Dave Portnoy Pizza Reviews

[MWB1982]

There's an example of what I'm about to talk about. This guy is ruining pizzas across America. All these pizza joints are trying to cater to this one guy who like his pizzas paper thin, low sauce, burnt crust, burnt cheese, no toppings...

I love all pizzas but this guy likes little kid's style pizzas. Give him an overcooked Totino's cheese pizza and it will score high on his chart.

This is how mind control works. A famous guy likes shitty pizzas, and everyone wants to side with him or cater to him because of who he is

I like a Meat Lovers or Supreme with a lot of sauce and extra cheese. The pizzas he likes is some Chucky Cheese BS.

 

[DaleBoca]

If you’re going to listen to that clown, might as well take advice from Joe Rogan about, well, anything.

 

[MWB1982]

Look at that burnt pizza.. It's paper thin, burnt, with no toppings.. Don't get me wrong, I'd eat it still but that pizza is a disgrace

This man has to be stopped. He's killing the industry

 

[DaleBoca]

Look at that burnt pizza.. It's paper thin, burnt, with no toppings.. Don't get me wrong, I'd eat it still but that pizza is a disgrace

This man has to be stopped. He's killing the industry

Plus, he never gets a side order of ranch to dip his pizza.

 

[Law Talkin’ Guy]

He really is the “no true Scotsman” of pizza.

 

[Bobby00]

Pizza shouldnt have 8 kinds of meat on it. If you like it there is something wrong with you and you need to seek mental help.

 

[Nameless Ghoul]

I don't know, it's amusing. , I personally travel alot for work/travel and get his "standard for judging". I do the same thing mentally searching for the best "mexican style" chicken tacos (double corn shell is a must!, without it everything falls through), but I don't film it. Also, I have a friend who has a 12 year old who somehow stumbled upon Portnoy's reviews? We have traveled to different areas of the country for concerts, and his dad asks him to run the Portnoy on anything we eat, and it's funny but also "self aware".

 

[MWB1982]

The pizzas Dave likes are like burnt crackers with cheese. They're so thin, you have to stack 4 slices. Those pizza shops are using like 50 cents worth of ingredients




I'll take Classic Red Baron's Supreme any day over any of Dave's favorites

That's all I got to say about that

He needs to be stopped somehow.. Dude has over a million subscribers watching his reviews and agreeing with him

It's some Twilight Zone shit... CERN opened that dimensional portal and I got warped into this alternate reality somehow

It's Berenstein Bears where I come from

 

[BJ@LW&WW]

the guy has a huge audience, but you think he has way more influence than he does.

no one is out there like 'im going to change how we make pizza to make sure portnoy gives us a good review if he happens to come by'


also, people have drastically different preferences for food and for pizza. he's entitled to like whatever the fuck he wants. the only person with a childish opinion is you.

 

[Noveltymortar]

I like Portnoy but he gave a rave review to a pizza joint a few miles from me and it was average at best. I suggest not putting too much weight on his pizza palate.

 

[deadshot138]

the guy has a huge audience, but you think he has way more influence than he does.

no one is out there like 'im going to change how we make pizza to make sure portnoy gives us a good review if he happens to come by'


also, people have drastically different preferences for food and for pizza. he's entitled to like whatever the fuck he wants. the only person with a childish opinion is you.

Nah, he puts people on to these places and they get bombarded with business. They definitely make a pizza in case Portnoy ever shows up

 

[Madmick]

Couldn't disagree more strongly.

I understand if you don't agree with the particular style of pizza he's chasing, but what's he after is sound from a culinary point of view. It's what most haute cuisine pizza places are trying to produce. I get it, that isn't pizza for everyone, but it isn't a "kid's pizza". Quite the opposite.

Pretty simple formula

• He likes the pizzas hand-tossed like the classic marguerite style. Lightly or moderate sauced (no deep dish Chicago pizza).
  
  
• He doesn't tolerate undercooked crusts. He wants them to be stiff. High-gluten. Thin crust, yes. I don't know who likes soggy crusts. He prefers them charred like you'd get with a brick oven. That's not "burnt". That's like saying a seared piece of meat on a grill is burnt. Dumb take.
  
  
• Same with the cheese. He prefers classic full moisture mozzarella, not too much, and cooked at a high heat (400F+), preferably in a brick oven with a fire that is well ventilated so it's evenly cooked, but not perfectly even, like you'd get in an electric convection oven, so that the cheese is browned and bubbly. Again, most of us find this highly desirable. He's tolerant of cheese blends, too, he just gets triggered when places dump on the parm.
  
  
• Per the sauce, I haven't noticed he has strong preferences except he doesn't seem to like them when they are heavily spiced. That's flavor neutral. I think this works to make his reviews relevant to the most people.
  
  
• Not that this matters much, but he likes the slice cut thick, like 6-8 to a pie, no more, so that he can fold it. This is New York style.
  
  
• Finally, yeah, he likes plain cheese, but for a reviewer, that's perfect. Because everyone has different preferences for toppings. Cheese is the foundation. If a joint can't do a proper cheese slice, then they're not getting the basics right. Maybe they've got a great specialty pizza where the toppings carry it, and cover the weaknesses, but it's ideal that he focuses on the fundamentals.

He's been a major force for good with pizza. Although I agree that what makes America great is that we always are so creative, so I am concerned with too many places trying to appeal to a single style. That's not good.

 

[Domitian]

Thin crust is the GOAT.

Too much sauce can ruin a pizza.

 

[Berserker13]

The pizzas Dave likes are like burnt crackers with cheese. They're so thin, you have to stack 4 slices. Those pizza shops are using like 50 cents worth of ingredients


View attachment 1060795

I'll take Classic Red Baron's Supreme any day over any of Dave's favorites

That's all I got to say about that

He needs to be stopped somehow.. Dude has over a million subscribers watching his reviews and agreeing with him

It's some Twilight Zone shit... CERN opened that dimensional portal and I got warped into this alternate reality somehow

It's Berenstein Bears where I come from

A lot of place won't let him review. The crust needs a little bit of flexibility and chewiness

 

[Thepaintbucket]

He rated Giordanos like 8.4 and they freaking suck. (Overrated)

Frank pepe is great but not as great as he's making them to be

 

[ssBaldy]

Thin crust pizza is the goat pizza. It is your diabeetus telling you otherwise.

 

[Pliny Pete]

Dave Portnoy is a major voice in helping to teach America about the beauty and joy of rescuing abused Pitties with his adorable Miss Peaches
This poor dog was chained in a garage and used in forced breeding by a scumbag puppy mill operation until she was rescued by Dave and now she lives a sweet gentle life of toys, treats, snuggles and belly rubs so he will always be a hero in ole Pete's book

 

[-Magua-]

Not a big fan of alleged dirty burdy.
That said, he's got a good thing with his schtick.



I do agree with a couple his pizza takes, I'm familiar with.
My goto place while living in NYC was Patsys.

Many a late night pie, & hangover meal, consumed.

 

[LEWIS540]

Imagine getting upset because someone (far more successful than you) likes a different style of pizza than you do.

 

[ColemanwastheGOAT]

He just wants the crust cooked from what I've seen.