Confessions of an arsehole. No real substance and best TLDR'd

Phlog said:
My wife managed to make me see that I've been sliding further and further into a mental trap of late.

She described it eloquently as: "being a sexist arsehole who I don't want to be around".

Now as irritating as that is, it happened at the perfect time (most amazing sex, kinda make up sex I guess) and I actually paused to look inside myself with my guard down.

I realised that I've been walling off my true mental surface with a scaffold upon which to hang a more resilient exterior. That as a result I've become a great deal less sensitive and flexible. I even knew it as of late, case in point:



This is not a lone event but a pattern, I also raised a hand to my son, who is, likely feeding off my energy. This is the antithesis of what I am or want to be and it all has to change.

I've obviously been at it some time and the architecture is pretty advanced, I'm not going to be able to break it all down immediately and it is going to be painful. The ego is really invested in this defence.

I advised @FierceRedBelt:

"What will you do, however small that makes you better today than you were yesterday?"

Today I recognised that I have a problem and what it was.

Tomorrow I will attempt to make that a consistent personal reality.

I guess this would be like an alcoholic admitting it publicly as a first step. It doesn't really do much for anyone else, but there you go. If I don't admit it to someone I don't really admit it to myself.

The next day I might start to try and work through what's led me here.
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I've noticed you're an interesting character to say the least.

You're intelligent, but also kind of a know it all.

You should listen more (and not think too much as you do).

Just my 2 cents.
 
Caveat said:
Aren't you old?

If I haven't structured my life such that everyone around me is forced to put up with my assholishness by the time I'm old, I'll feel like I've done something wrong.
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Yeah, I said to the wife that divorce was a very annoying process to which she agreed. Then that I only have to be slightly less annoying than divorce. Which is probably where I've been, but it ain't a happy place.

FierceRedBelt said:
So @Phlog, what have you decided to change tomorrow? Also, how old is your son?
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Today I maintain the realisation and let it inform all my choices. I try to cultivate a new place to stand. Revelation is all very well and good, and you get big changes from it but your behaviours pull you back like a rubber band. I'm going to attempt to resist that.

My son and daughter are nearly 4.

Horse Style said:
I don't see what's so wrong with being an asshole

<Fedor23>
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And therein lies the rub. I've been really enjoying myself being a cranky cynical bastard, leaning into it with a smile. Apparently it's not as endearing as I'd like. She said there ars a couple of mutual friends that have requested non mutual meetings because I get on their tits. Now this is likely because they're sjw snowflakes but, the very fact they had the balls to say something, even to my wife rather than me (pussies) suggests I'm outta control.

So, here we go.
 
Yeaa...nobody likes being around an asshole. It's not fun.
Especially if you're just trying to chill, or have a beer or something, and someone else is just getting on your tits for no reason. ..that shit gets old real fast
Jokes are fine, but you got to know your audience, and limits. There's certain things ill say to certain friends that i don't with others because they don't operate the same way

Ive been hanging out with a buddy of mine less and less because of the same shit.
Not really fair to label your friends as pussies or sjws for it. If you're acting like an asshole , why would they bring their feelings to you about it?
I honestly don't know if my friend would laugh and call me a pussy if i told him, or if he'd actually take my words to heart. If he did the former, then id know we couldn't hang anymore. I
It's on you to not be the asshole, not for everyone else to put up with it. Especially when you know you're being an ass
 
SmilinDesperado said:
Yeaa...nobody likes being around an asshole. It's not fun.
Especially if you're just trying to chill, or have a beer or something, and someone else is just getting on your tits for no reason. ..that shit gets old real fast
Jokes are fine, but you got to know your audience, and limits. There's certain things ill say to certain friends that i don't with others because they don't operate the same way

Ive been hanging out with a buddy of mine less and less because of the same shit.
Not really fair to label your friends as pussies or sjws for it. If you're acting like an asshole , why would they bring their feelings to you about it?
I honestly don't know if my friend would laugh and call me a pussy if i told him, or if he'd actually take my words to heart. If he did the former, then id know we couldn't hang anymore. I
It's on you to not be the asshole, not for everyone else to put up with it. Especially when you know you're being an ass
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Yes, you're absolutely right, I was really just letting the character ego have it's head there but it's exactly that which I need to amputate. I've been falling into an unpleasant persona and that will lead to me being further isolated.
 
The ego is the root cause of your arseholeness and must be destroyed. I recommend psychadelics... lots of them and as luck would have it shroom season is almost upon us.
 
When smart people act up it's usually because they are bored, like fundamentally, existentially bored. Maybe find a worthier challenge? Being an arsehole is too easy - especially if you're seasoned and know your audience too well ;)
 
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LEGS MAHONEY said:
Hi English person

Our American teeth are so white because thats what happens when you take the time to brush them bork1}
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No it's not. It's what happens when you're a gullible muppet that has been duped into thinking paying someone thousands of dollars every year to toilet duck your teeth gives you a healthy smile.
 
My wife came up to me one day and told me her sister was freaking out because she's started peeing the couch when she laughs.

So we were at her sisters a few weeks later when I heard her lauging at something and my big brain immediately went to work. I yelled out from the porch, our old cat used to pee the couch when she went all senile and mad you know.

I got a quick whack round the head for that one but was it deserved? I don't think so. My wife gave me information which I should never have had access to. She knew what would happen. It was the same as giving a pyromaniac a box of matches and a ticket to California.
 
