Media Arman Tsarukyan headbutts Dan Hooker

[Bowel-forged Stool]

SPOOKOLOGY REPORT

(Filed under: Sudden Kinetic Spook Response, High-Level Shookology)


Tier-5 Disturbance Behavior

(Equivalent to a clown emerging from a fog machine at 2 AM)


---

RECONSTRUCTED BEHAVIORAL TIMELINE

T-00:03 — Arman approaches

He’s trying to look composed.
He practiced his walk:
Chest out ✔
Chin high ✔
Jaw clenched ✔
Soul loosely attached ✔✔

T-00:02 — Hooker activates Bounce Mode

Dan starts pogo-sticking in place.
Not happy bouncing.
Not excited bouncing.
Just vertical, emotionless, haunting bouncing.
Like a haunted slinky with a felony record.

T-00:01 — Arman’s brain attempts to compute

“Why is he… why is he MOVING?
Why is he taller EVERY time he lands??
Is he getting closer??
Why is he not blinking??

T-00:00 — FULL SPOOK CASCADE

This is the exact moment his nervous system enters:

Emergency Instinct Override Mode


The bouncing creates a visual illusion:
Hooker seems to grow, shrink, then grow again, like an approaching boss in a horror game.

Arman’s fight-or-flight triggers…
But flight isn’t allowed at weigh-ins.

So what happens?

THE FEAR BUTT™

The instinctive “lean forward and hope he stops” maneuver.

His subconscious tried to push the Pause Button on reality with his forehead.

This is not a dominance move.
This is not bravado.
This is pure, uncut, unfiltered:

“STOP JUMPING YOU TERRIFYING KIWI JELLYFISH MAN.”


---

FINAL SPOOKOLOGY DIAGNOSIS:

Dan Hooker’s Jumping: 100% the cause of the panic headbutt.
Arman Tsarukyan: 115% spooked.
Cosmic lesson learned:
Never underestimate the psychological impact of a 6-foot man bouncing like a possessed toddler on a trampoline while staring into your soul.

Case amended.
Report updated.
Spookology confirmed.

Expert analysis Sherbro. I’ll bet the basement accordingly.

 

[Mohawk Banditó]

That was a really dumb move on his part. What if he messed up his hair?

 

[HHJ]

That was a really dumb move on his part. What if he messed up his hair?

That hair helmet immediatley goes back to default settings when moved.

 

[World eater]

SPOOKOLOGY REPORT

(Filed under: Sudden Kinetic Spook Response, High-Level Shookology)


Tier-5 Disturbance Behavior

(Equivalent to a clown emerging from a fog machine at 2 AM)


---

RECONSTRUCTED BEHAVIORAL TIMELINE

T-00:03 — Arman approaches

He’s trying to look composed.
He practiced his walk:
Chest out ✔
Chin high ✔
Jaw clenched ✔
Soul loosely attached ✔✔

T-00:02 — Hooker activates Bounce Mode

Dan starts pogo-sticking in place.
Not happy bouncing.
Not excited bouncing.
Just vertical, emotionless, haunting bouncing.
Like a haunted slinky with a felony record.

T-00:01 — Arman’s brain attempts to compute

“Why is he… why is he MOVING?
Why is he taller EVERY time he lands??
Is he getting closer??
Why is he not blinking??

T-00:00 — FULL SPOOK CASCADE

This is the exact moment his nervous system enters:

Emergency Instinct Override Mode


The bouncing creates a visual illusion:
Hooker seems to grow, shrink, then grow again, like an approaching boss in a horror game.

Arman’s fight-or-flight triggers…
But flight isn’t allowed at weigh-ins.

So what happens?

THE FEAR BUTT™

The instinctive “lean forward and hope he stops” maneuver.

His subconscious tried to push the Pause Button on reality with his forehead.

This is not a dominance move.
This is not bravado.
This is pure, uncut, unfiltered:

“STOP JUMPING YOU TERRIFYING KIWI JELLYFISH MAN.”


---

FINAL SPOOKOLOGY DIAGNOSIS:

Dan Hooker’s Jumping: 100% the cause of the panic headbutt.
Arman Tsarukyan: 115% spooked.
Cosmic lesson learned:
Never underestimate the psychological impact of a 6-foot man bouncing like a possessed toddler on a trampoline while staring into your soul.

Case amended.
Report updated.
Spookology confirmed.

Well done sherbro, bravo.

 

[BEATDOWNS]

Arman bro

Mofo looking for another last minute cancellation could have easily broken Dan's nose there or caused bad damage. What a fucking idiot. I still think he wins though.

 

[Ladder Master]

Neanderthal move.

 

[legcramp]

Thought he took that bullying class.

 

[Luthien]

 

[fizzlehiss]

Arman needs reeducation camp on the use of violence on others. Dude punched a fan and got into fights. Punish his purse.

 

[Söze Aldo]

Neanderthal move.

The security guard looking at Arman like "Bro, you are so getting cut from the UFC"

 

[BEATDOWNS]

Neanderthal move.

 

[Dagestanaev]

That's the attitude!

Go Arman

 

[shunyata]

He made it

156

156, of course he used the full non title allowance.

 

[Pointy12-6Elbows]

Hope Hooker beats his ass now. That would be mint.

Sadly, I think Arman is gonna wrestlefuck the shit out of Dan…

 

[beater81]

Boy is dumber than a mud fence. I'm calling it now, he's shook!

 

[HHJ]

Conor knows he wouldnt have even made a dent in Khabib's mountain cranium or he woulda tried that to get out of 229.

YE BLEW LIPS FEWL YE

 

[gentel]

I used to be a Tsarukyan fan back when he seemed like the super scrappy talented early-20s guy who rivaled Islam in the grappling

Now he's pulled out of a title fight, punched a fan, acted like a diva on the sidelines for ages, using his family's wealth as his dgaf excuse, now he does this coward headbutt

I won't deny his technique is often cool but I'm legit not a fan anymore

 

[Paolo Delutis]

Ok soooo...



Let go HOOKER?

I THINK SO

 

[richardjohnson]

Lotta softies in here. Go Tsarukyan. Hope he knocks Dan’s block off.

 

[188912345]

Hope Hooker beats his ass now. That would be mint.

Sadly, I think Arman is gonna wrestlefuck the shit out of Dan…

I like Hooker, so I'd much rather see him get wrestlefucked or subbed by Arman than murdered by Ilia.