At what point do you cut off friends?

[GordoBarraBJJ]

I've pretty much stopped hanging with anyone I grew up with - I have nothing in common with them anymore.

most are drunks and not really going anywhere and expect me to pay for them to drink when we have hung out.

After this past holidays I'm pretty much sure I'm done with any of them. Time to move forward.

 

[Da Boss]

I can kinda relate to what you're saying. I barely keep in touch too. The way I see it, just keep the door open, call them during the holiday and ask if they want to get together for drinks; If they walk in, welcome them. But you don't have to walk out the door to pull them in.

By keeping the door open you mean keep them on my contact (phone) list? Like if I haven't spoken to someone in years I don't see the need for them to be taking up space there.


edit: I'm talking to a ghost... since I just noticed you were banned

 

[MSK1010]

I still have all the same friends i did when i was 6 years old. Except for one, he moved away mid way through highschool and we fell out of touch. But alot of things can cause this, from seperate interests, relationships, distance,etc. In my case it was distance and interests for that one friend. Two of my best friends in the world live in different states though. And i talk to one everyday and one a few times a month.

 

[slimybooger]

One friend, we used to hangout a lot years ago. Then he met his girlfriend and she would be with him 24/7. Eventually he couldn't go eat at certain places because his girlfriend is picky or on a "diet" or do certain things because she couldn't go or had to wait for her because of work.Yes you are on a diet yet you order cheese stick appetizers and a frozen margarita. They are engaged now and we got into an argument about that bullshit with her in front of her. Of course he will side with her. I haven't heard from him since and there really is no point in talking to him because his fiance will have to come along. None of our friends in the group liked her at all. At least the argument was fun.

 

[SafyreSchool**]

One friend, we used to hangout a lot years ago. Then he met his girlfriend and she would be with him 24/7. Eventually he couldn't go eat at certain places because his girlfriend is picky or on a "diet" or do certain things because she couldn't go or had to wait for her because of work.Yes you are on a diet yet you order cheese stick appetizers and a frozen margarita. They are engaged now and we got into an argument about that bullshit with her in front of her. Of course he will side with her. I haven't heard from him since and there really is no point in talking to him because his fiance will have to come along. None of our friends in the group liked her at all. At least the argument was fun.

So you're one of those jealous friends who doesn't like seeing their friend in a relationship because it steals him away from the group?

I bet if we talked to your buddy, he'd have a different version of that argument story.

Let him bang, brah.
No reason to be mad that he's happy with a woman he loves enough to marry.

 

[FlowWithTheGo23]

...Not for a reason like they are a douche or screwed you over .

What I mean is friends that you no longer speak with regularly, lost touch with or no longer communicate with.


Sometimes people change, move on, drift away & that's understandable but when it gets to a point where you're the only one who reaches out on holidays etc.. is it time to stop?

One thing I noticed is as I get older (30's) my circle of friends is definitely becoming smaller but the relationships become closer. I also wanted to confess that I do not Facebook. Obviously its the way most people keep in touch & stay in the loop but I'm not one of them. I have my reasons and they're all drama related so I steer clear of the website. I only keep contact with people through my phone via text or calls. Sometimes a person doesn't reciprocate. I'm not offended by it but I feel if that person cant take a moment out of their life to keep in touch after awhile I wont bother with them anymore.

So Mayberry at what point do you let go of friends you no longer speak with?

I have a Facebook account, but everything else you said fits me to a T. I'm also in my early 30s, and there's just no reason to talk to my friends anymore. We have absolutely nothing in common. There's just no reason to even see them. It makes me sad, and I'd love for us to grow closer again, but it's unrealistic.

I'm big into politics; they have no idea who the vice president is. I train BJJ four or five days a week; they drink four or five days a week. I moved away years ago; they all live with their parents still. I've lived in foreign countries; they've never left our state.

What's the point?

 

[FlowWithTheGo23]

I cut them off when they don't reciprocate phone calls, emails etc. When im the one who always initiates etc. If they aren't holding up their end, why bother.

This is exactly where I'm at...not only do we have nothing in common, but these assholes don't even reach out to me. Usually it's me, and don't get a response all that often.

 

[YPMG]

The minute they prove to be unworthy (I.e lying) or your common ground disperses. I was always taught 'you're only as good as the company you keep' so I associate myself with like minded and driven people who share the same interests as I do - I just can't be around people who have no direction in life or share none of my interests.

To give you am example of someone I cutoff recently, we had been best friends for the past 7yrs, inseparable if you may. He was a tradesman and I was the academic type. He changed jobs and all of a sudden hit the drink and gambled ALL his hefty weekly pay checks! At the same time this happened he would skip on our catchups to go to the local bar and would be uncontactable for days at a time - his own Gf and family would call me to ask if I'd seen him! I'd done a lot for this guy and looked at him like a brother but the final straw came when he skipped my birthday and has the balls to lie about it when I caught him out - told me he came to the bar I was at at about 12am but couldn't find me.... I was the until 3am and didn't see him once, which is funny cause the place was pretty small. Anyway, a friend of mine told me he saw him at another bar at 1am still drinking - I would've been mad but forgiven him if he had just told the truth but enough was enough. We no longer talk and I'm better off

 

[FlowWithTheGo23]

The minute they prove to be unworthy (I.e lying) or your common ground disperses. I was always taught 'you're only as good as the company you keep' so I associate myself with like minded and driven people who share the same interests as I do - I just can't be around people who have no direction in life or share none of my interests.