I had a bunch of kids in a short period of time. I've always had a bit of a grey cloud over my head. But caring for the kids, and the changes this obligation brought to my marriage, have made me even more dour (unpleasant, bitter?). It sounds like this could be a factor in your situation as well? I don't like the thought of myself as a nasty old guy who messed up the lives of other people, so I've tried to find outlets for my frustration. Some are healthier than others, I suppose. Is this an option for you? I don't believe you, or anyone really, enjoys wallowing in being an asshole.
 
bigkick said:
I had a bunch of kids in a short period of time. I've always had a bit of a grey cloud over my head. But caring for the kids, and the changes this obligation brought to my marriage, have made me even more dour (unpleasant, bitter?). It sounds like this could be a factor in your situation as well? I don't like the thought of myself as a nasty old guy who messed up the lives of other people, so I've tried to find outlets for my frustration. Some are healthier than others, I suppose. Is this an option for you? I don't believe you, or anyone really, enjoys wallowing in being an asshole.
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I believe you're right, I think I've consciously and then subconsciously been toughening myself up and it's created the current issues. New family life, learning to be a primary caregiver, 2 jobs and employment uncertainty, doorwork requiring reduced sensitivity, likewise American football requiring a similarly combative mindset has/have probably all pushed me in the wrong direction for happiness.

I think I can fix this, I have a counsellor friend I've already talked to today.
 
koolinkunming said:
Wow, that came out of nowhere. Problem?
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Really? Out of nowhere?

With all due respect your entire Sherdog identity is fucking an Asian girl half your age. You seem so excited to have a young girl you use her as your avatar.

I'm not judging, if you guys are happy together that's awesome and all that matters, but don't be shocked at mail order bride jokes.
 
Turtlejuice said:
No it's not. It's what happens when you're a gullible muppet that has been duped into thinking paying someone thousands of dollars every year to toilet duck your teeth gives you a healthy smile.
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fu03uU2.gif
 
Loiosh said:
Really? Out of nowhere?

With all due respect your entire Sherdog identity is fucking an Asian girl half your age. You seem so excited to have a young girl you use her as your avatar.

I'm not judging, if you guys are happy together that's awesome and all that matters, but don't be shocked at mail order bride jokes.
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I mean in this thread. Comprehension ftw. Of course, it fits the tone of the thread. Actually only 1/2 my time on Sherdog. I’ve been here 11 years. Besides, there are a few guys with their wives as their avs, one of them being a mod.
 
Good on you TS.

It takes a secure person to be self aware enough to allow thoughts like this to actually land, and not brush them off.

It's easy, and fun, being a prick. But it's infinitely more pleasurable and rewarding, for you and those around you, to be a genuinely nice person.

I'm sure you're developing your own strategies, and talking to your therapist friend is great idea, but if you're open to any advice, I'd recommend actively working on your empathy. Really take the time to try and put yourself in others shoes. Both those close to you and those very far from you. Really think about your wife's life and her day to day experience. Same for your kids.

Then really do it for people less fortunate than yourself. For example, next time you see a homeless person don't just ignore them. Truly think about their life. What it means to not have a home to go to.

A lack of empathy is the biggest factor in being an asshole. Develop your empathy and you'll start treating others like actual humans again... imo.

I'd also recommend taking up jiu jitsu if you can. Nothing helps to crush your ego like being literally crushed on a regular basis.
 
KONG-D'SNT-TAP said:
"Confessions of an asshole" featuring @Jack Handy jr
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how do you figure that I'm some "a hole?!?!?!??!"


people start taking shots at me that I have had no interaction with out of the blue. I then proceed to verbally nuke their ass'...but somehow I'm the asshole?!?!??!

the majority of my threads involve matters of high geek/nerd concern like 40K vs Justice League, or What sci fi alien race is more badass?

how these topics engender and elicit such vitriol from random posters i'll never understand.

Now if I dint say anything back......then I'd be a vagina then right?!?!?

and tbh I'd rather be an ahole than a horrible fat bastard with no friends.

Jackson Handle II..."no greater friend" "no worse enemy"
 
Phlog said:
My wife managed to make me see that I've been sliding further and further into a mental trap of late.

She described it eloquently as: "being a sexist arsehole who I don't want to be around".

Now as irritating as that is, it happened at the perfect time (most amazing sex, kinda make up sex I guess) and I actually paused to look inside myself with my guard down.

I realised that I've been walling off my true mental surface with a scaffold upon which to hang a more resilient exterior. That as a result I've become a great deal less sensitive and flexible. I even knew it as of late, case in point:



This is not a lone event but a pattern, I also raised a hand to my son, who is, likely feeding off my energy. This is the antithesis of what I am or want to be and it all has to change.

I've obviously been at it some time and the architecture is pretty advanced, I'm not going to be able to break it all down immediately and it is going to be painful. The ego is really invested in this defence.

I advised @FierceRedBelt:

"What will you do, however small that makes you better today than you were yesterday?"

Today I recognised that I have a problem and what it was.

Tomorrow I will attempt to make that a consistent personal reality.

I guess this would be like an alcoholic admitting it publicly as a first step. It doesn't really do much for anyone else, but there you go. If I don't admit it to someone I don't really admit it to myself.

The next day I might start to try and work through what's led me here.
Click to expand...

I've been a total prick the last 10 years of my life but I'm trying to change. I've made a few positive changes already. It's never too late.

The way I see it I was awful in my 20's, my 30's are about to start so I need to be better.
 
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