set, homie (that aint an analogy. She's was a footy goalkeeper.)

Definitely sounds like a keeper there mate!

 

[golvmopp]

Morning weight: 100.5kg

Buttered lowcarb bread with 100g cheese and 2tbsp zakuska. Avocado. Orange juice and cookies. 1150/50

200g pork, 150g red lentils, 50g nuts, chopped onion, carrot, cabbage, half a cucumber. 1375/103

Tub of quark w 2dl cream and 2tbsp jam. 50g nuts, avocado. 1570/77

4095/230

Starting to feel like a bit of a fat fuck. Brainghosts for sure, but I'm missing that washboard.

 

[golvmopp]

Alright, listen up. My tracking has been slipping as of yet, and I'm growing a bit tired of the fucking sparetire of flab I'm carrying around my midsection. Alas, I'm now plotting plans of world domination. Allow me to unveil to you, dearest readers....

MONSTERCU(N)T 2014

What is this, you may ask? Well... I'm feeling a bit aloof and my mental sharpness is dulling as a result of the near constant state of carb coma I keep finding myself in. This very slow cut is an effort to regain my mental clarity, sense of purpose, and improve upon my strength-ratio while creating healthier long-term habits. Also gonna get that washboard back for the hottie piece of ass I'm currently dating. Details, you may ask? Well...

GOAL: 101kg > 93kg. (Estimated current dry bodyweight: 99kg)
SPAN: 1 April > 31 May (8.5 weeks)
Projected loss: 6kg solid fat mass
Necessary deficit: 500kcal/day

BMR @ 100kg: 2226kcal/day
Sedentary TDEE: 2671kcal/day. Target calories: 2550kcal (widen deficit with hour-long walk)
School-day TDEE: 3021kcal/day. Target calories: 2550kcal/day.
Training day TDEE 3821kcal/day. Target calories: 3300kcal/day.

At 96.5kg, knock off another 50kcal per day. Dry carb-ups every 14 days until 96.5kg, then every 7 days.

I'm absolutely NOT going to sacrifice any strength throughout the process, which is why I'm aiming at a daily 500kcal deficit while keeping sleep and water intake plentiful. Six kilos of solid fat mass loss dispersed over eight and a half weeks should keep strength/quality mass-loss at bay, and considering that my starting point is much lower, and end goal three kilos higher than last year's marathon cut, I should be in a great position to keep my strength high throughout the process and hit the ground running once I start eating at a small surplus again on the other side of the tunnel.

Gentlemen, we have the technology to rebuild him....

Expect plentiful progress pictures. Wanna help me out? Bomb my PM-inbox with all the motivational metal-music you can muster; anything that sounds remotely like Lamb of God, old Slipknot, He is Legend, Disfiguring the Goddess, Strapping Young Lad, The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza or the likes is highly welcome.

 

[hotborsh]

Good luck with that cut!

 

[golvmopp]

Good luck with that cut!

It's u and me brah. U and me. Tnx.

Morning weight: 101.6kg

Oatmeal*2, 5dl milk, whey, 50g nuts, 50g cranberries. 1135/61

280g pork, 125g red lentils, half a chopped onion. 1000/106

Whey*2, chocolate bar. 800/55

Third a quarktub w cream, shredded cabbage and carrots, squeezed lemon. Cookies 655/22

3590/248

Tapering off to maintenance now. A couple of realizations: if I'm going to do this, I'm going to have to be very smart about it. Had my first disastrous gymsession in a while, probably due to lack of sleep. Serious wake-up call. So here's a set of guidelines to keep me on track:
- every fourth week is a mandatory deload/detox week with no caffeine, no metal, no amping up of any kind. 5*5 @ 50% of 1RM on all main lifts.
- get all your food in before 630pm on all nonworkout days. Eat any remaining calories as soon as you get home on training days.
- shot of whey as soon as you finish the main lift of the session, and as soon as you wrap the day up in the gym.
- 10 liters of water a day, no exceptions, minus dry refeed days.
- creatine every morning and night, minus deload-week
- down one squeezed lemon every day with some salt-water for dem electrolytes and C-vitamins.

If anyone has any supplementation-tips to keep energy and focus high, I'm all ears.