To give you am example of someone I cutoff recently, we had been best friends for the past 7yrs, inseparable if you may. He was a tradesman and I was the academic type. He changed jobs and all of a sudden hit the drink and gambled ALL his hefty weekly pay checks! At the same time this happened he would skip on our catchups to go to the local bar and would be uncontactable for days at a time - his own Gf and family would call me to ask if I'd seen him! I'd done a lot for this guy and looked at him like a brother but the final straw came when he skipped my birthday and has the balls to lie about it when I caught him out - told me he came to the bar I was at at about 12am but couldn't find me.... I was the until 3am and didn't see him once, which is funny cause the place was pretty small. Anyway, a friend of mine told me he saw him at another bar at 1am still drinking - I would've been mad but forgiven him if he had just told the truth but enough was enough. We no longer talk and I'm better off

Alcoholics and drug addicts are bad news. You're best staying clear of them altogether.

 

[JoshuaGilbert]

When you and them hangout and they NEVER have money so you have to cover them ....and when they "borrow" your stuff, yet you never get it back.

 

[Sir Galahad]

When you pay the bill after a night on the town. All the time.

 

[BUTTCHEDDAR]

Was going to say if you're not at least friended on FB and the dude doesn't at least say Happy B-day or anything then they were just passing through in in your life..

 

[Toda Hiro-matsu]

The min they Ask for Money.

Is that some kinda book or something? Why do you have it capitalized like a title, silly buns?

 

[Red Forman]

Out of the group I used to hangout with during my younger days, I only stayed close to like two guys. Everyone else just slowly drifted away. It was weird, it started when everyone was like 26 or so. My roommate who at the time was like a brother to me just disappeared without saying goodbye. I haven't heard from him since like late 2011.

 

[Da Boss]

One friend, we used to hangout a lot years ago. Then he met his girlfriend and she would be with him 24/7. Eventually he couldn't go eat at certain places because his girlfriend is picky or on a "diet" or do certain things because she couldn't go or had to wait for her because of work.Yes you are on a diet yet you order cheese stick appetizers and a frozen margarita. They are engaged now and we got into an argument about that bullshit with her in front of her. Of course he will side with her. I haven't heard from him since and there really is no point in talking to him because his fiance will have to come along.

 

[Da Boss]

The minute they prove to be unworthy (I.e lying) or your common ground disperses. I was always taught 'you're only as good as the company you keep' so I associate myself with like minded and driven people who share the same interests as I do - I just can't be around people who have no direction in life or share none of my interests.

To give you am example of someone I cutoff recently, we had been best friends for the past 7yrs, inseparable if you may. He was a tradesman and I was the academic type. He changed jobs and all of a sudden hit the drink and gambled ALL his hefty weekly pay checks! At the same time this happened he would skip on our catchups to go to the local bar and would be uncontactable for days at a time - his own Gf and family would call me to ask if I'd seen him! I'd done a lot for this guy and looked at him like a brother but the final straw came when he skipped my birthday and has the balls to lie about it when I caught him out - told me he came to the bar I was at at about 12am but couldn't find me.... I was the until 3am and didn't see him once, which is funny cause the place was pretty small. Anyway, a friend of mine told me he saw him at another bar at 1am still drinking - I would've been mad but forgiven him if he had just told the truth but enough was enough. We no longer talk and I'm better off

Alcoholics and drug addicts are bad news. You're best staying clear of them altogether.

Well obviously he has a serious drinking problem.

If you have been close friends for 7 years instead of writing him off like a POS why don't you try to help him first? There could be underlying issues like depression, family, gf probs and maybe needs to know you care.

I have had friends who became alcoholics & drug addicts as well. And even though they were fucking up I still cared about them. I have many stories but don't want to go off topic.
Some people cannot be saved and you will know the warning signs, but the bottom line is if you are his friend you should at least see whats up. I know if I had major problems it would hurt if my true friends simply turned their backs on me.

 

[Da Boss]

[QUOTE=cintur

 

[YPMG]

Well obviously he has a serious drinking problem.

If you have been close friends for 7 years instead of writing him off like a POS why don't you try to help him first? There could be underlying issues like depression, family, gf probs and maybe needs to know you care.

I have had friends who became alcoholics & drug addicts as well. And even though they were fucking up I still cared about them. I have many stories but don't want to go off topic.
Some people cannot be saved and you will know the warning signs, but the bottom line is if you are his friend you should at least see whats up. I know if I had major problems it would hurt if my true friends simply turned their backs on me.

Don't get me wrong I've tried to help him numerous times and I've been pushed to the side because he chose to fuel his addictions. This guy was like my brother and his birthday stunt was the last straw - I couldn't give 100% and my consideration to someone who didn't have any for me. I exhausted all my options before cutting him off.

As I said, I'm better for it now.