Cringe JiuJitsu Stories

[bignog23]

Let’s be real, BJJ is amazing, but like any community, it’s got its fair share of awkward moments… and sometimes those moments make you cringe so hard you almost pull a muscle.

I’m not trying to throw shade here, I find these situations more entertaining than anything. Thought it might be fun to swap stories and laugh about some of your most memorable experiences.

So, what’s the most cringe-worthy thing you’ve seen or experienced in a BJJ setting, whether in training, competition, or just hanging around the academy?

I’ll thank you now for the laughs I know are coming

 

[Stoic1]

Wanna hear how I was digitally raped in BJJ class by a UFC champ? Its pretty cringe.

 

[godhatesacoward]

Wanna hear how I was digitally raped in BJJ class by a UFC champ? Its pretty cringe.

yes

 

[Stoic1]

^
Okay.

I've posted this before I think.

Circa 2000 I was a competitive blue belt. My instructor had to go back to Brazil for a bit so he had some other instructors from BHJJC filling in. This time it was Oleg Taktarov - UFC Champ. I'd been to some of his classes so he knew me.

I think we worked on some Russian tie ups to a sumi-gaeshi for drills.

When it came to sparring he picked me out because he knew I did Judo and I'd done classes with him. Sambo and Judo are pretty similar standing. Anyways I was doing okay. He got me down but I was able to put him in a triangle. Like full on triangle. I was perpendicular to him. Leg hooked. I had ahold of my shin.

...

I was about to tap out a UFC Champion. This was it. I was going to take a victory lap.

...

He looked at me for a second with a smile. I was definitely smiling at him because I knew I had him.

And then he shoved his finger up my ass, through my gi pants, about 2 knuckles deep. Those legs sprung open like a $2 whore. And he heel hooked me about .5 seconds later. He was laughing as he did it.

I walked home that night about 6 blocks. Violated. Humiliated.

 

[maximus__]

^
Okay.

I've posted this before I think.

Circa 2000 I was a competitive blue belt. My instructor had to go back to Brazil for a bit so he had some other instructors from BHJJC filling in. This time it was Oleg Taktarov - UFC Champ. I'd been to some of his classes so he knew me.

I think we worked on some Russian tie ups to a sumi-gaeshi for drills.

When it came to sparring he picked me out because he knew I did Judo and I'd done classes with him. Sambo and Judo are pretty similar standing. Anyways I was doing okay. He got me down but I was able to put him in a triangle. Like full on triangle. I was perpendicular to him. Leg hooked. I had ahold of my shin.

...

I was about to tap out a UFC Champion. This was it. I was going to take a victory lap.

...

He looked at me for a second with a smile. I was definitely smiling at him because I knew I had him.

And then he shoved his finger up my ass, through my gi pants, about 2 knuckles deep. Those legs sprung open like a $2 whore. And he heel hooked me about .5 seconds later. He was laughing as he did it.

I walked home that night about 6 blocks. Violated. Humiliated.

A real man would have tapped him still and taken that finger home after...

You know Potato head wouldn't be tapping to that. He shelves those rocks he punches in preparation.

 

[rmongler]

A real man would have tapped him still and taken that finger home after...

"I call it, the rearward finger-bar."

 

[Intermission]

"I call it, the rearward finger-bar."

Is it legal in competition?

 

[rmongler]

Is it legal in competition?

If do right, no can defend.

 

[randomg1t]

^
Okay.

I've posted this before I think.

Circa 2000 I was a competitive blue belt. My instructor had to go back to Brazil for a bit so he had some other instructors from BHJJC filling in. This time it was Oleg Taktarov - UFC Champ. I'd been to some of his classes so he knew me.

I think we worked on some Russian tie ups to a sumi-gaeshi for drills.

When it came to sparring he picked me out because he knew I did Judo and I'd done classes with him. Sambo and Judo are pretty similar standing. Anyways I was doing okay. He got me down but I was able to put him in a triangle. Like full on triangle. I was perpendicular to him. Leg hooked. I had ahold of my shin.

...

I was about to tap out a UFC Champion. This was it. I was going to take a victory lap.

...

He looked at me for a second with a smile. I was definitely smiling at him because I knew I had him.

And then he shoved his finger up my ass, through my gi pants, about 2 knuckles deep. Those legs sprung open like a $2 whore. And he heel hooked me about .5 seconds later. He was laughing as he did it.

I walked home that night about 6 blocks. Violated. Humiliated.

i can't decide whether to laugh or be mortified.

this story is both hilarious and disturbing.

 

[ChickenBrother]

^
Okay.

I've posted this before I think.

Circa 2000 I was a competitive blue belt. My instructor had to go back to Brazil for a bit so he had some other instructors from BHJJC filling in. This time it was Oleg Taktarov - UFC Champ. I'd been to some of his classes so he knew me.

I think we worked on some Russian tie ups to a sumi-gaeshi for drills.

When it came to sparring he picked me out because he knew I did Judo and I'd done classes with him. Sambo and Judo are pretty similar standing. Anyways I was doing okay. He got me down but I was able to put him in a triangle. Like full on triangle. I was perpendicular to him. Leg hooked. I had ahold of my shin.

...

I was about to tap out a UFC Champion. This was it. I was going to take a victory lap.

...

He looked at me for a second with a smile. I was definitely smiling at him because I knew I had him.

And then he shoved his finger up my ass, through my gi pants, about 2 knuckles deep. Those legs sprung open like a $2 whore. And he heel hooked me about .5 seconds later. He was laughing as he did it.

I walked home that night about 6 blocks. Violated. Humiliated.

Did he go palm up or palm down? Asking for a friend.

 

[shunyata]

Did he go palm up or palm down? Asking for a friend.

I feel like thumb with palm up would give you the most leverage.

 

[ChickenBrother]

I feel like thumb with palm up would give you the most leverage.

Was thinking the same. But I can’t see this being a spur of the moment thing. I am wondering how this can be drilled.

 

[shunyata]

Was thinking the same. But I can’t see this being a spur of the moment thing. I am wondering how this can be drilled.

I am not wondering that.

We know how it's drilled.

 

[ChickenBrother]

I am not wondering that.

We know how it's drilled.

Hey bro we've been training partners for a long time, do you mind if I try out this new triangle defense I read about on the interwebs? OK I need you to put me in a deep triangle, get the angle and everything, grab your shin and have me dead to rights. OK ready?