 

[rikwebb]

no metal

WAT????? Surely not golvmopp?

The only acceptable outcome to this is Opeth - Damnation.

 

[Flash_Monsta]

Your write-ups are always entertaining.

 

[golvmopp]

WAT????? Surely not golvmopp?

Matthew 5:13, brethren: “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot."

Your write-ups are always entertaining.

I'm still pissed off about yesterday's session. Sure, I had a bunch of possible reasons for it turning to shit; lacking sleep, one time visit to a new gym... but still, getting hammerfisted into the ground by the barbell at a weight 35kg lower than the session goal feels like fuckin' dogshit.

 

[rikwebb]

Matthew 5:13, brethren:

 

[golvmopp]

Pardon?

I'm trying to prevent tolerance buildup.

Morning weight: 100.3kg

5 eggs, 100g cheese, 50g nuts, tbsp mustard, cabbage, lettuce, carrot, cucumber and two celerystalks. Whey, 50g cranberries. 1440/88 20:20kr

400g chicken liver, 200g red lentils w half a chopped onion and cabbage. Carrot and celery stalk 1300/126 7:70kr

2740/214 27:90kr

Damn. Cheap AND nutritious.

Photo from yesterday (101.6kg)

Yes, I realize it looks like a fucking crack-joint but that bathroom mirror is the best I've got.

 

[Flash_Monsta]

in4tehnoodz.

 

[golvmopp]

Jelqy McHorsecock

Morning weight: 100.8kg

5 eggs, 90g cheese, 45g nuts, tbsp mustard, cucumber lettuce cabbage carrots and two celerystalks. 50g cranberries. 1040/61 20kr

330g pork, 200g red lentils. 1440/140 4:20kr

Whey 125/25 3:60kr

Biscuits, 1dl cream. 520/5

Lettuce, cabbage, carrot, cucumber, celery, pickled bellpepper, tbsp mustard and a garlic clove. One squeezed lemon. Two slices hard bread 305 12kr

3540/231 39:80kr

 

[golvmopp]

Morning weight: 100.8kg

5 eggs, 120g cheese tbsp mustard, lettuce cabbage cucumber carrot, two celery stalks and a mouthful of cranberries. 965/56

Oatmeal*2, whey, 1dl cream, tbsp strawberry jam. 785/36

415g pork, 200g red lentils w broccoli, onion, carrot and cabbage 1540/162

3290/258

 

[Obscure Terror]

You're only around 15% bodyfat max in that photo brah.

 

[golvmopp]

You're only around 15% bodyfat max in that photo brah.

Won't lie, contemplating redrawing the entire plan to a long-term slow bulk/body recomp if it doesn't interfere with my gains. With how shit Monday's session felt it made me realize just how much I wanna keep tacking pounds on to the bar.

Morning weight: 100.2kg

Huge breakfast of peace:
5 eggs, 100g cheese, 50g nuts, carrot cucumber celery lettuce and cabbage w tbsp mustard. Eiskonfekt. 260g pork w red lentil stew. 2400/204

Eiskonfekt, third of a tub of quark, 1dl cream, tbsp honey. 50g nuts. 900/35

3300/239

 

[golvmopp]

Morning weight: 100.2kg

Six eggs, 140g cheese, 50g nuts, cabbage. Hard bread w honey*3. 1440/80 15:90kr

375g pork, 150g red lentils w onion and broccoli. 1295/138 9:15kr

Whey*2 250/50 7:20kr

100g eiskonfekt 565/4

Two slices hard bread w cheesw and honey, 50g nuts. 495/18 4:60kd

4045/290 36:85kr

Budget's looking great.

 

[golvmopp]

Morning weight: 99.7kg

6 small eggs, 100g cheese, half a bellpepper, onion, carrot. 840/58 16:50kr

50g nuts, buttered low-carb bread with 40g cheese and bellpepper. 740/46 9:50kr

60g eiskonfekt. 360g pork, 150g spaghetti, garlic and soy sauce. Lettuce, cucumber and two small carrots. Half a squeezed lemon 1525/121 12:50kr

250g quark w tbsp honey 250/30 6kr

3395/255 44:50kr