BJJ and Depression

[deadshot138]

And just know that it can and will likely get worse. So man up now before the real shit comes, the night will grow darker still.

 

[cheachea]

Trust me Bro, if you have the toughness and endurance to get a black belt in BJJ then you are are tough enough to get through this.

 

[MRT]

... Im seeing both a therapist and a physiciatrist and both tell me essentially what you are...

Rome was not built in a day...you're taking the right steps by seeking help, which is something far too many people do not do.

As others have said, exercise can have positive influence on mental health...but so can social connection. Presumably, if you have been at that gym for so long, you have at least some good relationships with a few others there? Leverage that support system. You don't have to talk to anyone there about what you are going through, but just maintaining those social ties can also have a significant impact on your well being. Unfortunately, depression and social isolation often go hand-in-hand and it can take a lot of effort to not just shut off from people, previous activities, etc.

This is also a huge opportunity to model for your young son how to face and overcome adversity, which can be one of the most valuable lessons you teach him as a parent. You don't have to appear invulnerable to him...you can show him that you are struggling, but that you are going to actively work to get through it.

You don't HAVE to do this by continuing to both go to BJJ...it could be an opportunity to try something new together...but since that previous context exists, it is probably very worthwhile to consider a return. While there is no sense 'forcing' yourself or him to do anything, you can compromise with a gentle push by telling him that you both HAVE to go back at least once, just to 'give it an honest shot' and then you both can decide afterwards if you will continue or if you legitimately want to stop and do something else (and then make sure that there *is* something else).

I don't know what the context of your gym is, but I suspect you could just drill and choose to roll with the people you want as you get back into a routine, rather than jumping back in and immediately dealing with a bunch of hungry young lower belts looking to prove themselves against a bb

I echo other comments about worrying less about what other people think...worry more about doing what is best for you and your son, and what makes you both happy, whether than it BJJ or something else...just make sure it is *something*. The fitness component can be very therapeutic, but don't underestimate the value of social connection too.

Good luck! It sounds like you are already on the right path...

 

[Subotai82]

I'm seeing both a therapist and a physciatrist. The latter prescribed some anti anxiety meds that isn't addictive like zanax.

It does help to talk to my therapist not going to lie

I'm glad you have engaged professional help. It shows you are serious about getting over this. I know it's difficult not to wallow. This is a cliche, but it bears repeating: Take it one day at a time. There is a reason every mental recovery program has that message. It makes the challenge of life feel more surmountable.

And if you need consolation, take consolation that life is hard for everybody. All of us experience low moments, no one is immune to disappointment and tragedy. Heartache and broken relationships scar the lives of people who most would think are in enviable positions in the world.

Look at Brad Pitt. his ex-wife Angelina Jolie hates him so much she turned his kids against him. Look at Jeff Bezos. one of the wealthiest people on the planet. after 25 years of marriage, his wife divorced him and got a 38-BILLION-dollar settlement. We might not be as famous or as rich as those guys, but we all end up in the same mud, wondering where we fucked up, or wondering why those we once cared about are so fucked up.

Ah it feels bizarre to be sharing such thoughts on Sherdog Grappling Forum! But hey it might be therapeutic

 

[Subotai82]

Here's a nice instrumental beat to remind you that we're all just feathers on the wind. Our lives taking unpredictable turns, gravity constantly pulling at us - but we can fly all the same.

 

[mattemate]

My brother went through a similar situation with a cunty ex wife and to his credit, no matter how he felt inside, he never let it get to him. He picked himself up like a man and not only continued his life, but made it better in every way.

Good for him.

He is due to be married next year to a much better woman and he has come to realise how unhappy he actually was when previously married

Wait, what? WHAT!!??

there is a whole Facebook group dedicated to antidepressants ruining relationships

Wow. Link?

*Stop blaming yourself, you did the best you could with the experience you had regarding it.

Man, someone gave me that exact same advice when I was at my lowest and it helped. I went back and found the note she sent me after I was really down on myself and blaming myself when my girl died. Here it is. @Evenflow80 take this advice as your own:
"You are speaking of your younger self. (and perhaps hers as well?) Reflect back on your life...do you remember that you have always always done the best you can at the time? Can you see have always had the same good & tender heart? Your younger self is like an inner child, & more innocent, less experienced version of yourself. I know you wouldn't talk to your kids in this way if they came to you with regret or confusion about their discoveries of who they are in life. let your grief be pure & shining with the light of innocence & love. acknowledge your regret & like a handful of dust, blow it back to the earth where it belongs. who knows what is next for you? take a new big fresh breath & invite in the love that never dies to support, guide & invigorate your being.

you deserve more love not less. let it in."

 

[Coconutwater]

Wow , 3 times divorced. I can't even imagine how much thst must have hardened you.

Yeah man, never in a million years would I have ever thought my wife, of all people, would do this. I still really believe the antidepressants changed her, but no one seems to agree and maybe I am wrong.

Women truly are a mystery. I feel like rhe older generation took things like marriage more seriously. They went into it assuming it's for life.

But these days, I don't know... maybe it's women getting too much attention and simps with all the social media wr have now, and it went to their heads, where they now think men are a dime a dozen and no matter who they are with, that they can do better.

I wish I can be as emotionally and mentally tough as you. Im seeing both a therapist and a physiciatrist and both tell me essentially what you are. But unfortunately, I'm cursed with always being a softy towards people I love.

Oh and btw... my wife really was a shitty wife and mother. Lazy and did nothing. So yrah... your not the only one who asked me what exactly did I like about her.

I am a heterosexual male, 90% of women will always, always seek to improve their situation by chasing after something they believe is better, if they have even the slightest chance of getting it. You can be married with kids, earn good money, be more handsome than most men, but they will eventually get tired of it and look elsewhere for possible replacements. This is why most women love anything social, dinner parties, get togethers, girl’s night out, etc…. If professional athletes or actors get cheated on by women then anyone is on the chopping block.

Trust no man is a saying, but absolutely don’t trust women. Their minds have evolved to manipulate and control men, that’s how they’ve survived despite not having muscles and powerful frames. Men are upfront, that’s how we are, women for damn sure have their cards held close to their chests.

* like people said, you don’t have to do jiu-jitsu, but don’t stop with getting cardiovascular exercise, eat well and find yourself another woman who is more appreciative.